The One Sentence Game!!


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Liberty's Edge

Gene Simmons, in quest for more cash, suddenly had a brainstorm.


He had created a sex bot home delivery sevice.

Liberty's Edge

With Kiss boots.


He marketed it to thirty something gamers with kids.


And to those whom wives had dried up so to speak.

Liberty's Edge

Interesting stuff, he mused to noone in particular.


With typical Cimmerian efficiency, Conan used the uncouth interloper as a flaming brand to light the funeral pyre of the late, great, Gygax.


Gene Simmons' hair burned like a star, as Conan held him up by his feat like a torch (after lighting the funeral pyre,) "Mitra take you old man," and with that turned and walked away from Gygax's grave, and back towards Mike McArtur who still sported Kirk's head attached to his groin.


Simmons gasped out, "...money" and then perished.


Zap.


The P.A. system sputtered out.


The three arrows look up, trying to figure out how they got cut out of the story so fast.


Mike brandished Kirk like a Ukrainian sausage at a pyrogy festival.

Liberty's Edge

Somewhere, a werewolf rolled on the floor, laughing a lot.


The barbarian helped himself to a cask of ale from the wagon that the werewolf had brought to the funeral, and cracked it open, toasting the late Gygax: "Roll true, and bide awhile with Valeria, until the time is come for us all to dice together in Crom's Halls."


"Is billiards a game of chance," mused DeMoivre.

Liberty's Edge

He playfully tugged at his stilleto sharp mustache and farted a silent deadly one.


A nearby butler had wiffed his anal vapor and frowned upon his back.

Liberty's Edge

"Yes, Pinstelwaithcromby; these shall do...." he muttered.

Scarab Sages

As his vile stench spread throughout the building, there were some who began to discuss the need for dietary controls.


Unfortunately such gases are highly flammable, and Conan, Mike, Kirk's head and the werewolf watched the results from outside, as burning sparks from the funeral pyre touched off an almighty explosion.


"What a f&+@ of a mess" Aunt Gratie observed.

Scarab Sages

"This reminds me of that time in the Bahamas."


when a great white shark got into the hotel pool."

Liberty's Edge

Then the pitbull jumped in, and started humping it's dorsal fin.


The little wagger was shocked when he realized he was humping Dajobas, the terror of the Razor Coast!

Scarab Sages

Needless to say, the great shark god was not amused with the canine's antics.


Jabberjaw, however, was rather incapable of making the bulldog get off, so he tried asking politely.

Scarab Sages

When politness failed, however, the dog became nothing more than a snack.


Dajobas was canine intolerant however and it cause terrible gas so he was unable to submerge for days, floating sort of like a dead carp.

Scarab Sages

Due to his size, this caused him to be mistaken for a small island.

Liberty's Edge

There were some guys on the island, and they worshipped his butt as a volcano god.

Scarab Sages

The natives often tried to sacrifice live virgins to their "god".

Dark Archive Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games

Boy, were they surprised when they plunged into a giant colon!

Scarab Sages

Giant colons, in fact, are notorious for their surly dispositions.


They are also noted for separating the giant hours from the giant minutes on giant digital clocks, but that's not important right now.

Scarab Sages

Dajobas eventually decided that he no longer wanted anyone worshipping his butt.


He felt that the lump of green putty he found in his armpit was far more worthy of worship.

Scarab Sages

So he threw caution to the wind, and unleashed a horrid stench sure to kill everyone within 2 miles.


A nearby pirate ship's sails filled with the wind, and the ship sped away, the crew cheered at their speed.

Scarab Sages

As the stench settled over them, however, the screamed in horror.

Paizo Employee Senior Software Developer

The pirate said: "Ahhhh, that were a fine day -- there we were, adrift, floating, nary a wind in sight -- though 'tis said ye cannae sight wind, ye have not had Cook's grog-and-beans, curse that scallawag back from hell anyway; the grog, 'tis splendid as grog always is, but by god beans should never be allowed on a long sea voyage with the men all sleeping together in cramped quarters (I'll warrant ye, there be nothing wrong with that), and once Cook got his grubby mangled paws on those beans, why, ye could actually see the flatulence, for once't a candle be lit, the wind itself would burst aflame and all manner of beards and peg legs and hooks be singed terribly, and ye can be sure there was no singing that night, no Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum, no counting the gold, no sharpening of cutlasses, no pondering the mysteries of life whilst gazing out the porthole at the strange stars of the southern hemisphere, for when ye are ten thousand miles from yer dear sweet ma's cruel willow lash and the girl ye left behind and the sons o' b+*$*es ye swore would know one day yer not some useless uneducated scamp in short pants with a runny nose, no sirree, now yer adrift in the endless ocean and nary a wench to bed, nor grog left, not after the forty-second day without grog, ye start to go a bit daft, I know ye won't believe me but you do, you begin to feel as though ye can't hold it together, whatever it is, there's always sails to be spread and lines to be lashed, and still nothing but ocean glittering like gold, yes, the ocean like gold, the gold for which we fight and kill and plunder and wreck and despoil and take, just so we can give it to the wenches and barmaids and hook-makers and parrot dealers -- and what a rum lot those are -- never trust a parrot dealer unless ye've got yer hook right there in 'is nose, those bastards'll steal ye right blind and ye'll have naught but an ex-parrot and dear god the stench of a dead parrot, why it brings to mind a time, ahhhh, that were a fine day -- there we were, adrift, floating, nary a wind in sight, when the wind arose and we all cheered for we'd been at sea two hundred days, and I swear it were forty-five days since the grog had run out and the sails unfurled and the whoops and hollers of joy at the thoughts of the wenches and grog to come, why, we thought 'twould be the end of that ghastly voyage when the stench, oh god the stench, the smell, 'twas worse than Cook's grog 'n' beans, now that were a smell I tells ye, later I heard legends 'bout that smell, 'twas the smell that drove us ten thousand miles in a single roaring flatulent gale, right back to our home port and the women and the grog and the time to chase and catch and spend and curse and drink and brag and finally realize that, you know, this is what 'tis all about and why, ye'd had it wrong all along, no, ye don't live to pirate and pillage and plunder, no, ye pillage and plunder so ye can bed down with that comely wench after telling her your tales and showing off yer peg leg and putting the hook away for a time, and afterward, ye lay there in the cool dark and there she is, lovely to gaze upon in the moonlight, and ye know that ye could spend the rest of yer life with her, and ye think on that for a bit, and ye realize that if yer careful ye can slip out the back and be aboard the ship afore dawn rises and there is the golden, golden sea stretching out before ye, calling, laughing, and ye know there will never be another mistress for ye, no matter if she cost ye and cost ye, thar she be; and besides, that's where the treasure be."

Scarab Sages

"Holy S!&#!" exclaimed Dajobas.


Then he pondered, why are all the rats leaving that bloke's pirate ship... do they know something?

Scarab Sages

The flood of rats became well nigh unstoppable.


Was this the secret to KFC's success?

Liberty's Edge

Gary Teter wrote:
The pirate said: "Ahhhh, that were a fine day -- there we were, adrift, floating, nary a wind in sight -- though 'tis said ye cannae sight wind, ye have not had Cook's grog-and-beans, curse that scallawag back from hell anyway; the grog, 'tis splendid as grog always is, but by god beans should never be allowed on a long sea voyage with the men all sleeping together in cramped quarters (I'll warrant ye, there be nothing wrong with that), and once Cook got his grubby mangled paws on those beans, why, ye could actually see the flatulence, for once't a candle be lit, the wind itself would burst aflame and all manner of beards and peg legs and hooks be singed terribly, and ye can be sure there was no singing that night, no Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum, no counting the gold, no sharpening of cutlasses, no pondering the mysteries of life whilst gazing out the porthole at the strange stars of the southern hemisphere, for when ye are ten thousand miles from yer dear sweet ma's cruel willow lash and the girl ye left behind and the sons o' b@%~~es ye swore would know one day yer not some useless uneducated scamp in short pants with a runny nose, no sirree, now yer adrift in the endless ocean and nary a wench to bed, nor grog left, not after the forty-second day without grog, ye start to go a bit daft, I know ye won't believe me but you do, you begin to feel as though ye can't hold it together, whatever it is, there's always sails to be spread and lines to be lashed, and still nothing but ocean glittering like gold, yes, the ocean like gold, the gold for which we fight and kill and plunder and wreck and despoil and take, just so we can give it to the wenches and barmaids and hook-makers and parrot dealers -- and what a rum lot those are -- never trust a parrot dealer unless ye've got yer hook right there in 'is nose, those bastards'll steal ye right blind and ye'll have naught but an ex-parrot and dear god the stench of a dead parrot, why it brings to mind a time, ahhhh, that were a fine day -- there we were, adrift,...

LOL! Who you think you are, Joseph Conrad?


"I will trust you," you say to the priest.

Paizo Employee Senior Software Developer

The knife slices tenderly, and the blood is delicious.


"Sometimes blood in the urine is a sign of a serious problem in the urinary tract, while other times it is not serious and requires no treatment," a crewman remembered a doctor once told him.

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