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Umm...Ozzy couldn't whip butter at the present without having a cosmic freakout; I understand he was quite the Billy Badarse in his day and all....
Also, Ash from Army of Darkness, Hellboy, 23 from Swerve, and Ozzy Osbourne could all whip Conan in a 1-on-1 fight.
OK... I take it back. However, MARILYN MANSON could kick Conan's buttocks halfway to R'lYeh with his DEVIL DOOM EVIL!
METAL!-Mr. Shiny
...KORGOTH THE BARBARIAN.
google it.
Korgoth the Barbarian is, right now, only one episode long. The pilot aired on AdultSwim a few months back, and recieved MAJOR support from the fans, so The Smart Guys at CartoonNetwork ordered up a whole season....Which is still in production.
Still. Im a fan of the show and ive only seen one episode.
Its a very heacy-metal-esque Show with 1-2nd edition dnd overtones, and an OBVIOUS parallel to Conan and the like.
Seriously, korgoth wears a loincloth, and is likely gonna get laid in every episode... and you dont get much more Conan than that.
The biggest difference between it and Conan is that Korgoth is set in a sort of 2nd Hyborean age...where civilization has somehow fallen, and magic and cultism have made a big comeback. The wierdest part is that dinosaurs and other prehistoric type things are all around.
My favorite thing is that Korgoth doesnt carry a weapon...
he relies on the enemies to bring their own weapons to the fight, then he takes their weapons and kills them with them.
Seriously, in the episode, he just takes peopels weapons, the whole time. I think thats a cool tactic, as it puts your enemy at an immediate disadvantage.
Korgoth would whup Drizz't.
Korgoth would whup Drizz't with that ranger's own Scimitars... then hed Take Drizz's kitty and rip its skin off with a jerk on its tail.
....are we talking puppet yoda or computerized yoda....
bc theres a HUUUUUGGEEEE.... difference.
see ones real and the other isnt. ;)
Yoda whup Conan, could not.
Too tough, the Cimmerian is.
This message thread would whup both Conan and Yoda. Too long, it is, even for one living 900 years!
Lobo would kick Conan ass.
Korgoth friggin' rulez!
From now on I'm calling all my characters Korgoth. Just not the ones I call Conan.
Korgoth would whup Drizz't.
I met a guy once who had three children. He and his wife named them all after the moon's of Saturn (seriously, the oldest was name Triton.)
I am going to name all my children 'Conan' including the girls.
Conan eat your vegitables. Conan do your homework. Conan, don't talk on the cellphone when you drive.
oh... Conan!
Crom
coochie coochie Conan!
ooh, did Conan make poopy diapers . . .
Achilles would take Conan and not deem him enough challenge to drag him behind his chariot around the city in which he had fallen.
Achilles would take Conan and not deem him enough challenge to drag him behind his chariot around the city in which he had fallen.
Nicely said; yep he would punk Conan.
Korgoth friggin' rulez!
From now on I'm calling all my characters Korgoth. Just not the ones I call Conan.
Korgoth would whup Drizz't.
hehe my 4 year old could wup Drizz't; that guys is a superwimp. How he wiggled his way into a Conan thread is beyond me, must be the dark elf mojo or something not even closely related to his candy@## fighting style.
I've never understood the sucker punch. So far as I'm concerned it's a clear admission of physical and tactical inferiority by someone possessing low moral fiber.
Ah, the sucker punch.
When unsure of your own fighting ability, employing it is sure to give you an edge. Low moral fiber=potential win. I like to spice it up with a groin kick and some biting, too.
I've never understood the sucker punch. So far as I'm concerned it's a clear admission of physical and tactical inferiority by someone possessing low moral fiber.
Ah, the sucker punch. When unsure of your own fighting ability, employing it is sure to give you an edge. Low moral fiber=potential win. I like to spice it up with a groin kick and some biting, too.
I think someone's watching too many action hero movies. As a (beginning) martial arts student, one thing I've learned is that you can only depend upon sucker punches; we're taught to make them. The unexpected punch is the one that works.
And I'm sure Conan had no problem with them.
How's that for staying on-thread :)
Moral fiber is for losers -- nice guys finish last :P
Oh, yeah -- Luke is a very wise man.
Just remember the real winner in life is the one with most reproductively viable children.
Everything else is secondary.
Without people to crush and destroy, there would be no people.
um... yay!!!
Crom
I always saw Conan as a more fantastic version of Taras Bulba.
I'm my mind it's a draw.
I can't believe this thread has gone on this long. Conan said " ...Crush your enemies, drive them before you and hear the lamentations of thier women." King Leonidas of Sparta is almost as cool but...
As for Chuck Norris, he watches Conan movies to see how it's really done.
James T. Kirk can't whup Conan, but would steal his woman.
Cthullu got killed in the star brothers lake.
Conan said " ...Crush your enemies, drive them before you and hear the lamentations of thier women."
Actualy this is suposed to be from Ganghis Khan as it's related in "L'histoire secrète des Mongols"
Sorry but I don't know the title in English.
Actualy this is suposed to be from Ganghis Khan as it's related in "L'histoire secrète des Mongols"
Sorry but I don't know the title in English.
Secret History of the Mongols.
Realistically...
???
Ahem...
Realistically Conan is the master of his world. But his world is not the world of Metropolis. Superman's uppercut would liquify Conan but the contest is not worth positing because they don't share the same world. What's more Superman isn't real and Conan is (met him on the T in Boston once. He sells woven bracelets these days and prattles on about his life since turning macrobiotic). I'll always stand loyal behind Conan.
He gave me this cool bracelet for free, after all.
Elminster would destroy Conan easily; I can not stand Elminster, but c'mon be realistic about this. Raistlin Majere could destroy Conan, he became a God. Even Drizzt Do'Urden has a shot at beating Conan. But if you really want to get into a battle of the Munchkins, Vash the Stampede would destroy any of these clowns. Period.
Okay. Let's be rational.
Elminster vs. Thoth Amon: who'd win?
Thoth-Amon. There's no substitute for summoning demons to do your dirty work.
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BARBARIAN vs. BARBARIAN!
Conan of Cimmeria vs. Wulfgar of Icewind Dale!
Arrogant Jerk vs. Whiny Man-Child!
A battle of the SEMI-TITANS,
only on Wrestlemania!
What'cha gonna do, brotherrrr?!
Next week: the winner of this week's match
versus ATOR, the BLADE MASTER!
... but seriously, folks. Who would win?
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Conan of Cimmeria vs. Wulfgar of Icewind Dale!
Arrogant Jerk vs. Whiny Man-Child!
... but seriously, folks. Who would win?
Man, this is soooo spot on... I think Wulfgar was statted up in the FRCS, but he didn't translate well into D&D stats - after all, he did tear the head off a golem with his bare hands in one of the earlier books, but in the FGCS, he was merely a 9th (or so) level barbarian with a magic hammer - a puny weenie by FR standards. Level 9!? Most beet farmers are tougher than that.
So, Conan takes Wulfgar without breaking a sweat, primarily because of experience - Conan regularly beats up fantastical beasts and powerful sorcerers, while Wulfgar's exploits are against no-name dweebs, and, to make him even more unbearable, he sulks about it afterwards. Also, he's far too dependent on his fancy hammer and his annoying friends.
If we want a real showdown between sneaky blademasters we will need to pit Fabio the Cimmerian against Artemis Entreri. Dump 'em both in the slums at midnight, fully kitted up with five or so allies each - the one who brings the opposition's six heads to the referees wins. Ready? Set. GO!
Maybe Wulfgar and Elric should have a whine tasting contest, and the loser does a bellyflop onto Stormbringer.
Everybody does that anyway in "Stormbringer."
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If we want a real showdown between sneaky blademasters we will need to pit Fabio the Cimmerian against Artemis Entreri. Dump 'em both in the slums at midnight, fully kitted up with five or so allies each - the one who brings the opposition's six heads to the referees wins. Ready? Set. GO!
1,000 GP on Entreri-double or nothing.
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... OR, even better:
Pauugh...his puny dagger would overdose on mighty Conan's life force, and go off like a spastic chicken, stabbing Artemis multiple times.
And Conan would laugh, and say, "why you stabbing yourself, puny little man?"
Entreri would reply:
"Beacuse that annoying psionicist that follows Jarlaxle around cast a Kinetic Barrier on me," just before all the damage was redirected tenfold upon Conan, reducing the barbarian to a fine red mist. Wahahahaha!|
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... OR, even better:
Pauugh...his puny dagger would overdose on mighty Conan's life force, and go off like a spastic chicken, stabbing Artemis multiple times.
And Conan would laugh, and say, "why you stabbing yourself, puny little man?"Entreri would reply:
"Beacuse that annoying psionicist that follows Jarlaxle around cast a Kinetic Barrier on me," just before all the damage was redirected tenfold upon Conan, reducing the barbarian to a fine red mist. Wahahahaha!
No way!