Humor - What Changes Will Wizards Add to the GSL


4th Edition

51 to 87 of 87 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>
Liberty's Edge

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, PF Special Edition Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Andrew Turner wrote:

Diabolus fecit, ut id facerim!

Hey...the Devil is Innocent in this!!!!

Liberty's Edge

Patrick Curtin wrote:


WotC to the 3pp community:

Lege atque lacrima

Fac me cocleario vomere, feles-magi mali!

Liberty's Edge

Andrew Turner wrote:
Diabolus fecit, ut id facerim!
Dragnmoon wrote:
Hey...the Devil is Innocent in this!!!!

In valui ad Satanam invocandum computatrum meum.

Liberty's Edge

Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, PF Special Edition Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Andrew Turner wrote:


In valui ad Satanam invocandum computatrum meum.

I have heard of Anti-Virus Programs... are the Anti-Satan Programs?

If so you may want to install it and run it :-)..

Oh.. make sure you get the latest Satan Definitions..I think WotC changed how Demons/Devils are in 4th Edition ;-)

Liberty's Edge

Andrew Turner wrote:

In valui ad Satanam invocandum computatrum meum.

Dragnmoon wrote:

I have heard of Anti-Virus Programs... are the Anti-Satan Programs?

If so you may want to install it and run it :-)..

Oh.. make sure you get the latest Satan Definitions..I think WotC changed how Demons/Devils are in 4th Edition ;-)

Sensu stricto, in valui ad Orcus Domino invocandum computatrum meum.

Liberty's Edge

My wife and I keep a very clean house. Our kids know not to leave food around and we do our best to make a decent home. So it was a wonder we had so many flies this past week. A friend of ours pointed out that some poor critter must have died near our foundation and that's where the maggots were feeding.

Well, we looked under the crawlspace of our TV room today and yep, there it was dead as a doornail: "Any future attempt to take WotC seriously" festering away in the heat with maggots. What a shame.

We threw it out with a cat litter shovel. Just like I'm sure many 4e supporting companies will do with this craptastical GSL.

Bless Paizo and their early Harrow Deck reading on what a farce this would be!

-DM Jeff

Dark Archive

1) 3rd party publishers must now keep their spouces and children in a special WoTC compound to ensure their adhearence to the GSL.
Failure to comply with the GSL and family members will pay the price.

2) Tracking chips must be placed in all products in the event the GSL is revoke the 3rd party publisher must track down and destroy all known copies of their material and bare the cost of doing so.


By discussing the GSL, you have signified your compliance with the GSL and are now leagally bound by it. Each subsequent mention of the GSL must be proceeded by the phrases "woot", "I live to suckle on the teat of the", or "I am not worthy to be in the presence of the", and followed by "roxzor", "my master WotC", or human sacrafice. Any mention of the woot GSL roxzor without the above phrases is a breach of contract and copyright violation. Any violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of I live to suckle on the teat of the GSL my master, up to and including frontal lobotomy and fines up to $500,000.

Oh crap, I forgot to put WotC after master! Edit! Edit! NOOOOOOO!!! *vvvvvvvrrrrSPLUTCH*

gaaaaaaaaaaa...........

Sovereign Court

Clause 89b)

All players must cease and desist from any mention of any edition prior to the current edition..these have never existed as our legal department has retconned them out of existence

Subclause...Players will not mention the terms TSR,Gary Gygax or Dave Arnesen...use of these terms will constitute a breach of licence

Dark Archive

Wellard wrote:

Clause 89b)

All players must cease and desist from any mention of any edition prior to the current edition..these have never existed as our legal department has retconned them out of existence

Subclause...Players will not mention the terms TSR,Gary Gygax or Dave Arnesen...use of these terms will constitute a breach of licence

Unless you make illeagal copies, then we sue

Jon Brazer Enterprises

Alex Martin wrote:
All 3rd party publishers paying for the GSL must sign their WOTC agreements with the phrases: "By your command" or "We kneel before Lord Zod" or "As you decree, Great Maker!"

I think you're going to win the thread with this one.

Scarab Sages

All GSL agreements will be signed in blood.

Liberty's Edge

Thou shall not pass Go. Thou shall not collect $200.

-DM Jeff

Dark Archive

Pursuant to the WotC ownership of the titles Dieties & Demigods and Gods, Demigods & Heroes, the concept of a higher power that is not visibly present in the material world, but may be propitiated to attain goods and / or services is now WotC IP. All religious organizations are now required to apply for the appropriate licensing fees if they wish to claim any sort of connection to a 'god' or 'diety' and further sub-licensing fees if they attest that 'prayers' to this higher power can result in any form of material, psychological or spiritual benefit.

WotC corporate headquarters will be relocated to Vatican City, which will be re-named to 'City on the Coast.' (A channel to the Mediterranean sea will be dug, to bring the 'coast' appropriately near the city.)

Memo to Pope Innocent XVI. I drink your milkshake. I drink it up.

Liberty's Edge

Set wrote:

Pursuant to the WotC ownership of the titles Dieties & Demigods and Gods, Demigods & Heroes, the concept of a higher power that is not visibly present in the material world, but may be propitiated to attain goods and / or services is now WotC IP. All religious organizations are now required to apply for the appropriate licensing fees if they wish to claim any sort of connection to a 'god' or 'diety' and further sub-licensing fees if they attest that 'prayers' to this higher power can result in any form of material, psychological or spiritual benefit.

WotC corporate headquarters will be relocated to Vatican City, which will be re-named to 'City on the Coast.' (A channel to the Mediterranean sea will be dug, to bring the 'coast' appropriately near the city.)

Memo to Pope Innocent XVI. I drink your milkshake. I drink it up.

Very nice. :-)


-All contracts with WoTC shall be so inscribed on Contracts of Nepthas, which themselves are crafted from the skins of third party contributors whom violated said GSL.


Aberzombie wrote:
All messageboard personas using, in whole or in part, a name, phrase, or distinguishing literary characterisitc of the Dungeons and Dragons Role Playing Game, up to and including the users of said personas, are hereby claimed as the sole property of Wizards of the Coast.

:::Snorts:::

Eating the personel at WotC will be a significant challenge. I will triumph however. Any future property claims by be null and void by the capacity of my gullet.

Now, where's a leg to pee on when you need one.


Aberzombie wrote:
All GSL agreements will be signed in blood.

But. But. You're undead. You have no blood.

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32

Andrew Turner wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:


WotC to the 3pp community:

Lege atque lacrima

Fac me cocleario vomere, feles-magi mali!

Only on these boards could we ever have a flame war in Latin.

*claps*


Ghregori Deccubus wrote:
But. But. You're undead. You have no blood.

Guess it would be nonbinding.

Scarab Sages

Ghregori Deccubus wrote:
Aberzombie wrote:
All GSL agreements will be signed in blood.
But. But. You're undead. You have no blood.

Actually, I do have blood, but it long ago congealed into a thick, glutinous substance more closely resembling tar.


vance wrote:
Ghregori Deccubus wrote:
But. But. You're undead. You have no blood.

Guess it would be nonbinding.

In this case, the matter is irrelevant, as my client does indeed have blood (albeit not in a state conducive to signing infernal contracts). However, for those creatures that truly do not possess blood (such as various molds, puddings, golems, etc), we rely on various court-approved substitute liquids to act as the agent through which the sympathetic pact-magic operates. These liquids are extracted through often painful means.


Aberzombie wrote:
All messageboard personas using, in whole or in part, a name, phrase, or distinguishing literary characterisitc of the Dungeons and Dragons Role Playing Game, up to and including the users of said personas, are hereby claimed as the sole property of Wizards of the Coast.

Um - who to the what now???

.....Oh Iblith.....
Hides in Plain Sight
Shadow Jumps like there's no tomorrow

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"


Aberzombie wrote:
Ghregori Deccubus wrote:
Aberzombie wrote:
All GSL agreements will be signed in blood.
But. But. You're undead. You have no blood.
Actually, I do have blood, but it long ago congealed into a thick, glutinous substance more closely resembling tar.

Let me guess. Before you shuffled off your mortal coil and embraced Orcus, Kali, Myrkul, or any death deity in Libris Mortis, you were a chain smoker in life?

Yes?


The Dalesman wrote:

Um - who to the what now???
.....Oh Iblith.....
Hides in Plain Sight
Shadow Jumps like there's no tomorrow

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

My hero. Just don't come adventurin' around my treasure horde, all right.


Gnomes must always be referred to as monsters.
This is why we are suing "The Love Guru" to have the statement, "you little monster." added after the use of the word Gnome.
In the meantime, feel free to yell it out in the theater if you are the only ones in the theater.


BluePigeon wrote:
The Dalesman wrote:

Um - who to the what now???
.....Oh Iblith.....
Hides in Plain Sight
Shadow Jumps like there's no tomorrow

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

My hero. Just don't come adventurin' around my treasure horde, all right.

Not to worry BluePigeon - I try to use my powers just for good, not for looting and profit ;)

Notes location on map to avoid any accidental stopovers
Shadow Jumps once more - with feeling :P

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

Dark Archive

66.6

Licensed Products Legal Statement.

Within the first three (3) non-cover pages of all Licensed Products, and, where we deem practical, together with any other forms of torture supplied by us, Licensee will include the following statements in at least eighteen-point font:

LAWYERS & LAWSUITS Compatibility Logo, L&L, YOU AIN'T GOT A PRAYER’S HANDBOOK, LEGAL MASTER’S GUIDE, and LITIGATION MANUAL are trademarks of Lawyers of the Coast, Inc. in the USA and other countries and are used with permission. Certain materials, including 5E References in this publication, L&L core rules mechanics, and all L&L characters and their distinctive likenesses, are property of Lawyers of the Coast, Inc., and are used with permission under the Lawyers & Lawsuits 5th Edition Game System License. All 5E References are listed in the 5E System Reference Document, available at www.LawyersandLawsuitsGame.com/d20/.
LAWYERS & LAWSUITS 5th Edition YOU AIN'T GOT A PRAYER’S HANDBOOK, written by Lorrain Williams, Johnnie Cochran, and Sam Adam, Jr.; LEGAL MASTER’S GUIDE, written by John McEnroe and John Adams; and LITIGATION MANUAL, written by Al Franken, Wolf Blitzer, and that one guy from the Smashing Pumpkins. No furries were harmed in the making of this product. We win, you lose, now get to lickin' boots you knaves.
© 2012 Lawyers of the Coast, Inc. All rights reserved.


Provision XX.X:

Licensee expressly gives up any and all rights that might be used by Licensee to hinder Licensor in Waterboarding efforts should Licensor need or desire to extract from Licensee information concerning Licensed Products, their whereabouts, authorship, or any other information deemed necessary by Licensor. Licensee expressly consents to Waterboarding by Licensor or its designated agent(s) when deemed necessary or desirable at the sole discretion of Licensor.


Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Any individual whom intends purchase of any WotC 4e product must pay full retail value plus a licensing fee which is to be determined by WotC at the time of purchase. Additionally, said value and fee must be paid in full prior to product delivery. Subsequent product delivery is optional and entirely at the discretion of WotC.


The Dalesman wrote:

Not to worry BluePigeon - I try to use my powers just for good, not for looting and profit ;)

Notes location on map to avoid any accidental stopovers
Shadow Jumps once more - with feeling :P

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

Thanks. Ever since the Shadovar kicked just about everything out of Anauroch (including us Blue Dragons), finding a place to settle in the Dalelands has been a pain. Sheesh, I mean adventurers popping in unannounced at the wrong time, making demands about eating cattle and such. I mean if some farmer wanted compensation, I could obligate.

I mean I have a treasure horde. Right?

Then there's the Zhentarium always wanting me to attack Shadowdale and some wily old coot with a pipe. And then there's Cyricists. Ugh, don't get me going on them. Them and the Cult of the Dragon. I've told them the ritual would do no justice to my scales and there founder was a loon. I mean all I wanted to do eat and sleep for a decade unmolested and they tried poisoning me like I'm that stupid.

Anyways thanks again for being neighborly and if you now a good security firm or a spell or two, send them my way.


BluePigeon wrote:
The Dalesman wrote:

Not to worry BluePigeon - I try to use my powers just for good, not for looting and profit ;)

Notes location on map to avoid any accidental stopovers
Shadow Jumps once more - with feeling :P

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

Thanks. Ever since the Shadovar kicked just about everything out of Anauroch (including us Blue Dragons), finding a place to settle in the Dalelands has been a pain. Sheesh, I mean adventurers popping in unannounced at the wrong time, making demands about eating cattle and such. I mean if some farmer wanted compensation, I could obligate.

I mean I have a treasure horde. Right?

Then there's the Zhentarium always wanting me to attack Shadowdale and some wily old coot with a pipe. And then there's Cyricists. Ugh, don't get me going on them. Them and the Cult of the Dragon. I've told them the ritual would do no justice to my scales and there founder was a loon. I mean all I wanted to do eat and sleep for a decade unmolested and they tried poisoning me like I'm that stupid.

Anyways thanks again for being neighborly and if you now a good security firm or a spell or two, send them my way.

Hey my pleasure - being neighborly is what we Dalesfolk are all about! :)

In regards to your current 'move-in' problems, I know some people who might be able to help. I work with a diplomat who deals with several governments both here on Faerun and on the other side of Toril; she would be able to arbitrate a fair 'Renewable Resource' contract with the locals in your area to get livestock at fair market price.

As an added bonus, her husband is in the security business. I can vouch for his creativity and skill in dealing with "situations".

Let me know where you would like me to send it and I will get a dossier together and out to you for your perusal. If you'd like, we can discuss it over lunch - I know a great stretch of woods in the eastern Cormanthor that has the best free-range dire boar around, as well as some good venison! :)

Jumps over to Deepingdale to check in with the folks
(And sorry to everyone else for the mild threadjack - it's all in good fun!)

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"


The Dalesman wrote:
BluePigeon wrote:
The Dalesman wrote:

Not to worry BluePigeon - I try to use my powers just for good, not for looting and profit ;)

Notes location on map to avoid any accidental stopovers
Shadow Jumps once more - with feeling :P

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"

Thanks. Ever since the Shadovar kicked just about everything out of Anauroch (including us Blue Dragons), finding a place to settle in the Dalelands has been a pain. Sheesh, I mean adventurers popping in unannounced at the wrong time, making demands about eating cattle and such. I mean if some farmer wanted compensation, I could obligate.

I mean I have a treasure horde. Right?

Then there's the Zhentarium always wanting me to attack Shadowdale and some wily old coot with a pipe. And then there's Cyricists. Ugh, don't get me going on them. Them and the Cult of the Dragon. I've told them the ritual would do no justice to my scales and there founder was a loon. I mean all I wanted to do eat and sleep for a decade unmolested and they tried poisoning me like I'm that stupid.

Anyways thanks again for being neighborly and if you now a good security firm or a spell or two, send them my way.

Hey my pleasure - being neighborly is what we Dalesfolk are all about! :)

In regards to your current 'move-in' problems, I know some people who might be able to help. I work with a diplomat who deals with several governments both here on Faerun and on the other side of Toril; she would be able to arbitrate a fair 'Renewable Resource' contract with the locals in your area to get livestock at fair market price.

As an added bonus, her husband is in the security business. I can vouch for his creativity and skill in dealing with "situations".

Let me know where you would like me to send it and I will get a dossier together and out to you for your perusal. If you'd like, we can discuss it over lunch - I know a great stretch of woods...

Perfect! It's a lunch date then. Let's send the addresses via magic conduits. I have a scrying mirror and I can easily except images in JPEG format. Bring the necessary paperwork, dossiers and I'll bring a cleric of Tyr to look over the necessary contracts and act as a witness for signatures.

Finally, peace of mind.


Welp, just slaughtered a city chock full o' drow, now its time to relax with some light adventurin. *cracks knuckles and picks up paper* Ooh, looky here: "blue dragon sighted!" Fire up the grill Darlene, we's havin dragon steaks tonight! Now wheres my ballista?


Korgoth wrote:
Welp, just slaughtered a city chock full o' drow, now its time to relax with some light adventurin. *cracks knuckles and picks up paper* Ooh, looky here: "blue dragon sighted!" Fire up the grill Darlene, we's havin dragon steaks tonight! Now wheres my ballista?

Dalesman, I'll need your services sooner than excepted.


BluePigeon wrote:
Korgoth wrote:
Welp, just slaughtered a city chock full o' drow, now its time to relax with some light adventurin. *cracks knuckles and picks up paper* Ooh, looky here: "blue dragon sighted!" Fire up the grill Darlene, we's havin dragon steaks tonight! Now wheres my ballista?
Dalesman, I'll need your services sooner than excepted.

I hate it when a good lunch gets interrupted. One sec...

Calls in some spellcasting backup, secretly teleports near Casa Korgoth, sneaks in and sabotages ballista quite nicely for violating Dalelands siege weapon ordinances, then leaves several pounds of choice-cut scythetail rump for Darlene's consideration (preserved by gentle repose, of course).

Leaves the following note for Korgoth:
Welcome to the Dalelands! Please don't eat the neighbors.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman

Comes back, has various nondetection spells placed on BluePigeon's lair, along with a few psychic warrior security. Sets up a cover identity for him under the Dalelands' "Good Neighbor Dragon Protection Plan".

Okay - now where were we...?
:)

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dalesman
"Bringing Big D**n Justice to the Bad Guys Since 1369 DR"


The only Half Orc Barbarians with mercurial greatswords of beserking allowed will henceforth be our enforcement branch.

51 to 87 of 87 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>
Community / Forums / Gamer Life / Gaming / D&D / 4th Edition / Humor - What Changes Will Wizards Add to the GSL All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.
Recent threads in 4th Edition