Well hael, I'll jus git 'im some a my homemade Twinkie peye.
oh; I am surely intrigued, can yas fetch me a piece too, would be ppreciative.
and, grats on gettin the 1200 spot purty lady.
Right naborly of y'all. Good brew so far. Thought the skin color was 'cause o' da Barbiekew sauce, but if'n you cain't cook in the shade, Ah guess thas' yo bidness.
Some vittles sound good. Last Ah r'member, y'all mix up some mean chili. Always did like chili. Can't never find none too hot. But, Ah have to pass on the tweenky pie. At mah age Ah gotta watch duh bloodshuger, or at least so the Doc say. Right kind o' ya tho.
Strange enough, it was them hippy types what called, sayin y'all was being rude, mean, making threats, shootin at 'em...even made some guy's ear fall off, so they say. Now I don't rightly put much stock in that last bit, but Ah do know y'all tend to get a bit wild with the plinkin' at times. Nuthin wrong with that, far as I can see, but they called, all offishal 'n all, so Ah had to come out 'n lookey see all offishal 'n all. We'll iron it all out ok, don't worry.
Got another beer?
Them hippy folk was mumblin sumthin bout sumthin called trippin on acid. Might be why ol HH is havin ta use tha batry from tha Buick fer his Trans Am. I bet them hippies done stole his batry fer the acid. Still don't know how thay trip onna a liqueed. But I reckon that's fer you ta straighten out sherf. Oh, and here's some of that 5 alarm Texas chili yew was talkin bout.
I like sammichs.
Well hael, I'll jus git 'im some a my homemade Twinkie peye.oh; I am surely intrigued, can yas fetch me a piece too, would be ppreciative.
and, grats on gettin the 1200 spot purty lady.
*on a side note, AWSOME! I did 1200, wait that doesn't sound right!*
Har's yewr twinkie pie.
whew (gets up after falling down laughing so hard with Tegan) my, my, your a gem - hands that monolithic transformer lookin feller a BBQ sammich on a plate with chips n a beer o choice - well, now; dat acid be purty serious; we had ta warn dem hippies away quite serious as on o dem loopy gals was tryin ta take a go at my vehiclular battery wit a staw; darn crazy tootinist ting I ever done seen...recently anyhow.
Salt o da earth i say; n dont it say somewhere dat salt perserves n when it dost loose its flavor; cast it on da ground; well; dem hippies is pretty dirty n ta preserve der life we had no choice but ta cast salt at them; usin a high velocity tube of thunder was just some o the kind folk round these parts personal choice.
-refills everyones beers-
say now, that a right sharp eye yous got there sherf; i do have a fair amount of BBQ sauce on me. well now; bout time I took dat ham shoulder, dat turkey, n dat brisket out o da smoker, so got a bit o work ta be doin; collecting da drippins fer more sauce and lettin it rest; gonna be cuttin it in o leetle bit; so sit back and sake yer thurst n meet the fellars n da our purty ladies.
so this here is twinky pie eh, hmm, dont know what be worse; my hankerin or me wonderin at this pie o da ages; now I heared dat we could prolly set this pie down and come back n 500 yars n it would still be as tasty and fresh as today; well, have no fear; i am gonna take it wit me ta da pit n enjoy it wile da meat is a restin.
Mmmmmm-mmmmmm! Boy howdy that chili's hot! Yuh make a right good pot, mam. Ah preshiate it.
*couple of quick spoonsful disappear down a churning gullet*
Acid and salt, y'all say? Well, Ah don't rightly know what they might be making outa all that, but sumtin tells me it probly idn't legle. Ah'll have to mosey over there in a bit 'n see if they got any of them chemlab things set up. Be a shame to have to bust up thier party, but if they be set 'gainst the law, they need to take fall.
*hitches up pants like Barney Fife*
Nobody breaks the law round here and gets away wit it.
*raises beer to those assembled*
Ladies, gentlemen, here's to Downhome Town. *chug*
Now, off tuh harass some hippy types.
Shor is niice to know yer local lawman.
I likes a lawman dat speaks ma languij n iza man like everone else n puts his pants on one leg at a time. Yeppers, juz a man doin his job wit a luv fer his country; Blesm n raize yer beers; "Huzzah", best he lookin at dem den us.
*After a few minutes, he returns...*
I need a beer.
*pop*
*chug*
*Frat-house burp*
Ah don’t rightly know what to make uh dem folks. Persnally Ah think they smile a mite too much. Cain’t say as Ah saw anythin downright ill-legle over thar, but what Ah did see makes me think Ah aught tuh get back to the office for a bit n’ look in my law-type books…yah know, see what Ah can find.
Do me favor, if’n y’all would, keep a couple of eyes peeled n’ see if they try to sneak off ‘fore Ah git back.
If’n it’s alrite with you, ma’am, Ah’ll take some of that chili wit me. This may take a while and Ah prefer not to do real work on uh empty stumuk.
Ladies *touches hat brim*
Gents… *waves lazily*
*scowling slightly, and muttering something about finidng his old Polariod, he climbs back into his patrol car and rolls slowly away*
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Goin fer 1300...1300 it's Mines! Ha Ha. Mi-hi-hines..
Ya deserve it, wolf-man. Ya yanked meh tooth raht out, Ah tell you whut.
Wha...
Dagnabbit, thet wuz the wrawng tooth, wolf-man. This one Ah got left is still mighty sore.
Ah thought ya dun gradiated third grade, wolf-man. Some edumacation ya got thare.
Fried twinkies. And Budweiser.Is'at you there sweet 8 pound 5 ounce baby Jesus? Dat there sounds like food from the heavenly trailer park in the sky.
It twernt no fried twinkies, I made it up special like, it's was twinkies, home made choclit, pecans and to top it all off, coool whip. them fried twinkies is awright, but this pie's better.
Goin fer 1300...1300 it's Mines! Ha Ha. Mi-hi-hines..
Heathy, you can have 1300, i'm done tuckered out after 1200. Just watch them zombies, yew maht cetch somthin yew don't want.
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Heathy, you can have 1300, i'm done tuckered out after 1200. Just watch them zombies, yew maht cetch somthin yew don't want.
Hey now young missy, you take that back! Ah dun resonate that thar remark! Fer a walkin, talkin rottin zombeh-man, ah'm akchilly perty darn sanitized. Tain't nobody gonna ketch nothin from bein round me.
Well now; ain't we a motley type crew; been thinkin n got n offer fer ya while weas got a moments; come over here a bit fer some privacy and lets talk about yer teeth, da good and da bad ones and waht kin be done bout it,
it down right thar; you comforable; here; have a libation- *snaps his fingers and a frothy brew with a slighty green tinge and a slight anticeptic and acitic smell appears* heres ya go, a special brew from the homefront*
wal now my redneck brother, tell me your dreams and make a wish; yer teeth kin be good as new; perhaps better; certainly more interesting....(leers with a malicious grin)
Heathy, you can have 1300, i'm done tuckered out after 1200. Just watch them zombies, yew maht cetch somthin yew don't want.Hey now young missy, you take that back! Ah dun resonate that thar remark! Fer a walkin, talkin rottin zombeh-man, ah'm akchilly perty darn sanitized. Tain't nobody gonna ketch nothin from bein round me.
Now dahrlin, I never sed it was yew, er yor buddy Drunk, but ahm prity shor some ah yewr kin ain't so "sanitized".
...
*The battered patrol vehicle comes back down the lane, pulling up near the porch. The elderly man with the sparkly star on his chest gets out, a hard sided leather bad slung over one shoulder*
Well, Ah read thru my work books n’ didn’t find nuthin they was doing Ah could bust em fer. So, Ah went back wit muh Polaroid *slaps the leather case* and took a few pitchers. Only got a couple uh rolls took for they spied me hunkered down in that danged high grass over yonder. Most uh their women folk er walking around without no shirts on ‘n no matter how Ah tried, Ah couldn’t get no frame widout ‘least one of dem in it.
Mustah snapped a dozen rolls un couldn’t get nuthin worth while. That was shor one big waste uh time. Y’all got any beer left?
shore nuff; come on down and have a round er three wit us.
Wahl, I'll jus leave you boys to sift thru them thar pictures tha sharf done took. Might be between all ah y'all sumthin might come up... fer the sharf to be able to run them dang ole hippies off.
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Nah, dat dayre is juss ol' Uncle Coz. He done drank up alotta dat moonshine and pass'd out unter da porch.*ZZZzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZZZ**snort**zzzz*HEY CH! Ah think ya got a hippie sleepin in yer woodshed!
'S a good thang we got ya aroun', Daigle. Ah nearly mistooked Cosmo fer a hippie the way he wuz a-sleepin under meh porch. Almost got hisself shot lahk a Thanksgivin turkey.
I shore hope Uncle Cos is ok under that thar porch, it's a gully washer taday. Hope he don't get swept down ta dem hippy folk.
yah yah yaaahhh yah yah
whutever
Anyun know iff'n that thar Beverly Hillbillies marathon is still on the teevee? Ah managed to get me betamax hooked up so's Ah can record it, but Ah though Ah herd they cancelled it?
That Jethro's a looker though. Elly May's got some strange critters though. I ain't naver seen nun ah my kinfolk walkin round with no munky. Sumthin jus ain't right with that gurl.
Sharf, dgy'all get them fotos sorted out? Yew gonna be able to git rid ah them hippies or do we need to stock up on our rock sahlt?
*rolls her eyes, shakes her head, walks away*
*mumbling* mus not pop 'im in tha head, mus not pop 'im in tha head, sumthin maht fall off