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I'm making a samsaran occultist, and I was thinking that the character has been through so many different lifetimes at this point in their reincarnation that they feel like "man" and "woman" are sort of arbitrary and limiting. They/them pronouns. Anything problematic so far?
Oooh, interesting. I would explore the character's relationship with their gender. Maybe they've found that the strict categories don't work for them anymore, and they tend to move between them. Or maybe they've come to feel their own gender is apart from both male and female. Or maybe they've come to the conclusion that those categories are really meaningless to them. And so on. (For a cis person, I wouldn't have a character who aggressively rejects binary gender as meaningful, but it makes sense for the conception of one's own gender)
Please, someone in the know correct me if I'm wrong here, but if you want to portray a non-binary character, and you don't have personal experience of the travails one goes through to represent as non binary, wouldn't the most respectful thing be, to portray that character choice confidently?
It would seem to me that if you portray the fact they are non-binary with some level of confusion or self-angst, that might perpetuate a stereotype?
So, I definitely agree on being confident with respect to knowing that they're non-binary, with presenting non-binary, and not having angst about it. But ongoing development of their sense of gender, and of their beliefs about gender, possibly reflected in changes in their presentation, is to me a significant part of being non-binary in a culture that doesn't have a clear role for it. It may be a stereotype, but I think it's a pretty accurate one, and I don't find it a negative one, as long as you're playing it seriously and respectfully. Gender is incredibly complicated, we as a society have been wrestling with it (with the advantage of scientific methodology) for several decades now, and we're still mostly left with more questions.