The Abandoned Carnival at the Bumpy Apple Orchard

[Matthew Stinson]

The Abandoned Carnival at the Bumpy Apple Orchard
Deep within this twisted forest lies the remains of an aged, cursed farm. The apple trees of this now feral orchard have transformed into mountainous things covered in quill-like thorns.

Twisted Forest (CR 10)
Immense apple trees tower over the thick, unforgiving undergrowth. Waist high grasses full of briers and saw-vines cover every inch of earth. Little light can be seen through through the thick forest canopy; all seems dark, except the vivid red apples among the thorny branches.

The PCs may choose to either enter through the main gate or attempt to sneak through the twisted forest. The tangled brushwood makes any movement in the Bumpy Apple Forest extremely difficult, which each 5 foot square costing 20 feet of movement, and any character making a double move takes 1d6 piercing damage. Any PC ending their round in the forest must make a DC 20 Survival check or become lost in the magical woods. Lost characters immediately roll a d12 and move to the corresponding square (L1 - L12). One character can choose to lead the party, using their Survival check for all characters adjacent to them, but this slows the party to one square per round. CE creatures move through the forest normally.

Creatures: Tamin the Ring-Nosed Strongman patrols these woods for Rustin. He wears a bear suit and sleigh bells, and wields a giant hammer that boldly states “100 lbs.” upon it's side. He begins to stalk the party as soon as they enter the forest, and they encounter him 4 rounds later.

Tamin Banach, the Ring-Nosed Strongman CR 8
Male minotaur fighter 4
CE Large monstrous humanoid
Init +5; Senses Darkvision 60 ft., scent; Perception +11
===== Defense =====
AC 20, touch 10, flat-footed 19; (+5 armor, +1 Dex, +5 natural, -1 size)
hp 90 (6d8+4d10+40)
Fort +13, Ref +7, Will +4
Defensive Abilities bravery
===== Offense =====
Spd 20 ft.
Melee +1 earthbreaker +7/+2 (3d6+18/x3) and gore +1 (1d8+10)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Special Attacks powerful charge 4d6+20
===== Tactics =====
During Combat If he encounters the PCs in the twisted woods, he will bull rush the leader to separate the party. Tamin always uses Power Attack and either Overhand Chop or Backswing, as appropriate.
Morale Tamin fights to the death.
===== Statistics =====
Str 24, Dex 13, Con 18, Int 6, Wis 12, Cha 6
Base Atk +7; CMB +15
Feats Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Overhand Chop, Backswing, Improved Intitiative, Blind-Fight, Cleave
Skills Perception +11, Survival +11
Languages Giant
SQ armor training, natural cunning
Gear +1 earthbreaker, bear suit (hide armor)
===== Special Abilities =====
Natural Cunning (Ex) Tamin is immune to the maze spell, can never become lost, and is never caught flat-footed.
Powerful Charge (Ex) When charging, Tamin may choose to make a single gore attack with a +8 attack bonus, dealing 4d6+20 damage.

1. Greeting Gate (CR 9)
Rotting apples squish underfoot at the entrance of the farmyard. Two tall, vine-covered walls create a hallway that seems to hold the brutish trees back from the trail. A weather beaten sign arcs from one fence to the other and states in faded yellow letters, “Bumpy Apple Orchard”.

The gate path is covered with broken barrels and mounds of apples and rocks, which count as difficult terrain. At the end of the path stands a minotaur. He tells the PCs that they are too late for the show, but are in time for dinner.

Creatures: Slake, the Ring-Nosed Halfling-thrower, waits to bull rush the leading PC into reach of the vampire vines (coiled at the top of the wall, 20 feet above the pathway), then holds his ground in the center of the gate path.

Vampire Vines (4) CR 3
hp 30 (MM pg 20)
These assassin vines cannot move and do not have their Entangle ability, but their Constrict attack deals 1 point of Strength damage (DC 13 Fortitude save negates).

Slake Banach, the Ring-Nosed Halfling Thrower CR 8
hp 90 (see Tamin, above)

2. Smokehouse Wheel Room (CR 3)
Stacks of smoked meat are strewn around the entrance of this vine-covered shack. From the inside you hear a rapid clicking sound that starts and stops, followed by loud thuds and laughter.

The smokehouse has been cleared of its meat so Phaaron and Wicie can practice their old act. The PCs find Wicie tied to a spinning wheel as Phaaron is about the throw another knife at her. Phaaron has a mop of hair covering most of his face and upper body, while Wicie is all ribs and spine and wearing next to nothing, showing off her five breasts and three belly buttons. Wicie, unable to get off the wheel, insults the PCs by giving them grand complements as they fight Phaaron.

Phaaron Banach CR3
hp 37 (see Icosatuplets, below)

3. Pen of Mirrors (CR 3)
This pig pen smells of old air and rotting wood. Every inch of wall is covered in mirrors. Many mirrors are normal but most are of the fun house variety, distorting your images in almost magical ways. The grated floor of the pens and the stone floor of the hall are covered in filth and offal. Mice scurry about in the dozens.

The pig pens are small, and if anyone steps into them, the rotting floor gives way and dumps the character into a 30 foot deep pit full of writhing maggots and pig dung.

Camouflaged Pit Trap CR 3
(Pathfinder Beta pg 310)

4. Hag Wife's Kitchen (CR 10)
Inside this barren room you find a cook fire brightly going in the northwest corner, with a huge pot hanging above it. A hunched-over elderly woman is stirring the pot with a two-handed spoon as she points her ear in your direction. The room smells of sweet meat and roasted apples. A single carnival mirror hangs from the ruined door on the east side of the kitchen.

A fire took the original farmhouse the night the Rustin returned with what was left of his freak show – his first act of vengeance. A carnival mirror, in truth a mirror of opposition, hangs against the eastern wall.

Creatures: Maga Ogga, drinks her potion of fly and attacks from above as the PCs fight their distorted mirror images. The mirror itself shatters when any of its images have been destroyed.

Maga Ogga (Blind Faceless Stalker) CR 4
hp 42 (Pathfinder 2 pg 88)
Maga Ogga is blind (and is immune to gaze attacks, visual effects, illusions, and other attack forms that rely on sight, including the mirror of opposition) and has blindsight 30 ft.

5. Sad Little Garden
This garden seems to be having no luck this year, as all the plants are stunted and fruitless.

6. Full Outhouse (CR 8)
The small outhouse has an “Occupied for practice” sign on the door.

When the PCs open the outhouse door, six halflings fall out into adjacent squares, pushing the PCs back. The halflings start the encounter prone.

Banach Icosatuplets (6) CR 3
ogrekin halfling rogue 4
CE Small giant
Init +4; Senses low-light vision; Perception +7
===== Defense =====
AC 22, touch 15, flat-footed 18; (+2 armor, +4 Dex, +5 natural, +1 size)
hp 37 (4d8+16)
Fort +5, Ref +9, Will +2
Defensive Abilities evasion, fearless, trap sense +1
===== Offense =====
Spd 20 ft.
Melee masterwork dagger +10 (1d3+4)
Ranged masterwork dagger +8 (1d3+7)
Special Attacks sneak attack +2d6
===== Tactics =====
During Combat The icosatuplets prefer to swarm a single target at a time, surrounding and stabbing them to death, with any remaining out of melee range throwing their daggers using Deadly Aim.
Morale The icosatuplets fight to the death.
===== Statistics =====
Str 18, Dex 18, Con 17, Int 10, Wis 10, Cha 8
Base Atk +3; CMB +6
Feats Point Blank Shot, Weapon Focus (Dagger), Deadly Aim, Precise Shot
Skills Acrobatics +13, Bluff +2, Escape Artist +11, Perception +7 (+9 on sound-based checks), Perform (Tumbler) +2, Ride +15, Sleight of Hand +11, Stealth +15
Languages Common, Halfling
SQ trapfinding
Combat Gear 3 vials of alchemist's fire Other Gear elf-skin leather armor, 4 masterwork daggers
===== Special Abilities =====
Deformities (Ex) The icosatuplets all have thick skin (increasing their natural armor by 2) and are extra ugly (giving them a -4 penalty to charisma skill checks).

7. Unwishing Well
The stones around this well are crumbling and the post has no rope to hold a bucket.

Rustin stores his savings at the bottom of this 200ft well. He tells his fellow entertainers that if they want to “unwish” foolish youthful wishes, they must throw a silver coin down into the water.

8. Still Standing Warehouse (CR 10)
The 50ft. tall warehouse is made of flimsy board covering a thick sturdy frame. Parts of the northern and southeastern roof is missing, where apple branches have forced their way inside. Few cider barrels remain, and those that do are mostly broken.
The warehouse now serves as the cockroach stables. The roaches and the Banach halflings that breed them for riding them attack intruders on sight. Green Jeph the Cricket Boy uses his climb speed to go into the rafters with his violin legs and attacks the PCs at range.

Cricket Boy (Drider) CR 7
hp 45 (MM pg 89)
Replace web in the spell list with sound burst.

Icosatuplets (4) CR 3
hp 37 (see above)

Monstrous Cockroaches (12) CR 1/2
hp 8 (Pathfinder 13 pg 84)

9. Record Room
A thousand papers lay about the floor and the desk on the western wall. A backpack lies on the desk, empty.

The is where the orchard's business files were kept. Now the desk is used as a bed.

10. Practicing Yard (CR 12)
The branches of these three large trees are filled with swing ropes, tight ropes, hammocks, and cargo nets. The ground is dotted with spots of red where ripe apples have fallen into the grass. There is a small shed, partially hidden by the woods, that looks as though it is about to collapse.

This is where most of the Banach icosatuplets sleep and practice.

Creatures: The Bumpy Apple halflings start the encounter by hiding within the trees 60ft above the PCs and throwing their alchemist's fire into the middle of the party. After bombing, they swing on ropes down to the groundand fight in melee. Rustin Harp, upon hearing the fighting outside, clambers up onto the roof of his shed and begins to play his pipes. With the magical music in the air, any villain the PCs haven't yet fought will begin to make their way to the Practicing Yard.

Rustin Harp CR 12
hp 92
b]===== Tactics =====[/b]
During Combat As soon as he notices combat anywhere within the farm, Rustin begins to play his twintone flute, activating both an Inspire Courage effect and, if enemies are nearby, a Dirge of Doom. He stays out of combat as much as possible, being frail and infirm.
Morale Rustin runs away if reduced below 40 hp, and gives in completely if reduced to less than 20.

Icosatuplets (8) CR 3
hp 37

11. Saytr's Shanty
A bed lies in the northeast corner of the shed. Tied to the head board and gagged is the body of a overweight dwarven woman. Her belly is torn open, and gore covers the sheets. A basket by the bed holds a crying, horned baby. With hoofed feet and long eye brows, the baby still holds locks of it's mother's beard.

Rustin's wife, the Bearded Lady, died in child birth three days ago, but he can't seem let go. He has been sullenly cleaning his torturing tools and questioning his faith of late.

[Clark Peterson]

Initial Review

Bet you didn't think you'd have another submission using Rustin! Map is cool. I like the forest, alot. Not sure you needed the stat block for the minotaurs. I think that could have been a simple variant. I'll have to look further. Creepy. My gut says this is the better of the two Rustin entries. I like the hag and the drider and the giant crickets. This is interesting. More to come...

Considering for Top 4 but not sure. This one will have to beat out Neil to get a Top 4, which it might do...

Final Thoughts

I've made up my mind. Matthew, I am not sure your body of work is as good as Neil's. And it will be up to the voters to decide that. But, that said, in the end I think this submission is better just by a hair than Neil's lair for the bard. As a result, you get my fourth and final spot. This submission is RECOMMENDED.

[Sean K Reynolds]

I like that you didn't go for a typical "dungeon/cave complex" map; it would have been the easy route but would have been thematically inappropriate for this villain.

Moving 5 ft. through the forest costs 20 ft. of movement; what happens if your speed is 15 ft., like a heavy-armored halfling or gnome?

I don't know what the spikes along the walls of area 1 indicate. Thorns? Spikes? I think the "bull rush into the reach of the vines" action of this minotaur could have been clearer (I had to look up the monster to see that it has reach 20, meaning it could attack creatures on the edge squares of this entrance path).

I like the lost mechanic where you pop to another "lost square," though given how slow the movement is, it seems a little weird for them to jump from L2 to L8 (across the map).

The ruler-straight edges of the forest confused me a bit; making them your typical "series of bumps indicating forest border" would have been more clear, even if the cartographer is going to redraw the map.

Wicie "insults the PCs by giving them grand complements as they fight Phaaron." Huh? Is this sarcasm, reverse psychology, or...?

I think this is a neat series of encounters, but the lair is so small I wonder why battle in one area doesn't attract the attention of all the others nearby.

[Monte Cook]

I like that the PCs will have two different options for getting into this lair and the rules for making it through the forest are interesting.

I also like that you felt free to change monsters (like the vampire vines and the cricket boy) as needed.

Nice combination of creatures and environment to make interesting encounters. I wish there was some information about how the inhabitants interact. These encounters are going to logically bleed into each other.

There are places where the DM might need more information. More on NPC tactics and just a bit here and there to fully flesh out the encounters. You should put the stats for a creature the first time it shows up (the icosatuplets).

Overall, a nice lair with a unique feel. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give this a 8. Recommended.

[Wolfgang Baur]

You do a lot with rather few words. Areas like the "Sad Little Garden" definitely evoke a mood, and your sense of humor like the Outhouse with the "closed for practice" sign makes this fun to read. Not to mention your variations on circus types, which strike me as original and entertaining, and your narrative twist with the introduction of Rustin's wife and child.

Mechanically, the forest rules and the variant monsters both show that you are willing to bend the mechanics as needed to suit the setting. A promising sign. I can't wait to see what you do next round.

Recommended.

[Jorrik the Fat]

Had a bit of difficulty sussing out the map, there... the straight edges to the forest were a bit confusing. But never mind, it's a great lair, anyway, and it would be clear enough in yer Actual Published Book. I marginally prefer to the other Rustin lair to this one, though, and while that doesn't necessarily rule this one out... well, sorry, and I wish you the best of luck, but this does not quite get one of my votes.

[Maurice de Mare]

Right, I am not really impressed by this, the 'other' rustin entry.

Let me check out the rest tomorrow to see who makes the cut, and who won't.

[Jason Nelson]

I was a little puzzled by the straight lines and squares meaning forest, and by rolling a D12 to determine which way you went when you were lost, until I looked really closely at the map and saw the little L1, L2, etc. marks in some of the dotted forest squares. True, that's why you put a legend on a map, but a bit of convention or color would have helped a bunch (I wish I had thought to use some color on my map last year).

I like both Rustin lairs, though I think I like this one a little better. There are a few bits of oddball humor (the outhouse sign, the 100-lb hammer) that... I dunno... I didn't love but didn't hate. I think this version of Rustin's lair is a little darker, creepier, and more fey and mysterious, especially with the magical "lose yourself" forest.

This one goes with most of the others, that it's really good - there were no clunkers this round. The weakest entry was still a solid "not bad." While this one tickles my fancy in a lot of ways, I don't think it's quite there for me, but best of luck to you and all the top 8.

[Charles Scholz]

Sean K Reynolds wrote:

I like that you didn't go for a typical "dungeon/cave complex" map; it would have been the easy route but would have been thematically inappropriate for this villain.

I think this is a neat series of encounters, but the lair is so small I wonder why battle in one area doesn't attract the attention of all the others nearby.

Sean, is this your 4th recommendation? I count 3 'recommends', 4 'do not recommends', and this one. It is somewhat ambivulent in your critique as which way you are going.

[Charles Scholz]

TheTwitching King wrote:

The PCs may choose to either enter through the main gate or attempt to sneak through the twisted forest. The tangled brushwood makes any movement in the Bumpy Apple Forest extremely difficult, which each 5 foot square costing 20 feet of movement, and any character making a double move takes 1d6 piercing damage. Any PC ending their round in the forest must make a DC 20 Survival check or become lost in the magical woods. Lost characters immediately roll a d12 and move to the corresponding square (L1 - L12). One character can choose to lead the party, using their Survival check for all characters adjacent to them, but this slows the party to one square per round. CE creatures move through the forest normally.

I read this as there is a spell on the forest that instantly transports a lost person to a random location in order to seperate the party. Once there, the person must try to navigate out of the forest to rejoin the rest of the party. Since he has no way of knowing which way to go, it will make regrouping difficult.

Also, how dense is the forest? If 2 people are 30 feet apart, could they see each other?

Finally, is there a reason to go into the forest other than to avoid the front gate? Anything that hampers movement is usually avoided. The only person who could move freely is a druid.

[Sean K Reynolds]

Charles Scholz wrote:

It is somewhat ambivulent in your critique as which way you are going.

I agree. ;)

(Technically, the judges don't have to suggest advancing or not advancing a specific number of entries.)

[Charles Evans 25]

Initial Impression:
Creepy, but not sure I like the twist where tragedy has resulted in Rustin questioning his faith. I may have to think about that.
Will come back to comment more later.

[Sue Flaherty]

First off, congratulations on making Top 8!

CREEPY and twisted humor ... me likee ::chuckle:: Please pardon the pun, but there's a certain "organic" feel to a lair when it feels right, and this has that for me.

Couple quibbles/questions (and I am patient, don't answer me until you're allowed, please <G>)

Area 7, you don't tell me how much savings are hidden there - treasure is important, so normally I'd want you to spell it out, but the rules say don't ... frustrating

Area 9, who sleeps here?

It's briars, not briers :)

And kudos for making me (an english major!) actually have to look up a word -- Icosatuplets! Love that.

This lair feels much more complete than the other Rustin Harp's, so that's a plus for you. Now to read the others, and see if this is good enough for one of my two votes. Good luck!

[Trevor Gulliver]

Matthew,

You know, I've been a fan of your entries since 'School of Eyes'. I'm thrilled that we are both here in the Top 8 almost two months later.

This entry has the same playful, creepy, evocative feel you've brought to all of your stuff.

Way to go!

[Christopher West]

I like this map. It sticks to the grid very well and presents the notable features of the map in clean line work and good detail. It looks like an exciting skirmish location with some interesting elements in play.

Normally I don't like it when organic objects such as the thorn forest stick firmly to the grid, but it's a good thing in this case; the environment has some clearly-defined rules that apply to each square on the battle grid, making this a map where the contents of your 5-foot square really make a difference to gameplay. As the cartographer illustrating this map for publication, I would not stick quite as tightly to the grid with the tree line, but I'd be very grateful to the author for making it so clear where to distinguish the terrain boundaries. My job would be to make it look natural while still holding to those boundaries, and this presentation makes that fairly easy.

This whole lair would be fun to illustrate, and I think the same qualities would make it rather fun at the game table as well.

[Sean McGowan]

Out of the two Rustin lairs, I think this one has the stronger theme and mood elements going on- the PCs here have wandered into a full blown villains story instead of a chaotic freakshow. The knife throwing team, Rustin himself going through a crisis of faith, the nightmare fuel unleaded that is the Bearded Lady's body and her spawn... nice stuff. But as far as being an actual adventure goes... there are elements I like, (Cricket Boy is awesome)but if I were a player in a game going through this lair... boy, would I be bloody sick of identical halflings. Also, I think Wicie should have been assigned either a stat block or a monster reference... the room as is seems to assume she'll ALWAYS be tied up and spinning, which a DM might have a hard time justifying. As it is, do we even know what she's supposed to be? Deformed human, or something else?

I don't think one of my votes will wind up going here, but it's a very nicely done piece of work, nonetheless.

[magdalena thiriet]

Both you and Rustin have so far attracted my attention but not yet my vote, but here you manage to combine your vivid images with eerie weirdness that I liked in Rustin...a great entry.

You have my vote.

[deadly_puddingcup]

magdalena thiriet wrote:

You have my vote.

And my axe!

Since the competition has started, I've enjoyed your entries because they always feel as if they're intended more for the story than for the stats, if that makes sense. RP vs. Munchkining. I don't feel that your item nor your villain were made to be super powerful, but instead they were meant for flavor. I was wary about anyone picking Rustin because I generally dislike circus / sideshows because almost everyone seems to do the same thing. I think you did a good job breaking out of the mold while keeping Rustin's story intact. I really enjoy the forest encounter as well as the cricket boy. Good job.

[Charles Evans 25]

[:shock:] You killed the bearded lady cohort!! How could you do that? -12 points and down to second to bottom of the class! [/:shock:]

Seriously, whilst I have the impression that Randy Dorman might have disposed of Vashkar's succubus cohort for reasons to do with balance of an encounter, I'm not sure why you did this to the bearded lady unless it was to put your own spin on the villain. I'm unclear how much leeway the rules for this round allow you, so I'll try to look past it.

You provide no explanation for the driving magic behind the 'getting lost' effect of the forest; if there is a magical aura, at the very least the PCs should be able to detect it and identify it.
The ogrekin in area 10 are mentioned as tossing alchemist's fire on the PCs from positions '60 ft' up in the trees. The implication of the text seems to me to be that these are supposed to be apple trees. Apple trees 60 ft tall? I can only guess that this is because the orchard is a magic one.
The 200 ft deep well also concerns me, since I'm not sure if (except for a military fortification) the effort would be made in a medieval/renaissance fantasy setting to dig down that far down for a water supply. A well that deep would probably require some sort of heavy duty winch mechanism for lowering/raising a bucket, or a sophisticated pump at the top of a very long pipe; even if the well is not used by the inhabitants of the site, I would expect to see mention of more wreckage than just a 'post' which 'has no rope to hold a bucket'. The most likely explanation that I can see here is that the 200 feet is a typo error.

You convey atmosphere very well- I think you're probably the strongest 'story teller' left in the contest at this stage- but I'm not certain how much of an artistic carte blanche Paizo give their writers, and except in the case of the minotaur on the gate and if Rustin starts playing, you seem to have skipped on details of how occupants react to signs of intrusion.

I don't know if you've done enough for one of my Round 4 votes.

[Matt Banach]

WOW. I absolutely adore this entry - and not just because of my obvious bias in favor of the master of the lair. Kudos, Mssr. Stinson.

As a general note, I think the creative writing throughout this entry is extremely well done. The author does a good job of describing the setting to multiple senses and also giving a healthy dose of mood and ambiance without being too wordy: "feral orchard", "unforgiving undergrowth", "vivid red apples", "rotting apples squish underfoot", "smells of old air and rotting wood", the crying baby. All great, and all working to convey a consistent tone that I think works with the themes inherent in the Rustin Harp story - loss, deformity, something that was once happy now turned rotten, and a rugged earthiness.

The old carnival/freak show and its ruin is referenced and used, but I really like the restraint the author has shown; I don't feel bashed over the head by backstory - just enticed by musty old clues.

The forest is a great idea and is well-executed. For something to qualify as a "lair" for me, and not just be a place where the villain happens to be, the villain would need to feel safe there because of some quality inherent in the location and not just because of his guards or preparations. The forest does that with good mechanics and a cool foreboding theme. The maze effect is cool, very Tulgey Wood. Two ways to approach the lair, good. Guardian in the woods, good.

The vampire vines at the front gate is a nice touch, making a good complement to the front gate guardian. I like the re-tasking of the assassin vines with a simple change and mechanic.

I'm not sure how I feel about all the monsters having my name... so I'll take it as a compliment. You may not realize this, but this will cause pronunciation problems forever (believe me).

I love the mirror of opposition. Excellent use of carnival backstory in a subtle way that has an actual combat implication for the PCs, and the blind cook in that area is a nice workaround. Good.

The full outhouse made me laugh out loud.

One of my favorite parts of the whole thing is the Sad Little Garden. It's so simple, and comes across just perfect. No monsters. No trap. Just a touching demonstration of the fact that past all the monstrosity and evil, the creatures here have days when all they really want to do is get by, they try, and its hard.

A close second for my favorite mood piece is the unwishing well, since I absolutely agree with the idea that Rustin would advise against foolish youthful wishes.

Near the end, I think the tactics section with Rustin effectively fiddling on the roof makes good use of the simple terrain - makes perfect sense that he'd get on the roof - and aptly uses his bard abilities and the righteous twintone flute.

The baby made me sad. Which is perfect.

To sum: I salute you, Mssr. Stinson. This is an excellent entry with beautiful writing, solid mechanics and layout, and a fantastic menagerie of on-theme, creative freaks that aren't just enemies but are clearly residents of this shabby, rotten little place.

So yeah, this entry has one of my votes. Ab - So - Lutely.

[William Senn]

Honestly, I went into this not really sure whether I'd like it. Rustin's entry changed from round 2 to round 3 specifically to get away from the carnival/funhouse angle, so reverting to the older version for the lair would have been a dubious choice IMO. However, you managed to tie in both versions of Rustin neatly by having the "carnival" be really just a sad, misshapen reflection of a real carnival, and having it populated with all manner of freaks.

There's a lot of subtlety here that I love, although I think with another 500 words this entry would have been 10 times better. The icosatuplets - all 20 of them - are great. Small giants, indeed. The cricket-drider is an interesting juxtaposition. The "100 lb" hammers are great - they surely don't weigh that much (PHB rules say it'd be 16 pounds for a Large earthbreaker), but if they manage to connect the PCs will probably think they did! And I have to agree with Wolfgang: the "Sad Little Garden" and the "Satyr's Shanty" add so much ambiance and flavor to the lair in such a small space, it's brilliant. Just goes to show that non-encounter areas are just as important as, maybe even more so than, encounter areas.

There are definitely some areas that feel lacking, though. You mention that the mirror of opposition is a funhouse mirror; it could have really used a simple chart (roll a die, the image has this deformity) to emphasize that. Also, the map shows some kind of spikes or thorns or something on the gate, but the text doesn't mention anything about them. Presumably that was something left on the editing floor after the map had already been made? The forest could also use some additional polish (What if you've only got 15 or less feet of movement? What if you don't move? How big is the actual magical section of the forest - if it's too big, the Strongman is going to fight the PCs long before they get anywhere remotely close to the carnival?). Still, you tightened it down and while there are definitely areas that could use a little polish, I don't get the sense that the lair is at all incomplete because of the word count.

========================

Sean K. Reynolds wrote:

Wicie "insults the PCs by giving them grand complements as they fight Phaaron." Huh? Is this sarcasm, reverse psychology, or...?

In the round 3 entry for Rustin, he teaches his followers that ugliness is beautiful and beauty is to be despised. Thus, she insults the PCs by "complimenting" them. Could probably have used an explicit explanation, though. I only knew that because I'm a freak of nature when it comes to memorizing unimportant details :)

Jason Nelson wrote:

I was a little puzzled by the straight lines and squares meaning forest, and by rolling a D12 to determine which way you went when you were lost, until I looked really closely at the map and saw the little L1, L2, etc. marks in some of the dotted forest squares. True, that's why you put a legend on a map, but a bit of convention or color would have helped a bunch (I wish I had thought to use some color on my map last year).

To be fair, the forest rules DO directly reference L1-L12 on the map. "Lost characters immediately roll a d12 and move to the corresponding square (L1 - L12)."

Charles Scholz wrote:

The only person who could move freely is a druid.

Nope, not even druids can. Druids can only move freely through non-magical terrain. The party would need freedom of movement spells to move freely - and that brings up an interesting question. If they do have a freedom of movement effect on them, do they still get lost?

Gamer Girrl wrote:

It's briars, not briers :)

Technically, it's either. Briar is the alternate spelling of brier, which is the original. Anyone familiar with the "Br'er Fox" yarn (or the old Disney movie Song of the South) would recognize brier as a correct spelling ;)

DankeSean wrote:

As it is, do we even know what she's supposed to be? Deformed human, or something else?

I assume she's one of the icosatuplets, since without her there's only 19. (icosa = 20; thus, icosahedron, which is a 20-sided die)

You're probably right that there's too many of them. They might have been better off with a couple more levels (to maintain CR) and 8 fewer of them. Dodecacuplets sounds better, anyway :p

Charles Evans 25 wrote:

Seriously, whilst I have the impression that Randy Dorman might have disposed of Vashkar's succubus cohort for reasons to do with balance of an encounter, I'm not sure why you did this to the bearded lady unless it was to put your own spin on the villain. I'm unclear how much leeway the rules for this round allow you, so I'll try to look past it.

Presumably because a level 8 cleric stat block is, minimally, 300-400 words. He had to account for her in some fashion because she's in Rustin's stat block; having her in the lair as an encounter isn't really feasible without removing a quarter to a fifth of the text, and having her "off on business" is kind of a cop-out. Doing it this way, he not only includes her using only a double handful of his precious wordcount, he adds some pathos to the main villain. It lets the audience (the players) see that the villain isn't just a cardboard cut-out; tragic things happen to him, too, and he reacts to them the way they might in similar circumstances. I said this before in an earlier round, but the best villains tend to be the ones that the players can, at the very least, understand the motivations of. Everyone can understand the motivations of someone depressed because their wife died in childbirth; this makes the villain stronger, IMO. The fact that he was able to solve a problem and, with the exact same brush stroke, make the villain he assigned deeper - that is definitely the mark of a Superstar, IMO.

[roguerouge]

I like the flavor, but this would entail a lot of work for me as a DM. Basically, I have to figure out what the Perception checks for hearing combat are for each combatant from each place they could hear combat. Then I'd need to figure out what they'd be likely to do, then figure out what would make for an EL that would not lead to a TPK, or, if it would, how to leave an escape route for the party through the forest of 4 squares for one movement rate. Hopefully, the mage with teleport doesn't die.

[Sue Flaherty]

William Senn wrote:

Gamer Girrl wrote:

It's briars, not briers :)

Technically, it's either. Briar is the alternate spelling of brier, which is the original. Anyone familiar with the "Br'er Fox" yarn (or the old Disney movie Song of the South) would recognize brier as a correct spelling ;)

Oy, you have me on the alternate spelling (which brings the new words up to two for that entry!), but the Br'er is actually short for "Brother" as all the male animals are "Br'er" and all the female ones are "Sister" :)

[Trevor Gulliver]

Cricket boy? Synchronicity. In Bracht's lair I had a cricket man. ... I like the way you think, Matthew.

[Geoffrey Henry]

Tarren Dei wrote:

Cricket boy? Synchronicity. In Bracht's lair I had a cricket man. ... I like the way you think, Matthew.

The cricket in the rafters with Violen legs? "Fiddler on the Roof!" anyone? I love this entry. I am a big fan of Matt's work throughout the competition. I can't wait to see what's next.

[Steven Helt]

The occasional mechanic for getting lost is a good thing - the opposite of the 'just teleport already' mentality that Pathfinder wants to minimize. But rather than restricting movement to one square, you just just slim it down to a high DC, where taking 10 seems beneficial. That way you get slower movement without haveing to make up new rules. likewise, randommovement a d12 squares makes little sense. I see where you're going but I don't like how you get there. Will a dwarf in full plate move 12 squares? Just restrict it to difficult terrain and have the magic of the forest raise the DC for a lost traveler to make them more lost. That's a scary forest.

So the minotaur wears sleigh bells and sneaks up on the party? I dunno. Seems contradictory, but if the forest helps out, I like the idea of the party hearing the bells and still not knowing where the charge is comging from. Like the voices in Lost, the camera keeps spinning and you keep thinking you understand them, and then something unexpected happens.

I don't like the ogre-kin rogues much. First, messed up ogre-kin brothers has already been done, and famously so. Even a year from now, I think such a convention is going to have to be more clever than a mutant circus freakshow.

This lair doesn't one time mention the purpose of Rustin Harp, or his cult of Lamashtu. In fact, you have killed the designer's cohort and thrown out that his faith is challenged. If I were sending you some material for development, I'd be pretty upset if you took these liberties without asking. For all intents and purposes, you have taken the word 'apple' and 'rustin', and pretty much left the rest of the villain back in rounds 2 and 3. The lair has a couple of tweaked encounters, but it's not a villain at work, and it's not really clever to feature a family of mutant halfling brothers as the back half of your entire adventure.

I am stunned that Rustin Harp didn't inspire more creativity than this. There's no way I could give this entry a vote over Hecataeus and Bracht.

[Jason Nelson]

Steven T. Helt wrote:

The occasional mechanic for getting lost is a good thing - the opposite of the 'just teleport already' mentality that Pathfinder wants to minimize. But rather than restricting movement to one square, you just just slim it down to a high DC, where taking 10 seems beneficial. That way you get slower movement without haveing to make up new rules. likewise, randommovement a d12 squares makes little sense. I see where you're going but I don't like how you get there. Will a dwarf in full plate move 12 squares? Just restrict it to difficult terrain and have the magic of the forest raise the DC for a lost traveler to make them more lost. That's a scary forest.

No, you don't move 1d12 squares.

You roll a d12, and you get teleported to one of the 12 marked squares within the forest. You roll a 1, you get teleported to square L1. You roll a 5, you go to square L5. You roll 11, you got square L11.

I was confused at first but took another look at the map, and those "destination" squares are marked on the map. I suggested in my earlier comments that the author could've made this a lot clearer with a dash of color to indicate those arrival spots.

Basically, you try pushing through the forest, and you end up HERE, and push again and you end up THERE. You can dimly see the clearing in the distance but never can seem to close the distance as you keep getting turned around and, impossibly, even end up on the far side.

I think it's an interesting method for disorienting people in the woods, but it would have worked better with a little clearer explanation linked with clearer mapping for that feature.

[Eric Morton]

Jason Nelson wrote:

I think it's an interesting method for disorienting people in the woods, but it would have worked better with a little clearer explanation linked with clearer mapping for that feature.

I seem to be one of the few who thought the "lost in the woods" mechanic was explained fairly well, probably because I read the text without first looking at the map.

On the other hand, I had to read the "breaking down the house" rule several times. At a glance, it looked like a sidebar, so I thought it would be self-contained. But the actual description of what 'breaking down the house' meant was in the tactics section for Grigor. Also, I initially thought that "hampered" was undefined. It took me a moment to realize that "hampered" was just a gloss for "a certain hampering effect which is described below."

Even after figuring all that out, I'm not sure I really understand the rule. Is the special rope already connected when the PCs get there? If not, what sort of action is it to attach the rope to the alter? What is the listed Perception DC for, exactly? Why is the tent acting as a net attack and not a terrain feature that causes entanglement?

Also, net attacks are already fairly complicated. Saying that the tent acts as a net attack, except for such-and-such, left me with many questions. Does it require an attack roll when it falls on you? If I want to cut myself free, does a section tent have the same hp as a net? How else can someone caught under the tent exit the tent?

I would have preferred it if the collapsing tent were listed as a trap. In many ways, it's just a collapsing ceiling trap that entangles and limits vision instead of dealing damage. Granted, the effect section would be wordier than a collapsing ceiling trap, since you would have to explain how one escapes from the trap once caught. But it still could have been summed up nicely in an easy-to-read trap stat block.

[Ernest Mueller]

Nice map, though that's a mighty squared-off orchard. The weirdos here are very flavorful. "Icosatuplets!" That's worth the price of admission. I like it. Gets one of my votes.

[William Senn]

Epic Meepo wrote:

<snip>

Color me confused. You start off talking about the "lost in the woods" mechanic, and then meander over into another entry entirely.

[Eric Morton]

William Senn wrote:

Epic Meepo wrote:

<snip>

Color me confused. You start off talking about the "lost in the woods" mechanic, and then meander over into another entry entirely.

Oops. Color me embarrassed.

My last post should have been something like: "I found the new 'lost in the woods' mechanic from this Rustin lair much clearer than the new 'bringing down the house' mechanic from the competing Rustin lair." As in, this Rustin lair compares favorably to the other Rustin lair in that respect.

But then I got carried away with cutting and pasting from my text file of pending critiques, and started grabbing paragraphs from both sections of my file talking about lairs containing the word "Apple." Obviously, my full critique of "bringing down the house" doesn't need to be here to make my point that I didn't find "lost in the woods" to be too confusing.

*runs off to insert the irrelevant part of my last post in proper thread*

[William Senn]

Heh, I figured it was something like that. I find it pretty interesting that both Rustin entries had very similar names, especially when those names were based off a single line in the villain's backstory.

[Joel Flank]

Like the other entry for Rustin's lair, this one focused a lot more on the R2 version of him, as still clinging to his circus background, and basically just sitting around with his freak pals. It's a shame, since the R3 version of Rustin was much more interesting and dynamic, mainly by distancing him from his circus tragedy past.

Beyond that design choice, I have to say I wasn't a big fan of the specifics of the entry. I felt that many of the elements either were awkward mechanically, or had a odd absurdist sense of humor which really didn't appeal to me. Humor is hard to do well, since it's a lot harder to make something funny to a large diverse group of people than it is to evoke other emotions, such as horror or awe. I felt that most of the humor elements felt more in place in a Wilie E Coyote cartoon than in a standard D&D adventure. Things like the bear suit, "100 lbs" hammer, slapstick halflings in an outhouse, etc. just seemed odd to be included, and not in a good way from my POV. I also thought it was odd that a circus camp would have a 50' tall warehouse (area 8).

I also thought that the entire twisted forest encounter was just awkward. The mechanics for moving through the wood were very weird, with a teleportation like effect from becoming lost, even though there's no mention of teleportation. You could enter a square immediately to the left of the path, start heading west, and get lost, roll a 12, and wind up on the other side of the path somehow. With the description of simply becoming lost, I'd have a hard time justifying the effect. Also, the movement penalty is much harsher than it seems like it should be. 20 foot cost for 5 movement, plus 1d6 damage if you move quickly through it? That seems worse than a wall of thorns. Also, do you still take damage if you have a high natural armor bonus? It seems so, even though most effects of this sort in other material often give that as an exception.

Another rules issue that bugged me was the mirror of opposition shatters if one of the mirror images is destroyed, even though that's not how the listed magic item works. If this is supposed to be a non-standard version, that should be clearly indicated.

Finally, the fact that Rustin is transformed from a villain to a sad, depressed new father takes away any threat. Sure, he might fight the PCs, but his villainy seems in doubt when he's presented this way. Overall, this submission did not ring true to me, even though I can see by the other comments that for many others it was highly appreciated.

[Charles Evans 25]

JoelF847 wrote:

...I also thought it was odd that a circus camp would have a 50' tall warehouse (area 8)....

As far as I can make out, with regard to this point, it's a former farm which they've taken over and occupied (I assume by force) although a barn or farm-building of those dimensions seems a little large to me; at present, though, I don't have any information to hand on the dimensions of medieval tithe barns which I could use for comparison purposes.

[Eric Morton]

Again, a solid entry. It is a lair I'd certainly consider using at my table. And while others have pointed out that the "lost in the woods" mechanics could use a bit of clarification, I found them straightforward enough that I could have gotten by with just the description provided.

Of course, in such a tight race, my ability to just get by with the description provided isn't a strong recommendation. As I've noted elsewhere, with so many good entries, I'm having to hold you up to the standard I expect in a published module. While I can make use of the "lost in the woods" mechanics, they fall just short of published module quality when it comes to clarity.

But that's not the reason I won't be voting against this one. One of the things I found most intriguing about this lair was the balance between comedy and tragedy, probably best summed up by the Sad Little Garden. But that sort of balance is very hard to pull off.

I'd say you almost executed it perfectly. In fact, you did it flawlessly right up until the very last encounter. Then you broke out the below-the-belt, corpse-of-the-recently-dead wife gimmick. That puts a damper on all of the subtle humor of the other encounter locations, and frankly, is a rather depressing end-point for something that wasn't full tragedy.

I also agree with the previous comment that the dead wife leading to a crisis of faith is, essentially, rewriting Rustin. You created a "What If..." style villain instead of staying true to the Round 3 version of Rustin.

So I'd say you overreached a bit with that last tragic element you stuck in there.

[David Lowery]

I like the apple orchard. I once had an evil, twisted forest in one of my campaigns. How the characters got lost was different, but ...

Why would the PCs go through the orchard instead of the main gate? THe main gate must be trapped (a DM lure). You never know what lurks in the minds of PCs.

The creatures seemed well-linked thematically. The signage (100-lb hammer, etc.) was a nice touch.

I would recommend this for advancement.

[Matthew Stinson]

Thank everyone that voted for me and/or gave me feed back.
Mr. Gulliver, thank you for all your support and I wish you the best of luck.
Charles Evans, even after pointing out your dislikes with my entry, your "story teller" comment made my day. Thank you.
Mr. Banach, thanks for Rustin. I think he's really grown over the months. Thank you for your character/villian.

I revised my Arcane Poison feat over in the Sartel, Round 3 entry. If anyone would like to give me some feed back, that would be great.

[French Wolf]

Well done Matthew, that wood of yours was great fun and I'm hoping for more of the same.

Good luck.

[Trevor Gulliver]

Heheheh. Now, isn't this interesting?! Congratulations, Matthew. I'm looking forward to seeing your adventure.

[Charles Evans 25]

Darn. You made it through. Now you're going to be too busy writing the module submission to respond to the Round 4 feedback on this thread.... :D

Seriously, though, congratulations, and remember that whatever you turn in for the next round will mostly need to work with the existing game mechanics. The... <makes Will save and manages to cut off the stream of 'helpful' advice>

Just give it your best.

[Matt Banach]

TheTwitching King wrote:

Mr. Banach, thanks for Rustin. I think he's really grown over the months. Thank you for your character/villian.

Thank you, sir. Like I said before, I think you created a wonderful entry for this round, and I am only too glad to have been a part of it. Your talent for writing and description has shown to be consistently excellent, and I can only hope that in this last round you are able to make the right design and mechanical choices to please this most particular audience.

Again, congratulations.