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A ringing from a distance fills the area as a faint “It is done” follows


The muddy peasant looks up at the faint voice

'fallows'? Like the field has been left unplowed for a season? Are you implying that the socioeconomic status of the peasant is somehow inferior? Oh that's rich. Bloody demons with their money and their exotic dancers. Bloody fat cat fiends. Always draining the soul of the proletariat.

Nudges SirHoustonDerek

Did you hear that? That's what I'm on about!


Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

The muddy peasant looks up at the faint voice

'fallows'? Like the field has been left unplowed for a season? Are you implying that the socioeconomic status of the peasant is somehow inferior? Oh that's rich. Bloody demons with their money and their exotic dancers. Bloody fat cat fiends. Always draining the soul of the proletariat.

Nudges SirHoustonDerek

Did you hear that? That's what I'm on about!

You can come over to our place, Peasant. We won't listen to you, but we won't beat you up, either. Unless the Cheshire Cat has too much catnip. But we usually hide it from him. It's a nice place, and has plenty to eat and drink.

Sovereign Court

Jarl of the Kitten Vikings wrote:
Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

The muddy peasant looks up at the faint voice

'fallows'? Like the field has been left unplowed for a season? Are you implying that the socioeconomic status of the peasant is somehow inferior? Oh that's rich. Bloody demons with their money and their exotic dancers. Bloody fat cat fiends. Always draining the soul of the proletariat.

Nudges SirHoustonDerek

Did you hear that? That's what I'm on about!

You can come over to our place, Peasant. We won't listen to you, but we won't beat you up, either. Unless the Cheshire Cat has too much catnip. But we usually hide it from him. It's a nice place, and has plenty to eat and drink.

We have a mouse, beer, and Lilith Cookies.

What do you have mice and milk?


Our Most Benevolent King David wrote:
Jarl of the Kitten Vikings wrote:
Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

The muddy peasant looks up at the faint voice

'fallows'? Like the field has been left unplowed for a season? Are you implying that the socioeconomic status of the peasant is somehow inferior? Oh that's rich. Bloody demons with their money and their exotic dancers. Bloody fat cat fiends. Always draining the soul of the proletariat.

Nudges SirHoustonDerek

Did you hear that? That's what I'm on about!

You can come over to our place, Peasant. We won't listen to you, but we won't beat you up, either. Unless the Cheshire Cat has too much catnip. But we usually hide it from him. It's a nice place, and has plenty to eat and drink.

We have a mouse, beer, and Lilith Cookies.

What do you have mice and milk?

Nay, we have ale and good, hearty meat! Not to mention some veggies....in case of visitors.


The muddy peasant looks around at King David and the kitten Jarl

While you both are most gracious to offer me shelter, I fear I must depart and rejoin my commune. It is nearly my tuen to be chief executive, and that is a task I cannot shirk. I will take this poor pink rodent with me. Are you ready Lemmiwinks?


SUQEE!

Scurries onto peasant's shoulder


Then let's away then.

Farewell!

The muddy peasant and the pink rodent depart down the road, into the sunset


wanders in and builds an eye-wateringly bizarre fractal sculpture of the Norwegian coastline out of the crumbs and spilled ale, then wanders out again


A soaked and mud-spattered peasant shimmers into existence at the polygonal table. He starts, then looks around wildly.

This isn't Lower Umpton-On-Filth! This is King David's castle! You were supposed to send me home! THIS IS WHERE I STARTED FROM!

shakes skinny fist to the heavens

STUPID MONKEY!


The king crowned himself Emerator today! Long live the Emperator!

*suckup*


In the blacksmithing shop of the recently-declared Emperor David, a furious hammering rings out. A skinny form is hunched over the anvil, pounding out metal pieces one by one in a haze of charcoal ash and smoke. The blazing forge fire roars as the figure pumps the huge bellows. The rainwater barrels hiss as each red-hot metal piece is quenched in their depths.

The soot-blackened form mutters as he works

Always pushing me around. Protecting their bougeoisie priveleges while the proletariat languishes! Strutting about in their clubhouse like big metal stormtroopers. HAH! If they won't head off to the dustbin of history, I'll just have to help them along ...

The clanging continues


The clanging stops. The soot-blackened peasant stands back to admire his work. A suit of fearsome-looking armor with a hammer and sickle enameled in red on its breastplate stands before him. Twin circular buzzsaws stand in place of hands. A rocket jet hangs on its back. A small cannon pokes its snout from just below the hammer and sickle sigul. The faceplate of this armored behemoth is fashioned in the steel image of a large-mustachioed man.

The peasant chortles

This will give those fascist Jacks a taste of their own medicine! And it will be all the sweeter using their own energy to power it!

Reaching in a ragged pocket the peasant withdraws a shining gemstone. He lifts the face plate and puts the glowing gem inside

HAH! The Jack's 2,000th post! I knew it would come in handy one day!

The construct's eyes begin to glow a blazing red

The skinny peasant cheers

YES .....YES!


The plant comes, 'strolling' through the thread. He freezes, seeing the peasant, and considering a meal The he sees the armor.
Oh dear. I must warn the others!


The construct takes a step

I ..LIVE


The Steel Tsar wrote:

The construct takes a step

I ..LIVE

I must warn them!

The Jack starts to run.


Laughs maniacally

So you do Champion of the Proletariat! You are the Shining Sword of Worker Solidarity! You are to strike terror into the heart of those fascist imperialist Jacks! GO NOW!


Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

Laughs maniacally

So you do Champion of the Proletariat! You are the Shining Sword of Worker Solidarity! You are to strike terror into the heart of those fascist imperialist Jacks! GO NOW!

I MUST STOP IT!

Plantjack charges at the creature, at teh same time sending its roots to warn the Jacks.


The peasant turns to see the PlantJack rushing in

ARRGH! A JACK! DESTROY IT!


Plantjack charges the golem, butting it with his rock-hard head. It prepares its roots for a devastating attack.


The animate armor suit thuds forwards, spinning its circular buzzsaw hand weapons. It slices deep into the Plantjack's fibery hide


The Steel Tsar wrote:
The animate armor suit thuds forwards, spinning its circular buzzsaw hand weapons. It slices deep into the Plantjack's fibery hide

GAH! YOU SHALL NOT HARM THE JACKS!

Suddenly, all the roots and vines Plantjack can spare rush at the Steel Tsar, entangling it.


Frogskin flies to the thread, to talk to Thieving Wasp. Then he sees the battle.
But...this is terrible! I must warn the brethren!


The construct strains mightily. The PlantJack almost feels as if it is fighting against itself. The construct throbs with stolen Jack thread energy

YOU ... WILL ... DIE

The construct booms out in a loud hollow voice. Its saw hands slice vine after vine off PlantJack


The Steel Tsar wrote:

The construct strains mightily. The PlantJack almost feels as if it is fighting against itself. The construct throbs with stolen Jack thread energy

YOU ... WILL ... DIE

The construct booms out in a loud hollow voice. Its saw hands slice vine after vine off PlantJack

AUGH! You shall not harm them!!!

Mithril thorns start growing on Plantjack.


The stomach cannon the construct sports belches forth a searing ray of flame. It washes over the PlantJack's tendrils, shriveling them with fusion-like temperatures

JACKS ... WILL ... BE ... DESTROYED


"This. Is. Bad. Leader?"
"Yes, I agree. We attack at once. Take the peasant captive. Only he can stop that thing."
"Err, do we have to? I don't really like the Jacks..."
"None of us do. But they are not evil, and they were the wronged--"
"Watch it, Shaman."
"Watch it, Oberjarl."
"Was that a threat?"
"Look, we have to stop it. It could cause terrible danger to us all. I hate to think what happens if all the Jacks die."
"Hmph. We'll see more about this later, but fine. ATTACK!!!"
The Kitten Vikings charge the Tsar with mithril greataxes.


The Steel Tsar wrote:

The stomach cannon the construct sports belches forth a searing ray of flame. It washes over the PlantJack's tendrils, shriveling them with fusion-like temperatures

JACKS ... WILL ... BE ... DESTROYED

Not...on...my...watch..

The thorns begin piercing the Tsar's armor.


The construct wades through the mithril thorned vines, hacking as he goes. Scratches in his armor appear and rents, but they seem to repair themselves as fast as they appear. The thing's stolen power is very strong.


*Leaps onto back of Czar, stabbing at the neck with an adamantine dirk*

You've made one mistake! You've let someone consider you walking loot, and I won't stop until I've sold every scrap of you!


The Steel Tsar wrote:
The construct wades through the mithril thorned vines, hacking as he goes. Scratches appear and rents, but they seem to repair themselves as fast as they appear. The thing's stolen power is very strong.

Appears.

YOU are the Champion of Flame! Unbelievable! I am the Champion!


The construct turns to the dracolich .. His eyes blaze

MASTER He booms out, kneeling before the undead dragon


The skinny peasant howls

NOOOOO!!! I am your master! OBEY ME!


Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

The skinny peasant howls

NOOOOO!!! I am your master! OBEY ME!

Silence, fool. I am grateful for your creation of this being. Here is my thank you.

The dragon engulfs the Peasant in incredibly hot flame.


The Steel Tsar wrote:

The construct turns to the dracolich .. His eyes blaze

MASTER He booms out, kneeling before the undead dragon

Oh, sure, kneel before Zod! Just gives me better leverage to pry your head off!

*Begins cutting around neck to do just that*


The Masked Rogue wrote:
The Steel Tsar wrote:

The construct turns to the dracolich .. His eyes blaze

MASTER He booms out, kneeling before the undead dragon

Oh, sure, kneel before Zod! Just gives me better leverage to pry your head off!

*Begins cutting around neck to do just that*

Foolish mortal.

Engulfs thief in flame which oddly does not harm the Steel Tsar.


AAAUUUUUUGH!

The peasant fries to a crisp


The construct glows in the dracoliches' heat

YOU ... ARE ... THE ... FLAME ... I ... AM ... YOUR ... CHAMPION


Ahhhh! It burns! Keep your head, then, I'm going.

*Storms off*


The Steel Tsar wrote:

The construct glows in the dracoliches' heat

YOU ... ARE ... THE ... FLAME ... I ... AM ... YOUR ... CHAMPION

Hmm. This is a new developement.

Come, Steel Tsar. I have much to think on.
The dracolich goes back to his cave with the Tsar.


Candle Lighter wrote:
The Steel Tsar wrote:

The construct glows in the dracoliches' heat

YOU ... ARE ... THE ... FLAME ... I ... AM ... YOUR ... CHAMPION

Hmm. This is a new developement.

Come, Steel Tsar. I have much to think on.
The dracolich goes back to his cave with the Tsar.

Oh...oh dear.

I must go...
The Jack weakly begins on the road back.


The construct follows the dracolich

I ... OBEY ... MASTER


Uh-oh. It's Ghostbusters all over again...


I was digging on Michael Moorcock's The Steel Tsar, but hey ...


"All who would help, you are needed here.


Nothing but a smoking ruin and a charred skeleton greet Dragonborn's eyes

Sovereign Court

Like the Phoenix from the ashes I have risen to power again in the Realm of PaizoChat.

Come join us while we raid the sacred cookie vault while our Goddess Lilith is away rubbing shoulders with the great and the unwashed masses of GenCon!

Benevolent King David

Spoiler:
's Evil Twin


Cheers!


Nay! You shalt not defile the Holy Oven of our Goddess! We, her Faithful, shall protect the baked goods that promise welcome and fellowship!

Repent!


...
...you guys are all losers.

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