The Angry Jack Cult


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lynora-Jill wrote:

*rushes up to JH*

You're still alive! Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried. But what are all these strange runes?

Yeah. Like you had nothing to do with it. Mine was temporary!

Though they are kinda cool... But what's up with the dirt that doesn't wipe off?

Hey! What'd you do to my hammer?!


Jack Hammer wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:

*rushes up to JH*

You're still alive! Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried. But what are all these strange runes?

Yeah. Like you had nothing to do with it. Mine was temporary!

Though they are kinda cool... But what's up with the dirt that doesn't wipe off?

Hey! What'd you do to my hammer?!

I told you, I don't remember anything that she does with my body when it's her turn. *looks down guiltily* But she usually saves her nastiest tricks for the people I care about most.


lynora-Jill wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
lynora-Jill wrote:

*rushes up to JH*

You're still alive! Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried. But what are all these strange runes?

Yeah. Like you had nothing to do with it. Mine was temporary!

Though they are kinda cool... But what's up with the dirt that doesn't wipe off?

Hey! What'd you do to my hammer?!

I told you, I don't remember anything that she does with my body when it's her turn. *looks down guiltily* But she usually saves her nastiest tricks for the people I care about most.

But she wasn't at the party. At least as far as I can remember.

The tattoos I can live with but there has to be something to clean this dirt off with.

Hey, my hammer's as light as a feather!?

Hey, you said you liked me...


*Suddenly, a ghostly kobold skull appears*
Lynora. What would you say if I told you that I had found a means of freeing you from the other goddess? Of you being able to live your own life?


I need a hot shower and some beer. Well maybe a cold shower...

JH heads to the clubhouse


JH grabs a beer on his way to his room, then wonders why he isn't hungover. His memories of the party end at the bar, but are followed by bits of dreams.

The water feels perfect, despite the fact that lynora-Jill used up all the hot water. JH scrubs furiously at the dirt, finding more at the back of his neck.

Outside the winds pick up and the trees begin to creak. Birds fly away from the disturbance as do the woodland animals


JH gives up after 10 minutes

Outside, the winds stop as suddenly as they started


Jack Hammer, I believe that that 'dirt' is something very old, and very powerful. In time, I may be able to tell you what it is, but right now, I must hear Lynora's answer.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack Hammer, I believe that that 'dirt' is something very old, and very powerful. In time, I may be able to tell you what it is, but right now, I must hear Lynora's answer.

Ahh! Peeping kobold! What the hell are you doing in my shower?

What do you mean old? Dirt is dirt.


Jack Hammer wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack Hammer, I believe that that 'dirt' is something very old, and very powerful. In time, I may be able to tell you what it is, but right now, I must hear Lynora's answer.

Ahh! Peeping kobold! What the hell are you doing in my shower?

What do you mean old? Dirt is dirt.

I can't see anything, I'm using a weakened Sending. All I can do is hear, and speak.

I don't think that's dirt. Dirt isn't that hard to get off. Just thought you should know.
Well? Lynora, you must answer.


Malice Jack rolls out of the Jack pile, a necklace of braided chemical light threads wrapped around his neck

By James Watt's Ghost I am hung ..OVER!

ACME!

MOJITO ME! OW! ..gotta stop doing that!


The silver robot looks up from polishing the Jack's bar

Coming right up sir!

Mixes a mojito and brings it over to the groaning golem


JH suddenly feels tired. It's as if he was fighting for hours, or days. He stumbles to his bed and collapses into a deep sleep.


Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
Jack Hammer, I believe that that 'dirt' is something very old, and very powerful. In time, I may be able to tell you what it is, but right now, I must hear Lynora's answer.

Ahh! Peeping kobold! What the hell are you doing in my shower?

What do you mean old? Dirt is dirt.

I can't see anything, I'm using a weakened Sending. All I can do is hear, and speak.

I don't think that's dirt. Dirt isn't that hard to get off. Just thought you should know.
Well? Lynora, you must answer.

If you have found a means to free me from the goddess, then by all means KC proceed. I have been searching for a long time. And if you could also find a way to help JH....


The Jack's Clubhouse phone rings

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
... wrote:
The Jack's Clubhouse phone rings

Yello.


A rich contrallo voice issues from the phone

Hello? Is Malice Jack there please?


I got it boss!

Picks up the phone

Uh huh ...Uh Huh Ok no problem.. Me and Acme will come over. Yeah I'll leave a note for the others.

Hangs up and scrawls a note. Tacks it on the kegs

Gone to Club Calistria to DJ opening party. Everyone's invited.

Yells

ACME!

Grab my vinyl collection and getcher metal butt in gear! Chop chop!


Jack Hammer wakens slowly. The sound of a bell, then the smell of flowers stir his senses. He wakens to a room filled with flowers

That was some party that monkey threw...what the heck is with all these flowers? I musta been pretty good to someone last night.

As the still-sleepy golem examines the flowers he finds they are unlike any he's seen before, and that they are still alive.

Well, it is Valentine's Day. Can't let these go to waste.

He heads out of his room with an armload of fragrant bouquets

Hey, where are the lady-Jacks?


Zips out carrying a huge stack of vinyl records.

Coming sir!

Transforms into Harley with the vinyl strapped on the back. Malice jumps on and thunders off


Jack Hammer exits his room just as Malice heads off on Acme.

Looks like someone is having another party.

He looks at the bundles of flowers in his arms and notices his arms for supposedly the first time

What the hell?! These are pretty cool though. Chicks dig etchings and tats but not dirt.

He begins rubbing the dirt. It falls off easily, revealing the smooth curves of green scroll lines intertwining the hard etching of ancient runes.

Cool...


Jack Hammer is distracted by the scents assaulting his senses. Barley and hops, mahogany and oak, fresh loam and even marble.

I gotta get outside! I'm gonna hurl.

Dropping the bouquets, he heads off into the forest surrounding the Clubhouse


*KC becomes full solid. A large tome floats above him*
In this book, I hold many secrets. It is a lost family heirloom. The protections were terrible, and many Lemmings were killed, but I got it.
You must follow me, now. The goddess even now senses her danger, and if she breaks free before we reach there, I cannot defeat her. I am not very strong anymore. So, hurry! Are you ready?
Assuming she is...
Teleport!
Proceed to the Roleplaying Game.


*Arriving at the clubhouse to see why the Jacks aren't at the party, the priestess hears KC's message and heads over to the Roleplaying Thread.*


*The phone rings. And rings. And rings. Finally the answering machine picks up.*

Hi guys. It's lynora-Jill. I came over to find out why you weren't at the party the priestess of Calistria is throwing, but I got a message from the kobold that he might have some way to rid me of the goddess. It probably won't work, but I had to take the chance. Anyways, you should definitely go to the party, but before you do, could someone please check on Jack Hammer? I'm really worried about him. Thanks, bye.


*Plantjack suddenly wakes up*
My friends! Kobold Cleaver is in danger! The Defectives have attacked them! He needs help if he is going to complete the ritual and free Lynora! Help him!

Scarab Sages

White Lily Pecan Sticky Buns

Ingredients:
• Crisco® Butter No-Stick Cooking Spray
• 1/2 cup Hungry Jack® Microwave Ready Butter Flavored Syrup
• 1/2 cup melted butter
• 1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
• 1 1/2 cups coarsely chopped pecans
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 package White Lily® Buttermilk Frozen Biscuit
• 1/4 cup melted butter
• 1/3 cup Pillsbury Cream Cheese Frosting

Preparation Directions:
1. Heat oven to 375º F. Lightly spray a 13x9x2 inch baking pan with no-stick spray
2. Combine syrup, 1/2 cup melted butter, brown sugar, pecans and cinnamon in a medium bowl. Pour into prepared baking pan, spreading to cover bottom of pan.
3. Place frozen biscuits, flat side up on top of syrup mixture, leaving a small amount of space between each biscuit. Brush biscuits with 1/4 cup of melted butter.
4. Bake uncovered 35 to 38 minutes, or until golden brown. Cool 2 minutes. Invert onto a serving platter. Cool for 10 more minutes. Microwave cream cheese frosting for 10 seconds in a small, shallow, microwave safe bowl. Drizzle sticky buns with the cream cheese frosting. Serve warm.

Yield: 12 sticky buns
Prep Time: 10 min
Cook Time: 37 min


*Flies in, defeated*
Kobold Cleaver is gone.
*Flies out*


OK, Valentine's day is over now. So what did we learn?

Try to get inside a girl's mind and you get trapped.

Jacks can play nice and be heroic. Once in a while.

Try to be too good too often and your head explodes into evil dieties.


JH arrives at the Clubhouse and finds things quiet. He helps himself to some leftover Hungry Jack goodies, a couple of Dark & Stormys, then heads outside. He occupies himself by playing croquet with his hammer.


Walks in the door carrying vinyl records in a big crate

OOOHHH, I need a rest.

Pitches records into the corner, flops on the couch and starts watching reruns of Futurama.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Thieving Wasp wrote:

*Flies in, defeated*

Kobold Cleaver is gone.
*Flies out*

Dibs on his stuff.


*loud clangs and metal saw noises come down from the basement. Suddenly they stop and heavy metallic foots steps can be heard climbing the stairs*

Fiuuu... hey guys, just came up for a frosty one

*Pops open a frosty Indio beer and downs it fast*

Carry on!

*Goes back into the basement*


Frat Jack wrote:

*loud clangs and metal saw noises come down from the basement. Suddenly they stop and heavy metallic foots steps can be heard climbing the stairs*

Fiuuu... hey guys, just came up for a frosty one

*Pops open a frosty Indio beer and downs it fast*

Carry on!

*Goes back into the basement*

Maybe he's building himself his own robot girlfriend, seeing as how Acme has one.


Jack Hammer wrote:
Maybe he's building himself his own robot girlfriend, seeing as how Acme has one.

*Writes that down on the "To Do" list*


No enemies. Check. No thieves. Check. Short-changed out of party mode the last 2 nights. Check.

Time to check if that new club is open. Check.


Malice Jack yells from the sofa

I don't think it ever closes!

laughs at the TV

That Bender, whatta riot ..


Snores away in his overstuffed and oversized leather wingback.


Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack yells from the sofa

I don't think it ever closes!

laughs at the TV

That Bender, whatta riot ..

Bender? darn!.... oh great mexican Jack... I'm missing all the fun up there... but gotta finish here first

*works hard on secret project, eats some popbolt*


PepperJack? :D


Jack in the Box? Either type.


Jack Hammer stumbles in from a long night at Club Calistria.

Is he still clanging around down there?

He heads to his room to find it looking like some tropical rain forest.

Great. Will this ever stop? And once again the pawn is left cleaning up. *Sigh*

He heads back into the main area to find a weedwacker. The extremely life-like tattoo of the Tree of Life between his shoulder blades shimmering in the morning sun.


Malice Jack cracks one eye open on the couch as JH wanders by

Nice tat bro ...

Rummages for the remote and watches Tivo'ed Adult Swim cartoons.

Hee hee ... Late Sixties Death Ray ... too funny ..


Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack cracks one eye open on the couch as JH wanders by

Nice tat bro ...

Rummages for the remote and watches Tivo'ed Adult Swim cartoons.

Hee hee ... Late Sixties Death Ray ... too funny ..

Unable to find the weedwacker *maybe Frat Jack is using it for his project?* he sits down on the couch and cracks open a beer.


Jack Hammer wrote:
Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack cracks one eye open on the couch as JH wanders by

Nice tat bro ...

Rummages for the remote and watches Tivo'ed Adult Swim cartoons.

Hee hee ... Late Sixties Death Ray ... too funny ..

Unable to find the weedwacker *maybe Frat Jack is using it for his project?* he sits down on the couch and cracks open a beer.

I threw that away. It was too dangerous.


Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack cracks one eye open on the couch as JH wanders by

Nice tat bro ...

Rummages for the remote and watches Tivo'ed Adult Swim cartoons.

Hee hee ... Late Sixties Death Ray ... too funny ..

Oh, the tat. Yeah, I woke up with them a couple of days ago. Too much drinking, you know. At least it's done well. Don't know why it was covered on that damn dirt that wouldn't come off. But it's better now.

And the etchings. They're cool. Good thing I have metallic arms.

Hey, how about we round up a couple of peasants tie them to chairs and make them watch old Brady Bunch reruns? Nah, they'd probably like it.

Need a brew?


Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Malice Jack wrote:

Malice Jack cracks one eye open on the couch as JH wanders by

Nice tat bro ...

Rummages for the remote and watches Tivo'ed Adult Swim cartoons.

Hee hee ... Late Sixties Death Ray ... too funny ..

Unable to find the weedwacker *maybe Frat Jack is using it for his project?* he sits down on the couch and cracks open a beer.
I threw that away. It was too dangerous.

Perhaps you could go 'tempermental' on the damn forest in my room? I can't get near the bed.


Wanders in, still looking a bit rumpled.
Hi guys. JH, you're still up? Didn't you get any sleep? Err*blushes* Never mind. I'm just heading to the kitchen now. I kind of forgot to eat the last couple of days.
Heads out and comes back in with a plate piled high with food.
So what are you guys watching?


lynora-Jill wrote:

Wanders in, still looking a bit rumpled.

Hi guys. JH, you're still up? Didn't you get any sleep? Err*blushes* Never mind. I'm just heading to the kitchen now. I kind of forgot to eat the last couple of days.
Heads out and comes back in with a plate piled high with food.
So what are you guys watching?

Adult Swim, but I'm pushing for MacGyver reruns in honor of Frat Jack.

*stomps on floor*

Hey, can you keep it down a bit? We have hungover people up here! I mean, how long does it take you build something?! Bet it won't even fit up the stairs!


Frat Jack is still working on that project? Wow, talk about dedication.

*Looks for somewhere to sit. The couch is pretty well taken. Shrugs and sits on the floor in front of the couch as she eats her snacks.*

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