Top 10 Features not included for the virtual tabletop

4th Edition

Sovereign Court Wayfinder, PaizoCon Founder

Saw this on a newserver list, and thought I'd post it here..I made edits to the really lame ones. Apologies if someone beat me to it somewhere else in here!

Top 10 Features not included for the virtual tabletop:

10. Ability to throw virtual dice at virtual DM.
9. Built in Monty Python <or insert favorite movie here> sound samples at touch of button
8. Voice changing technology for DM so he doesn't sound the same for every NPC.
7. Player body odor generator that kicks in after 4th hour of gaming
6. Your character - naked (but I'm sure there will be a hack!)
5. Spilled drink on keyboard damages all virtual character sheets
4. Direct link to NSA mainframe so all gaming sessions can be
monitored for "terrorist activity"
3. Client software plays "Ladyhawke" when server down
2. Females
1. Actual dice rolled at outsourcer in India, results typed into

And, yes I realize that several of those are quite gotta take some bad with the good.

10. Fair enough, but they will program in an electronic shock measure delivered through the keyboard and mouse.
9. Will be added through the mod community.
8. Suitable quotes from movies will be added.
7. Actually, for some, it will initiate immediately.
6. No one wants to see your Half-Orc naked. What? Really? I have just been informed that I was previously mis-informed.
5. Unless said drink is Jolt, Redbull or any other of the numberless energy drinks. In that case, all characters will enjoy a Haste-like spell effect.
4. Correction, that has been included. Terrorist will have to revert to using steganography in their play sessions.
3. The rights to Ladyhawke were cheaper to acquire than the rights to the movie version of Dungeons and Dragons.
2. No one wants to see your female Half-Orc naked. Oops. Corrected again.
1. You got us here. Unfortunately translating numerals from Hindi to English would have added cost, so you will have to do that on your own.

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