The Angry Jack Cult


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Malice Jack wrote:
Warforged Jack wrote:

WJ brings an armload of material and places them at Malice's feet. He begins sketching the weapon, adding a spike at the rifle butt 'just in case'. He presents the very detailed sketch

Is this what you're thinkin'? I can do something else if you prefer. Perhaps a double axe head?

Looks over the schematics.

Looks good! Double or single are fine, you're the smith, it's your call ....

Thinks

My favored enemy should be animate armor suits. I don't know what that falls under ....

Unfortunately favored enemy doesn't hold up. Armor piercing rounds and a few Brilliant Energy should help weaken it a bit, but you'll have to break it at the joints. The axe works best there.

Of course I make a variety of rounds. Never know what you'll run into, now do you?

I think the single blade. Perhaps a bit wider, with a strong tip, kinda like a glaive or oversized can-opener *chuckle* but not as flimsy. It will take me some time.

If any of your brothers have need of my services perhaps you can remind them that smithing is thirsty work? I also make armor though it looks like you lads bring your own.

'Prentis! Feed that elemental some wood! We have a commission.


Hay! another Jack!!! Welcome Warforged Jack

keeping busy huh? way to go!

*leaveas more beer on the fridge*


Frat Jack wrote:

Hay! another Jack!!! Welcome Warforged Jack

keeping busy huh? way to go!

*leaveas more beer on the fridge*

Good to see you FJ. How's the secret project going?


Reaches in the magic cooler and tries to pull out a Dark and Stormy

Aww! Come on! Is this thing broken? I grab for D&S and it gives me Strohs?? Seriously uncool..


After Malice leaves the dwarf's tent Jack Hammer decides it's time to check about his broken hammer. He goes to his room and gathers it up and takes it the dwarf smith. Noticing the dwarf's interest in the Jack Collection of Drinks he picks out a cask of Clan Banhammer Postmonster Ale.

He is taken aback about the tent's confines. This definitely looks like the guy to talk to.

Hail Good Smith! Might you be able to look at my hammer? I cracked it on tin can. Can it be repaired?

Shadow Lodge

Frat Jack wrote:

Hay! another Jack!!! Welcome Warforged Jack

keeping busy huh? way to go!

*leaveas more beer on the fridge*

Hey what about me, you lazy frat boy?


Greetings Painted Jack!

Ahhh, finally a hammer. The weapon of true gentlemen.

'Prentis, gather up that cask so that the gentleman and I can talk business?

The dwarf takes the hammer and moves closer to the forge. He hisses. Black adamantium? Very foul. Using tweezers he takes out a piece of the black metal. He holds it like a snake, then drops it into the fire of the forge. He then begins a close examination of the ancient runes on the weapon, being careful not to disturb the clay filling them.

I must correct you sir. You did not crack this hammer. It exploded from within.

Also, these runes are not something I'm familiar with. They once held power, but none remains. What is the purpose of the clay?


Warforged Jack wrote:

Greetings Painted Jack!

Ahhh, finally a hammer. The weapon of true gentlemen.

'Prentis, gather up that cask so that the gentleman and I can talk business?

The dwarf takes the hammer and moves closer to the forge. He hisses. Black adamantium? Very foul. Using tweezers he takes out a piece of the black metal. He holds it like a snake, then drops it into the fire of the forge. He then begins a close examination of the ancient runes on the weapon, being careful not to disturb the clay filling them.

I must correct you sir. You did not crack this hammer. It exploded from within.

Also, these runes are not something I'm familiar with. They once held power, but none remains. What is the purpose of the clay?

Why do you call me Painted Jack? Looking down JH realizes it's because of the tats Err...never mind.

JH proceeds to give the dwarf the Cliff Notes version of the recent events surrounding his hammer.


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
*takes a swing with his vorpal sword and tries to decapitate the message board monster* I missed again!

Me am pacifist!


Jack Hammer wrote:
Warforged Jack wrote:

Greetings Painted Jack!

Ahhh, finally a hammer. The weapon of true gentlemen.

'Prentis, gather up that cask so that the gentleman and I can talk business?

The dwarf takes the hammer and moves closer to the forge. He hisses. Black adamantium? Very foul. Using tweezers he takes out a piece of the black metal. He holds it like a snake, then drops it into the fire of the forge. He then begins a close examination of the ancient runes on the weapon, being careful not to disturb the clay filling them.

I must correct you sir. You did not crack this hammer. It exploded from within.

Also, these runes are not something I'm familiar with. They once held power, but none remains. What is the purpose of the clay?

Why do you call me Painted Jack? Looking down JH realizes it's because of the tats Err...never mind.

JH proceeds to give the dwarf the Cliff Notes version of the recent events surrounding his hammer.

The dwarf mulls this over while pouring another couple of tankards of Morian Stout

Perhaps these runes bound something, or someone, with the hammer? When it caused the death of that foul beast of black metal that something was released?

Anyways the magic within it is lost now.

I can build you a replacement though. Similar in size. One worthy of a Protector of the Mist...err...young Miss?


JH looks sad, happy, and worried all at the same time

Yes. A new hammer would be fine. Something in tune with the Earth. Something strong enough to protect...us all.


Jack Hammer wrote:

JH looks sad, happy, and worried all at the same time

Yes. A new hammer would be fine. Something in tune with the Earth. Something strong enough to protect...us all.

Fret not, yound sirrah. I will use the deep ore. I will sing it from the Earth myself. It will be pure. Though I cannot match the magic your hammer once held, it shall be a weapon that strikes fear into your enemies.

For now, go and drink.

The Exchange

Messageboard Monster! wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
*takes a swing with his vorpal sword and tries to decapitate the message board monster* I missed again!
Me am pacifist!

Boy did you come to the wrong place.

Takes another shot with the crossbow, and pegs the monster in the butt with an electrically charged arrow.


I have an idea! Let's get that monster into the Jackapult!

*charges Messageboard Monster*


Jack Hammer wrote:

I have an idea! Let's get that monster into the Jackapult!

*charges Messageboard Monster*

Great idea JH! Let's catch it!


*dives at Messageboard Monster and misses*

Slippery sucker isn't it?


Malice Jack wanders in from outside

What's going on guys? Oooh! A catapult filler!

Runs and tried to grab MM. Grabs its tail but it separates from its body

DRAT! Catch him JRHM!


NASCAR Jack wrote:
Hey what about me, you lazy frat boy?

Oops sorry, I thought you were one of those pink flesh snaks that sometimes escape from the fridge... luckly I wasn't hungry :D

Welcome NASCAR Jack!

And the secret project is going sloooooooooow..... so I think I'll better rearrange the schedule and program my time better before continuing... Also missing all the fun is a good reason to come back up and show you how its done!

*calls the bronze bikini chicks now than Lynora-Jill is away*


Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack wanders in from outside

What's going on guys? Oooh! A catapult filler!

Runs and tried to grab MM. Grabs its tail but it separates from its body

DRAT! Catch him JRHM!

*slips through the hands* I can't, he's too slimey!


why do I suddenly feel like a poodle? oh well.

JH pulls out the spare net for the Jackapult. This will slow him down!


Arghhh! Someone shot me in me butt!

*Casts slow on everyone involved*

Bahahah! Me strike again!


Messageboard Monster! wrote:

*Casts slow on everyone involved*

Now...we...gotta...talk...real...slow...like


Catch ... that ... damned ... monster!


Momma...always...used...to...say...


*Gets sword* I'm...going...to...kill...it!


*runs around making Three Stooges noises*


Messageboard Monster! wrote:
*runs around making Three Stooges noises*

*Hacks at the Monster in slow motion, similar to something seen in one of the Matrix movies* Die...you...son..of...a...


Why...are...we...surprised...that...the...Message...Board...Monster...has.. an...inate...Slow...ability?

Get...the...cheese. The...stinky...kind....


UGH ... I ... feel ... like ... I'm ... playing ... WoW ... on ... an ... old ... computer ... with ... a ... 14.4K ... dialup ... connection!

Chases monster around, often freezing or even blipping out and reappearing farther back


*summons Thread Slaad and Thread Vampire to fight the Jacks*


*Casts random invisibility spells on Jacks*

Ribbit!


MMMMMM .... Slowed golems ...

Homer drool


WF walks out of his tent to see what all the ruckus is about. He shakes his head and walks back in slowly.


*Three ravenous poodles are eating out of the Jacks' garbage can* *One of the poodles, Cockapoo, sees the Messageboard Monster going through the Jack's yard. The poodle of course can't control himself and decides to chase the Monster* YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP!


DLP spots the monster and follows it as well.

YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP!!!!!!!!


MMMMM ... poooodles!

Homer drool


*bites the Monster and hangs on but isn't slowing the creature as it's moving through the yard* GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!


Snaps at DLP as he runs by


YIPE!

Runs out the door, tail between legs. A long streak of yellow marks his passage.

Shadow Lodge

Ah...hate...talking...in...slow...motion.


Dread Lord Poodle wrote:

YIPE!

Runs out the door, tail between legs. A long streak of yellow marks his passage.

*Still hanging on and being dragged by the Message Monster* Notices DLP run and decides to vamoose himself* YAP! YAP!

The Exchange

Shoots another crossbow bolt at the slowed Jacks Guess what. As the Angel of Violence, I have an inate immunity to Slow spells. Bolt releases a strange green cloud Gas of Dispel Magic. It's great for these situations.


Comes out in a tiny white halter dress. The fabric is just a little too thin and clingy.
I feel like going clubbing. Who wants to go to Club Calistria with me?


Malice Jack skids to a halt

I'm game ..Let's go!


Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack skids to a halt

I'm game ..Let's go!

Great! Let's go. Anyone else who feels like dancing should tag along. I'll be back later tonight. Well, unless JH meets me there. For some reason we never seem to make it home before dawn, she says with a grin and a wink.

Scarab Sages

Hungry Jack Strawberry and Peach Oven Pancake

Ingredients:
PANCAKE
• 2 teaspoons butter
• 1 1/4 cups Hungry Jack® Original Pancake & Waffle Mix (Add Milk, Oil & Eggs)
• 2/3 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons Crisco® Pure Vegetable Oil
• 2 large eggs
• 1 (15 1/4 oz.) can sliced peaches, well drained, coarsely chopped

TOPPING
• 1 cup sliced strawberries
• 2 (3.5 oz.) containers vanilla pudding

Preparation Directions:
1. HEAT oven to 375°F. Coat 9-inch pie pan with butter. Combine pancake mix, milk, sugar, oil and eggs in medium bowl. Beat with wire whisk until smooth. Fold in peaches. Pour batter into prepared pie pan.
2. BAKE 28 to 31 minutes or until golden brown.
3. To serve: RUN knife around edge of pancake to loosen. Top pancake with strawberries. Spoon pudding over fruit. Cut into wedges to serve.

Yield: 4 servings
Prep Time: 10 min
Cook Time: 30 min


Yesterday was pancake day. Today is club soda and aspirin day.


*walks in walking pompously with a diaper on the mouth and goes stright into the livingrooms main sofa, lays down on it and starts chewing on the baby's bomb and shaking it vigorously, splashing the whole place with what appears to be baby Jack's byproduct*

Nomnomnom...


Ah, a poodle. Perfect for reviving my mistress. waves a hand at Llamafrog Come here puppy, I have a suprise for you.


Plantjack glares at the intruder.
You will leave the poodle alone, and you will state your business here. Then you will depart, and learn not to invade the club and molest the poodles. That is Malice Jack's job.

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