The Burglar and Jesus...
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around,
looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is
watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself
a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began
searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as
a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light
around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a
parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."
Stalking
Yea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~
So this is the whackyness you folks get up to in the small hours ...
The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
So this is the whackyness you folks get up to in the small hours ...
Yes. I am playing with my life right now. Did you want to join the betting pool and guess how long I will live once I go up there to Visit Moorluck and Solnes next month?
Is that why she was shopping for the +5 Dragondoom Greatsword?
Anyone got the name of a good taxidermist. But I am going to kill and stuff me a dragon. I think he will make a nice play area for the kids.
Pilot Wisdom
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.
25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.
Is that why she was shopping for the +5 Dragondoom Greatsword?
Yep. That is why I bought them all up earlier today.
StalkingYea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~
Go ahead and call them. Even with the stalkers laws they can't do anything to me until I actually act. Nothing and noone wll protect you. ;)
Go ahead and call them. Even with the stalkers laws they can't do anything to me until I actually act. Nothing and noone will protect you. ;)StalkingYea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~
~starts to bar up my windows, plan an escape route, and load all the firearms~
A man comes to the hell and Satan is showing him around. He opens a door and there's a room where thousands of people sit around the table, feasting and drinking the best stuff. Then he opens another door and there is a huge sex orgy. Finally, he opens the third door - a huge room where people are boiled, skinned alive and burned in fires.
Hey, what's this, says the new guy. Why are those people enjoying and these are tortured?
Satan sadly says: These are Christians, that's how they ordered it.
(meaning no offence against Christians around here. I just love this joke)
~starts to bar up my windowns, plan an escape route, and load all the firearms~Go ahead and call them. Even with the stalkers laws they can't do anything to me until I actually act. Nothing and noone will protect you. ;)StalkingYea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~
There is no escape route...bars won't stop me...and your guns don't scare me. I am comming for you dragon!!
[Voice reminisent of the Warriors movie]Ohhhhh Drraagggoooonnnnnn, come out and Plllaaaayyyyyy![\VROTWM]
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
~starts to bar up my windowns, plan an escape route, and load all the firearms~Go ahead and call them. Even with the stalkers laws they can't do anything to me until I actually act. Nothing and noone will protect you. ;)StalkingYea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~There is no escape route...bars won't stop me...and your guns don't scare me. I am comming for you dragon!!
[Voice reminisent of the Warriors movie]Ohhhhh Drraagggoooonnnnnn, come out and Plllaaaayyyyyy![\VROTWM]
~hides under the bed~
Is that why she was shopping for the +5 Dragondoom Greatsword?Yep. That is why I bought them all up earlier today.
Who you talking about? I have my own personal sword designer, and she made one just for you. Has your name on it an all...SEE!
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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~starts to bar up my windows, plan an escape route, and load all the firearms~Go ahead and call them. Even with the stalkers laws they can't do anything to me until I actually act. Nothing and noone will protect you. ;)StalkingYea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~
Don't forget... you're going to them...
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Urgh. It's too early to be up on a Sunday :(
Don't forget... you're going to them...~starts to bar up my windows, plan an escape route, and load all the firearms~Go ahead and call them. Even with the stalkers laws they can't do anything to me until I actually act. Nothing and noone will protect you. ;)StalkingYea. Go for it, WOMAN!!! I ain't scared! ~calls the alarm company, the poilce, the FBI, the CIA, and the local Milita to warnt them about a psycho woman~
~groans~ Ahhhhh..... Crap! ~cancels my trip ASAP~
Urgh. It's too early to be up on a Sunday :(
Sunday? Is it Sunday? It is NOT Sunday until after I go to sleep!
Who you talking about? I have my own personal sword designer, and she made one just for you. Has your name on it an all...SEE!Is that why she was shopping for the +5 Dragondoom Greatsword?Yep. That is why I bought them all up earlier today.
Careful how you swing those around! You can put an eye out!
Urgh. It's too early to be up on a Sunday :(Sunday? Is it Sunday? It is NOT Sunday until after I go to sleep!
I don't know about y'all but I'm almost 4 hours into Sunday. And I was asleep before my daughter woke up crying :(
Careful how you swing those around! You can put an eye out!Who you talking about? I have my own personal sword designer, and she made one just for you. Has your name on it an all...SEE!Is that why she was shopping for the +5 Dragondoom Greatsword?Yep. That is why I bought them all up earlier today.
Going to hurt you! ;)
Me thinks that 4 am is bed time.
Time to sleep and dream about how to get the three bad bad men. :)
See you all in the morning.
Me thinks that 4 am is bed time.
Time to sleep and dream about how to get the three bad bad men. :)
See you all in the morning.
Sleep well,
I also need some sleep! Sleep well flash! Good night / day everyone!
So THIS is my fate when I see Solnes next month! ~GRINS~
Nite Solnes, Sharoth. Enjoy the downtime
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32
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So THIS is my fate when I see Solnes next month! ~GRINS~
This video is not available in your country due to copyright restrictions.
:/
~The Last Ghost Post before turning in~
Boo!
So THIS is my fate when I see Solnes next month! ~GRINS~This video is not available in your country due to copyright restrictions.
:/
It is by Miranda Lambert - Gunpowder & Lead.
The latest OotS is up!!! Go Belkar!
OK, think daughter has coughed up all the phlegm she's gonna. Nitey nite folks ..
OK, think daughter has coughed up all the phlegm she's gonna. Nitey nite folks ..
Sleep well my friend and I hope that your daughter feels better soon!
I...
...can...
...get...
...to...
...the...
...next...
...page!!!
...page!!!I thought you were going to bed... :/
~grins~ Well, I SHOULD be going to bed...
...Soon TM !!!