Dumbest Movies Ever Filmed


Movies

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A CR20 Seagull wrote:
Tangled. By far the worst P.O.S I've ever seen in my entire life. I've seen the original D&D movie, All the Scary Movie clones, and none of them come close to that level of suck. There was a guy that owned a Comic store in my town that would chase out people that loitered during MtG games with that movie. It made hardcore MtG plays drop their cards and flee.

And yet I thought Tangled (the animated one) was a great movie.


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Sissyl wrote:
Hmmm... It is hard to match the sheer stupid of the later Highlander movies. There really should have been only one.

There was only one Highlander movie. It's a shame there were never any sequels or TV spinoffs. NEVER.

Shadow Lodge

2 people marked this as a favorite.

There can be only one...unless this film makes a profit.


I'm surprised no one mentioned this one yet. Skyline.


Someone mentioned The Cube. The Cube is not so bad. The Cube 2: Hypercube on the other hand doesn't have McKay, there aren't any actual traps and the plot makes so little sense it's painful. Literary. It gave me a headache when I tried to understand that nonsense.


Watch "PoolBoy:Drowning out the fury" And let me know what you think. I never laughed so hard in a long time.


Chris Mortika wrote:

It's hard to out-dumb "Plan 9 from Outer Space". From the opening narration by 5th-rate mentalist Criswell ("Good evening my friends. We are all very interested in the future, because it is where you and I will be spending... the rest of our lives.") to the breath-takingly terrible dialogue, to the production errors, to using the director's wife's cousin's 6'-tall blond chiropractor as a stand-in for Bela Lagosi, there's really nothing to recommend this film as anything but a very low bar for middle-school film students to surpass.

There's "Reefer Madness".

There's that marvel of nuance and understatement, "Battlefield: Earth".

If you thought that "Phantom Menace" or "Matrix:Reloaded" were the exemplars of sequels killing perfectly good movies, then I've got the second worst film Sean Connery ever did to show you: "Highlander II". Immortals? Nah, we're aliens from the planet Zeist.

Lindsay Lohan in "I Know Who Killed Me" gives torture porn a bad name.

But you haven't seen bad till you've seen Sean Connery's worst movie.

Zardoz was better than Highlander II.

Zardoz was an artsy sci fi film with a difficult plot.

Highlander II was an insult to the intelligence of fantasy fans.


The dumbest movie ever made was Hercules, starring Lou Ferrigno.

The Exchange

Battlefield earth.


Selgard wrote:


The Stand:
Because the book wasn't bad enough.
(sorry Stand lovers.. that book just.. blech on so many levels to me)

-S

You probably didn't like Zardoz, either. Right?


Titanic 2

Director/Central character and you could tell. It was so wrong :P

Shadow Lodge

DanQnA wrote:

Titanic 2

Director/Central character and you could tell. It was so wrong :P

I didn't realise that was a movie. I just thought it was like this.

Highlander 2, along with Battlefield Earth.


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I still maintain that Highlander II, if viewed as an intentional parody of the 1st film, is comedy gold. It's like Steven Seagal playing Steven Seagal (parodying himself and his own movies) in The Onion movie. I loved it!

Scarab Sages

Anything by the Farrelly Brothers...


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Kirth Gersen wrote:
I still maintain that Highlander II, if viewed as an intentional parody of the 1st film, is comedy gold. It's like Steven Seagal playing Steven Seagal (parodying himself and his own movies) in The Onion movie. I loved it!

The problem is that it wasn't intended as a parody. To me it's like a Jack Chick comic. First your mind boggles at the thing in front of you. Then you laugh because it can only be a joke. Then your blood freezes and you cry in horror as your faith in humanoty is shattered when you realize that the author was actually serious about this. It's a horrifying experience that has driven many critics to the brink of insanity.


VM mercenario wrote:
The problem is that it wasn't intended as a parody.

I disagree -- I think it was pretty clearly intended as such. How else can you explain all the cornball stuff, and Connery's ridiculous cameo (and, man, it looked like he was having a lot of fun with it)... all the way to Lambert lampooning his own iconic line at the end?

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

The poblem with Highlander II, is it was butchered by the editors, and dialog was added. The director's cut was much better and made more sense.
In the director's cut was a continuation from the first Highlander. Michael Ironside's character was from the past, not another world. Even Sean Connery's appearance made sense. I don't remember much else at the moment, but I did like it better than the theatrical version.

Dark Archive

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Lair of the White Worm was terrible, in a 'train wreck you can't turn away from' sort of way.

Scarab Sages Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games

I saw the director's cut of Highlander 2 and I thought it was only very marginally better than the original. Instead of "Free men of the Planet Zeist," the same scene was in there, same dialogue, they just said "Free men of the planet" and dropped the last word. Lame.

Scarab Sages

Paizo Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Set wrote:

Lair of the White Worm was terrible, in a 'train wreck you can't turn away from' sort of way.

It was so bad, I immediately forgot about it... and racked up a week's worth of overdue fees at Blockbuster.

Scarab Sages Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Lair of the White Worm did have a naked Amanda Donohoe in a tanning bed, so it wasn't *ALL* bad. Just mostly.


Set wrote:
Lair of the White Worm was terrible, in a 'train wreck you can't turn away from' sort of way.

Truly a shining moment in Hugh Grant's film career.

Scarab Sages

3 people marked this as a favorite.

The Transformers movies.

Silver Crusade

darth_borehd wrote:

Worst Movie Ever:

Michael Eisner should be locked up for damaging the reputation of Jim Henson, Walt Disney, and L. Frank Baum.

Even though Disney worked on Porn films, made cartoons that glorified stealing, was a little more interested in his youngest adopted daughter, and put sexual subliminal messages in all of his animated movies to make money? AND . . . worked on a film about Diabolical Mind Control?

Even though L. Frank Baum wrote the classic detailing a story that has elements of Diabolical Mind Control? And Jim Henson also produced a movie that is also about Diabolical Mind Control?

Silver Crusade

GAAAHHHH wrote:
Sissyl wrote:
Hmmm... It is hard to match the sheer stupid of the later Highlander movies. There really should have been only one.
There was only one Highlander movie. It's a shame there were never any sequels or TV spinoffs. NEVER.

Another movie made so that smart, intelligent people can't be entertained was How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

Oh, yes . . .

Mars Needs Women. ENOUGH SAID!


Slipstream

Silver Crusade

Set wrote:

Lair of the White Worm was terrible, in a 'train wreck you can't turn away from' sort of way.

One of the screencaps from that flick did give birth to the "1920's wereserpent flapper" NPC over on /tg/ though.

Not sure if that's a net loss or net win.


The Blair Witch Project.

I may have been born without an art-appreciation gene as sometimes I think I am the only one who does not get this "movie" (and I use the term here in the loosest sense possible). The only horror I experienced watching this was the realization that I was stuck in the cinema getting my inner ear tortured for what seems like an eternity.

I will happily settle for an hour and a half of having my entrails gnawed by rabid rats than watch this movie again.


limsk wrote:

The Blair Witch Project.

I may have been born without an art-appreciation gene as sometimes I think I am the only one who does not get this "movie" (and I use the term here in the loosest sense possible). The only horror I experienced watching this was the realization that I was stuck in the cinema getting my inner ear tortured for what seems like an eternity.

I will happily settle for an hour and a half of having my entrails gnawed by rabid rats than watch this movie again.

.

I guess I am lucky, because going in, I saw The Blair Witch Project with
no knowledge of what it was about other than it was a scary movie.

As a result, I think it is the #1 scariest movies I have ever seen -- 4 out of 4 stars.

Now, Blair Witch part II belongs on this list!

.


>World War Z<

Plot: world race to stop a Zombie pandemic ...

This movie is about as dumb as it gets, and essentially one long Mt. Dew commercial.

.

Sovereign Court

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The hobbit; the totally expected trilogy.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber

hhhmmm

R.I.P.D. : Could have been a decent supernatural version of MiB. Instead the movie through way to much silliness into the flick, and used CGI making all the villains into ridiculous cartoons.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber

Oh...and Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys. Was really really really bad. No explanation ever offered to explain why lampreys were suddenly killing people, or Why a movie set in Northern Michigan was filmed in a city park in Southern California. I couldn't even finish it, which is saying a lot as someone who has weathered many Sci-fi channel originals. I felt really really bad that Jeremy Wade got dragged into this.


FormCritic wrote:
The dumbest movie ever made was Hercules, starring Lou Ferrigno.

I own this video..Never had the guts to open it and watch it though


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'm going to speak in defense of Fifth Element. I don't think I've ever felt as hopeful after watching a movie as I did after I first saw Fifth Element. Sure it's silly at times, and a bit campy, but I thought it was fun to watch, and had an inspiring, if somewhat obvious and saccharine message.

As for my additions for worst: I'll second Napoleon Dynamite, my housemate and I quickly decided that viewing it would be considered an endurance challenge. I forfeited halfway through for reasons of mental health.

The Messenger. I've always had a fondness for Jeanne D'Arc, and the portrayal of her as a twitchy schizophrenic irritated me.

Juno. Terrible dialougue (no humans actually speak like that), and it trivialized pregnancy to less than a plot point.

I'll also agree that everything Uwe Boll makes is awful. In fact there's a third Bloodrayne now, the worst yet. Also a Second "In the Name of the King".

I'm quite sure there are more, but that's what came to mind immediately.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber

90% of the movies that end up as Syfy originals. I often enjoy bad movies, and I love monsters, but those movies suffer from just being plain boring. I can't even get pleasure from MST3K'ing them.

Sovereign Court

So far every person who has seen Anchorman II says its dumb and not funny. I said that about the first one so I am doing myself a favor and passing this time.


Andrew Turner wrote:

Battlefield Earth.

This movie was so bad, I'm embarrassed for people to know I read the book, or even know the title.

GGGRRRAAARRRHHH!!!... IT WAS ONLY THE FIRST THIRD OF THE BOOK DONE HORRIBLY! YOU FIGURE A SCIENTOLOGIST WOULD TRY TO GET IT RIGHT!

DogBone wrote:

. . .

And my vote for worst movie: that Cullen Blaine masterpiece, R.O.T.O.R.

Here's an actual movie quote: Let me tell you something, mister. You fire me and I'll make more noise than two skeletons making love in a tin coffin, brother.

I can tell you where they stole that one...

"The sound of a harpsichord - two skeletons copulating on a tin roof in a thunderstorm."--Sir Thomas Beecham

FallofCamelot wrote:

. . .

The average cinema goer deserves a punch in the face.

I have an idea about averages... 1/3 are average. 1/3 are above average. 1/3 are below average. So it really is a case where "then the liars and swearers are fools, for there are liars and swearers enow to beat the honest men and hang up them."

Paul Watson wrote:
No one's mentioned Avatar The Last Airbender yet? If the Razzies make up a category jut for your film (most eyegouging use of 3D), and you win Worst Film, Worst Dirctor and Worst Actor as well, I think you deserve to be on this list, if no right a the top of it.

I went with friends to see this one. It made me angry and sad.

And as to Dungeons and Dragons. I went to see it in the movie theater, knowing it would be pretty bad. I feel asleep. The only things I sort of woke up for were somebody in a maze and spectators, some girl with a golden staff, and Irons screaming a lot. I suppose I should be thankful that's all I remember.


MMCJawa wrote:
90% of the movies that end up as Syfy originals. I often enjoy bad movies, and I love monsters, but those movies suffer from just being plain boring. I can't even get pleasure from MST3K'ing them.

Any the company that makes most of those, Asylum, also does the mockbusters. Things like:

Transmorphers.
The Day the Earth Stopped.
Warship.
Pirates of Treasure Island
AVH: Alien vs Hunter
Battle of Los Angeles
Abraham Lincoln Vs Zombies.
Atlantic Rim

As I recall they did Titanic II as well.


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All the Transformer movies.

Grand Lodge

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

"The Conqueror" with John Wayne in the title role of Genghis Khan.

He quite literally died for the part, as the entire shooting crew was exposed to atomic blast fallout. A large part of the cast, including Wayne himself, died from radiation induced cancer.


Fury was kinda lame.

Dark Archive Vendor - Fantasiapelit Tampere

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Your Highness.

Stoner fantasy movie done filled with stupid plot and irritating not funny or clever humor. Has in my opinion one good line.


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thefishcometh wrote:

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned Snakes on a Plane.

That movie was so dumb, that it was awesome. I saw it on opening day. I'm pretty sure I lost a good deal of brain cells. And it was totally worth it.

"Everybody listen! We have to put a barrier between us and the snakes!"

I saw it on opening night and had an amazing time. The theater we were at was totally into it, with staff throwing small rubber snakes at the crowd, someone came dressed as a plane with snakes (just a brown cardboard box with "wings" and squiggly lines). The crowd was super fun.

I recognize that the movie is horrible though. I would not watch it unless I were in a crowded theater or house and we were making fun of it while watching.

Dark Archive

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R-type wrote:
The dumbest movies ever made are anything by the Wayans Brothers.

Check out The Last Boy Scout, a surprisingly good movie starring a Wayans brother (and Bruce Willis, so it's definitely not a 'Wayans Brother' movie).

As for awful movies, I generally can tell if I'm gonna hate something by the trailers, and have managed to avoid too much trauma (although my brain loves me to the degree of utterly forgetting traumatic things, so maybe I've seen them all?).

But there've been a few I remember, like Van Helsing. Imagine all the 'spittle-flecked screaming at the camera' scenery-chewing overacting of Profion and Damodar from the Dungeons & Dragons movie, but turned up to 11, and that's pretty much everyone in that stinker. Kate Beckinsale was hot, 'though, so if you turned the sound off, it wasn't entirely unwatchable...


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Kate Beckinsale's agent has horrible taste in movies. She rarely seems like the primary cause of why her movies are bad, but she's in sooo many bad movies.


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Christmas Story II took the legacy of the first film and publicly defiled it. The whole plot is that the kid from the first movie is now 15, and he wants a car for Christmas so his girlfriend will have sex with him. So, uh, yeah.

My 'favorite' part is how they keep referring to his friend Schwartz as 'Schwartz, a nondescript Jew' and at one point swipe a dollar from him by basically mugging him. Why did he refuse to hand the buck over? Because he's a Jew, that's why. Ye gods.

But the all-time champion of stupid movies has to be Manos The Hands of Fate.

Scarab Sages

Has Master of Disguise been mentioned yet? Shame on you, Brent Spiner!

How about Happily Never After? George Carlin's final movie role...T_T

Liberty's Edge

Eric Hinkle wrote:

Christmas Story II took the legacy of the first film and publicly defiled it. The whole plot is that the kid from the first movie is now 15, and he wants a car for Christmas so his girlfriend will have sex with him. So, uh, yeah.

My 'favorite' part is how they keep referring to his friend Schwartz as 'Schwartz, a nondescript Jew' and at one point swipe a dollar from him by basically mugging him. Why did he refuse to hand the buck over? Because he's a Jew, that's why. Ye gods.

Obviously you're not a Gene Shepherd fan.

Scarab Sages

Eric Hinkle wrote:
Christmas Story II took the legacy of the first film and publicly defiled it.

...What legacy? The leg lamp? I have never understood why anyone so much as cares about that movie. Consider me to have entered the original Christmas Story to this lineup.

Also, speaking of which: Please Don't Eat the Daisies.

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