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A for...ANDAR-WEAR!
Behold, my mysterious new patrons (they do say an ill-repute precedes you, but who am I to judge???)! The exquisite dark palace you commissioned me to design and engineer is COMPLETE! Behold it's wondrous delicate spires, each tens of thousands of cubits high! Between them, open-air walkways of metal-foil sheets and delicately-enchanted ice, ideal for a strictly-solitary stroll! A wonderful view of the natural (as well as less-so) local scenery, with its gorgeous lava-floes, great trees impaling the sky like spears, and most fearsome wildlife! Animate gargoyles, gaily and unpredictably hopping and prowling about, sure to shock and amuse any guest with their whimsy! Flying buttresses (I've always found that name most-infuriatingly imprecise, therefore I saw to it that these actually fly)! Parapets, parapets, and MORE parapets!!! All manner of trap-doors and trick-surfaces for that most important contingenc- *is interrupted by the sudden screams of any number of Disney Villains - loud at first, but petering to silence in the distant below* ...Oh. Oh, dear.
With any luck, this shall lead to an even more magnificent innovation: Crossbows that mass-manufacture themselves! The next poster (Blessings and Praise) has discovered a most peculiar tome, and shall enlighten us (or at least give us a hint) as to what strange and forbidden powers its pages might bestow!
*in walks a striking-looking Tiefling in exotic robes, not particularly heavily-armed, but surrounded by a bevy of ominous-looking clockwork toys* Great and most gracious Occidental effendi! I have come from afar in response to thy request for a lecturer in engineering, mathematics, precious mineral arts, and mathemagic...?
Why, I do enjoy a traditional Tashboorian Snake Surprise over the High Festival Days - and they do say that the best part is truly the cold snakeling sandwiches one may salvage from the leftovers the day after! Most esteemed, the next poster has discovered a most INNOVATIVE mew utilization for that already-extraordinary contraption, the 'digital wristwatch'!
Tvashtri catches back up after recovering from the sudden shock of heightened power, gratefully integrating his old blueprints into his wondrous new tome, and recalibrating his mechanicals in light of his staggering new insights. "What is this? A frosty fiend? A gelid ghul? Agni, ATTACK!" A tiny copper statuette of a baroque efreet dutifully rolls forward, opens its jaw hideously wide, and spews forth a volley of fiery shuriken!
This is followed by a silver spider statuette, with a purple geode where its eyes should be, spewing a spritz of acid from an ominous chute...
...and a steel skeleton warrior wielding a tiny but wicked sword, shuffling up and attacking not with the sword, but a ray of ghostly power from its free hand...
...and one of Tvashtri's own crossbow bolts for good measure!
Heeding the great (or at least good) wizard's advice Tvashtri gathers up his mechanicals and hoofs it at astounding speed! "Say, O Great (or at least Good) Wizard, I hope it does not offend if I inquire...what I mean to say, is...if it pleases thee...perhaps...having seen, of course, thy tangible benefice toward the Orc and Schism, then perhaps...lest it reflect poorly on me to be so very forward...ah, hast thou any gifts suitable for one such as I?"
Captain Spalding must be banned postehaste as consequence for her longstanding habit of swimming in the ocean WITHOUT the use of bleach, nor any like or better antiseptic, nor even a scrap of protective clothing - dear gods, woman, are you not aware of what all the creatures of the sea DO in there?!?
"What? So sayeth whom? Oh yes, you should see the forum pentagons in New-Tashboor-On-Ruins-Of-Old. Too many are infested with all the wrong sorts of greedy peddlers, garish harlots, no-talent doomsayers, messy barbers, and most of the civic orators do no more than merely fit right in with such - why, some of those fora have scarcely felt a touch of urban renewal in over 1000 years...." As suddenly as it had left it, Tvashtri's mind snaps back to the matter at hand. "A-ha, fancy this!"
Tvashtri snaps out of his daydreams. "By the faloodeh-like appendages of Al-Jazzazazazathoth, I was beginning to think we were never going to make it out of there!" He tries helping Jenny poke around the gorgeous mineral formations...
...only to be distracted when he hears Agni momentarily slip a gear.
KahnyaGnorc flies via the most ingenious mechanism of covering her backside in butter and then jumping off a building - since Gnomes always land butter-side-down, but Orcs always land on their faces, this generates a bidirectional repulsion field that can keep her aloft indefinitely! She then steers and propels herself with fine paper fans, which neither Gnomes nor Orcs normally have any truck with, and hence do not interfere with the field. |
