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Had a long self involved post. Letting out things I shouldn't in a public forum.

Wife is turning in our signed divorce papers tomorrow. This sucks.

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Paul Ackerman 70 wrote:

Had a long self involved post. Letting out things I shouldn't in a public forum.

Wife is turning in our signed divorce papers tomorrow. This sucks.

support vibes sent your way.


Bah! Let it out man. Every post is self indulgent. At least yours will do someone some good. Hopefully you.

I am not so happily married and, in a way, I envy you. I know our situations are vastly different. I just do not think marriage is all it is cracked up to be.

I am sorry that things did not work out for you and your wife. If I were a religious poodle, I would tell you that god never gives you more than you can handle. But I think that is all bunk. One day at a time. Focus on what you can control. Find yourself.

If you need a more private medium to vent, feel free to drop me a line at mastermischief yahoo com.


Man, my sympathies man. That really sucks.


*hugs* I'm so sorry.

Liberty's Edge

Paul Ackerman 70 wrote:

Had a long self involved post. Letting out things I shouldn't in a public forum.

Wife is turning in our signed divorce papers tomorrow. This sucks.

I've been down that road my friend. It sucks now but it does and will get better with time. When I went through it my children were both under the age of 2. Now they're both preparing for college in 2010.

damn---I'm old.


Sorry for you, Paul.
But sometimes that's for the best, some things cannot be fixed.

(Note to self : Take out wife and son for diner tonight and spend more time with both of them)
(I wouldn't want something like that to happen to my family)


Thing is.. it's only happening because of my mistakes. Grr. Stupid upbringing. Not that I can blame it on that completely.. but it is a cause of what my attitude was.

Thankfully, I've already begun to change. It's just this marriage is finished.

She says she would like to eventually get re-married to me.

It's just right now... this sucks. And that's part of it. We both love each other very much.

Gah!

Spoiler:
i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..i don't need the .308..

Not that the urge is there... just the want/need to be out of the situation more than anything.

It'll be better tomorrow. Yes?


I do not understand. If she wants to eventually re-marry you, why file for divorce? Why not do a separation?


CourtFool wrote:
I do not understand. If she wants to eventually re-marry you, why file for divorce? Why not do a separation?

That's what I wondered. The answer I got was 'in case it didn't get better' she didn't want to go thru it again.


That sounds suspiciously like female double-speak.

I go back to the basics. You can not control her. You can not control the situation. You can control you and your response (response ability = responsibility). Focus on you and being the best you that you want to be. That may not be the you she wants you to be. If so, so be it.

Do not try to make a lot of changes just because she said she wanted you to. If you are going to make changes, make them for the right reasons. Trying to be what someone else wants only disappoints the other person and frustrates you. Now if you both want you to be the same thing, then you are good to go.

No one can change you but you and change is usually a long and painful process. Get support. Good luck.

Liberty's Edge

CourtFool wrote:

That sounds suspiciously like female double-speak.

I go back to the basics. You can not control her. You can not control the situation. You can control you and your response (response ability = responsibility). Focus on you and being the best you that you want to be. That may not be the you she wants you to be. If so, so be it.

Do not try to make a lot of changes just because she said she wanted you to. If you are going to make changes, make them for the right reasons. Trying to be what someone else wants only disappoints the other person and frustrates you. Now if you both want you to be the same thing, then you are good to go.

No one can change you but you and change is usually a long and painful process. Get support. Good luck.

Court is 100% right. You can either be a victim or a volunteer. At first you're a "victim". Now it's time to move on and be the best you can be. Otherwise you doom yourself to being a "volunteer" to misery and self pity.


CourtFool wrote:

That sounds suspiciously like female double-speak.

I go back to the basics. You can not control her. You can not control the situation. You can control you and your response (response ability = responsibility). Focus on you and being the best you that you want to be. That may not be the you she wants you to be. If so, so be it.

Do not try to make a lot of changes just because she said she wanted you to. If you are going to make changes, make them for the right reasons. Trying to be what someone else wants only disappoints the other person and frustrates you. Now if you both want you to be the same thing, then you are good to go.

No one can change you but you and change is usually a long and painful process. Get support. Good luck.

That is very good advice. (Makes a mental note to try and follow said good advice.)


I understand that. Even if I tried to change for her it wouldn't be actual change.

No, I want to change things about myself.

Oh well... b%%!+ing and moaning about it doesn't make it better.

I'm just tired is all


I should point out it is far from original. I credit The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. You would have to ask Stephen where he got it from. Many people talk about how the Bible changed their lives. Seven Habits changed mine. That is not to say I am a perfect, living embodiment of the habits.

I firmly believe that people are capable of change. It is not something that can be done over night. Look at people who are overweight who want a pill to magically put them at the weight they were in high school. It took you how many years to get to where you are. What makes you think you can change that in a day?

No, complaining is not going to help. However, you can not fix a problem until you admit there is a problem. Sometimes we need to talk things out. There can be something very cathartic about ‘complaining’. If you are just complaining and not doing anything about it, then it is wasted. If you are complaining but making progress, then it is not wasted.

I do not think you can 'skip over' your emotions. If you are hurt or angry (tired or frustrated), you need to acknowledge those emotions before you can move on. If you burry them, they will resurface.


Licks Paul's face.

Liberty's Edge

Court Fool, I've read your advice to several people on the boards over a variety of personal issues, and I have a serious question:

Have you ever considered being a therapist? You give excellent advice, and could probably make a career out of being a "life coach" or something.

Just curious.


(laughing) I am flattered but who is going to take me seriously when my own life is a shambles.

Liberty's Edge

CourtFool wrote:
(laughing) I am flattered but who is going to take me seriously when my own life is a shambles.

Dude, personal harmony has never been a prerequisite. Good advice is still good, even if the giver isn't following it ;)


CourtFool wrote:
(laughing) I am flattered but who is going to take me seriously when my own life is a shambles.

My brother is a Ph.D. in psychology, with an IQ of like a billion. He is also a total nimrod, and lives nearly full-time in liberal ivory-tower Imagination Land. I mean, I love the guy and all, but I think he's got an awful lot of things backward.

You'd do just fine, I think.


houstonderek wrote:

Court Fool, I've read your advice to several people on the boards over a variety of personal issues, and I have a serious question:

Have you ever considered being a therapist? You give excellent advice, and could probably make a career out of being a "life coach" or something.

Just curious.

~WEG~ Well, CourtFool's idea of therapy is licking the other person and sniffing their butt! ~Grins and runs~

P.S. - CF is actually a pretty good person, just don't tell him that I said so or I will deny having said that!


Sharoth wrote:
Well, CourtFool's idea of therapy is licking the other person and sniffing their butt!

All we need is love...and more butt sniffing. Seriously, most people's opinions smell exactly the same.

Spoiler:
Honestly, thank you all. These are some of the best compliments I have ever received.


CourtFool wrote:
Sharoth wrote:
Well, CourtFool's idea of therapy is licking the other person and sniffing their butt!

All we need is love...and more butt sniffing. Seriously, most people's opinions smell exactly the same.

** spoiler omitted **

~WHAPS CourtFool with a fresh Carp~ Don't let it go to your head, oh poodle boy!


Sniffs the carp.

I am not so sure that is fresh.

The Exchange RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8

Personally, I think that its the avatar. How can you not feel happier after seeing that avatar?

Yesterday, my wife was feeling a little gloomy about failing a driving test. (The examiner was an idiot; my wife is a great driver!) My 3 and 1/2 year old daughter said, "Mommy. I can make you happy. Laugh like this: HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!". My wife refused the first few times my daughter asked but finally gave in and started doing this really over-the-top laugh. Then I did it. Then my daughter did it. Then we kept doing it. Then we realized we couldn't stop. My daughter is such a clever little thing.

So, Paul, try it. Laugh like this: HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHHA! Feels good, eh?


How about Give Me Your Best Fake Laugh

Sovereign Court RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8

I'll offer a TC quote. "Live. Grow stronger. Fight another day."

Two divroces here. I know it sucks but it will get better.

Spoiler:
Or a solar storm could send us all back to the stone age


Paul:
Sad to read that this has happened. It was only a few months ago that you were excitedly posting about the birth of a child, although I seem to recall you posting on another thread that it was not a straightforward pregnancy.
If you have any interest in classical music, I would prescribe Beethoven's 9th symphony, Stravinsky's Firebird, or Tchaikovsky's Snow Maiden to cheer you up, or perhaps Shostakovich's 7th Symphony for something which has an uplifting end after fighting back through nightmarish adversity.

I look to other posters to suggest pieces from other genres.

Dark Archive

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Paul, I can't really add anything more than everyone has already said. Still things will get better. I went through it too. After six years I have no regrets I still have a wonderful daughter from then and now I have a new wife and a son. It wasn't how I envisioned myself after the healing but it happened. I took the shattered mirror I had afterwards and turned it into a kickass looking glass. Hope things work out for you.

CourtFool, I have to agree with the others some of the best advice I ever got was from people who had totally screwed their own lives up at some point or another. The adage live and learn is very true.


damnitall22 wrote:

Paul, I can't really add anything more than everyone has already said. Still things will get better. I went through it too. After six years I have no regrets I still have a wonderful daughter from then and now I have a new wife and a son. It wasn't how I envisioned myself after the healing but it happened. I took the shattered mirror I had afterwards and turned it into a kickass looking glass. Hope things work out for you.

CourtFool, I have to agree with the others some of the best advice I ever got was from people who had totally screwed their own lives up at some point or another. The adage live and learn is very true.

Or, as the saying goes...

This is how NOT to do something!!!

~GRINS~


Yeah, the pregnancy.. she almost died. The docs couldn't figure out what was wrong with her.. they tried taking out her apendix at one point. Nope. Spinal Taps. Nope. asshats.

This just sucks.

Thanks guys. I'm trying to stay positive. It's just my son is learning so much so fast.. it makes it even harder. Everytime I see him there is something new about him. Rar.

Liberty's Edge

damnitall22 wrote:

Paul, I can't really add anything more than everyone has already said. Still things will get better. I went through it too. After six years I have no regrets I still have a wonderful daughter from then and now I have a new wife and a son. It wasn't how I envisioned myself after the healing but it happened. I took the shattered mirror I had afterwards and turned it into a kickass looking glass. Hope things work out for you.

CourtFool, I have to agree with the others some of the best advice I ever got was from people who had totally screwed their own lives up at some point or another. The adage live and learn is very true.

When I went to rehab, all of the counselors were ex-addicts, some who had done horrific things in their lives. I have trouble taking advice from anyone who has no actual experience in what I need advice with, so that was an ideal situation. No "well, I've heard", "in theory" or "according to my training" crap, real stories from real people who have looked the Devil in the eye and walked away alive and well.

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