The Angry Jack Cult


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Liberty's Edge

Kill the kittens.
(Continued on the Roleplaying Game thread)


Kittens, poodles, and kobolds. Oh my...

Just like any other day in paradise. Strange, but not unusual.

For my part I have plugged all the privies. Now let's see how those uptight knights handle that.


*Puts the King's Throne that he took from the knights in the center of the clubhouse.* This throne is for the only true king, Callous Jack!


As a relatively new convert, I must know: What do Jacks do? What do they stand for? And what can/should I do as a Jack?


Sebastianity Convert Jack wrote:
As a relatively new convert, I must know: What do Jacks do? What do they stand for? And what can/should I do as a Jack?

1. Honor the One True Jack.

2. Party like Rock Stars.
3. Maintain order in the Universe though force of arms or alcohol, as appropriate. (see item 1)
4. If force of arms or alcohol fails to resolve disputes, release the Hounds of Hell, aka poodles.
5. Taunt lesser cults.
6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposters and impostors.


Sebastianity Convert Jack wrote:
As a relatively new convert, I must know: What do Jacks do? What do they stand for? And what can/should I do as a Jack?

What do we do? We drink beer and party. We raid other cults for what we need. We're not nice and we're not politically correct.

What do we stand for? Our goal is world conquest and to convert all others into a Jack. Callous Jack is our lord and master. Obey him at all times.

What should you do as a Jack? Drink beer and have fun. However, there are times when you will to have to get serious and bash heads, especially when other cults try to raid us. Also, try to convert infidels into a Jack as well.

Liberty's Edge

Jack Hammer wrote:


6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposter's and impostors.

So true.


Un-Callous Jack, wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposter's and impostors.
So true.

*Throws the thief in Jack's clothing out the door*


Groans from the floor

Man did all those kittens and weirdos leave? Oh my aching processor. No more of that Sasserini purple worm tequila for me! That stoopid Sonny Godhead cult should be ashamed for even stocking that stuff and making it easy for us to steal.


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Un-Callous Jack, wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposters and impostors.
So true.
*Throws the thief in Jack's clothing out the door*

2 minutes and 13 seconds. Not bad.


Jack Hammer wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Un-Callous Jack, wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposters and impostors.
So true.
*Throws the thief in Jack's clothing out the door*
2 minutes and 13 seconds. Not bad.

Thank you. However I only threw him 40 feet, a little below my normal mark.


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Un-Callous Jack, wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposters and impostors.
So true.
*Throws the thief in Jack's clothing out the door*
2 minutes and 13 seconds. Not bad.
Thank you. However I only threw him 40 feet, a little below my normal mark.

As long as he landed in a pile of poodle-doo-doo...


Malice Jack wrote:

Groans from the floor

Man did all those kittens and weirdos leave? Oh my aching processor. No more of that Sasserini purple worm tequila for me! That stoopid Sonny Godhead cult should be ashamed for even stocking that stuff and making it easy for us to steal.

I know what you mean. We should sue them.


Malice Jack wrote:

Groans from the floor

Man did all those kittens and weirdos leave? Oh my aching processor. No more of that Sasserini purple worm tequila for me! That stoopid Sonny Godhead cult should be ashamed for even stocking that stuff and making it easy for us to steal.

I prefer the term Asset Relocation...


Jack Hammer wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Un-Callous Jack, wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:


6. Be ever vigilant against the intrusions of imposters and impostors.
So true.
*Throws the thief in Jack's clothing out the door*
2 minutes and 13 seconds. Not bad.
Thank you. However I only threw him 40 feet, a little below my normal mark.
As long as he landed in a pile of poodle-doo-doo...

Well, it's not hard to do that. The yard is full of landmines. How those little ankle-biters do so much I'll never know.

The Exchange

I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.


looks innocent


Crimson Jester wrote:
I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.

We've been trying to get the poodles to use plastic baggies for years, but they're kinda slow on the uptake.


Crimson Jester wrote:
I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.

*Throws the thief lord 50 feet into a pile of poodle landmines* Wow! That was my best throw yet!


-all the way back in the locker room-

I'm.... I think I'll try this "red wine" stuff that I "found" on Panama Jack's locker...

*bits off the cork and gulps it down straight from the bottle*


Frat Jack wrote:

-all the way back in the locker room-

I'm.... I think I'll try this "red wine" stuff that I "found" on Panama Jack's locker...

*bits off the cork and gulps it down straight from the bottle*

Uh, FJ. Are you sure that's a good idea to drink that? That might be a magical lotion and not alcohol.


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
Crimson Jester wrote:
I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.
*Throws the thief lord 50 feet into a pile of poodle landmines* Wow! That was my best throw yet!

I guess there are some advantages to not using plastic baggies. ;-)

Of course if you can throw the stinky thief another 25 feet he'll clear the fence and land in the Frog Pond. That's where I've been tossing the landmines that show up on the sidewalk.

The Exchange

This ring of feather fall was a great "loan", twice today it has kept me outta the "presents" on the lawn.

It's like a ride at Disney except no lines.


Crimson Jester wrote:
I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.

Alright, it is Plantjack vs. CJ, Round 2.

*Decapitates CJ*
That was tasty. When it Round 3?


Crimson Jester wrote:

This ring of feather fall was a great "loan", twice today it has kept me outta the "presents" on the lawn.

It's like a ride at Disney except no lines.

Except when you're floating slowly down into the landmines you are susceptible to 'other' forms of attack. *readies the poodle launcher*

Let alone that it gives the ground poodles time to encircle you.

Yes, we like rings of feather fall.


Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Crimson Jester wrote:
I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.

Alright, it is Plantjack vs. CJ, Round 2.

*Decapitates CJ*
That was tasty. When it Round 3?

He'll just resurrect again. He must have some sort of magical device.


Very Tempermental PlantJack wrote:
Crimson Jester wrote:
I keep telling you to use Plastic baggies but you never listen. Of course all the beer might have something to do with it.

Alright, it is Plantjack vs. CJ, Round 2.

*Decapitates CJ*
That was tasty. When it Round 3?

Darn it VTPJ we were gonna play pinata with CJ. Now we will only have the trunk to smack. Hey, no problem. That's where the most goodies are anyways.

The Exchange

Fred...Where is your head Fred? I told you to stay at least 20 feet from the Plant at all times while wearing my clothing. Sheeze its so hard to keep the Jacks occupied without good help.


Crimson Jester wrote:
Fred...Where is your head Fred? I told you to stay at least 20 feet from the Plant at all times while wearing my clothing. Sheeze its so hard to keep the Jacks occupied without good help.

Fred's skull is being repurposed as an ashtray for our cuban cigars.


It looks like the Jacks need a mission statement.


CourtFool wrote:
It looks like the Jacks need a mission statement.

We want to conquer the world and assimilate everyone. That's pretty much it.


Oh, so you are just a clone of the Paizomatrix cult?


CourtFool wrote:
Oh, so you are just a clone of the Paizomatrix cult?

No. When you are assimilated into a Jack you get to keep your personality. The Paizomatix system creates an emotionless drone.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Throw some balls of string around, that usually works with keeping kittens busy...

AND GET OFF MY LEG!


Callous Jack wrote:

Throw some balls of string around, that usually works with keeping kittens busy...

AND GET OFF MY LEG!

After yesterday's incident I believe that we should destroy the Viking Kittens for what they have done. What do you think Lord Callous?


CourtFool wrote:
Oh, so you are just a clone of the Paizomatrix cult?

Nah! its just that when the thieves get too noisy, we loose our temper and go all pinky and brain on the boards. But it goes away quickly

Now if you excuse me, that "red wine" got me a but tipsy...urgh...


Frat Jack wrote:
Nah! its just that when the thieves get too noisy, we loose our temper and go all pinky and brain on the boards. But it goes away quickly

Wait, so if we get too annoying, Callous Jack begins making hare-brained schemes to take over the world with his dim-witted assistant? Cool! I should annoy you all more often.


The Masked Rogue wrote:
Frat Jack wrote:
Nah! its just that when the thieves get too noisy, we loose our temper and go all pinky and brain on the boards. But it goes away quickly
Wait, so if we get too annoying, Callous Jack begins making hare-brained schemes to take over the world with his dim-witted assistant? Cool! I should annoy you all more often.

Watch your words thief before you become plant food.

Scarab Sages

Maple Glazed Pork Tenderloin

Ingredients:
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, crushed
• 1 teaspoon dried marjoram leaves, crushed
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 pound pork tenderloin, cut into 1/2-inch slices
• 1 tablespoon butter or margarine
• 2 tablespoons Hungry Jack® Microwave Ready Regular Syrup

Preparation Directions:
1. COMBINE thyme, marjoram, salt, onion powder and garlic powder in large resealable food storage bag. Seal bag and shake well. Add pork slices. Seal bag. Shake to coat.
2. MELT butter in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork mixture. Cook and stir 8 to 10 minutes or until pork is browned and no longer pink in center. Add syrup. Cook and stir until pork is glazed.

Yield: 4 servings
Prep Time: 7 min
Cook Time: 12 min


Hungry Jack wrote:

Maple Glazed Pork Tenderloin

Ingredients:
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, crushed
• 1 teaspoon dried marjoram leaves, crushed
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 pound pork tenderloin, cut into 1/2-inch slices
• 1 tablespoon butter or margarine
• 2 tablespoons Hungry Jack® Microwave Ready Regular Syrup

Preparation Directions:
1. COMBINE thyme, marjoram, salt, onion powder and garlic powder in large resealable food storage bag. Seal bag and shake well. Add pork slices. Seal bag. Shake to coat.
2. MELT butter in large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork mixture. Cook and stir 8 to 10 minutes or until pork is browned and no longer pink in center. Add syrup. Cook and stir until pork is glazed.

Yield: 4 servings
Prep Time: 7 min
Cook Time: 12 min

Can we substitute the random thief or viking kitten in lieu of the pork tenderloin? It might be a bit more gamey but it will cut down on the interruptions of our beer time.


The Masked Rogue wrote:
Frat Jack wrote:
Nah! its just that when the thieves get too noisy, we loose our temper and go all pinky and brain on the boards. But it goes away quickly
Wait, so if we get too annoying, Callous Jack begins making hare-brained schemes to take over the world with his dim-witted assistant? Cool! I should annoy you all more often.

Yum. Masked Rogue.

*Decapitates*


Jack Hammer wrote:
Can we substitute the random thief or viking kitten in lieu of the pork tenderloin? It might be a bit more gamey but it will cut down on the interruptions of our beer time.

I wouldn't reccomend substituting thieves into this. We're too gameeaaaAAAAHHHHhhhglarblewarble


The Masked Rogue wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Can we substitute the random thief or viking kitten in lieu of the pork tenderloin? It might be a bit more gamey but it will cut down on the interruptions of our beer time.
I wouldn't reccomend substituting thieves into this. We're too gameeaaaAAAAHHHHhhhglarblewarble

*Kicks headless body* That's for insulting Callous Jack and me.


The Masked Rogue wrote:
Jack Hammer wrote:
Can we substitute the random thief or viking kitten in lieu of the pork tenderloin? It might be a bit more gamey but it will cut down on the interruptions of our beer time.
I wouldn't reccomend substituting thieves into this. We're too gameeaaaAAAAHHHHhhhglarblewarble

*Wipes mouth with thief's napkin*

He was right. They are rather gamy. They are still pretty good, though.


Drunk Drone…Emotionless Drone…hmmmm.


CourtFool wrote:
Drunk Drone…Emotionless Drone…hmmmm.

You're welcome to try assimilation yourself. We don't normally assimilate poodles because...poodles usually aren't worth assimilating. You may like it, however.


*Leans in through window, holding loudspeaker*

Hey, Herb! Be a good little dicot and cough up my mask, willya?


Davi The Eccentric wrote:

*Leans in through window, holding loudspeaker*

Hey, Herb! Be a good little dicot and cough up my mask, willya?

I'm the one that has your mask. It's gonna cost ya.


Jack's Right Hand Man wrote:
I'm the one that has your mask. It's gonna cost ya.

How do you have it? It was on my head when he ate it, and Herb hasn't seemed to spat out my head yet. Anyway, how much is the cost?

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