Yay, last entry to read!
Hum. I like the idea of mindless undead as menial labor, to the extent of using it before (so while you get a point for having a familiar idea, you get reduced one for not using it in notably more interesting fashion than I have).
And outside the concept of undead being evil, there is little to justify LE alignment. The country is too slick and nice, it could easily pass for LN for me or even LG...
Extra pöint for umlaut.
Nice entry but lacks the wow.
Oh, and while we are in naming issues, there's the first other notable settlement...
|Erik Anderson RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 aka amusingsn|
This entry is very well written, but I'm just not blown away by the creativity. The core idea is undead menial labor, but I've done that before. It just brings up a "Yeah, duh," reaction from me which is a tad unfair, but even if it's fresh to others, I simply don't see it under a new light here.
The duellist subculture is an interesting touch, but I fail to see how the undeath aspect ties into that. Would grudges span hundreds of years given that some of the duellists must surely be undead or have access to necromancy? I also don't see how this city-state, with much of its energies devoted to maintaining this undead workforce, could stand against a crusade from a zero tolerance threat (paladins, clerics of LG deities, LE humanoids, etc.). Some of that is covered in the DM Secrets, but surely there must be open grumblings as well, known to everyone in the campaign world since the undead gimmick is hardly kept hush-hush.
In all, it feels too Vampire: The Masquerade or World of Warcraft Undead for my tastes, and I'm going to pass. Do know, however, that I found the actual writing to be exemplary and would be happy to read more material from this creator. Thanks for sharing and best wishes!
When I first starting reading your entry I was almost ready to bail. Though I found myself getting drawn in to the text. Evil nation or misunderstood nation. Sort of a grundy like tradition as presented by DC comics. Instead of just utilizing undead as a form of defense they are also the slave labor.
While it appears to many readers that there is little setbacks I see many. After all it might seem like the living members of this society are well treated, what happens when one of their loved ones passes on. My wife passed away three years ago and instead of having an eternal rest she is now indebted her entire afterlife to serve the nations needs. The Freeholds undead population is also boosted during times of war as fallen opponents are given citizenship upon their death and will serve Karistynia for the afterlife. Many Freeholders probably seek a more favorable versions of undeath to prevent themselves from attaining a servitude status as skeletal or zombified members of society. The nation without graves, yeah very strong entry to me.
I just wonder how the zombie lust for flesh is appeased, perhaps not everyone makes it into undeath. I could see flesh trading to ensure the zombie workforce does not attack the living citizens of Karistynia.
I look forward to your next entry in round 3.
|Dan Jones RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka SmiloDan|
|Clark Peterson Legendary Games, Necromancer Games|
|Alexander H MacLeod IV RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16, 2010 Top 4 aka Alexander MacLeod|
Alex, congrats on making the cut. I know your item had some mixed reviews. I think you really brought the goods with your country. Way to step it up! Good luck!
Thank you for your thanks. I'm quite happy I made it to round three.
Yeah, my item has stirred up some ill will, and I do appologize for offending... Though I'm still of the opinion that evil items and those who use them should be offensive.
After reading the thoughts presented by posters here, if I had it to do over I would have toned down the descriptions of Karistynia's cash crops just a tiny bit and done something more exciting with the Shield Maidens -- if only undead grafts were Open Content!
As to Round 3, I've just submitted my Villain. I think I had to chop off more for this entry than either of the other two, so I'm hoping my core idea still shows through. Sigh.
Well, anyway, thanks again to all who've voted for me, and keep it up!
Here are my core problems with what you just posted.
First, there's nothing to sugest the item is supposed to be evil. It doesn't detect as evil. It's powers aren't more useful to evil characters. It has no evil prerequisites. It's description mentions its for use against those who call on "dark forces," which hardly sounds like an evil item. And, it's based on an item that the creators thought was for good.
So you've given it all the trapping sof being designed for use by lawful good clerics and apaldins, even through some evil might get use out of it. You've taken a very offensive thing real-world, and made it much more likely to get added to gaems as a tool for good characters.
Second, even if it was clearly evil, such things should be offensive within the setting of the campaign, not because they were offensive in the real world for unconnected reasons. Don't introduce lampshades made of human skin in settings that don't include nazis.
I actually *like* the idea behind your items game rules, but I can't stand the execution, which glorifies a horrible, evil, murderous book used by wicked men to justify attempted genoicide.