paizo.com Recent Posts in Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow Protectorpaizo.com Recent Posts in Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow Protector2012-11-15T21:55:05Z2012-11-15T21:55:05ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorJoao Beraldohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#422009-02-20T02:39:43Z2009-02-20T02:39:11Z<p>Well, the round is over, but would you guys and girls give me a hand in improving my skills? I did a rewriting of Boemundo's presentation, still within Round 2/3 rules. Id love to get some feedback. Thanks in advance!</p>
<p>————————————
<br />
————————————
<br />
<b>Boemundo, Shadow Commander</b>
<br />
male wraith fighter 10th
<br />
<i>“Boemundo's vow to defend this city is stronger than death. And the people rejoiced.”</i>
<br />
<b>Description:</b>
<br />
For many years, nobleman Boemundo diForenzzi kept the city of Brenno free of the raids that plagued other cities at northern Lastwall. It could not be different when the Twisted Nail orc tribe arrived at Brenno's gates, bringing siege engines and spell-enhanced warriors. Boemundo could hold until help from nearby cities arrived. But it never came.
<br />
Making true his vow of keeping Brenno forever free, Boemundo search his library for a solution. It came in the words of a Pathfinder: Heart of Oblivion. Brenno's arcanists crafted the stone and, while they warned Boemundo of the it's dangers, the garrison commander lead a raid at the enemy camp. The Heart gave them their victory, but greedly took their lives.
<br />
The dark essence that is Boemundo takes the shape of a translucent black armored emaciated man whose face is eternally hidden inside a helmet. His prized sword, now part of himself, hangs on his belt. As he walks, his body dissolve in smoke. Through his chest a black stone can be seen, pulsing with greenish energy where his heart should have been. Unnatural cold seems to follow Boemundo and magic appears to fail at his presence.</p>
<p><b>Motivations/Goals:</b>
<br />
While most wraiths exist only to destroy life and light, the cursed stone that took his life and others seem to have allowed unliving Boemundo to remain true to his former self. Boemundo still vows to protect his city, no matter what. It did, though, confuse him. Boemundo became obsessed with what he considers the most dangerous threat to Brenno: magic.</p>
<p><b>Schemes/Plots:</b>
<br />
Boemundo vowed to defend the city, no matter what. Retaining an tactician's mind that knows each hidden spot in the city, the wraith devised a plan to retake command of the city garrison. Boemundo began to eliminate those he considers damaging to the city, no matter if it is a common criminal, an outspoken personality or apprentice wizard. Those who fall become part of his increasing shadow army.
<br />
While rumors of the truth behind these disappearances already run the streets of Brenno, little has been done about it. That because many see Boemundo's cleansing of the city a blessing. What few know is that Ellis Andandi, former second-in-command of the city garrison, has pledged her loyalty to the undead Boemundo and intends to help him make Brenno safe, even if it means hunting down all spellcasters in the country.</p>
<p><b>Adventure Hooks</b>
<br />
- Someone has been assassinating powerful wizards all over Lastwall. The assassins seem to be somehow impervious to their victim's magic.
<br />
- Members of a merchant house recently assigned to Brenno have disapeared without notice.
<br />
- An army marches out of Brenno. Composed of living soldiers and wraiths, it heads to the Gallowspire, where Boemundo intends to destroy the greatest source of magic in Golarion: the Whispering Tyrant. Break the seal is the first step of the plan.</p>Well, the round is over, but would you guys and girls give me a hand in improving my skills? I did a rewriting of Boemundo's presentation, still within Round 2/3 rules. Id love to get some feedback. Thanks in advance!
------------------------
------------------------
Boemundo, Shadow Commander
male wraith fighter 10th
“Boemundo's vow to defend this city is stronger than death. And the people rejoiced.”
Description:
For many years, nobleman Boemundo diForenzzi kept the city of Brenno free of...Joao Beraldo2009-02-20T02:39:11ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow Protectorroguerougehttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#412009-02-18T12:52:18Z2009-02-18T12:52:17Z<p>I agree that one of the things Jason and the Paizo gang should be taking away from this round is a raft of clarifications and presentation changes to make high level play clearer. DnD is finicky as a rules set, but clarity in their presentation is going to be key.</p>I agree that one of the things Jason and the Paizo gang should be taking away from this round is a raft of clarifications and presentation changes to make high level play clearer. DnD is finicky as a rules set, but clarity in their presentation is going to be key.roguerouge2009-02-18T12:52:17ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorJoao Beraldohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#402009-02-18T12:30:32Z2009-02-18T12:30:32Z<p>I guess its time to start talking ;)</p>
<p>First, thanks everyone for the comments and Paizo for the opportunity. I hope next year I'm not so neck deep in creative work so that I can actually put more of my mind into the competition. ;)</p>
<p>(Ask me someday what Ive been working on in the last few months during the contest to have an idea of what is a workaholic with a fiction/games job ;))</p>
<p>Now, I confess I wasn't so excited about this round. My submissions (especially after Round 1) were pretty much bashed, even if there were those who like it. Now, Im not complaining. If anyone is to blame, its myself.</p>
<p>On a self-analysis of the situation in the last few days, I came to the following conclusions that I hope will help improve my work:</p>
<p>- Presentation: Im used to writing a lot. I mean, A LOT. What that means is that I few it is a bit harder to put a great villain in few words. On Round 2, I expected that, since Boemundo is an undead, much of his origin and how he became a wraith, would explain who he was. Thats how undead works, after all. But I had a big mistake: I included the sentence "much of his memory was corrupted" or something like that. What I ment from the start was that his mind was corrupted and not that he forgot things. My big mistake, as many said I created a background, then threw it in the trash. What makes it clear is that, in fact, Round 2 and Round 3 Boemundo were EXACTLY the same. I didn't recreate the character. I just recreate his presentation form. In the end, both were lacking. I've written a new version at home, which I'll post later in this thread.</p>
<p>- Knowing the rules: My biggest mistake on Round 3 was taking for granted things on 3.5 that were not the same on Pathfinder. The big issue being Turning. When I realized a wraith had only +2 Turn resistance, I figured it would be necessary to add something extra or any low-level cleric would turn the advanture's villain in seconds. I ignored that turn resistance gave DR or that the undead's HD was added as difficulty. Also, I completelly missed the Charisma bonus to HP for undead. On this, I actually suggest Paizo to check on how that information is presented on the rules book. I had to do a search on the pdf to locate it, since its mentioned on a single line in the middle of a long text and no where else. I believe proof of it is that many people who commented here didn't know of it.</p>
<p>- Basic rules wraith: As I designed Boemundo for the first time, just as I read comments on the Heart of Oblivion, what I had in mind was Green Ronin's Advanced Bestiary wraith template. In that way, I create Boemundo's stats as a human fighter 10th, then added the template. It was a good CR 11 villain and working just like Jason mentioned it should. Then, came the Round rules: no outside sources. Damn! How was I supposed to do it? In the end, I had to go the other way around and make a Wraith Fighter 10th, which ended up CR 15, but too weak to be CR 15. After all, he didnt have the equipment 13-15th fighter should have. My too many rules ended up coming out of this.</p>
<p>- Game Master freedom: I'm a storyteller by heart. So, if something needs to be changed to work properly, I expect context to work. For example, why would Boemundo use his fighter feats with unarmed attacks if he was a fighter BEFORE he was a wraith? Because his sword is part of himself, as mentioned on his description. For him, he still IS attacking with his sword. On thinking of it later, I should have used this as a new rule. But it would still lack more, like his relation with hating magic.</p>
<p>- Rules interpretation: Touch attacks are described as an 'unarmed attack'. So, I concluded that a a feat or ability that was described as, say, weapon focus (unarmed) included touch. Especially because, as mentioned above, Boemundo see's himself using his sword and not simply touching people with his bare hands.</p>
<p>Well, thats it for now. Enough comments already! Ill post the new version of the presentation and, later, the version of the character I first envisioned, later tonight.</p>
<p>Again thanks everyone.</p>
<p>PS: Charles idea of writing something about Boemundo really gave me ideas... while it would be insane to fit it in my current writing schedule, I'm THAT workaholic... SO, could I write some Boemundo fiction and post it here (and only here) just like some fan fiction?</p>I guess its time to start talking ;)
First, thanks everyone for the comments and Paizo for the opportunity. I hope next year I'm not so neck deep in creative work so that I can actually put more of my mind into the competition. ;)
(Ask me someday what Ive been working on in the last few months during the contest to have an idea of what is a workaholic with a fiction/games job ;))
Now, I confess I wasn't so excited about this round. My submissions (especially after Round 1) were pretty much...Joao Beraldo2009-02-18T12:30:32ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow Protectorroguerougehttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#392009-02-18T04:20:07Z2009-02-18T04:20:06Z<p>Congratulations on your success! Sad that you can't advance farther this year, but you've still come a long way.</p>Congratulations on your success! Sad that you can't advance farther this year, but you've still come a long way.roguerouge2009-02-18T04:20:06ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCharles Evans 25https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#382009-02-17T23:27:04Z2009-02-17T23:27:04Z<p>Commiserations. The stat block was what really let you down, I suspect.
<br />
Maybe you have the basis of a novella here, if Paizo would agree to let you use the character? (After all I think he's their property now.) Even beyond commercial writing, there are always the fan fiction threads here on the boards....</p>Commiserations. The stat block was what really let you down, I suspect.
Maybe you have the basis of a novella here, if Paizo would agree to let you use the character? (After all I think he's their property now.) Even beyond commercial writing, there are always the fan fiction threads here on the boards....Charles Evans 252009-02-17T23:27:04ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorRuss Taylorhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#372009-02-16T20:49:07Z2009-02-16T20:49:07Z<p>The comments have mainly covered the problems with this guy. I think there's room in the game for a fighter wraith, and this foe might even have a place in my game, but as a villain and a contest entry, he's not a winner.</p>
<p>I suspect this was one of the squeakers into round 3, and unfortunately that called for really upping the game to make it into round 4. I do think it's a step up from round 2, but not a big enough step to go on.</p>The comments have mainly covered the problems with this guy. I think there's room in the game for a fighter wraith, and this foe might even have a place in my game, but as a villain and a contest entry, he's not a winner.
I suspect this was one of the squeakers into round 3, and unfortunately that called for really upping the game to make it into round 4. I do think it's a step up from round 2, but not a big enough step to go on.Russ Taylor2009-02-16T20:49:07ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCarl Flahertyhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#362009-02-16T01:08:04Z2009-02-16T01:07:42Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">jmberaldo wrote:</div><blockquote> PS1: Batman IS cool... (even if that never was my intention...) so... ;)</blockquote><p>Yes, it is true.
</p>
The Batman is very cool.
<br />
Batman is a very cool <b>HERO</b>.</p>jmberaldo wrote:PS1: Batman IS cool... (even if that never was my intention...) so... ;)
Yes, it is true.
The Batman is very cool.
Batman is a very cool HERO.Carl Flaherty2009-02-16T01:07:42ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCarl Flahertyhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#352009-02-15T00:43:13Z2009-02-15T00:43:13Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Charles Evans 25 wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Lord Fyre wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">William Senn wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Demiurge 1138 wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Jason Bulmahn wrote:</div><blockquote><br />
<br />
On to the stats, where I am seeing some issues. The hit points are wrong and do not take into account the fact that undead receive bonus hit points based on their Constitution. </blockquote>Wait... the undead get a Con score in Pathfinder now? Have I not been paying enough attention? </blockquote>He meant Charisma. </blockquote>They do? Where? (Can someone point me to a page reference?) </blockquote><p>Beta Playtest, Page 296, 'Step 6: Other Statistics'
</p>
</blockquote><p>You're right! :DCharles Evans 25 wrote:Lord Fyre wrote: William Senn wrote: Demiurge 1138 wrote: Jason Bulmahn wrote:
On to the stats, where I am seeing some issues. The hit points are wrong and do not take into account the fact that undead receive bonus hit points based on their Constitution.
Wait... the undead get a Con score in Pathfinder now? Have I not been paying enough attention? He meant Charisma. They do? Where? (Can someone point me to a page reference?) Beta Playtest, Page 296, 'Step 6: Other...Carl Flaherty2009-02-15T00:43:13ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCharles Evans 25https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#342009-02-15T00:36:59Z2009-02-15T00:36:58Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Lord Fyre wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">William Senn wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Demiurge 1138 wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Jason Bulmahn wrote:</div><blockquote><br />
<br />
On to the stats, where I am seeing some issues. The hit points are wrong and do not take into account the fact that undead receive bonus hit points based on their Constitution. </blockquote>Wait... the undead get a Con score in Pathfinder now? Have I not been paying enough attention? </blockquote>He meant Charisma. </blockquote>They do? Where? (Can someone point me to a page reference?) </blockquote><p>Beta Playtest, Page 296, 'Step 6: Other Statistics'Lord Fyre wrote:William Senn wrote: Demiurge 1138 wrote: Jason Bulmahn wrote:
On to the stats, where I am seeing some issues. The hit points are wrong and do not take into account the fact that undead receive bonus hit points based on their Constitution.
Wait... the undead get a Con score in Pathfinder now? Have I not been paying enough attention? He meant Charisma. They do? Where? (Can someone point me to a page reference?) Beta Playtest, Page 296, 'Step 6: Other Statistics'Charles Evans 252009-02-15T00:36:58ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCarl Flahertyhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#332009-02-15T00:19:17Z2009-02-15T00:19:17Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">William Senn wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Demiurge 1138 wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Jason Bulmahn wrote:</div><blockquote><br />
<br />
On to the stats, where I am seeing some issues. The hit points are wrong and do not take into account the fact that undead receive bonus hit points based on their Constitution. </blockquote>Wait... the undead get a Con score in Pathfinder now? Have I not been paying enough attention? </blockquote>He meant Charisma. </blockquote><p>They do? Where? (Can someone point me to a page reference?)William Senn wrote:Demiurge 1138 wrote: Jason Bulmahn wrote:
On to the stats, where I am seeing some issues. The hit points are wrong and do not take into account the fact that undead receive bonus hit points based on their Constitution.
Wait... the undead get a Con score in Pathfinder now? Have I not been paying enough attention? He meant Charisma. They do? Where? (Can someone point me to a page reference?)Carl Flaherty2009-02-15T00:19:17ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCarl Flahertyhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#322009-02-15T00:05:38Z2009-02-14T23:58:25Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">David Lowery wrote:</div><blockquote><p>The stats for incorporeal touch are incorrect, as you added unarmed attack bonuses. Another new rules element?</p>
<p>Hit points appear to be off. CR should be level -2.</blockquote><p>Incorrect.
<p>He added the Wraith's "racial" hit dice, so Boemundo does not get the -2 CR discount. :)</p>
<p>So, this would not be a rules problem.</p>David Lowery wrote:The stats for incorporeal touch are incorrect, as you added unarmed attack bonuses. Another new rules element?
Hit points appear to be off. CR should be level -2.
Incorrect. He added the Wraith's "racial" hit dice, so Boemundo does not get the -2 CR discount. :)
So, this would not be a rules problem.Carl Flaherty2009-02-14T23:58:25ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorDavid Loweryhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#312009-02-14T23:53:16Z2009-02-14T23:53:16Z<p>I don't recommend this submission for advancement.</p>
<p>I like the concept of a wraith-fighter. I don't feel you did a very good job of presenting the character.</p>
<p>I'm not as down on the back story as others appear to be. The PCs would most likely have to be in town to be affected by this character, but that's true of many villains. However, the story should pack more of a punch. The tactics seem lame.</p>
<p>You do not have a new rules element, or at least it isn't properly identified as such. But you have four new rules elements (see previous comments), which is against the rules.</p>
<p>The stats for incorporeal touch are incorrect, as you added unarmed attack bonuses. Another new rules element?</p>
<p>Hit points appear to be off. CR should be level -2.</p>
<p>You are not allowed to post comments re your submission. You lost my vote right there.</p>I don't recommend this submission for advancement.
I like the concept of a wraith-fighter. I don't feel you did a very good job of presenting the character.
I'm not as down on the back story as others appear to be. The PCs would most likely have to be in town to be affected by this character, but that's true of many villains. However, the story should pack more of a punch. The tactics seem lame.
You do not have a new rules element, or at least it isn't properly identified as such. But you...David Lowery2009-02-14T23:53:16ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorJoao Beraldohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#302009-02-14T21:16:36Z2009-02-14T21:16:36Z<p>Good or bad, keep posting your comments! As long as it is as constructive as the ones posted so far, it will be greatly appreciated!</p>Good or bad, keep posting your comments! As long as it is as constructive as the ones posted so far, it will be greatly appreciated!Joao Beraldo2009-02-14T21:16:36ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorKobold Catgirlhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#292009-02-14T03:00:36Z2009-02-14T03:00:36Z<p>This is pretty cool, I really like how you did this. The backstory's a bit too short, I would have enjoyed some more details, though. Like, who was Boemundo before he became a wraith? How did he change? Did he have family?
<br />
Just general feedback.</p>This is pretty cool, I really like how you did this. The backstory's a bit too short, I would have enjoyed some more details, though. Like, who was Boemundo before he became a wraith? How did he change? Did he have family?
Just general feedback.Kobold Catgirl2009-02-14T03:00:36ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCharles Evans 25https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#282009-02-14T02:02:39Z2009-02-14T02:01:14Z<p>I like the modified description and background; it is an intriguing story.... BUT, as much as by improvements in the background, I am judging this round on execution of the stat block, and all those absent feats and the failure to apply Boemundo's Charisma bonus to the hit points hurt the stat block presentation. </p>
<p>Boemundo goes into the pile of villans who have to wait for the priority ones to be awarded my votes before they get their chance at any of my Round 3 votes left; and at this late stage in my read through, I think that that means that Boemundo will not get one of my votes in this round. </p>
<p>I would have liked to see you in the final - you seem to me to have imagination and originality - but handling the mechanics of the game does not appear to be your strong point.
<br />
I hope that this is because it is a new rules set to you, and once you are familiar enough with it, you will be up there with the best of them. </p>
<p>Best wishes for the future. </p>
<p>Charles Evans.</p>I like the modified description and background; it is an intriguing story.... BUT, as much as by improvements in the background, I am judging this round on execution of the stat block, and all those absent feats and the failure to apply Boemundo's Charisma bonus to the hit points hurt the stat block presentation.
Boemundo goes into the pile of villans who have to wait for the priority ones to be awarded my votes before they get their chance at any of my Round 3 votes left; and at this late...Charles Evans 252009-02-14T02:01:14ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow Protectorcwslyclghhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#272009-02-13T19:14:43Z2009-02-13T19:14:42Z<p>He just doesn't seem like a villain to me, and that is why I did not vote for him... although I think that he would be a cool concept as an NPC. You also introduced several new rule elements most of which were pretty cool, and then chose to list probably the least cool one as your new rule element, which left me scratching my head.</p>
<p>Sorry and Good Luck.</p>He just doesn't seem like a villain to me, and that is why I did not vote for him... although I think that he would be a cool concept as an NPC. You also introduced several new rule elements most of which were pretty cool, and then chose to list probably the least cool one as your new rule element, which left me scratching my head.
Sorry and Good Luck.cwslyclgh2009-02-13T19:14:42ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCarl Flahertyhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#262009-02-13T05:24:39Z2009-02-13T05:24:39Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Clark Peterson wrote:</div><blockquote><p> Is there ever going to be a point when, after NUMEROUS WARNINGS, we actually see a contestant get DQ'd for discussing his submission?</p>
<p>I cant even count how many times its happened this year and this is one of the most egregious...</p>
<p>It's not my call, but if it was I would hit the DQ button on you right now and not even think twice. </blockquote><p>I believe that I said elsewhere that I am a big fan of "Rules Compliance."
<p>That, and that alone is enough to keep me from voting for you. - And, no I had not actually checked through all of your statistics. :(</p>Clark Peterson wrote:Is there ever going to be a point when, after NUMEROUS WARNINGS, we actually see a contestant get DQ'd for discussing his submission?
I cant even count how many times its happened this year and this is one of the most egregious...
It's not my call, but if it was I would hit the DQ button on you right now and not even think twice.
I believe that I said elsewhere that I am a big fan of "Rules Compliance." That, and that alone is enough to keep me from voting for you. -...Carl Flaherty2009-02-13T05:24:39ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorSteven Helthttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#252009-02-13T05:08:00Z2009-02-13T05:08:00Z<p>Hey - to clarify: I get that he is a magical being in the sense that he is a wraith, he is undead, etc. I know that means he can't be dispelled, and that the magical prohibition does not create some implosive dichotomy. So the idea of destroying all magic doesn't necessarily mean himself or undead at all.</p>
<p>I still don't buy him, but I didn't want to be equivocated if that become part of the conversation.</p>Hey - to clarify: I get that he is a magical being in the sense that he is a wraith, he is undead, etc. I know that means he can't be dispelled, and that the magical prohibition does not create some implosive dichotomy. So the idea of destroying all magic doesn't necessarily mean himself or undead at all.
I still don't buy him, but I didn't want to be equivocated if that become part of the conversation.Steven Helt2009-02-13T05:08:00ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorSteven Helthttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#242009-02-13T05:03:09Z2009-02-13T05:03:09Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Charles Evans 25 wrote:</div><blockquote> With regard to Boemundo as a 'Batman' of Brenno, I'm not seeing the comparison myself, since as far as I know Batman doesn't kill living humans in defence of Gotham - not even madmen like the Joker. </blockquote><p>We all know the analogy only goes so far, big guy.Charles Evans 25 wrote:With regard to Boemundo as a 'Batman' of Brenno, I'm not seeing the comparison myself, since as far as I know Batman doesn't kill living humans in defence of Gotham - not even madmen like the Joker.
We all know the analogy only goes so far, big guy.Steven Helt2009-02-13T05:03:09ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorJoel Flankhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#232009-02-13T03:30:49Z2009-02-13T03:30:49Z<p>Well, I wasn't a big fan of Boemundo last round, but I've taken a fresh look. Unfortunately, I don't see a big improvement here. One of the things I actually liked about him last round was that he had the Heart of Oblivion. Yes, he was too much backstory for the item, but for the stat block round, I would have wanted to see it used effectively by him. Now it seems like it's just a bit of random description for him. Also, using it would have saved you from needing to add too many new rules bits. You wouldn't have needed the magic bane quality, for instance.</p>
<p>Also, the description had a line that really didn't work for me. "His prized longsword hangs on his belt, now an extension of his hands." So, is his sword hanging on his belt, or is it permanently in his hands as an extension of them? Also, this guy is a small time thinker, going after individual sources of magic. At the level he's at, he needs some master plan that would drain all magic from the world (ironically destroying himself in the process, since wraiths are magical.) This would also go a long way from making him a local bad guy that isn't really that villainous in the first place, to a threat that would draw the PCs and other do-gooders to him.</p>
<p>As for the stat block itself? Well, as a mainly fighter type, there's not as much extra stuff to include, so what you've got should be near perfect. Unfortunately, that's not the case. As already mentioned by others, the missing feats, the feats that should have been picked as a human before becoming a wraith, the skills not including the +3 class skill bonus (also your diplomacy skill includes an incorrect +8 wraith modifier). </p>
<p>The new feat is fine, I guess, but not very exciting. Certainly nothing that's grabbing my attention for a vote. </p>
<p>My biggest gripe about the entry though is that this is supposed to be a tactical genius, and has a 16 Int. Why then is he stupid enough to want to break the seals on the Whispering Tyrant and let loose the worse magical threat he possibly can on the world? He should know that this guy killed the handmaiden of a GOD, and is way out of Boemundo's league.</p>Well, I wasn't a big fan of Boemundo last round, but I've taken a fresh look. Unfortunately, I don't see a big improvement here. One of the things I actually liked about him last round was that he had the Heart of Oblivion. Yes, he was too much backstory for the item, but for the stat block round, I would have wanted to see it used effectively by him. Now it seems like it's just a bit of random description for him. Also, using it would have saved you from needing to add too many new rules...Joel Flank2009-02-13T03:30:49ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorCharles Evans 25https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#222009-02-13T03:11:18Z2009-02-13T03:10:40Z<p>With regard to Boemundo as a 'Batman' of Brenno, I'm not seeing the comparison myself, since as far as I know Batman doesn't kill living humans in defence of Gotham - not even madmen like the Joker.</p>With regard to Boemundo as a 'Batman' of Brenno, I'm not seeing the comparison myself, since as far as I know Batman doesn't kill living humans in defence of Gotham - not even madmen like the Joker.Charles Evans 252009-02-13T03:10:40ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorJoao Beraldohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#212009-02-13T02:44:43Z2009-02-13T02:44:43Z<p>Thank you all for your comments. It has done a lot to help me think of villain presentation and development. I hope I get more feedback out of this submission so I can keep improving my work. Thanks!</p>Thank you all for your comments. It has done a lot to help me think of villain presentation and development. I hope I get more feedback out of this submission so I can keep improving my work. Thanks!Joao Beraldo2009-02-13T02:44:43ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorGarrick (alias of Galen Palmer)https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#202009-02-12T20:54:29Z2009-02-12T20:54:28Z<p>This may go a little far afield from the Superstar discussion, but as a campaign element I really like this submission. I'll admit I never thought of a wraith as the primary, intelligent foe for the party. In particular, the mental image of a mixed party of wraiths and human soldiers is striking to me and I think at least one city of my campaign world is going to gain a "wraith protector". Good job.</p>This may go a little far afield from the Superstar discussion, but as a campaign element I really like this submission. I'll admit I never thought of a wraith as the primary, intelligent foe for the party. In particular, the mental image of a mixed party of wraiths and human soldiers is striking to me and I think at least one city of my campaign world is going to gain a "wraith protector". Good job.Garrick (alias of Galen Palmer)2009-02-12T20:54:28ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorSteven Helthttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#192009-02-12T20:11:37Z2009-02-12T20:11:37Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Clark Peterson wrote:</div><blockquote><p> Is there ever going to be a point when, after NUMEROUS WARNINGS, we actually see a contestant get DQ'd for discussing his submission?</p>
<p>I cant even count how many times its happened this year and this is one of the most egregious...</p>
<p>It's not my call, but if it was I would hit the DQ button on you right now and not even think twice. </blockquote><p>I've been wondering that myself. TO be sure, the first contestant thrown out will have no one to blame but himself!Clark Peterson wrote:Is there ever going to be a point when, after NUMEROUS WARNINGS, we actually see a contestant get DQ'd for discussing his submission?
I cant even count how many times its happened this year and this is one of the most egregious...
It's not my call, but if it was I would hit the DQ button on you right now and not even think twice.
I've been wondering that myself. TO be sure, the first contestant thrown out will have no one to blame but himself!Steven Helt2009-02-12T20:11:37ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Create a villain stat block: Boemundo, Brenno's Shadow ProtectorSteven Helthttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2j9tt?Boemundo-Brennos-Shadow-Protector#182009-02-12T20:10:41Z2009-02-12T20:10:41Z<p>Congratulations on Superstar '09 Top 16!</p>
<p><b>Growth</b>
<br />
So....his name is still Boemundo. You kept the worse part of your entry for round 2, and you took away a lot of his spooky hate to make him defender of the people. You unvillained him. Your rewrite doesn't do you any favors - it's choppy and rushed. It's less like a rewrite, and more like you deleted sentences to have less back story. You could have done what you were trying for better than you did.</p>
<p>Uh...there's a part of me that thinks names should play an important role in development of NPC stories. Kind of like good names in L5R marking a character for greatness. In this case, I recommend a guy name Beomundo not go anywhere near a place called Gallowspire, in order to take on someone called the Whispering Tyrant. The naming conventions alone have more hit dice and higher AC than Boemundo. I hope you learn from that. A great name makes a villain fearsome, or gets made fun of for an entire minicampaign.</p>
<p>"It isn't that the mayor is afraid of the wraith" Really? I think the mayor of Tulsa would be pretty terrified of a CR 13 (not 15) wraith. You could get this point across better. The fact that no one is afraid of it underscores the point that it isn't a villain. It's like batman. Sure he can break you and make you cry, but he's there for the people, man!</p>
<p><b>Mechanics</b>
<br />
-A monster does not get reiterative attacks with its natural weapons. Bo would only have one high attack due to his BAB. Also, the feats should be called Weapon Focus: Touch. Finally, did Bo have those feats when he became a wraith? I suppose he could have retrained them, but then does his weapon training assume touch attacks, too?
<br />
-As an unarmed, incorporeal creature, Boemundo has essentially no combat maneuver bonus, right? He can't trip/disarm/bull rush or be tripped/disarmed/bull rushed.
<br />
-Turn resistance of +9 is prety munchkinny. I hate it when an undead villain just gets nuked by a lucky roll as much as the next guy. And now I'm wondering how turn resistance applies in the Pathfinder game. Maybe ablates 9 points of damage and gives Bo +9 to his save?
<br />
-So....magic bane may only be used to cast a spell during the same turn he has already taken a standard action. If you want to make the <i>spell turning</i> ability a swift action or something,you shuld say so. But first, pretend you're DMing a party. You permanently drain 6 points of Con and send the next spell cast on you back onto the caster. No way to make friends, eh?
<br />
-So, the guy who hates all magic, sacrifices one of his living companions, in order to cast a spell.
<br />
-"For Brenno" should be written better, but then it shouldn't exist at all. When you become undead, you have to give some things up. Bravery and a day job should have been among them. Turn two or four disadvantages into advantages, and you risk making his CR a poor representation of the challenge he poses.</p>
<p><b>New Hotness</b>
<br />
I kind of dig the feat, as it foresee its use on benevolent spirits and cursed haunts alike. It might not be all the way up to Superstar level, but that's not the real failing of your entry.</p>
<p><b>Overall</b>
<br />
You unveiled an unvillain, and I am still unimpressed. I still don't buy that someone relies on magic going into a fight, and then comes out hating and distrusting all magic just because he lost. At Int 16 and Wis 14, he doesn't get that the stone did this to him? Does he not think of himself as a magical being? I know what Clark says about your new feat, but I really think this is the most shallow part of your villain.</p>Congratulations on Superstar '09 Top 16!
Growth
So....his name is still Boemundo. You kept the worse part of your entry for round 2, and you took away a lot of his spooky hate to make him defender of the people. You unvillained him. Your rewrite doesn't do you any favors - it's choppy and rushed. It's less like a rewrite, and more like you deleted sentences to have less back story. You could have done what you were trying for better than you did.
Uh...there's a part of me that thinks names...Steven Helt2009-02-12T20:10:41Z