The Angry Jack Cult


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Someone who needs a beer!

ACME!

Beer that Jack!


*BEEP*

Yes Sir!

Starts disshing out the brews


Cows go who?

Liberty's Edge

I love this joke.

Liberty's Edge

Jack Hammer wrote:
Cows go who?

No, cows go moo.


Arrrgh!

OK, try this.

What do you call a poodle with no legs?


A toilet brush?


Malice Jack wrote:
A toilet brush?

GRRRRRRRR!


Malice Jack wrote:
A toilet brush?

Errr...that works to, but...

It doesn't matter, 'cause it can't come to you anyways!

Liberty's Edge

Jack Hammer wrote:

Arrrgh!

OK, try this.

What do you call a poodle with no legs?

Well, if it's in a mailbox, you call him Bill. If he's on the front porch you call him Matt...


If he's nailed to wall you call him Art


Throw him in a lake and you could call him Bob.


Is startled awake from his big comfy chair by the fire by the sound of laughing Jacks.

I say, I must have nodded off!


I say! Time for some of your special Dark & Stormys PJ!


We could have fun with a poodle like that. We could throw balls and watch it struggle to get them.


Gets up out of his chair stiffly and slowly.
Good Jove above on his throne! How long I have been napping?
Sees the robot serving drinks.
Certainly Malice!
Steps behind the bar.
As valuable as Acme is, sometimes there's no substitute for hand mixed drinks!
Begins mixing up several of his signature drink.


I bet a legless poodle would fly real good in the jackapult as well!


Malice Jack wrote:
I bet a legless poodle would fly real good in the jackapult as well!

GRRRRRRR!


Malice Jack wrote:
I bet a legless poodle would fly real good in the jackapult as well!

Yeah, but we'd have to have some peasant fetch him so we could launch him again.

Hey, we could launch the peasant right after the poodle. Now how to get him back? leash?


What about a really long bungee cord, Hammer?
Handing him his drink.


Pokes head in

SEE! Violent fascists all! And animal abusers to boot!

Yes he still lives in this thread... 'pult away!


By her Britannic Majesty's right foot, I thought I smelled something!


Points a dirty finger at PJ

And there's the head colonialist fascist! Enslaved any third-world nations lately Bwana?


So, now we just have to saw the legs off some poodle...

Thx PJ.


Anarcho-Syndicalist Peasant wrote:

Points a dirty finger at PJ

And there's the head colonialist fascist! Enslaved any third-world nations lately Bwana?

I think it's PJ's turn for the Jackapult.


Why, as a matter of fact, I got a note here, delivered just before I nodded off.
Reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a letter.
Why, it's from the Maharajah of Babduljahstan!
Reads aloud.

"Dear Colonel Jack,
Please accept my many thanks for your contributions in the development of our country and the destruction of the cultists of Shavhira who threatened our throne. It has been too many years since you visited, sahib, and we look forward to your return.
Signed,
His Imperial Majesty,
Jadmahullah the Great
cc Her Britannic Majesty
PS Give our royal greetings to Reggie."

What an endearing fellow! We shall have to schedule a visit. Now, if Reggie will hand me my work gloves, we may proceed with the dirty peasant to the Jackapult.


Panama Jack wrote:

...

What an endearing fellow! We shall have to schedule a visit. Now, if Reggie will hand me my work gloves, we may proceed with the dirty peasant to the Jackapult.

HAH! That note's on Jack letterhead! You lying colonialist pig!

Seeing the Jacks moving towards him

Oh no you don't!

Runs away across the grounds


He runs like a chicken. Get him!

chases the peasant


Pulling on his gloves.
Get that illiterate peasant!


As the peasant runs under a tree, a long hairy arm swoops down out of a tree and wraps its massive hand around him, stopping him cold.
Ooo-OOO!


I'll get the Jackapult ready. Jackin' load the peasant. PJ you get to pull the pin.


Drops out of the tree and waddles towards the net with the peasant held high in the air over his head.


Well done, Jackin ol boy!

After the Ape places the peasant in the jackapult, PJ pulls the pin.


FASCIST Jaaaaaaaaacckkkss!!!!


Looks like he heading toward the Borg's pond, what-what!


Nice distance PJ! This calls for a toast!

Lifts the Dark & Stormy

Down with annoying peasants!


Thank you, thank you...but there's one thing that really bothers me...well, make that two if we count how dirty peasants get the jackapult.
Steps aside as Reggie starts hosing it down.


Panama Jack wrote:
...but there's one thing that really bothers me...

The lack of a legless poodle?


Good point, Hammer. Three things: How did that illiterate peasant know that Jadmahullah is a Jack?


Panama Jack wrote:
Good point, Hammer. Three things: How did that illiterate peasant know that Jadbullah is a Jack?

the letterhead?


Panama Jack wrote:
Good point, Hammer. Three things: How did that illiterate peasant know that Jadbullah is a Jack?

Jabdullah is a Jack? How come I've never met him before? I thought I knew all the Jacks.


When you make up a name, you should know how to spell it... :S

Yes, Righto, who would have expected to find another Jack line in South Asia!

No, Hammer, this is his majesty's letterhead, not ours! And half of it is in Babduljahstani.


Panama Jack wrote:

When you make up a name, you should know how to spell it... :S

Yes, Righto, who would have expected to find another Jack line in South Asia!

No, Hammer, this is his majesty's letterhead, not ours! And half of it is in Babduljahstani.

Another Jack line? Who woulda thunk it? If you ever go to visit your friend I would love to tag along PJ.


Will do, Righto. We definitely should make the trip to Babduljahstan someday. We'd be feted like kings!

OK, so everybody's seeing the difference in the site's fonts, right? It's not just me?


Panama Jack wrote:

Will do, Righto. We definitely should make the trip to Babduljahstan someday. We'd be feted like kings!

OK, so everybody's seeing the difference in the site's fonts, right? It's not just me?

Yep, I notice it too.


My sympathies Hungry Jack, on the passing of your friend -

SAD NEWS.....

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma from complications of repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flakey at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone who may be having a crumby day and kneads a lift.


In case of Emergency

reposted from an earlier stolen post

Scarab Sages

Peach Melba Crepe Cake

Ingredients:
CREPES
• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons Crisco® Pure Vegetable Oil
• 1 cup Hungry Jack® Buttermilk Complete Pancake & Waffle Mix (Just Add Water)
• Crisco® Original No-Stick Cooking Spray
FILLING
• 1 (8 oz.) package cream cheese, softened
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1 teaspoon almond extract
TOPPING
• 1/2 cup Smucker's® Seedless Red Raspberry Jam
• 1 (15 oz.) can sliced peaches in heavy syrup, drained
• Whipped cream (optional)

Preparation Directions:
1. PLACE eggs, water and oil into blender container. Cover and process by pulsing several times. Add pancake mix. Process until smooth.
2. SPRAY a 10-inch nonstick skillet with no-stick cooking spray. Heat pan over medium-high heat. Remove pan from heat and pour 3 to 4 tablespoons batter into center of pan. Quickly rotate pan, tilting to coat the surface. Cook until center and edges appear dry and lightly browned. Turn to brown second side. Turn out crepe onto a plate. Repeat with remaining batter to make eight (8-inch) crepes.
3. BEAT cream cheese with electric mixer until smooth. Add powdered sugar and almond extract. Mix until combined. Place a crepe on serving plate. Spread with 2 tablespoons filling mixture. Repeat with 6 crepes. Top off crepe cake with the last remaining crepe. Cover and refrigerate 2 hours. Bring to room temperature just before serving.
4. PLACE raspberry jam in a small microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on HIGH (100% power) 30 to 45 seconds or until melted. Stir until smooth. Drizzle jam over crepes. Arrange peaches in a spoke-like fashion in the center. Cut into 6 or 8 wedges. Serve with whipped cream.

Yield: 6-8 servings
Prep Time: 10 min
Cook Time: 20 min


As Hungry gets things started in the kitchen, Reggie mans the coffee bar, brewing the veritable ocean of coffee (laced with alcohol) that will fuel an army of Jack as they go forth to conquer the weekend.

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