The Kobold-Free zone


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A small monkey emerges from the mists of chaotic potentiality

Here I shall make my home.

Using arcane energies he summons forth a demithread with his own set of rules. A large sign conveniently pops into place to explain said rules to visitors:

To all who visit welcome, except for Kobolds and their avatars. This thread is specifically for kobold-free communications. Any kobold, avatar of a kobold, alias of a kobold are not welcome here. If they should post, the energy influx of the thread will destroy them with no possibility of resurrection. If they post anyway, well then they show themselves to be the shameless godmodders that they like to claim others are.

The monkey stands back, satisfied with his creation.

Now to call the homeless home!

Waving his walking staff the small monkey decrees a pond come into being with a clubhouse on its shores. A sparkilng strip of white sand surround the pond, festooned with toys and beach chairs. Bistro tables with bright-striped umbrellas are placed discreetly along a bluestone patio that wraps around the clubhouse. A large grill and wetbar stand gleaming and ready. The sun shines warm down upon the rolling green meadows surrounding the sparkling blue pond.

Come and be welcome, all homeless avatars!


A golem riding a Harley thunders up to the new clubhouse. He hops off and surveys the area.

Looks good!

ACME! I need a drink after that long ride. Check out the wetbar!


The golem's Harley reshuffles into a retro-Fifties futuristic robot

*BEEP*

Right away sir!

Zips over to the wetbar and starts mixing a mojito


A small frog sailing a Cthulhu floaty sails to the pond's edge

Dis looks like a quiet spot to sit. OOOh! A Spongebob Shaggoth towel!

Splashes off floaty and swims to beach


On his way back home, sees some familiar faces.
Here you chaps are!
Hands Jack the rest of a bottle of rum; pulls out a bunch of bananas for monkey.


A small poodle runs in from the parking lot. A few curses and horn honks follow him. He sniffs the beach chairs, then turns thrice and lies on the bluestone patio

YAP!


Hey PJ! Dark and Stormy? A little hair of the dog?

ACME!

Get a Dark and Stormy made pronto!


Beams in.

The Paizomatrix will assimilate this thread!

We are Borg.

Resistance is futile.
We wish to improve ourselves.
We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
Your culture will adapt to service ours


*BBEP*

At once sir!

Mixes drink and hands over to Panama Jack

There you are sir!


Shakes head

I knew I forgot one breed of vermin when I fashioned the wards of this thread.... SIGH, well better Borg than kobold I guess.


Malice Jack laughs

Ahh let the borggies have their fun! Hey 63! I have some WD40 over here! You thirsty?

ACME!

Make the Borg a Nut Loosener will you?


*BEEP*

Right away sir!

Makes a drink part WD40, part battery acid, part Everclear.

There you go Mr. 63.


We thank you.


Sorry, ol chum. Had a D&S emergency on another thread, and used up all the ginger beer.
Looks into bag. I don't seem to have anything for frogs either...unless...Mayonnaise?
Oh damnation! Borg!
Hurries on home.


A large jeweled palanquin carried by four Utahraptors shimmers into existance by the Jacuzzi. A chicken of ancient age emerges.

AWWWRK! This thread has need of wise council. I shall rest here a while.

The Utahraptors fade into nothingness. The chicken begins to peck at the bugs in the meadowgrass.


Panama Jack wrote:

Sorry, ol chum. Had a D&S emergency on another thread, and used up all the ginger beer.

Looks into bag. I don't seem to have anything for frogs either...unless...Mayonnaise?
Oh damnation! Borg!
Hurries on home.

We have assimilated an appropriate recipe.

Ginger Beer

Serving Size : 20

2 gallons boiling water
2 lemon -- thinly sliced
1/4 tsp. cream of tartar
2 pounds sugar, granulated
2 ounces ginger -- chopped
1/2 teaspoon yeast

Boil the water in a stainless steel or enamel pot. Add all remaining ingredients except the yeast. Simmer 20 minutes. Cool to lukewarm and taste. Add more ginger for a livelier flavour. Dissolve yeast in one cup of the mixture and stir back in. Cover and allow to ferment 34-36 hours at 65-70F, i.e. mix it in the morning and bottle the next evening. When a slight white skin of foam appears on the top of the brew it is ready to bottle. Siphon or pour into sterlized bottles removing any lemon slices. After capping age the bottles upright for one week at 60-65F then store in the refrigerator or basement cool room below 60F.

Note: This cool storage is very important.

We believe that this recipe will serve. We will begin contructing the necessary hardware and harvesting the materials at once.


A half-elven female clad in a yellow and black bikini swoops down riding a large yellowjacket wasp.

Ahh! A Jacuzzi!

Disembarks off the wasp and eases gently into the warm water.


That sounds good Borggie!

ACME!

Help the nice Borg gather up the ginger beer ingrediants, will you? And get the nice lady some suntan lotion. Hate to see all that creamy skin sunburned!


*BEEP*

At once sir!

Starts collecting wild sugar canes from the pond after giving he priestess some suntan lotion. Brings canes and a large pot to the huge grill and uses the side burner to begin boiling out the cane juice


We also make Coffee.


The small frog looks up from his towel

Hey robot! No stepping on my floaty!


Hey 63!

Malice gestures to the Borg

Can you do something with this poor fellah? I found him on the highway breakdown lane out in the desert.

Empties a bag containing the crumpled remains of a small borg on a bistro table. The number '69' is embossed on its chestplate.


Margarinefrog wrote:

The small frog looks up from his towel

Hey robot! No stepping on my floaty!

*BEEP*

Yes sir!

Steps gingerly around the large Cthulhu floaty


A muddy peasant with a small pink rodent on his shoulder staggers in from the road

Excuse me, would any of you know the way to Lesser Umpton-On-Filth?


Malice Jack wrote:

Hey 63!

Malice gestures to the Borg

Can you do something with this poor fellah? I found him on the highway breakdown lane out in the desert.

Empties a bag containing the crumpled remains of a small borg on a bistro table. The number '69' is embossed on its chestplate.

We remove his core memory unit, and allow the rest to disintergrate.


Priestess of Calistria wrote:

A half-elven female clad in a yellow and black bikini swoops down riding a large yellowjacket wasp.

Ahh! A Jacuzzi!

Disembarks off the wasp and eases gently into the warm water.

The roar of trurbine engines dim the sound for a moment as a large hovercraft pulls up to the party. The name Lug Boat is painted on its stern.

Hey! I heard there was a half-clad hottie in a jacuzzi here. I brought a couple of kegs for the party.

spotting the half-eleven priestess enjoying the jacuzzi, and is disappointed by the exaggeration of the lack of clothing So, what's the buzz?


Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

A muddy peasant with a small pink rodent on his shoulder staggers in from the road

Excuse me, would any of you know the way to Lesser Umpton-On-Filth?

We hand the peasent a hot cup of coffee.

We have not yet assimilated that location. Proceed north by northwest.


Jack Hammer wrote:


The roar of trurbine engines dim the sound for a moment as a large hovercraft pulls up to the party. The name Lug Boat is painted on its stern.

Hey! I heard there was a half-clad hottie in a jacuzzi here. I brought a couple of kegs for the party.

spotting the half-eleven priestess enjoying the jacuzzi, and is disappointed by the exaggeration of the lack of clothing So, what's the buzz?

The half-elven beauty looks up at the large golem.

Well, I hate to disappoint!

Goes commando


Smurf-Drone 63 of PaizoMatrix 0 wrote:


We hand the peasent a hot cup of coffee.

We have not yet assimilated that location. Proceed north by northwest.

The peasant sighs

It feels like I have been walking forever. That King David sure lived in a remote area! Do you mind if I rest a bit with my friend?

Slurps coffee

Ahhh there's some lovely filth.


Squee!

Runs off the peasant's shoulder and finds a mouse hole conveniently situated near the buffet.


Jack Hammer wrote:
Priestess of Calistria wrote:

A half-elven female clad in a yellow and black bikini swoops down riding a large yellowjacket wasp.

Ahh! A Jacuzzi!

Disembarks off the wasp and eases gently into the warm water.

The roar of trurbine engines dim the sound for a moment as a large hovercraft pulls up to the party. The name Lug Boat is painted on its stern.

Hey! I heard there was a half-clad hottie in a jacuzzi here. I brought a couple of kegs for the party.

Malice waves to his fellow Jack

Hey buddy! Bring the kegs on up! We got a fresh new place to rage at!

whispers

The annoying peasant just rolled in if you wanna go grab the Jack-A-Pult!


A large portal shimmers into existence on the croquet field. A whiff of brimstone and jungle rot wafts out. A large fiendish-looking ape emerges, clutching a large baseball bat. He is flanked on one side by an au naturel fiendish dryad on one side, a similarly resplendent succubus on the other. A troop of fiendish half tribble two-headed flying monkeys trail behind, armed with red steel scimitars.

Hey heard there was a party! It ain't a party without some monkeyshines!

Runs to the pond and does a cannonball


HEY! You splashed me!

...Stoopid monkey


The monkeys giggle at the frog

Hee hee!

They fly over to the buffet and begin eating the bananas that PJ brought.

NOM NOM NOM!


Left to their own devices, the fiendish dryad and succubus join the priestess of Calistria in the large jacuzzi


A small rabbit enters the clubhouse, trying to avoid spattering patrons as he moves gingerly by them. Immediately after his passage, discoloured rabbit prints become etched into the floor.

If you don't mind opening up the cleaning supplies, I'll take a double shot of Drano, please.


(I would just like to point out, technically I don't need a resurrection, just for my phylactery--)
*Kobold explodes*


*Shows up carrying a duffel bag. Looks around.*
Wow. This is quite the party you have here. I brought presents.
*Opens the bag to reveal that the bag of holding is stuffed to the gills with alcohol. Hands bag to Acme Robot, grabbing out a bottle of tequila as she does.*
And since I still have 24 hours to go on my 'drink all you want so you can deal with all the crap people keep telling you evil you did with your body while you were away' clause, I intend to make the most of them. Ooh, a hot tub.
*Climbs into the hot tub.*


Kobold Cleaver wrote:

(I would just like to point out, technically I don't need a resurrection, just for my phylactery--)

*Kobold explodes*

Please refrain from posting here. You have every other thread to infest.


Corrosive Rabbit wrote:

A small rabbit enters the clubhouse, trying to avoid spattering patrons as he moves gingerly by them. Immediately after his passage, discoloured rabbit prints become etched into the floor.

If you don't mind opening up the cleaning supplies, I'll take a double shot of Drano, please.

*BEEP*

Right away sir!

Mixes a Drano and tonic for the acidy rabbit

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Wow, a lot of people have posted in here and...hey, wait a minute! They're all Curtain Clones!


lynora-Jill wrote:

*Shows up carrying a duffel bag. Looks around.*

Wow. This is quite the party you have here. I brought presents.
*Opens the bag to reveal that the bag of holding is stuffed to the gills with alcohol. Hands bag to Acme Robot, grabbing out a bottle of tequila as she does.*
And since I still have 24 hours to go on my 'drink all you want so you can deal with all the crap people keep telling you evil you did with your body while you were away' clause, I intend to make the most of them. Ooh, a hot tub.
*Climbs into the hot tub.*

The half-elven priestess smiles coquettishly

Welcome sister! My, you look like the perect worshipper for my goddess Calistria! Are you afffiliated with any other deities at the moment?


Callous Jack wrote:
Wow, a lot of people have posted in here and...hey, wait a minute! They're all Curtain Clones!

shrugs

Meh. You put all my aliases in one thread and it makes a big crowd!

Would you like a drink?


Priestess of Calistria wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:

*Shows up carrying a duffel bag. Looks around.*

Wow. This is quite the party you have here. I brought presents.
*Opens the bag to reveal that the bag of holding is stuffed to the gills with alcohol. Hands bag to Acme Robot, grabbing out a bottle of tequila as she does.*
And since I still have 24 hours to go on my 'drink all you want so you can deal with all the crap people keep telling you evil you did with your body while you were away' clause, I intend to make the most of them. Ooh, a hot tub.
*Climbs into the hot tub.*

The half-elven priestess smiles coquettishly

Welcome sister! My, you look like the perect worshipper for my goddess Calistria! Are you afffiliated with any other deities at the momenet?

Well, sometimes I'm the Goddess of Dangerous Knowledge, but I'm trying to forget that at the moment. *holds up tequila bottle before taking a swig* She does things with our body that I do not approve of when it's her turn. I mean, the Demon Lord of Tribbles??? Really?!


The fiendish dryad and the succubus in the hot tub both wince in sympathy to Lynora-Jill's words.

Yeah, ol' DLT has some body-hair issues. It's funny when Evil Monkey looks like the better-shaved alternative!

The two laugh wickedly, sipping mimosas.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Patrick Curtin wrote:

Meh. You put all my aliases in one thread and it makes a big crowd!

Would you like a drink?

No thanks, but he would.


Callous Jack wrote:

No thanks, but he would.

I would like to dreenk a Shirlee Temple!


*BEEP*

Coming right up sir!

Zips over with a Shirley Temple


Acme Robot wrote:

*BEEP*

Right away sir!

Mixes a Drano and tonic for the acidy rabbit

The rabbit takes the shot and throws it down, being very careful not to brush up against Acme Robot's drink handling appendage

*HICCUP*

Appreciated, thanks.


MJ looks over at the French Chef

Hey Frenchie! Hows about breaking in the new Viking Grill? Maybe some Franch Fries or some Franch bread?

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