Kar-en-haris, Grand Master of Spies
Male human Rogue/Assassin 6/8
Description: 5'10", 160 lbs. Kar-en-haris is a nondescript man in his fifties, whose only significant traits are his dark hair, olive skin, and unusually fit appearance. He affects the garb and demeanor of a distinguished-looking scholar, though in fact he is the master of a wide network of spies, with agents in nations across Golarion. In private, his face takes on a sardonic and hard-bitten air and the formally mild eyes blaze.
Motivations/Goals: As the head of an entire branch of the mysterious Cabal of Moeris, he has worked for many years to increase both the Cabal's power as well as his own. The spy master prides himself as a subtle schemer, using only the minimum necessary force or resources to achieve his aims. Originally interested in the acquisition of worldly power, he has grown to enjoy the possession of secrets for their own sake. His greatest aim is the ultimate goal of the cult - the return of Moeris, the God-King of ancient Osirion, to the modern world. There is no doubt much power to be gained as the servant of a living god.
Schemes/Plots/Adventure Hooks: As the spy master for the cult, Kar-en-haris has many missions in motion at once. These include:
* Reconnaissance missions for nations against their foes.
* Infiltration and takeover of small organizations like merchant houses, guilds, and criminal gangs.
* Uncovering specific secrets about the powerful that might be used against them.
PCs can either be hired for these missions, or uncover and stop them in the course of their adventures.
Kar-en-haris constantly searches for the means to return Moeris to the land of the living. This requires:
* An individual with a strong bloodline connection to the ancient God-King.
* The ancient regalia of Osirion, or suitable duplicates.
* The complete Ritual of Rebirth, which exists only in fragments of "The Testament of Moeris", an ancient text possessed by the cult.
Kar-en-haris has these requirements mostly fulfilled, but needs a few more pieces:
* The putative head of the cult has the necessary bloodline, but Kar-en-haris worries that he may become intractable, or discover the secret behind the ritual. An alternate should be found and tracked, without the leader's knowledge.
* The current version of the ritual needs to be performed on someone descended from the bloodline of Moeris, to determine if it will work as intended. This could be a PC, or a PC's dependent.
* The last bit of regalia must be stolen from its current owner, a powerful noble of Cheliax. The noble might hire the PCs as guards or ask them to recover the valuable artifact.
Initial Impression: OK, a grand master of spies with a pretty good name. It’s got me interested.
Word Count: 447.
Concept (name, title, is it actually a villain?, overall design choices, playability): B-
The Good: Spies are cool and make for great storylines. The cultist angle is a good one. It elevates the simple spy to proportions that will bring him into conflict with the PCs. I like the “love of secrets” thing, as greed and power just gets kind of old.
The Bad: Why do people want nondescript villains in Superstar? I mean, I get it. But is that really the design choice you want to make? Just like last round was not an open call for magic items for a magic item book, this round is not an open call for villains. It is a round of RPG Superstar where your goal is to bring your best game and best work. Now I’m not saying it has to be gonzo, but D&D is a fantastic game full of magic and monsters. Same with fantasy and scifi literature and film. That’s not to say simple can’t work, it can. Imagine the Terminator as a submission. It would be pretty simple: “The Terminator, Cyborg Assassin 20. From a nightmare version of the future where humans are slaves and the world is run by machines, the Terminator has traveled back in time to kill the only group capable of changing the course of history and stopping its very creation—your PCs!” Now THAT is gut-wrenching and immediate. He is here to kill YOU. Go BIG and put your villains on a collision course with the PCs, head-on-car-wreck style. And don’t make it non-descript. Make you villain something that the developer and art director are drooling about. Make them absolutely giddy with the thought of doing the cover art with your bad guy on the cover. Picture the cover of this adventure using your villain when the PCs encounter this guy—in the forground we can see the backs of the PCs in various fighting positions and then beyond them, and framed by them dramatically, we see…a nondescript guy. Boring.
Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, quality of mandatory content-physical description, motivation/goal, scheme/plot, presence of any disqualification criteria): B-
The Good: There is some good info here. I normally don’t want short bullet points, but in this case they provide some information. And you definitely give us a PRESENT version of this villain. I have criticized others for handling this poorly, but you do it nicely. We know where he is at and what he is doing NOW, which is when the PCs will encounter him. You don’t spend precious words on what he did years ago, which is when the PCs will NOT encounter him.
The Bad: I think you short the description and motivations section, though I am going to cut you some slack because I think the plot hooks part includes info that really goes in motivation (the stuff about restoring the god, for instance). But still, this submission has weak organization. That doesn’t bode well for a Superstar.
Tilt (did it grab me?, is it unique and cool?, do I like it?, flavor and setting): C
In the end, this guy doesn’t excite me. It doesn’t make me say “oh, I’d love to run this villain in my home campaign!” A Superstar villain would have done that. I think had he been something other than a non-descript guy I would have been more interested.
Overall: C+
An interesting spymaster is hindered by some poor execution in the submission and a lack of Supserstar mojo.
Recommendation: I DO NOT recommend this villain submission for advancement, but I will admit you are right on the cusp. (Edit: I see above that Mr. Greenwood recommends this villain hesitantly. It’s hard to disagree with him, of course. It seems we were both on the cusp with this one, I was just on the other side slightly.)
From the guy who brought us the tryptich, which was well received by all the judges. Perhaps the voters will agree with Mr. Greenwood. And I certainly couldn’t blame them if they did. Good luck!
My esteemed co-judges have made all the comments that I was going to make.
I do not believe this villain lives up to his potential, at least not without some additional investment by the GM.
Rec: do not advance.
Kobold Press
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Ed's right and Clark's wrong on this one. The villain title is "Grand Master of Spies". I get that colorful villains are fun and classic in D&D, but so are the spidery manipulator villains. And this is a good one.
The reason this villain works is because of the cult connection. Kar-en-Haris has a clear, grounded motivation and concrete steps to achieve his aims. As a DM, I can use this villain design to ground an entire campaign, or to do a short series of adventures on a side trip to Osirion. And the god-cult? Pure villain gold! That is classic pulp adventure right there, neatly tied into Pathfinder canon!
I can't believe Clark doesn't like the shadowy villain angles. I love these hooks, and want to run adventures where the party hears about the Grandmaster -- and when they finally meet him, yes, he's a little mousey-looking. But the players don't care, because they know this is the bastard who thwarted them too often! The spymaster depends on that payoff, and that's here in a few hints. Could be stronger.
This is a fine example of the manipulator subtype of villain. I don't want to say it's original ('cause it's not), but it is well done. More than that, this classic villain type has awesome Pathfinder-specific goals (like the Triptych; your feel for the setting is a definite strength). If you want a designer who will absolutely nail down the Pathfinder element, here's your guy.
Recommendation Recommended to advance.
I like the goal of returning the Living God to power. Other than that... it sort of feels shadowy. I'm sure Kar-En-Haris would consider that a compliment, but I'd like more grippiness.
The name threw me immediately (Karen Harris?) but the rest of the entry was solid. I like the villain who runs a network of spies that my PCs have to fight through in order to get to him. I voted for Kar-En-Haris.
I love the combination of the spymaster concept with the cultist concept. It takes two heavily used cliches and mixes them together to create something new, but it stands as something that players will be able to look at and understand.
As other posters have noted, I would have liked to see something about Kar-En-Haris that hooked me. His position is awesome, but if I ran him in my own game, I'd be tempted to add something on to him. I understand that he's at his best when nondescript, but I'd be tempted to make him a doppleganger, or a lycanthrope -- something not visually apparent, but something that would give the final encounter with him a bit more spark.
CR
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8
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How does one pronounce "Kar-en-haris" I can't get past Karen Harris.
otherwise I see this is passable, I didn't have any strong reaction for or against it, which is it's downfall.
If the submitter described some rituals where this guy pulls a still beating heart from virgins in a vast underground Mayan like adventure, heck that would have been a nice touch, and endeared it more to me.
A level 14 character, in my opinion, should be doing more, starting to get cocky with his power.
Quick question while I ponder... Perhaps someone who follows the Osirion setting can tell me: don't the rulers have the ancient regalia of their nation?
How does one pronounce "Kar-en-haris" I can't get past Karen Harris.
I'll try: Kahr-enn-harice!
Change Moeris for Tzinche and his class levels for wizard levels and you have Karl Heinz-Vasimr from the enemy within campaign. I like it enough, especially the secrets for their own sake element, but i'm not thrilled. His name even seems a little similar...
RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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The name threw me immediately (Karen Harris?) but the rest of the entry was solid. I like the villain who runs a network of spies that my PCs have to fight through in order to get to him. I voted for Kar-En-Haris.
This was the first thing I thought when I read it.
Okay...I think a great villain is an NPC the DM wants to play. He gets a reaction out of our players. He was fun and we're not finished with him, yet. He has angles and we haven't seen them all.
I don't like Karen Harris that much - even though I do like the behind-the-scenes power in a good villain. But Mr. Greenwood is very right in that I am not in this guy's head, and therefore he is not in mine.
If you gave a couple fewer errands for his plans, and spent those words (plus the 50 you didn't spend), getting us into his thoghts and explaining why we want to throw this guy and/or his dead god at out players, it'd be a much stronger entry and not kind of cliche.
Now, after all that. The sixth villain in is the only one I'd say meets the definition. The design and writing could be better, but it's the best of both so far. Good luck to you.
Some people like lists - they drive me a little batty. Lists are meant to be shorthand for things to do, not an evocative and compelling description. I guess I like a little more story, a little less laundry list. I'm a fan of prose, which this entry is lacking.
I'm also a little wierded out by a spymaster who is also a cultist. My idea of spymasters is that they are gatherers of information to sell to the highest bidder, or to protect an obviously public figure. Cultists are shady and secret, and so is a spymaster, but I find it hard to reconcile their aims.
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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Reckless Ratings
Concept3
(Is this villain villainous?)
Content2
(Grammar, Format,Spelling, Etc.)
Coolness3
(Would my players be impressed by this? Am I?)
Credibility3
(Does the villain’s motives make sense?)
Clarity3
(How good a sense of how to stat this villain do we get?)
Scores out of 5 and completely based on my opinion only.
Total Score14
I like the fusion of cultist and spymaster. They seem to fit well together, and while the combination may be a tad overdone it can come in so many different flavors that I don't mind seeing it again. What I don't care for is a villain with the intent of returning another to power so that he can become the "... servant of a living god." That's not a villain, that's a henchman.
Lists usually aren't an issue for me, but all things in moderation. In this instance it's a tad overdone, and it overwhelms my senses with its organization and structure.
Spy master, got it. Cultist, got it. But the guy himself? I want more to be able to run him. I like to _know_ my villain, so I know why he does what he does, how he'll react and what to do when the players take the left turn at Albuquerque ... you almost have it, but it's missing stuff that I then have to add on. But he's sure intriguing ... for a guy named Karen :)
Does it grab me? No
Can I use it? Yes
End result: Maybe
I'm sorry, but this is a submission where I will steal the plot and create a catchier villain to implement it. Perhaps others will value the plot more than the character, but I can't give you my vote this round.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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The lists also left me cold - I wound up feeling like this was a trio of powerpoint slides. He's a decent and functional master spy, but I'm a little jaded on behind-the-scenes string pulling and plots to bring dead gods back to life. Nothing really *wrong* here, just fires that were not lit.
Good luck in the contest - it looks like you have fans, so obviously this worked for others. I think that if I vote for a spymaster, it'll go to Varrush instead.
This is probably being over-critical of me, as it's more of a "setting to character" fit concern.
I think the Red Mantis already fill this niche and probably would have eliminated him by now. I think I would have limited his control to a region, rather than world-wide.
Aside from that is was a decently written villain (aside from the name... Karen Haris... is that an ex-girlfriend of yours that you are trying to vilify?) :)
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Tilt: If it wasn’t for all the “he’ll try this, and still needs to do that” stuff, I’d want to nix this submission because I just don’t get to know the villain well enough. He’s a carefully-controlled, subtle, nondescript man - - and that leaves me yawning. So are all these stock-fantasy-cliché castle guards who stand motionless and expressionless at their posts for hours. Make me interested in Kar-en-haris. Please.
Mr.Greenwood says what first comes to my mind... and I am with him, except in the "nondescript man"... he is a Grand Master Spy... when I think of him i WANT to think in someone as unforgetable as lets say... Dr. No (recently read the book)
You see both of them... you might be able to forget Kar-En-Haris... but NOT Dr. No... or Le Shiffre...
as Mr. Logue does... at least give them something physical that makes them come to mind... he could use clues in his clothes about his real religion... most people would be unaware of the fact... hide things in plain sight... not under a cover of dust
I like how you work on Pathfinder's background and mood... its beautiful... but Kar-En-Haris... doesn't exactly do it for me
6/10
A thinking man's cultist right out of one of the Mummy movies. Still a bit of a stock character, but at least he has an agenda more interesting than "kill."
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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As others have said, he hits all of the basics, but doesn't go that far beyond that. In particular, I wasn't a big fan of his list of "stock missions" like being paid to spy on some other country. To me that read more like a description of what any spy master might do, not what Kar-en-haris does. Once you get to the laundry list of tasks needed for the god resurrection, now you're talking about his goals.
Also, while the name is on the bad side, I suck with names also, so you have my sympathies on that matter.
[rant]Also, I really hated this sentance "There is no doubt much power to be gained as the servant of a living god." In general, it felt out of place, but at the very least, get rid of "no doubt". "There is much power to be gained as the servant of a living god." is much better. No Doubt had some good songs, but it isn't needed in a villain description. Similarly, "obvious" and "anyone can see" aren't needed. Anything that has no doubt about it, or is obvious doesn't need the writer to tell the reader so. If there's no doubt, then it should be clear enough without you pointint it out. [/rant]
The name threw me immediately (Karen Harris?)
No kidding! It totally made me think of Kathryn Harris (from Florida) and there's no way I'm voting for her. Not a bad spy guy. I think we had one last year. But he's not that memorable. Nothing really sticks out for me.
Good luck!
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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The name threw me immediately (Karen Harris?) but the rest of the entry was solid. I like the villain who runs a network of spies that my PCs have to fight through in order to get to him. I voted for Kar-En-Haris.
That's what I was thinking as well. Former Florida attorney general as a spymaster? I guess it makes sense. And she does look kinda like a dude. But...
I dunno. This one fulfills all the requirements except the one of exciting me. It focused on the villain's present and future and lays out his plans and methods in extensive (if sparsely written) lists. I don't mind that he looks ordinary; that's an excellent quality in a spy. I am reminded of the "Gray Men" from Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time who are so soullessly ordinary that you don't even notice them until the knife is in your chest.
So, the villain does enough to meet the requirements, it's solid, but I just can't find the enthusiasm. Maybe I'm comparing it to Rob McCreary's terrific ogre mage spymaster (Onuyaka the All-seeing Eye or something like that) villain from last year, and that villain kicked all kinds of heinie.
Anyway, this should be good enough to get you through to next round, but you are going to have to kick it up a notch to keep going.
Why would a guy who is so successful want to raise a god and play second banana? I think he'd have more fun using his network to fabricate a god, than step into that god's religion as a prophet or avatar...
Doyle... I had to give Kar-En-Haris a second read before I decided, and it's been tough, there are lots of "good" villains to read through. In the end however, the Grand Master of Spies gets my 4th and final vote. (At least I think this is my last.) Good Luck towards next round.
~Dean; the Minstrel Wyrm
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I'd like to point out that being glamorous doesn't exactly fit with the titles assassin, cult leader, and/or information trader. It's true that a more glamorous submission would garner more attention here, but I feel that the character fits perfectly with the role he's in. I don't exactly want my assassins to be cocky and flamboyant. That's a good way to get killed in the underworld.
His ongoing, overlapping schemes and adventure hooks provide plenty of dramatic opportunities for the PCs to get unwittingly entangled. It would be wonderful for the PCs to develop a recurring working relationship with his organization, believing themselves to be aiding in good and getting paid nicely. When they finally begin to uncover the true aims of whom they've been assisting, it will be that much sweeter for all their involvement!
Voted for.
This was the first entry that made me even consider it - and out of all 32, only five made my list.
Good idea, good plot hooks (something that I'm much more aware of since the lack thereof was what I bogged up last year!) but in the end, just edged out because I felt that Kar-En was just a touch less interesting mechanically. I place a fair degree of emphasis on any villain being able to hold their own against the PCs, and without a lot of spellcaster support, at the end of the day, Kar-En probably wouldn't pose as much comparative challenge as the other contender for my forth vote (Hecateaus).
Kar-El is a good strategic antagonist for a campaign, but not hugely on a tactical level (unless you're dealing with a fairly low level party, in my games, translating to about 8-9th or so maybe.) He's not, though, I fear a very visible villain in the way my other choices are, being head of a secret society. My impression was that the PCs are unlikely to find anything about him until they deal with him in person, which would make him seem more of a boss monster I fear.
Still, I hope you make it through to the next round, regardless.
I love hidden master-villains like this, and the edge of wanting to bring back some hideous evil only adds to the spice. So this is one I really want to see go through, because it has great potential. Having said that, with just four votes, there are a few others that I'd like to see just that little bit more. This villain is not quite as original as some of the others, so it just gets edged out.
Hope to see in the next round, though!
As the deadline approaches, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank the judges and all others who took the time to comment. I would especially like to thank all those who voted for me to advance to the next round. Whether or not I advance, I appreciate the vote of confidence in my work.
Thanks,
Doyle
Congratulations!