Gag Villains!


RPG Superstar™ 2009 General Discussion

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32

Right now I should be working: real work, work on my stat block [just in case], chores, whatever. Instead, I've decided to waste everyone's time with a gag villain thread.

For some reason, all of the feedback for the various villains coalesced in my head and gave rise to this idea for a gag villain. I read a lot of judge comments along the lines of, "Your villain is only ambiguously evil and presents the PCs with cliched moral quandries; we want villains that are truly evil and force the PCs into deadly challenges." I especially got the impression that Clark wanted to see mean villains who are driven by an obsession of some sort, and so I present:

Maetros Skrudge, Aspiring Overlord
Human Male Rogue 1/Druid 1

Description
Maetros is a handsome, charming, well-dressed young man of refined taste and obvious good breeding. He is heir to a once-powerful merchant family in a major port city, but his family's fortunes have been in steady decline for decades: under his grandfather's leadership, Skrudge Shipping dominated the sea lanes, but Maetros' father made a steady string of bad business descisions. At his father's death, Maetros inherited only a handful of cargo ships, but has since begun to build the company back up again. At first he blamed his father for the family's decline, but soon after his father's death he realized the truth when he became the new target for his mother's incessant, inane nagging. In response, he committed his first act of true evil: he sent her off to the infamous "Swettshuap Home for the Elderly," where she spends her waning days churning out bedrolls, travel cloaks, and other sundry adventuring supplies that nobody ever actually gives any thought to. He never writes or visits her, especially not on her birthday.

Motivations/Goals
Maetros wants more than the simple dominance Skrudge Shipping enjoyed under his grandfather: he wants complete and utter control of all of the sea lanes and waterways in the entire world. Although he is a very skilled and ruthless businessman, he knows that business acumen alone will not be enough to realize his dream of global monopoly, and so he has decided to take extraordinary measures: he is training sea-creatures to attack rival vessels so that his ships will be the only ones able to travel safely. He has been secretly training sharks in a hidden grotto outside of town; soon, he will begin trials in the local harbor. If successful, he will move on to more amibtious projects like giant squids. In order to make them more obedient and aggressive, he feeds his sharks with kittens. He steals the kittens from little girls...on their birthdays. If birthday-present kittens are in short supply, he feeds the sharks with rabbits bred for their unusually large and round eyes.

Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks


  • Being first-level characters, the party has decided to take on a task with appropriate difficulty and risk: monitoring the petting zoo animals at a little girl's birthday party. They notice a masked intruder sneaking in to steal the birthday girl's new kitten.
  • Maetros sees the adventurers at the local tavern. Being a bit paranoid, he assumes (incorrectly) that thay have come to town for the specific purpose of investigating the recent rise in shark attacks. He hatches an elaborate plot to lure them out to his grotto, sneak up behind them, and shove them into his shark pool. He hires a small group of thugs to attack the party and gives their leader a note with hints leading back to the hidden grotto.
  • The next time the characters travel by water, for whatever reason, no matter how briefly, they are attacked by sharks. Lots of sharks. Even if it's fresh water. After the battle, they find a note on one of the dead sharks, with clues leading them back to the hidden grotto.
  • One of the party members buys a new piece of equipment and discovers a note hidden inside, which leads the party back to the Swettshuap Home for the Elderly, where a deranged old crone tells them the story of an evil young man bent on world domination, but first she chides them for tracking mud inside.

The worst part is, I suspect that Clark (well, lots of people, actually) will probably like this better than my actual submission...


Nice...I've been thinking about a gag villain but I haven't fleshed him all out yet. I'm thinking about creating a high level Cleric of Love...basically Ron Jeremy. His stat block will be interesting because he wll probably have to have split stats like endurance 14/18...14 upper body, 18 lower body. Its silly really but it gave me a laugh.


Wow, aspiring overlord is such an awesome title. And the kitten angle is so eeeevil. :) I would totally have voted for this.:)

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

No raccoons. Reject! :-)

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32

taig wrote:
No raccoons. Reject! :-)

Oooh! That gave me a really great idea for minions: he uses his half-fiend raccoon animal companion to kidnap the kittens and bring them back to him when he's too busy to steal them himself. I mean, half-fiend, half-dragon raccoon animal companion--you can't have enough templates, you know!

Liberty's Edge Contributor , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Lucas Jung wrote:
taig wrote:
No raccoons. Reject! :-)
Oooh! That gave me a really great idea for minions: he uses his half-fiend raccoon animal companion to kidnap the kittens and bring them back to him when he's too busy to steal them himself. I mean, half-fiend, half-dragon raccoon animal companion--you can't have enough templates, you know!

I don't know which violation is more egregious: commenting on your villain before voting is done or applying a metric ton of hackneyed templates.

But the raccoons negate all that. You get my vote.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16 aka NChance

taig wrote:
But the raccoons negate all that. You get my vote.

But you haven't heard mine yet! I plan on using the dire animal template from the Book of Templates in conjunction with the manimal template from Green Ronin's Advanced Bestiary to make R'kket Raccoon, a completely original character I came up with. And he'll be statted using my thaumaturge conversion from Erik Mona's Book of Fiends.

Do I get your vote now? :D

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32 aka Darrien

Lucas Jung wrote:


Maetros sees the adventurers at the local tavern. Being a bit paranoid, he assumes (incorrectly) that thay have come to town for the specific purpose of investigating the recent rise in shark attacks. He hatches an elaborate plot to lure them out to his grotto, sneak up behind them, and shove them into his shark pool. He hires a small group of thugs to attack the party and gives their leader a note with hints leading back to the hidden grotto.

The next time the characters travel by water, for whatever reason, no matter how briefly, they are attacked by sharks. Lots of sharks. Even if it's fresh water. After the battle, they find a note on one of the dead sharks, with clues leading them back to the hidden grotto.

Bolding is my emphasis.

This entry is definitely in my top 5. I love that the villain is supposed to be first level, but you could not resist the level of druid.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 aka amusingsn

I have to say, the shark having a note with clues leading back to the hidden grotto made me laugh in a very good way.

Liberty's Edge Contributor , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

NChance wrote:
taig wrote:
But the raccoons negate all that. You get my vote.

But you haven't heard mine yet! I plan on using the dire animal template from the Book of Templates in conjunction with the manimal template from Green Ronin's Advanced Bestiary to make R'kket Raccoon, a completely original character I came up with. And he'll be statted using my thaumaturge conversion from Erik Mona's Book of Fiends.

Do I get your vote now? :D

But, your R'kket Raccoon is a hero, not a villain. Now, if he switched his alliance from the Guardians of the Celestial (just to grab a name out of a hat), then you'd get my vote.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32 aka Aotrscommander

Actually, I'd seriously vote for that.

It irks me that everything always has to be so deadly serious. I like levity in my games (in fact it's been proven we cannot run a game without it even if we try to.) I stand by Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay as some of the best quest books I've ever encountered and they were full of humorous word-plays here and there, and more than a few funny villains. The way I see it, anything devoid of humour is infinity inferior to anything that splashes it in in approprite places. (Note: so long as it is not over-used, there are no inappropriate places for humour.)

A villain is as threatening as their game mechanics, ultimately. If the concept is awesome, but the mechanics are lame, you will fail to scare the PCs once combat starts.

On the otherhand, if the villain is a bit silly, but the mechanics are solid, you will have the joy of watching the PCs go from laughing or sneering to having an outright "oh crap!"

One can see the (1st level) PCs laughing themslevs silly at this little fop - right up until the point he says "Entangle!" while they're swimming...


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Well, if I’d entered the competition and got through to round 2, my villain would have been as follows: A two-foot tall gnome wizard, bald but with huge white sideburns, and wearing a red robe. Strangely, he’d have a human half-fiend son with one curved horn, and the pair would appear to be estranged, but really they are allies. The gnome is the most destructive villain ever, a manipulative mastermind who uses patsies in the form of teenaged “do-gooder” adventurers; he even gives such adventurers a magic item each, and convinces them to do his dirty work, (unwittingly) destroying centuries-old buildings.
I can’t think of a name for the gnome. Any ideas? ;-)

Spoiler:
OK, not really. I had another idea for a villain, but hopefully the above raised a few laughs.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka SmiloDan

If you gag a villain, he's just gonna use a Silenced spell!

Shadow Lodge

Alright, Gag vilan.... off the top of my head....

Arrow Smyth (Bard 6th level)
Before you stands a grungy looking figure; With dirty Performers clothing all worn with tears in the leggings. Arrow sports a hook wear his right hand used to be until he was caught with the Mayors daughter one nigt after a party at the local Pub. Messy long black hair a That is frizzy from to much head banging tops this contenually unremarkable man. What sets this man apart from other would be musicians is his uncanny ability to wail on his Lute.
Motivations/Goals
TO become a Musical God, caplable of Shwooning millruling millions of self concious teenagers.
* Teenagers are running amuk in the strets at night. Parents of the Village call in the PCs to find the source of this dibotchery.
* The Kings daughter is missing, last seen with a seedy young gentlman Leaving the scene of a tavern brawl turned riot. The kingdoms Heir.
* Korvosa is in an uproar as Mindless teenagers are Looting and destroying the City. Who could brainwash all these nice, obeadient children(according to their parents....)

Dedicated Voter Season 6

Daniel Simonson wrote:

Alright, Gag vilan.... off the top of my head....

Arrow Smyth (Bard 6th level)
Before you stands a grungy looking figure; With dirty Performers clothing all worn with tears in the leggings. Arrow sports a hook wear his right hand used to be until he was caught with the Mayors daughter one nigt after a party at the local Pub. Messy long black hair a That is frizzy from to much head banging tops this contenually unremarkable man. What sets this man apart from other would be musicians is his uncanny ability to wail on his Lute.
Motivations/Goals
TO become a Musical God, caplable of Shwooning millruling millions of self concious teenagers.
* Teenagers are running amuk in the strets at night. Parents of the Village call in the PCs to find the source of this dibotchery.
* The Kings daughter is missing, last seen with a seedy young gentlman Leaving the scene of a tavern brawl turned riot. The kingdoms Heir.
* Korvosa is in an uproar as Mindless teenagers are Looting and destroying the City. Who could brainwash all these nice, obeadient children(according to their parents....)

Pretty entertaining concept - however, I do hope the godawful spelling errors are deliberate ...

Shadow Lodge

Yeah, i have bad spelling. on top of that this is an old keyboard, and if you don't press hard enough then it doesn't take. I thought it was pretty funny, though.

Shadow Lodge

WOW, you were right, that was hoorible, even for me.... so i fixed it.

Arrow Smyth (Bard 6th level)
before you stands a grungy looking figure; with dirty Performers clothing all worn with tears in the leggings. Arrow sports a hook wear his right hand used to be until he was caught with the Mayors daughter one night after a party at the local Pub. Messy long black hair that is frizzy from to much head banging tops this continually unremarkable man. What sets this man apart from other would be musicians; is his uncanny ability to wail on his Lute.
Motivations/Goals
*TO become a Musical God, capable of beguile millions of self conscious teenagers. Teenagers are running amok in the streets at night. Parents of the Village call in the PCs to find the source of this debauchery.
* The Kings daughter is missing, last seen with a seedy young gentleman Leaving the scene of a tavern brawl turned riot. The kingdoms Heir.
* Korvosa is in an uproar as Mindless teenagers are Looting and destroying the City. Who could brainwash all these nice, obedient children(according to their parents....)


Here we go… (apologies for the UK spellings)

Captain Olaf

Spoiler:
Half fiend half-dragon [gold] dire goldfish male Sorcerer [Arcane bloodline] 14

Description
Captain Olaf is a dire goldfish whose golden scales and sleek silvery belly are perhaps a little brighter than those of the average dire goldfish, but his eyes are filled with an unmistakeable intelligence. He hates his unknown gold dragon father (whom Captain Olaf suspects to be the dragon Mengkare) with a passion for the casual way in which he was seduced by but then abandoned Captain Olaf’s innocent evil druid erinyes mother. Captain Olaf has sent several human lifetimes collecting the resources which he needs to avenge himself by enslaving every dragon on Golarion and forcing them to carry out humiliating tasks such as filling out his tax returns to the government of Cheliax (Captain Olaf is a Chelish citizen, has a military rank in their navy, and draws a regular salary from the majestrix’s coffers) and make them perform comic parts in Chelish opera.
Captain Olaf has a fine collection of naval cutlasses mounted on the walls of his quarters underneath the naval academy, and is often seen out and about wearing one (a dancing cutlass) in a special harness.
Captain Olaf is a ferocious and highly charismatic military leader, who inspires the marines and sailors under his command in battle, often using transformation and savaging enemies who fall into the water mercilessly, or using his spells to hole enemy ships below the waterline.
Captain Olaf is accompanied almost everywhere by his lieutenant, an awakened walrus blackguard of Asmodeus by the name of Black Erik. Black Erik lost an eye in a stiff fight off the coast of Qadira three summers ago, and now wears an eye-patch over his right eye.

Motivations/Goals
Captain Olaf is looking for the Rod of Krakilos, an arcane artefact which he is convinced will allow him to complete a complex machine he has been building for several decades which will send out thought waves that will enthral and then dominate every dragon on Golarion, forcing them to come to Cheliax to serve him.
Captain Olaf is fanatically loyal to the majestrix, and has hopes that one day his loyalty and service to Cheliax will be rewarded by the hand in marriage of one of the majestrix’s younger sisters.
Captain Olaf is also particularly interested in discovering any news about the doings of the gold dragon Mengkare; he wants to use Mengkare as the test subject for trial runs of his machine.

Schemes/Hooks/Adventure Hooks

  • Captain Olaf hires the unwitting PCs to travel to ruins for him to investigate rumours of the Rod of Krakilos. On the way the PCs must fight off waves of assassins hired by the rogue Andoren general Anthea the Grey, a silver dragon and former Andoren freedom fighter but now a cleric of Lamashtu who maintains her hatred of all things diabolic.
  • The PCs hear a rumour that the military genius who has been masterminding a series of raids against pirates on the Inner Sea is a druid who spends all his time in the shape of a goldfish and are sent to investigate by the ruler of an Inner Sea kingdom, to find out if he can be bribed away from serving the Chelish navy.
  • One of the PCs needs to retrieve a cutlass which currently resides in Captain Olaf’s collection, to either win a bet or break a curse.
  • Captain Olaf has heard rumours that a mythological demon of the utmost power and terror has been sighted in a Qadiran bazaar drinking tea and sharing buttered crumpets with the employee of the satrap who was responsible for the loss of Black Erik’s eye. They seemed to be discussing the sale of a Minkai tea-plantation. Captain Olaf implores that the PCs set aside any former hostilities and join with him in thwarting whatever unholy business may be under way.
  • Hopelessly over the word count, but I hope it’s fun…. :)

    RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32 aka Aotrscommander

    Is it wrong that I think that idea is so awesome that it's better than some - nay even many - of the actual serious villains? And indeed many pop culture villains?

    I mean, yes, he's an egomanical goldfish - but at the end of the day he's a goldfish who's going to kick the crap out of you. How scary is that?

    Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

    Aotrscommander wrote:

    Is it wrong that I think that idea is so awesome that it's better than some - nay even many - of the actual serious villains? And indeed many pop culture villains?

    I mean, yes, he's an egomanical goldfish - but at the end of the day he's a goldfish who's going to kick the crap out of you. How scary is that?

    I'd be much more concerned if he was going to kick the carp out of me.

    Contributor, RPG Superstar 2009, RPG Superstar Judgernaut

    taig wrote:
    I'd be much more concerned if he was going to kick the carp out of me.

    That might actually be useful if you're afflicted with this...

    ;-D
    --Neil

    Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

    NSpicer wrote:
    taig wrote:
    I'd be much more concerned if he was going to kick the carp out of me.

    That might actually be useful if you're afflicted with this...

    ;-D
    --Neil

    I sea your point.

    Shadow Lodge Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

    Hmm, a gag villian. Not to go into it but who likes the necromancer who thinks he's a bard? He isn't the undead army necromancer, though he does keep a few around for a band/guards. Since he thinks he's a bard all his spells are cast in a sing-song way.
    "You hear a whistle and get hit by magic missile!"
    or
    "The ray to you I sent, was of Enfeeblement!"
    So what do you think?

    RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka SmiloDan

    Dragonborn3 wrote:

    Hmm, a gag villian. Not to go into it but who likes the necromancer who thinks he's a bard? He isn't the undead army necromancer, though he does keep a few around for a band/guards. Since he thinks he's a bard all his spells are cast in a sing-song way.

    "You hear a whistle and get hit by magic missile!"
    or
    "The ray to you I sent, was of Enfeeblement!"
    So what do you think?

    It sounds like his heart is two sizes too small.

    So he is working on a heart enlarging ritual. Unfortunately for the test subjects, this causes their normal sized hearts to burts out of their chests, killing them. And are the enlarged hearts some kind of hideous cardiac golem? With snapping valves and squirts of acidic blood?

    Liberty's Edge Contributor , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

    SmiloDan wrote:
    Dragonborn3 wrote:

    Hmm, a gag villian. Not to go into it but who likes the necromancer who thinks he's a bard? He isn't the undead army necromancer, though he does keep a few around for a band/guards. Since he thinks he's a bard all his spells are cast in a sing-song way.

    "You hear a whistle and get hit by magic missile!"
    or
    "The ray to you I sent, was of Enfeeblement!"
    So what do you think?

    It sounds like his heart is two sizes too small.

    So he is working on a heart enlarging ritual. Unfortunately for the test subjects, this causes their normal sized hearts to burts out of their chests, killing them. And are the enlarged hearts some kind of hideous cardiac golem? With snapping valves and squirts of acidic blood?

    I think if Nick Logue were judging the villains, this would be on the top of his list...


    And another one. Sorry that it's another sorcerer, but it was the only class which I felt fitted in with the background which I wanted.

    Andros Pebwirth

    Spoiler:
    Male human undead (lich) Sorcerer [Arcane Bloodline] 16

    Description
    A tall gaunt skeleton, often clad in rags and carrying a farming implement of some sort, on more than one occasion Andros has been mistaken for the personification of death; indeed those who have got in the way of his single minded obsession have found him to be their own personal incarnation of death.
    Born into a farming family on a farm in Taldor, somewhere in young Andros’ family tree there was a wandering hedge-mage, and the adolescent Andros began to display outbursts of sorcerous power. In time he married, raised a family, and inherited the family farm, his innate abilities proving useful for business; but all the time his master-obsession was driving him slowly insane, and in the end he harnessed his natural talent for magic to take the path to lichdom, to be able to continue his researches towards his goal.
    One way or another those of his family who protested were silenced, and Andros resumed his studies. He prefers dominated or undead servants since they tend to shut up and follow his orders precisely as he gives them. He keeps a few distant living descendants around, if they show appropriate respect for his goals and desire to serve.
    Andros’ centre of operations remains the family farm in Taldor, which he protects with illusions and wards to keep unwanted visitors away.
    His phylactery is an ancient sundial that sits in the main yard of the farm; the shadow on the dial has not moved nor faded by day or night – not under stars, moon, or sun – ever since the moment that Andros became a lich.

    Goals/Motivations:
    Andros’ goal is neither more nor less than the breeding of the perfect turnip. Whilst once Andros may have had ideas of entrepreneurial advantage, or of feeding the masses, these notions have long since fallen away, leaving him only with the goal of breeding a turnip which will flourish anywhere, in any conditions, at any time of the year.
    And then he will improve it further, for ever larger specimens, with greater hardiness, and more seeds.
    And nothing – absolutely nothing – must stand in the way of this contribution to agriculture.

    Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks
    The PCs arrive at a town which is under assault from waves of called elementals and undead. Andros is convinced that the soil and aspect of the site is perfect for his latest turnip nursery, but the town and its inhabitants must be removed from the face of Golarion first.

    Trudging back to Alkenstar City, following their latest adventure, the PCs discover an enormous turnip with leaves reaching fifty feet into the air, in the middle of the Mana Wastes. This is one of Andros’ latest experiments, and attended by cacti awakened with Andros’ limited wishes to serve as its protectors.

    In the Inner Sea, the ship the PCs are travelling upon founders after striking a giant floating turnip – another of Andros’ experiments – this one with water elemental and marid protectors. The turnip’s guardians are not happy about the damage that the PC’s ship has caused to the turnip, and demand compensation in the form of treasure, magic, or slaves.

    One batch of turnips which Andros had been growing on a battlefield have begun to interact with the restless spirits of the unblessed dead in the area in a strange way, developing odd fungal growths, patches of metal plating, and roaming the area moaning and emitting a luminous glow every night of the full moon.

    Still over the official word count, but closer to it than the previous one....

    Shadow Lodge

    I have to say, if you cut out the Goals, and replace them with something credible, this is a pretty solid character description... unfortunately i do not think this guy qualifies as a Gag Villian, just incredibly narrow minded.:C


    Daniel Simonson wrote:
    I have to say, if you cut out the Goals, and replace them with something credible, this is a pretty solid character description... unfortunately i do not think this guy qualifies as a Gag Villian, just incredibly narrow minded.:C

    Well, I thought it was funny. And perfectly credible. Insane comes in many forms. One of them is turnips;)

    Then again, my husband always complains about my odd sense of humor...

    Dedicated Voter Season 6

    Gag villains eh? ^_^ Some entertaining ones here, for a certainty.

    RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32

    Charles Evans 25 wrote:

    And another one. Sorry that it's another sorcerer, but it was the only class which I felt fitted in with the background which I wanted.

    For some reason, while reading each of your submissions I heard the theme song to "Binky and the Brain" in my head. Both of your villains are very funny, but they also both possess the mechanics of great villains. Why is it that this thread keeps producing villains better than some of the top 32 (myself included) submitted?

    Captain Olaf is honestly a villain I would consider using; the only thing that gives me pause is the thought of what a nightmare his stat block would be. The only thing truly goofy about him is the fact that he is a goldfish, but even that is something a DM can use. The most obvious path would be to give him a serious Napoleon complex, but I think the better way would be to make him immune to ridicule because years of obvious bad jokes have inured him to it and because he suborns his ego to his goals. When adversaries laugh at him, he uses the extra time to his advantage, and they stop laughing in a hurry when he disabuses them of their preconceptions.


    1 person marked this as a favorite.

    Here we go with another over-the-top misfit, thrown together in about an hour. This one's more martial...

    Reginald Poncefoot III

    Spoiler:
    Gnome Male Barbarian 13
    Description
    A diminutive gnome with mad eyes, Reginald is generally dressed in spiked leather armour, and has a limp in his left leg, a reminder of the one fight he has ever lost. In an encounter he favours the use of a battleaxe in melee or a composite longbow at range with the latter having a draw that the average human would have trouble handling. Reginald and his mercenary company ‘The Gnome’s Rangers’ are based in the River Kingdoms, but might show up anywhere on the continent of Avistan, depending upon whom their current employer is.
    Brought up in the sleepy suburb of a Druman town, Reginald Poncefoot III seethed with an inner rage at what he perceived as the condescending treatment of everyone else by Druma’s ‘kallistocratic’ elite. At the first chance possible, he signed up with the Mercenary League – but only so that he could get out of the country. He made several trips with caravans around Avistan, but found that being confined at close quarters with an insufferably superior Druman merchant-lord whom he was supposed to be guarding was almost as bad as being stuck back at home in a country run by the smug b*****ds; one spring day, in the River Kingdoms, he finally snapped – he abandoned the caravan, to strike out on his own, but not before tipping off a couple of the local bandit chieftains as to the caravan’s next movements and the numbers and strengths of the defenders. He asked no fee for this information, but just that if they prevailed in any attack against the caravan that they torture the merchant to death as hideously as possible.
    For the next few years, Reginald toured the River Kingdoms, eventually ending up fighting in the gladiatorial arena of Tymon, where his inner fury and an often fatal habit of larger foes to underestimate someone of his size carried him through bout after bout, only on one occasion being bettered by a dwarven wrestler.
    Eventually, Reginald felt that he had earned enough money and acquired a big enough reputation to retire from the arena, and he formed his own mercenary company. Since then, Reginald’s band of River Kingdom misfits has been seen at various times about the battlefields and highways of Avistan, fighting anyone and everyone, depending on the demands of their current employer.
    Reginald has few qualms about hiring out for any job, and will pay his men out of his own pocket if necessary if a tempting mission against Druman interests presents itself.

    Goals/Motivations:
    Reginald wants very little, beyond continent-spanning acclaim for his prowess, a harem to rival that of any sultan, wealth enough to buy him a retirement so luxurious as to make even the most devout follower of the teachings of Kalistrade drool with envy, and the hideous death and torment of any of Druma’s merchant-lords who should cross his path (unless they are looking to sell-out even bigger merchant-lords). He affords grudging respect (and will keep his word) to anyone else who earns a living by the sword, who has ever fought with honour in a gladiatorial combat or for an employer (so long as a contract lasts), but has little trust or liking for anyone else and will happily betray or cheat them if it will advance his long-term goals to do so.
    Finally, whilst he respects the dwarf who beat him during his arena career, Reginald is eager for a rematch, and is constantly seeking for tidings of the dwarf and his doings. Until he has met him once more, Reginald is determined to refuse all magical cures for his limp, regarding it as a twisted way of honouring the only man or woman ever to defeat him. He has not seen or heard of the dwarf however since the fight.

    Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks:

  • A dragon whose agents the PCs have been interfering with hires Reginald and his band to ‘make my problem go away’. Reginald does his best to oblige.
  • Reginald contacts the PCs, wanting to fight one-on-one with a halfling or gnome PC, for the enchanted battleaxe or longbow that that character has in their possession. Reginald wants the weapon as a prize if he wins, but offers to pay gold equal to half the value of the item as his ransom if he loses (and the PC can keep the weapon).
  • A Druman contact that the PCs were supposed to be meeting in Tymon turns up dead in a ditch outside the city; the signs are that he met a violent death over a prolonged period, and the item which he had for the PCs is missing.
  • The daughter of a Taldan aristocrat has been abducted. A young woman of quietly assured beauty, the trail leads to the River Kingdoms and a gnome who is rumoured to be building a harem…
  • Shadow Lodge

    Well, your plot hooks are a little weak, but other then that, a very solid Gnome. He would deinately gotten one of my round two votes, as i had 1 that i didn't really have a good choice left for. This would have bumped off alot of fence riders.:)
    All in all, better than my gag vilian. Of course i was actually going for a Gag and not a plausible villian.


    And, whilst tidying up some loose ends, I came across this one and have finished him off. I think this one even came in under the word limit!
    Merik

    Spoiler:
    elf male adept 12 (Calistria)

    Description:
    Merik is a tall pale-skinned elf, with grey eyes, who lives in a house crafted from a giant toadstool in the swamps around the delta where the Sellen empties into the Inner Sea. Sometimes his toadstool house is on the Andoren side of the river; at others on the Taldan side. Merik moves it around depending on the seasons, which government is currently causing him more problems, and where the plants he deals with grow. His only constant companion in his life and work is his sorcerer pseudodragon cohort, Snarf, although visitors to the elf’s mushroom residence are frequent – for Merik is one of the most sought after drug-dealers at the eastern end of the Inner Sea. Day and night the elf plies his punt around the delta, harvesting herbs and fungi, to take them home for experimentation and brewing, before packaging up the latest refinement of his craft for some shady character from Katapesh or Absalom to collect. The insidious end results of Merik’s handiwork are spread around the Inner Sea, and in return for his packages Merik asks nothing of the crime-lords and pirates he deals with, save their protection if required and the occasional piece of equipment.

    Motivation/Goals:
    Merik loathes humanity. He regards the human species as a parasite, which needs to be removed from the face of Golarion, and sees himself as a physician helping to rid the planet of it. Fighting them directly with brute force of spells or steel is a foolish way to achieve the desired result to Merik’s mind however; direct conflict allows them to see him as an enemy, and to strike back straight at him. But pretending to be a servant, and working from a distance to feed the worst of humanity’s vices, helping individuals and society to destroy itself – that is the cunning way, that is the tricky way, that is Merik’s way…

    Plots/Schemes/Adventure Hooks:

  • People on the streets of Absalom are going crazy for the mysteriously addictive cookies imported from Taldor which are being sold by cute little orphan girls. The cookies come from Merik’s ovens, and are the elf’s latest crazy scheme to sow chaos via crime-lords.

  • During a freak blizzard pirates capture a grain ship sailing in the Inner Sea, and when the ransom is paid or the ship is rescued, it sails on to its destination. But the pirates were acting under the orders of a chief who owed Merik a favour, and the grain has been contaminated with an experimental drug…

  • After the brother of a patron of the PCs goes crazy at an orgy as a result of the latest fashionable drug to hit the parlours of Andoran, the PCs are hired to penetrate the criminal underworld, track down those responsible for the drug, and to put them out of business once and for all!
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