Dumbest Movies Ever Filmed


Movies

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Star Wars: The Holiday Special.


Goddity wrote:

Star Wars: The Holiday Special.

That needs to be put out on DVD so the poor fools who watched it back in the day (like me) can share the horror with other SW fans. Jar-Jar Binks can't hold a candle to that piece of lunacy.


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John Woodford wrote:


*Blücher!

*horse whinnies*


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Another awful, awful movie -- The Conjuring. I do not get the people who call this dreck frightening. It may help in my case that I read the book covering this case years ago when I was reading every crappy "true haunting" the Warrens "researched", and learned long ago how utterly shameless they were. At least no one got murdered for them to exploit this time around.


Oh and one I never saw but it must be an abomination -- Knucklehead starring the Big Show, Paul Wight. Made as a slapstick comedy, in its entire American run it made $1000. That's not per theater, that's in total.

It did better in worldwide release. A grand total of... $7,927. Yeah. Big Show's acting career seems to have ended after this.


Eric Hinkle wrote:
Goddity wrote:

Star Wars: The Holiday Special.

That needs to be put out on DVD so the poor fools who watched it back in the day (like me) can share the horror with other SW fans. Jar-Jar Binks can't hold a candle to that piece of lunacy.

Not likely. Lucas has hunted down and destroyed every copy he can find. He has stated that he wants to go around with a sledgehammer and kill every copy in existence. If you make a DVD version, there will be some sort of legal action. Or something.

The only place you can get it anymore is potentially illegal download sites, the poor quality version on YouTube, and the VHS tape Carrie Fisher has that she brings out at the end of parties that have gone on for too long.


Goddity wrote:
Eric Hinkle wrote:
Goddity wrote:

Star Wars: The Holiday Special.

That needs to be put out on DVD so the poor fools who watched it back in the day (like me) can share the horror with other SW fans. Jar-Jar Binks can't hold a candle to that piece of lunacy.

Not likely. Lucas has hunted down and destroyed every copy he can find. He has stated that he wants to go around with a sledgehammer and kill every copy in existence. If you make a DVD version, there will be some sort of legal action. Or something.

The only place you can get it anymore is potentially illegal download sites, the poor quality version on YouTube, and the VHS tape Carrie Fisher has that she brings out at the end of parties that have gone on for too long.

I know more people that own VHS copies of that than I know people who still own VCRs.

Sovereign Court

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Bootleg DVDs are all over the place of the holiday special. Sure the quality is probably crap, but are y'all seriously saying high quality picture would improve the experience?


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber
Eric Hinkle wrote:
Another awful, awful movie -- The Conjuring. I do not get the people who call this dreck frightening. It may help in my case that I read the book covering this case years ago when I was reading every crappy "true haunting" the Warrens "researched", and learned long ago how utterly shameless they were. At least no one got murdered for them to exploit this time around.

Wow...I liked the Conjuring. Even though that particular genre of horror is usually the one I find least interesting. Knowing the details behind the events would probably make the movie seem worse than it was.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
MMCJawa wrote:
Eric Hinkle wrote:
Another awful, awful movie -- The Conjuring. I do not get the people who call this dreck frightening. It may help in my case that I read the book covering this case years ago when I was reading every crappy "true haunting" the Warrens "researched", and learned long ago how utterly shameless they were. At least no one got murdered for them to exploit this time around.
Wow...I liked the Conjuring. Even though that particular genre of horror is usually the one I find least interesting. Knowing the details behind the events would probably make the movie seem worse than it was.

Hey, I'm glad you liked it. My problem is less the story the the Warrens themselves and their real-life antics. If you ever need to be amused by reading the most breathless and poorly-backed-up "real" hauntings ever, get a copy of The Demonologist and you'll be reduced to derisive laughter.

Silver Crusade

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New candidate: Frankenhooker.

Once again, the title alone...

Project Manager

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Eric Hinkle wrote:
MMCJawa wrote:
Eric Hinkle wrote:
Another awful, awful movie -- The Conjuring. I do not get the people who call this dreck frightening. It may help in my case that I read the book covering this case years ago when I was reading every crappy "true haunting" the Warrens "researched", and learned long ago how utterly shameless they were. At least no one got murdered for them to exploit this time around.
Wow...I liked the Conjuring. Even though that particular genre of horror is usually the one I find least interesting. Knowing the details behind the events would probably make the movie seem worse than it was.
Hey, I'm glad you liked it. My problem is less the story the the Warrens themselves and their real-life antics. If you ever need to be amused by reading the most breathless and poorly-backed-up "real" hauntings ever, get a copy of The Demonologist and you'll be reduced to derisive laughter.

I thought the Conjuring was really well-done, but yes, it's hard to swallow movies lionizing frauds who've taken advantage of people in desperate straights, and caused injury because they've discouraged those people from getting real help.


For my part, it has to be Sucker Punch. Worst movie ever and if I were dying and granted one wish by the Make a Wish Foundation, it would be to punch Zack Snyder right in the d*ck for making that pile of crap.

Every other Zack Snyder movie is in a tie for 2nd place. He's the undisputed king of making fantastic trailers about horrendous movies.


Honorable mention also goes to 50 Shades of Grey. My wife said I HAD TO SEE IT because it's sooooo dumb, and she was so right. It was actually entertaining, I laughed through the entire movie because the premise was idiotic and the dialog was unintentionally hilarious.

Sovereign Court

I am the one guy who actually loved The Watchmen, but yeah agree Snyder's other films are garbage.

I tried 50 shades and I got about as far as I did in Twilight, which is about ten min before I had to turn it off.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

I liked the Watchmen.


The new King Arthur looks like it may be in the running for the title.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

I kinda want to see the new King Arthur movie.

If only to see what Jax Teller Arthur does to Lancelot when he finds out about the whole Guenevere situation. :-)


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I also liked parts of The Watchmen, but found it to be kind of a mess overall.

Nothing beats Transformers, Age of Extinction for absolutely terrible dialog however.

"Cade! You can do it Cade! I always believed in you Cade! (he just met him) you can do it Cade! Because I believe in you! Cade! Cade! You can do it Cade!"

I wish I made that up, but no, that's actual, honest to goodness dialog.


Home movies. (if they weren't already mentioned.)


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I saw a trailer for the new Tarzan. As near as I can tell from that, the movie consists of a bunch of computer pixels that rapidly shift around. It was like someone made a time-lapse recording of a screen saver.

Ugh.

Sovereign Court

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captain yesterday wrote:

Nothing beats Transformers, Age of Extinction for absolutely terrible dialog however.

"Cade! You can do it Cade! I always believed in you Cade! (he just met him) you can do it Cade! Because I believe in you! Cade! Cade! You can do it Cade!"

I wish I made that up, but no, that's actual, honest to goodness dialog.

Or the wasted scenes discussing why a dude can date an underage girl legally.....Seriously WTF...why would you put that in a movie about giant robots???

The Exchange

Pathfinder Maps Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

I tried going through all 12 pages of this thread to see if my entry into this festering pile of cinematic train wrecks sliding into dumpster fires had already been mentioned, but I only got to page 2 before my eyes started to gloss over, and I think I started to black out a little. So, uhh...well played, posters from 2008. Well played.

Anyway, Movie 43. I heard it was awful, but it has a phenomenal cast. Seriously, check it out! I think it's the fact that it's got such a great cast that helps make it so very very bad. Easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen that's not intentionally made to be cheesy like those weekly Syfy atrocities.


Pan wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:

Nothing beats Transformers, Age of Extinction for absolutely terrible dialog however.

"Cade! You can do it Cade! I always believed in you Cade! (he just met him) you can do it Cade! Because I believe in you! Cade! Cade! You can do it Cade!"

I wish I made that up, but no, that's actual, honest to goodness dialog.

Or the wasted scenes discussing why a dude can date an underage girl legally.....Seriously WTF...why would you put that in a movie about giant robots???

I never saw any Transformers movie after the first one, cause I hated it so much. In the latest movie they had scenes discussing dating underage girls?? I find that very disturbing and super creepy.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.


captain yesterday wrote:

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.

puts up sign

PEARLS! get your pearls here! Great for clutching! Pearls! 1/2 off!


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook Subscriber
captain yesterday wrote:

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.

Said "boyfriend" keeps a laminated card in his wallet with the age of consent law for ?Texas?

No warning signs there...


captain yesterday wrote:

I also liked parts of The Watchmen, but found it to be kind of a mess overall.

Nothing beats Transformers, Age of Extinction for absolutely terrible dialog however.

"Cade! You can do it Cade! I always believed in you Cade! (he just met him) you can do it Cade! Because I believe in you! Cade! Cade! You can do it Cade!"

I wish I made that up, but no, that's actual, honest to goodness dialog.

The problem with trying to do Moore's books to movies is that his are very personal things.(Plus very incoherent, but that is another subject) Vendetta was, as I remember, a very British movie.

ExtraOrdinary Gentlemen was a rather dark modern fantasy that went flying off the rails in Black Dossier. The last arc was 'oy vey' with Harry Potter bashing galore.

Sovereign Court

MMCJawa wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.

Said "boyfriend" keeps a laminated card in his wallet with the age of consent law for ?Texas?

No warning signs there...

If not the dumbest thing in a film, probably the most perplexing.


My vote is for the Spice Movie and for Christmas with the Kranks. Yes, there was a Spice Girls movie, and it carried on the fine plot pacing and acting skills that the Elvis movies had. Christmas with the Kranks was based on a book by John Grisham that surprisingly did not ruin his career. The Santa Clause movies with Tim Allen are similarly awful. I also hate All Dogs Go to Heaven. I hated it when I was 7 and I hate it now. Some things never change.


MMCJawa wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.

Said "boyfriend" keeps a laminated card in his wallet with the age of consent law for ?Texas?

No warning signs there...

Ugh that is insanely creepy, like "drifter with a pornstache, driving a van with tinted windows and a mattress in the back, handing out lollipops to little girls" level of creepy.

Sovereign Court

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HeHateMe wrote:
MMCJawa wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.

Said "boyfriend" keeps a laminated card in his wallet with the age of consent law for ?Texas?

No warning signs there...

Ugh that is insanely creepy, like "drifter with a pornstache, driving a van with tinted windows and a mattress in the back, handing out lollipops to little girls" level of creepy.

Nope, that's just Michael Bay.


starts loading bikes and pitch into the cannon, aims it at Pan.

Ready when you are boss.


Pan wrote:
HeHateMe wrote:
MMCJawa wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:

Oh no, it was happening.

Marky Mark's daughter was dating someone like ten years older, and half the movie is dude trying to prove to Marky Mark he's man enough to... well, you get the idea.

Said "boyfriend" keeps a laminated card in his wallet with the age of consent law for ?Texas?

No warning signs there...

Ugh that is insanely creepy, like "drifter with a pornstache, driving a van with tinted windows and a mattress in the back, handing out lollipops to little girls" level of creepy.
Nope, that's just Michael Bay.

Damn, that guy is so filthy that if I ever shook his hand, I'd have to sterilize my hand with concentrated bleach afterwards.


Fritzy, Flaming Bike Artillery wrote:

starts loading bikes and pitch into the cannon, aims it at Pan.

Ready when you are boss.

wipe them out.

All of them.


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I say just aim for Michael Bay and don't stop until he's a pile of ash. :p


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I'm gonna start with him.

Aims cannons at Seitz


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Well start with him and try to get Zack Snyder too.


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This looks like a two Fritzy job...

Sets cannon to "Narrated by Ron Perlman level of devastation"


Why narrated by Robert Englund? Or better yet Doug Bradley?


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It's a nod to Fallout. :-)

Ron Perlman narrates every Fallout game. :-)


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Ah!

See I didn't know that. I mostly recall his work in Hellboy and Blade 2.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

I only know him from Fallout and Sons of Anarchy. :-)


Never saw much of Sons of Anarchy.

But yes, I loved him both Hellboy movies. :)


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

SOA loses steam after the fourth season or so.


HeHateMe wrote:

For my part, it has to be Sucker Punch. Worst movie ever and if I were dying and granted one wish by the Make a Wish Foundation, it would be to punch Zack Snyder right in the d*ck for making that pile of crap.

Every other Zack Snyder movie is in a tie for 2nd place. He's the undisputed king of making fantastic trailers about horrendous movies.

I don't agree with that. Suckerpunch was not what I had thought. What in it is so bad that you want to nominate it to worst movie ever filmed?


Sissyl wrote:
HeHateMe wrote:

For my part, it has to be Sucker Punch. Worst movie ever and if I were dying and granted one wish by the Make a Wish Foundation, it would be to punch Zack Snyder right in the d*ck for making that pile of crap.

Every other Zack Snyder movie is in a tie for 2nd place. He's the undisputed king of making fantastic trailers about horrendous movies.

I don't agree with that. Suckerpunch was not what I had thought. What in it is so bad that you want to nominate it to worst movie ever filmed?

To answer your question, due to the trailers and the way it was marketed, my friends and I were expecting an action movie with over the top fight scenes and awesome special effects. And we did get that, for about 10 minutes out of a 2 hour movie.

What was the rest of the movie? The main characters hanging around b%++*ing about how much the world sucks. Imagine if the Avengers packed all the action you saw in the trailers into 10 mins, and the rest of the movie was the team hanging out on the helicarrier talking about how s@!!ty the world is. Awful. That's why my dying wish would be to punch Snyder in the d--k.


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He,

I think that's a lot of people that wish that.


On the basis of trailers and marketing, District 9 is hands-down the Gawd of Disappointing Films. "Robots! Sci-Fi! Asplosions!! Wewt!!" attends film "In Your Face Political Message!! ... with a smidge of what was promised."

...

I'd love to junk-punch the director/producers for that utter waste of time and money.


District 9 huh? Never saw it Turin.

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