Kirth Gersen |
"how do I not lose faith in mankind because that movie was so bad."
For a long time, I thought I was the only one on earth who couldn't stand that movie. My friend Bryan recommended it as some sort of sublime spiritual ideal; my wife loved it; I sat there and just wanted to hold my head underwater for those two hours instead.
Jal Dorak |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
"5th Element" itself doesn't bother me, it is mediocre to average at best. The best parts of the movie is when Bruce is just being Future McClane, which doesn't say much for creativity.
What does bother me is that it is one of those movies that had an instant cult following that was totally unwarranted. See: The Matrix, Moulin Rouge, etc.
Gurubabaramalamaswami |
Set wrote:Loved Fifth Element. Chris Tucker-as-Ruby Rod was so funny, I sprayed soda all over the dude in front of me the first time I saw that movie.Funny!??! I hated him from the moment he first appeared on screen. He was so annoying that I was confused when he didn't die a humiliating death almost immediately after he was introduced. The fact that he didn't die was the final push over the edge separating "bad, but non-offensive" from "how do I not lose faith in mankind because that movie was so bad."
Oh come on! The part where he screams like a sissy schoolgirl while the bomb/grenade thing is going off makes me laugh every time.
You're still afflicted with the Bella Sara curse?
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Most BORING action film: Mathew Broderick in Godzilla. Eating my stale lobby popcorn was more fun than watching that catastrophe. I would have walked out but I was with a group and didn't have a ride home.
That movie was cool when I was twelve. I flipped past it on TV a few weeks back, and I swear I lost brain cells.
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny |
My wife is watching the remake of "The Producers" in the other room right now. I hate musicals to begin with, and all remakes are pretty much automatically worthless... extra Paizo time for me!
Somebody (I can't remember who- maybe an ex-girlfriend. Or my mother. I blocked it out of my memory) forced me to watch that IN THE THEATER. The only part I haven't forcibly removed from my hippocampus was Uma Thurman's cleavage. That's kind of nice to look back on sometimes.
Set |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Set wrote:Loved Fifth Element. Chris Tucker-as-Ruby Rod was so funny, I sprayed soda all over the dude in front of me the first time I saw that movie.Funny!??! I hated him from the moment he first appeared on screen. He was so annoying that I was confused when he didn't die a humiliating death almost immediately after he was introduced. The fact that he didn't die was the final push over the edge separating "bad, but non-offensive" from "how do I not lose faith in mankind because that movie was so bad."
This is one of the reasons why you are one of the heralds of the apocalyse.
Complete with horse, apparently...
Vigil RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16 |
Tzzarg wrote:I'll fess up to going to see Yor: Hunter From the Future when it came out in the early 80's. It was so bad I walked out 30 minutes into the film. Exhibit A for a film school course in how not to make movies.I saw it in the theater as well, but I was also 12 at the time and cannot claim to have had any discernable taste at that age.
ow Ow OW. Thanks alot. I'd never even heard of this movie, so I youtube'd it. I could only take about 45 seconds of the bad 80's rock (sounded like a Queen impersonator) and the cave man with perfect teeth and, apparently, ample body wax.
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny |
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:The only part I haven't forcibly removed from my hippocampus was Uma Thurman's cleavage. That's kind of nice to look back on sometimes.It's even nicer to look back on Dangerous Liaisons. Better acting, fewer bad songs, and more of Uma than just cleavage...
Got a point there...
feytharn |
Most accurate review of Dungeons & Dragons I ever read was something to the effect of:
"You know your movie is in trouble when the audience is supposed to be broken up over the death of a Wayans brother."
Pretty good - but I think "Lovecraft may not have written it but I surely lost sanity" was mor accurate...
David Fryer |
Here are some that I'm suprised no one has mentioned:
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Highlander II
Legally Blondes
magdalena thiriet |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
This thread makes me sad... So many movies I considered classics, hated and disparaged.
Well, one person's trash is other one's gold.
A friend of mine hates Liquid Sky. I love it. We both agree that it is movie of unpleasant people in garish costumes and makeup doing nothing but looking for drugs and sex.
firbolg |
Battlefield Earth.
This movie was so bad, I'm embarrassed for people to know I read the book, or even know the title.
We went to see that nightmare in the cinema- when we stumbled out, my friend accused me of trying to kill him- shortening his life to the tune of two and a half hours.
I'm lucky to have a wife who only watches Lifetime for the mystery stuff- even then, she's been getting annoying by the rubbish production values and nonsense plotting
firbolg |
Here are some that I'm suprised no one has mentioned:
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Highlander II
Legally Blondes
I HATE HIGHLANDER 2!!
Man, Caught that in the cinema too- Christ but that's a horrible movie."I'm Conor McLeod from the Planet Zeist"
what?
I'm not saying the first one was a triumph, but at least it was happy in it's skin. This was a self loathing, plodding abortion of a production. I'd go so far as to say it sits next to Battlefield Earth as the most daft movies of all time ever.
Chris Mortika RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16 |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Here are some that I'm suprised no one has mentioned:
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Highlander II
Legally Blondes
Well, Santa was a silly kid's movie. Some of the "flash Gordon" serials were silly fluff that hasn't aged too well, either.
I did too mention Highlander II, back on page 1.
What was it about the Legally Bonde movies that you thought was all that bad?
And, I'd like to note, for the record, we're having this discussion the week that Beverly Hills Chihuahua is the number-one box office draw.
Oh, and, by the way, someone made Gor into a movie.
David Fryer |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
I did too mention Highlander II, back on page 1.What was it about the Legally Bonde movies that you thought was all that bad?
I must have mentioned you mentioning it. Legally Blondes is the actual title of the movie, it is the made for DVD second sequal to Legally Blonde. It doesn't really have anything to do with the first two except that the main characters are Elle's twin teenage cousins coming to America from England. It doesn't even have any of the characters from the first two in the movie.
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |
The movie was called BladeMaster, I was young and begged my mother to take me and my brother to see it. After the movie I told them I was very sorry that I had asked to see it.
OH MAN, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE!
When I was in middle school, my friend's stepdad made us watch that movie before he ran a game for us. I have ever since been a huge fan. That movie bad to the point of being hilarious:
- The studio couldn't afford horses, so the heroes had to run everywhere.
- Best escape ever: Ator figures out that the ENTIRE DUNGEON IS MADE OUT OF GUNPOWDER!
- The villain's hyper-dramatic "death swish".
- Giant cloth-covered foam snake. Freud is spinning in his grave.
- Ten-minute synopsis of never-made prequel.
- Improbable armor. Example: the lead actress appears to be wearing a pie plate on her chest.
- Chinese sidekick named "Thong". Played by a white guy. Badly.
- At the climax of the story, instead of storming the castle, the hero whips together a wood-and-animal skin hang glider and FLIES OVER THE WALL.
- And, of course, the infamous ten-minute fight against INVISIBLE NINJAS.
kessukoofah |
Crazy Stuff...
I...I must watch this. and force my players to watch it. my god! And I agree with Lipto. my brain is in the process of consuming itself. or at least that's how it feels (which may or may not be related to your description. just stating a fact here...). where's my advil?
kessukoofah |
Incidently, if anyone is interested, The Agony Booth is pretty much a repository for hilarious recaps of extremely dumb movies like Red Zone Cuba and "Manos" The hands of Fate.
Please note that they also recap some not-so-dumb movies, and some popular gems as well, so don't blame me if you see one you like and they make fun of it. Like Road House. I love Road House, but their recap is brilliantly funny.
David Fryer |
What about The Last Woman On Earth? All the oxygen on earth goes away and then mysteriously comes back. Three people, two men and one woman survive, because they are scuba diving at the time. The two men fight over the woman and her husband ends up killing himself so she and the other guy can go and play Adam and Eve. This must be put on the list.
kessukoofah |
B_Wiklund wrote:I'm not sure if anyone's mentioned it. Had the misfortune of getting around to see it last night... The Da Vinci Code. I knew what I was getting into but still that was really horrible.Aw, Christ...
That movie sucked so bad I... I can't even think of a witty analogy right now...
oh! oh! lemme try:
It was so bad it made "I know who killed me" look like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"'s twin in quality!
Maybe: It made the first Hulk not look so bad next to the second one!
Or possibly: It sucked so bad, black holes started to move towards it!
Burn!
although, to be fair, I've never watched it, nor do I plan to.
Kirth Gersen |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Had the misfortune of getting around to see it last night... The Da Vinci Code. I knew what I was getting into but still that was really horrible.
I love the NYT review, something along the lines of: "This movie takes longer to watch than the book takes to read. And, if possible, it's even worse."
Freehold DM |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Set wrote:Loved Fifth Element. Chris Tucker-as-Ruby Rod was so funny, I sprayed soda all over the dude in front of me the first time I saw that movie.Funny!??! I hated him from the moment he first appeared on screen. He was so annoying that I was confused when he didn't die a humiliating death almost immediately after he was introduced. The fact that he didn't die was the final push over the edge separating "bad, but non-offensive" from "how do I not lose faith in mankind because that movie was so bad."
Does this mean we shouldn't meet? Because I have people telling me I remind them of that guy all the time(well, a cross between me and the only bard I ever played).
David Fryer |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
What about The Last Woman On Earth? All the oxygen on earth goes away and then mysteriously comes back. Three people, two men and one woman survive, because they are scuba diving at the time. The two men fight over the woman and her husband ends up killing himself so she and the other guy can go and play Adam and Eve. This must be put on the list.
Oh, I forgot to mention that somehow the loss of oxygen only affected humans. Birds fly through several shots, so unless they were scuba diving too...
Freehold DM |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
David Fryer wrote:What about The Last Woman On Earth? All the oxygen on earth goes away and then mysteriously comes back. Three people, two men and one woman survive, because they are scuba diving at the time. The two men fight over the woman and her husband ends up killing himself so she and the other guy can go and play Adam and Eve. This must be put on the list.Oh, I forgot to mention that somehow the loss of oxygen only affected humans. Birds fly through several shots, so unless they were scuba diving too...
I would have stabbed the other guy in the back so fast, it would have made his head spin.
Davi The Eccentric |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
The worst movie I ever had the bad luck has to be the Steve-Irwin-starring debacle known as Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course. Every single thing about this movie was complete trash. The jokes were too low-brow for a 6-year-old, the plot was non-existant, and Steve Irwin acted like a complete idiot. I can't believe I was ever a big enough fan of The Crocodile Hunter to watch this film.
Also, in regards to BladeMaster, why was the dungeon completely made of gunpowder in the first place? I know I'm probably giving more thought to this movie than the filmmakers did, but did they at least tryto say why?
Evil Monkey |
Oh, and, by the way, someone made Gor into a movie.
ACHH SISS! NASSTY MOVIE BURNS US IT DOES!!
Jal Dorak |
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny |
Profession Smith 6 ranks |
Fable the Blade wrote:The movie was called BladeMaster, I was young and begged my mother to take me and my brother to see it. After the movie I told them I was very sorry that I had asked to see it.OH MAN, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT ONE!
When I was in middle school, my friend's stepdad made us watch that movie before he ran a game for us. I have ever since been a huge fan. That movie bad to the point of being hilarious:
- The studio couldn't afford horses, so the heroes had to run everywhere.
- Best escape ever: Ator figures out that the ENTIRE DUNGEON IS MADE OUT OF GUNPOWDER!
- The villain's hyper-dramatic "death swish".
- Giant cloth-covered foam snake. Freud is spinning in his grave.
- Ten-minute synopsis of never-made prequel.
- Improbable armor. Example: the lead actress appears to be wearing a pie plate on her chest.
- Chinese sidekick named "Thong". Played by a white guy. Badly.
- At the climax of the story, instead of storming the castle, the hero whips together a wood-and-animal skin hang glider and FLIES OVER THE WALL.
- And, of course, the infamous ten-minute fight against INVISIBLE NINJAS.
This classic is called "Cave Dwellers" in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Volume 2.
And I have only two words to say about it: "I'M HUUUUUUGE!"
OK...maybe I should've quoted Miles (& Miles) O'Keeffe instead: "Nooo!....Nooo!....Nooo!"
Charles Grybosky |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
There are basically 2 kinds of dumb movies. Dumb movies that are fun to watch (i.e. Showgirls, Plan 9) and dumb movies that are painful to watch (Pearl Harbor, Battlefield Earth). The most recent dumb movie that is fun to watch was In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, straight from the creative "genius" of Uwe Boll. So bad I can't begin to describe it, but watch it with a group of friends and a bottle of rum and a good time will be had by all.
The most recent second variety (that I can think of, there may be others) was M. Night Shamalan's "The Village." I will not give away the "twist" ending, but it was the only time that I ever seriously considered asking for my money back at a theater.
Don't get me started on Roland and Emmerich's Godzilla AKA GINO (Godzilla In Name Only) or this post will never end...
Evil Genius |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
R-type wrote:The dumbest movies ever made are anything by the Wayans Brothers.
Plus: Superhero Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans etc
Oh and the Scary Movie series are unfunny crap as well.
GOD f~%!ING DAMMIT! *hate radiates from body*
KILL THE WAYANS BROTHERS!
AND BE SURE TO SODOMIZE MARLON WAYANS WITH A CACTUS IN RETALIATION FOR DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS MOVIE!
Actually, after Scary Movie 3, the Wayans didn't work on the series any more. It was handed off to random writers/directors, eventually landing in the hands of Adam Seltzer and Jason Freidman for Epic Movie, two hacks with even less talent and worse humor than the Wayans brothers. They continued to vomit forth atrocities such as Date Movie, Superhero Movie, Meet the Spartans, and perhaps the most mind-laceratingly stupid movie I've ever seen, Disaster Movie. Honestly, I think they're worse than Uwe Boll...
Charles Grybosky |
The Eldritch Mr. Shiny wrote:Actually, after Scary Movie 3, the Wayans didn't work on the series any more. It was handed off to random writers/directors, eventually landing in the hands of Adam Seltzer and Jason Freidman for Epic Movie, two hacks with even less talent and worse humor than the Wayans brothers. They continued to vomit forth atrocities such as Date Movie, Superhero Movie, Meet the Spartans, and perhaps the most mind-laceratingly stupid movie I've ever seen, Disaster Movie. Honestly, I think they're worse than Uwe Boll...R-type wrote:The dumbest movies ever made are anything by the Wayans Brothers.
Plus: Superhero Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans etc
Oh and the Scary Movie series are unfunny crap as well.
GOD f~%!ING DAMMIT! *hate radiates from body*
KILL THE WAYANS BROTHERS!
AND BE SURE TO SODOMIZE MARLON WAYANS WITH A CACTUS IN RETALIATION FOR DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS MOVIE!
I agree wholeheartedly about the [fill in the blank] Movie being worse than Uwe Boll's movies. Mr Boll's movies may be horrible, but at least they are fun to watch if you like bad movies. I think I've watched about 10 minutes total of the crap that Mr Seltzer and Mr Friedman have put out in the past several years, and I can't bring myself to watch any more. I love bad movies that are so horrible they are good, but their output is just painful to watch. The biggest mystery is to how they are getting the funding for this crap.
flash_cxxi RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |