One more spot left, if anyone is interested!
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We're starting soon, but there's plenty of time for folks to come in late. We've got room for two more players at the time of this posting.
Cheliax is a mighty Imperial Power in Golarion, and its navy has no rival. It is only natural, then, that it would choose to display its naval supremacy through the establishment of distant overseas colonies. Anchor's End is the most promising, and most distant, colony. Arcadia lies across the great Arcadian Ocean. It is a land of serene beauty and vast untapped natural resources. And it is Cheliax's Manifest Destiny to one day rule over it all. You have answered the call to take on the monumental challenge of taming the wild land, and forging Order from Chaos. The only problem is that each of your allies has designs on Arcadia that may not align exactly with your own. Will your vision guide the expansion of civilization across Arcadia? Will you lead, or will you be led, into the future? The only limit you face is your ambition! More Information: It's a heavily house-ruled game that will be a hybrid of Play by Post and Virtual Table Top (Maptool). It involves a (several-iterations) converted version of the old Birthright Campaign Setting rules for the kingdom-building stuff.
Characters will start at level 1. The game will be heavily leaning toward the role-playing side of things. There's a ton more to read about the campaign over here: http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=327420
About the whole "Clark Peterson is terrible" thing: Being a critic is dirty work. Clark, don't let it get under your skin. In Orcus' defense, I feel he's definitely the right man to judge competitions such as this. 1) He has the ridiculous amount of free time and energy needed.
On the other hand, I happen to also disagree with at least 90% of his opinions and his method of delivering them (and I sometimes wonders if he plays the same D&D game I do), but -- that's why they have 3 judges every round. To cover a range of tastes. Keep in mind that Clark actually said my round 2 entry was so bad it didn't deserve a serious review (other than an F), so when I ask that you cut him some slack, I'm speaking with some personal authority. I can't imagine how many hours he's put into this contest, and it upsets me that a good-hearted volunteer would be subjected to such abusive sentiments. Even if you think people are being kiss-ups and sycophants, the least Clark deserves is thanks in exchange for the effort he puts into this god-forsaken contest.
This would be even more amusing to me if it had "creator must be a male" as part of its requirements.
I'm voting for this entry. It's good. And it amuses me.
In the next round of the contest ... I would like to see more Monkeys, Sombreros, Blink Dogs, Pirates, and Dinosaurs.
Congratulations on making the cut. You weren't in my top 4, but you were certainly in my top 8.
Sorry to see you didn't make the cut this round. I really liked your villain. I hope you feel better soon.
I bet it smells like formaldehyde.
Gentle repose. Gentle repose ruins the proper "hideous patchwork" feel to the monster, discouraging the mustering of proper villager mobs, and thus damaging the local economy through reduced trade in pitchforks and torches. Come on now, with ideas like this, how is a grave robber supposed to maintain his style of life in his decaying aerie castle? As already stated, alcohol, vinegar or honey for a non-magical means. Thanks to the monster's stitches, steeping in alcohol turns the creature into a giant conflagration before the nearest first level wizard can say "burning hands." As for vinegar and honey, I'd go with vinegar. After all, you catch more flies with honey -- and the last thing you want to attract is flies when you're stitching together a dozen corpses to create your terrible FLESH GOLEM! Bingo. There's little to no NEED to develop formaldehyde. If you're looking for a non-magical solution, you could also do the same thing the ancient Egyptians did, millenia before the invention of formaldehyde - preservation through desiccation. Everyone knows that formaldehyde wasn't created to fulfill a need. It was created by accident! And the technology required for it isn't beyond any pseudo-mystical pre/post/hybrid interdimensional dinosaur-infested barbarian-overrun giant-underground-burrowing post-enlightened quasi-renaissance civilization could manage. At any rate, I feel that attempts to maintain "historical accuracy" in a D&D game are at best pretentious, and at worst endanger the suspension of disbelief even more than embracing the game's immensely entertaining inherent anachronism. Now if you feel that formaldehyde invokes certain themes that you don't like -- if you think that the villain leans toward the "enlightened mysteries of prehistoric bronze age civilizations" rather than a laboratory-of-the-mad scientist or grizzly workshop of the taxidermist, then I think you have a more than valid point. However, it shouldn't really matter, from where I'm sitting, at what point in history a given character trapping was invented -- beyond any flavor or atmosphere that the trapping in question connotes.
D&D isn't a historical role-playing game, it can have formaldehyde if it wants to. How else are you going to preserve your flesh golem pieces, before you sew them together, raise them up to the top of your tower, and get them struck by lightning to thusly declare that it is, in fact, alive? Hmm?
My votes are in! 1) Hecataeus, Master of Constructs (Randy Dorman)-- Almost as awesome as last round, even though he lost a pinch of his "charm" to appeal to the masses (which was a smart move, really).
I hate to say it, but I'm with Clark Peterson on this one. You definitely did some good work here, and I'm going to overlook any of your stat block mistakes on the "weight" of your magic item which I did very much like. You're going to get my vote, but I do think you could have done better. I hope to see more of your stuff in future rounds, but its clearly going to be a close one this time.
I'm going to vote for Malgana, but I refuse to buy any products you author unless you change her title back to the Twistwood Witch. You're getting my vote because your mechanics this round are really strong. I think your idea might be something of a rip-off of the Mummy (imhotep) but I'm more than fine with that. Your "recovering the body parts" mechanics are neat, clean, simple, and effective. Superstar.
After all due consideration, I'm going to float one of my votes to the Diamond Dragon. I know I'm supposed to be voting on the stat block this round, but there are only two entries that were worthy of superstar status, so I'm going to give Jeroim a "nearly good enough" vote in the hopes that Mark gets to the next round to see if he can redeem himself. I really think that Lord Jeroim Borloz is a good idea, I just wish you had executed it a little better. Even so, you've made the cut!
I have to chime in on the high AC issue. His AC isn't ridiculously high. First, it is so high, in part, because of some spells he cast to enhance his AC. He's Caster Level 10. For a party of 17th level characters, all they need to do is target him with a greater dispel magic and his AC drops several points (and there goes his pointless Contingency spell). Caster Level 10 is laughably useless against a party of 17th level characters. Then his AC isn't that much of an issue for the heavy hitters. I mean, its still high, but its doable. Also, most parties of 17th level characters are going to have spells or items to enhance their own combat abilities and this guy can't really do anything about them. He can't dispel all their buffs, and can't waste his actions counterspelling them (but a party of 4 or 5 PCs sure as hell can afford to have one on counterspell duty against a lone archvillain caster). A party of 17th level characters probably wouldn't have too much trouble taking his guy down if they had a single-classed wizard and cleric in their party, plus a fighter (to benefit from all their buff spells) to melee the crap out of him. Add in a bard and another cleric or druid and you'll take this guy down before you can say "Level Up". He's a reasonable challenge for his CR -- which is to say, a party of reasonably optimized characters 3 levels lower could take him down handily, using up a good chunk of their resources. In my experience, Final Challenge villains don't usually do well by themselves. They need an entourage or a couple of "helpers" to be a proper challenge against the PCs. Let the PCs be level 20, and add 4 level 18 NPC Bodyguards to this guy, and he'll be a much bigger challenge to them. By himself though, even with his 50 AC, any reasonably balanced party of level 17 characters will take him down 9.9 times out of 10. I'd like to note that having the Ring of Counterspells with Dispel Magic is clever, but at this CR, he's just going to be hit by Greater Dispel Magic spells, I can't imagine most parties would bother using a lower level version against a formidable enemy.
I think its a fair design choice to assume that any given villain will have monsters or other NPCs who work for him, without counting the cost of the monsters in the character's gold piece budget. For instance, I sometimes put NPCs on mounts -- I either count the mounts in the encounter level of the encounter, or I take the cost of the mount from the NPCs' budgets. Either way, theoretically, you should get a balanced encounter. With that in mind, I disagree with the assertion that there's been a severe design omission.
Nice job. I think by deleting the buffoonish parts, I'm starting to miss the feeling of why exactly he became the way he is, but I guess it brought your critics around so that's great. The stat block is very good. The tactics are excellent. I very much like that he's a coward -- its a great way to keep him as a recurring villain. And its a realistic personality trait for someone who is self-obsessed and super-intelligent. I called you out last round as the one I'd be watching the closest and you did not disappoint. Your item in round 1 was one of my favorites, and you got my vote in round 2. You will also be getting my vote in round 3.
I hate to say it, but I'm disappointed by the stat block. This character wouldn't even last even a single round against most parties a couple of levels lower -- you know, after they finally figure out he's the mastermind behind all the area's troubles and what not. Monks are a pretty weak class, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Given their inherent weakness, I'd think you could have afforded to give him a better "special rule" to help him out. Alas. If I were to adjust this villain myself, I'd probably give him some better magic items -- he's a use magic device guy, so you could have gotten clever with some scrolls to make him a serious threat in a "final showdown" style battle. But leaning too heavily on magical items got me in trouble with my villain in round 3 last year, so I guess you should take that little tid bit with a grain of salt.
You could become high level somewhere REALLY far away (another plane perhaps even), and then move to a locale that you happen to be completely anonymous.
(bonus points if you get the reference) I don't know what the reference is, but it sounds like a pretty cool phrase to shout out if one were to cast a basic attack spell at someone who is EXTREMELY ANCIENT.
Evil Blink Dog.
I have to say, the shark having a note with clues leading back to the hidden grotto made me laugh in a very good way.
PS: Hopefully we wont have a repeat of last year's blink dog fiasco .... Ugh. Yeah. Those blink dogs were bad. Don't remind us.
I like the flavor and I love the flow. This is, beyond a doubt, the best written entry out of all of them, and that alone would probably earn a vote from me. The fact that I love the villain seals the deal. My players would totally mock him for his over-the-topped cliche'edness, which would only earn his undying emnity, turning him into their sworn enemy. It's like a self-fulfilling prophesy. He's be fun to roleplay as a GM, his schemes would be a challenge to enact, and my players would love to thrash his "expendable" construct minions.
Only two villains stood out this round: 1) Mark Thomas' Lord Jeroim Borloz, the Diamond Dragon
I threw my other two votes to the designers of my two favorite items from round 1. 3) Elizabeth Leib (Haldon Valmaur, the Jade Shadow)
I have to note that Randy Dorman's item also made my top five list for favorite items in the first round, so right now, Randy's the one I'm going to be watching the closest in the next round (and I have no doubt he'll make it to round 3).
I absolutely love this villain. You've got one vote from me. This is one good way a true recurring villain should be designed. Colorful, hidden behind a veil of mystery and subterfuge, and ruthlessly ambitious.
My plan for voting in round 2 will be to look at the writers of my favorite items from the first round. Any that stand out as "superstar material" among that bunch will automatically get my vote. Any left over votes will be applied to the best entries of Round 2. Oh. And anyone who gets an "F" review from Clark automatically gets one contrarian vote from me!
My 5 favorites are: 1. Haunted Shoes
I also liked: Spider Hook, Ethereal Tether and Ancestral Reliquary
This is extremely well written, and well designed. There's not much wrong with this at all. It seems like the sort of device that a golem-obsessed wizard would design, in his quest for becoming more "perfect" like his creations. And it also happens to have some useful features for any adventurers that might come across it as well. Superstar material, all things considered. I look forward to seeing what you've got for us in Round 2.
Temporal Bracers are well written. They definitely have a spell-punk feel to them, though on the extravagant side of things. They seem a little blatantly sci-fi but not in the "oozes from outer space" cool way. Other than that, a very well designed and themed item.
The Ancestral Reliquary is well written, and it has a place in the game setting beyond just being a doohickey in the bags of a bunch of wild-eyed adventurers. It is fairly simple, mechanically, and that's probably a good thing.
The thing that kills me with the Last Leaves of the Autumn Dryad is the thought of a bunch of druids sitting around deciding to create these items. Do they have to kill a bunch of innocent magic trees or do any old leaves suffice? Really, I guess, it seems to me that this item would be more suitable as one of those mysterious "minor artifact" type things that aren't created by mere mortals. Other than that, though, this is a very well-written entry.
Blight Lady's Bread is an extremely high powered amulet, and very expensive. It's definitely not a spellpunk utility item, and that's a good thing, it certainly seems like the sort of evil item that you might come across in the hands of some crazed evil vermin-loving pseudo-druid. That being said, however, I can't help but wonder if this might be a little too specialized. Probably not. Good job, except for the goofy backstory stuff!
I think the "School of Eyes" would be better as a creepy sort of Ioun Stone. As such, it doesn't seem to have the mechanics necessary to be considered an item.
The Bracelet of Shields seems like a good magical item for a wizard to make for himself, and that fits pretty much any campaign setting. The writing has some problems, but is mostly clear. The formatting is significantly off.
Master's Perfect Golden Bell is a good item, definitely wondrous. Well written. Nice mystical feel to it. The backstory annoys me a little. Would have been one of the best without the unnecessary flowery stuff, I think. Hard to tell, since the cat's already out of that bag.
Isn't it supposed to be "Neck" slot, or am I on too much cold medication? I don't like the backstory part. The concept is decent, a bit more "sci-fi" than most of the steam-powered flavored spellpunk items thus far, which I suppose serves to stand out from the crowd a bit. I don't think D&D needs more book keeping however, and the decision to have to keep track of the damage absorbed probably wasn't a good one. The writing is good, though.
Another excellent spellpunk utility item suitable for any high powered adventurer squad's "party magic item" haversack. I like the concept. The design is good. I can see a million uses. Definitely a multi-tasker. The writing is also good.
The Withering Hourglass is a good idea gone terribly bad. It's well written, but the mechanics are scary and the price is too low. It's not a standard "utility belt" item, however, and that's a plus. All in all, however, the good does not outweigh the bad in this case. I think a superstar would realize how horribly abused the con damage touch attack would be in the hands of the wrong people.
Now this is how to conceptualize a utility item. Genius. Your idea is so good that I'm willing to overlook some of the clunkiness in your writing. The price is a little high, making this item suitable only for heroes of the spellpunk genre, but if there are wizards out there crafting items for the sole use of troubleshooting adventurers, then this item should definitely be on their shelves.
The Hurricane Gloves are a clever idea. I like how you decided to use the bull rush mechanic for them. Your entry could have used a bit of proofreading, however, and on top of simple errors, the writing is a bit clunky.
To be honest, I wanted to stop reading the Heart of Oblivion when I got to "tasted of its powers". While such prose has a place in fantasy writing, I think magic item descriptions deserve something a bit less flavorful. On top of being a bit overblown, the writing is a bit too conversational to appeal to me. The actual item itself has both utility and flavor. I know where this item comes from, I know why it exists in the game world. That puts it above most of the finalist items so far. The mechanics aren't well thought out however. Greater Dispel Magic has a couple of different ways it can be used, and only rarely is it used to target a single spell. Is that the only variant of Greater Dispel Magic that the Heart is capable of? (Edit: Oops, I see that my question was answered in the post above mine!)
The Twintone Flute is a bard item so I'm going to give you a thumbs up for that! I think you should have made it a bag pipe though, or an accordion. The pan flutes are so overdone! The writing is above average, but I don't like the mechanics for some reason that I'm unable to pin down. They just don't feel right to me.
I'm not sure if I'm just getting cranky because its late or what. I can't believe no one else seems to have had a problem that this item doesn't have a slot requirement. Just having this little charm on your person grants you the ability to go first in one encounter each day. How exactly do you 'activate' this pocket charm? On the upside, the writing is pretty good.
I like the Dust of Weighty Burdens for the most part. The writing is excellent. The mechanics are fairly solid (though encumbrance is kind of scary). It has a lot of utility but it also seems like an "alchemical essence" that would exist in a more 'mystical' and less 'gadget' based setting -- I love the alchemical feel, really, I do. Definitely one of the better items. I look forward to seeing what you come up with for us in Round 2.
Spell-Catch Gauntlet is a great idea, if a bit utilitarian. The execution is a bit scary, even if the writing is above average. The idea isn't quite cool enough to overlook the odd Will Save (DC 15 + Caster Level) mechanic which is a total deal breaker to me.
Veil of the Midnight Vigil has a lot of utility. I also like the "woven from strands of prescient dreams" angle. That's pretty damned wondrous. I really dislike the idea behind it though, from a game point of view. It's very similar, theoretically, to the Ring of Sustenance. And I don't like that item all that much either. All in all, I'm afraid, in spite of this item being fairly well written, that I just don't like it.
The Lens of the Runethief is a very utilitarian item that seems to fit the spellpunk genre perfectly. There are a lot of items so far that have been designed around utility but seeing as how most folks play D&D that way it isn't surprising, or inappropriate. Its well written. The downside to me, however, is that its kind of boring. Useful, but boring. I'd like to commend you for having it grant a skill bonus in addition to its more overt magical quality, though. I like that. |