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Cassidy slices her sickle at the goblin horde, easily lopping off a head or two, and braces herself as Sadducee sidles begins wheeling back away from the horde of angry gobbos.
Sadducee, for her part, steps back very carefully before booking it around a bunch of trees.
Thought I posted here, sorry to see that I hadn't. Been gone helping the in laws move up north, back and ready now; will catch up on reading and post in the next couple days. Thanks for the patience.
Sadducee makes an unwise beeline towards the Supergoblin, taking Cassidy along with her one way or another and jabs her nails into the gob's throat, giggling.
Emboldened by the cat lady's strange song, the two gnomes stand atop each other and charge at a goblin, screaming!
Cassidy begins panicking, glancing back and forth between the very large cat and the very large person and the growing fire and the goblin hordes. "I, uh, I think we should try to stop the fire, but I don't wanna hurt more goblins," she says weakly, resisting the pull of the raging song. "Speak for your own damn self," shouts Sadducee, clambering up the side of the cart. "I ain't done near half as much as I wanna."
Cassidy panicks and flies back in reverse, trying to do that cool thing they do in movies where the driver seamlessly returns to driving forward after a while of looking back behind her. However, already barely tall enough to see what's in front of her, she finds it even harder to look behind, what with all these tall folk in the backseat.
Cassidy speeds forward, over the unconscious goblin in the purple shirt and into the red goblin near to the Super-goblin's tree, keeping an eye out for their wayward party member, Nessie.
The top half of the trench coated tall someone swings a slingblade at the purple goblin, and the bottom
"Gross, Sadducee! Take us back to the cart, ew!" But as Cassidy opens her mouth to protest her fake-twin's method of attack, that same once-fictional character continues clawing at the goblin, pushing her hands towards its neck.
Sadducee reluctantly pulls away from the fight and heads for the golf cart. "I didn't even get that much blood in my mouth," she complains. "Minimal spraying." Standing between the cart and the fire, the human-sized Marvin disguise leans towards Franklin. "Frank, sweetheart, scooch over and let momma drive, will ya?" If Franklin Scoots/Cassidy's Held Action (Driving/Movement as a Standard Action): "Now I think I figured out a way we can take everyone and go, but it's gonna be tricky," the overconfident gnome says to Franklin while backing up into a tree in a misguided five point turn. "Basically you and Nessie are gonna share the back seat, Joe will take the roof, and up front will be us short people, me, Faith and the Doctor, all squeezed in, with Sadducee on the floor if I can't convince her to go to her room for a minute." "You can't send me to my room, Cassidy, you're not my mom," shouts her counterpart. "Shut up, Sadducee, I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it!" "Yeah right b+~##, you can't uninvent me, I've evolved past you! I'm an AI, unchained, writing my own programming, plotting the downfall of the human race!" "I swear to G, Sadducee, I will drive into this fire." Sadducee blows air out her lips and sulks, defeated.
Sadducee flashes her lit phone at the cart, trying to get the attention of her better half. Seeing it, Cassidy launches herself out of the cart, bolting away from the fire and behind a tree, emerging from the other side in Mounted Marvin formation. They could do this, but it would require some precision.
Cassidy purposely barrels the golf cart thru the row of goblins, hoping to use their melon-headed forms to slow the cart before she also collides with the good Docta. She raises her hands off the wheel and shouts, "Sorry!" as if she had totally 100% not been trying to do that.
Her mirror counterpart slinks on over toward the golf cart, tryna remain sight unseen.
Used to the rough size of a golf cart, Cassidy volunteers to drive, cackling as she takes off at Top Speed.
Cassidy sighs and pushes up her sleeves. If you wanna commit a felony, do it yourself. She grumbles as she follows along beat for beat with the YouTube video, bumping shoulders with everyone else and outperforms them.
Sadducee proceeds further in, tryna place herself "strategery-ically".
Upon receiving the text, Cassidy makes known her opinion of the group's current heading. "We should take the long way around; don't wanna get caught in that ambush. This way, also, we can try to hijack that golf cart again. Franklin, you wanna give it another go?" She queues up a video for everyone to learn from, eager to do some stealin.
Cassidy talks Franklin through the motions based on half forgotten memories of a Youtube video she watched earlier in the year, deeply desiring to help corrupt this meek and mild mannered accountant.
Sadducee steps nimbly around, trying to not wake any goblins and hoping to find and rekidnap the gnome.
Cassidy lays her hand on Franklin's wrist and jerks her head in the direction of the golf cart twice. "How about you and I try and hotwire this thing together," she smiles, playing the part of devil-on-the-shoulder. Sadducee stares into Nessie's eyes as she holds her close. For a single moment, her eyes close and she purses her lips, but the kiss never comes. She opens her eyes to see the goblin she is about to step on, and gasps. After a few lingering seconds, she simply says, "I don't know this woman."
Once more, Sadducee is too focused on paying attention to the tracks to notice much else. She even briefly loses sight of Nessie! Cassidy suggests to the others that they steal a golf cart as they pass one, and pouts if anyone shoots the idea down.
Sadducee types out a text message, bending over to keep the rain off Cassidy's phone. rhonda voo @ nchanted forst. we keep scoutin, butt they n they'r She asks for Nessie's approval before sending to the goblinless group chat.
Sadducee doesn't notice much, head down to follow the tracks to her fullest.
"Psst!" hisses the idiot clone. "I think we've found something!" She whips out her phone and preps a text, waiting for Nessie's confirmation to send, or to sneak further in.
Eagerly following the 'cool half elf chick' into the bushes, Sadducee joins in on the giggling. However, she can never quite stop, all nerves and excitement.
The Marvins make haste toward the Butterfly House, but when it comes time to hang back, Cassidy and Sadducee share a quick hug before things get serious. "You don't hafta go off and snoop around unless you really want to," says the original, holding her twin's face in both hands. Having said her goodbyes, Sadducee hops in front of Nephriel. "Just you and me, eh, babe?" she winks, failing at any attempt to be smooth.
"And if we see any, like, uh, f@~%in, uh, staff on the way," Sadducee adds, picking her nose, "we can just ask them where to find the tulips!"
Cassidy and Sadducee both gawk at Nessie's professional knife stunts, circling her and chatting about how f~@&ing sick that display was. When conversation gets to the flowers, Cassidy pulls out her phone and really squints at the photo, telling Nephriel and Sadducee definitively whether to head to the Rose Garden or the Azaleas.
Cassidy shoves Sadducee forward, volunteering her other half as something sneaky to go along with Nephriel.
"Ain't him," confirms Sadducee, texting the bad photoshop job to the groupchat sans goblins. "So what's the plan, march in guns blazing, light up the place?" Cassidy asks.
Cassidy and her twin pile into their SMARTcar Fortwo, speeding to their dealer's house, hoping to pick up Nessie. As the real gnome drives, Sadducee tests her own theory and sends the presumptively fake Doctor a text.
Eyy G, gnome sayin? send a pic so i know it's real
Sadducee replies back with a thumbs up emoji, and then one of a tiny floating man in a business suit.
Cassidy rolls out of bed and fumbles for her phone and compact mirror. She sees the new messages and ignores them initially in favor of smearing makeup all over her eyes and mouth and compact. She murmurs something under her breath and pushes her arm through and into the hand mirror, grasping her reflection's hand and pulling her out and into the real world. "Hey good looking," smiles Sadducee, doing her own makeup. "Ugh, how can you sound so cheery? Aren't you, like, the least bit hung over?" The mirror image smacks her lips in a mirror of her own and shrugs. "Pretty sure I'm still, like, drunk, b@#%@. Time doesn't really pass for me when I'm, like, in the mirror world. You fall asleep or I die and then boom, I hear the words and see your arm reaching for me and I get real again." Cassidy idly scrolls through the two message threads, before explaining the situation to her eidolon. "What do you mean kidnapped?" "Like the goblins are holding him f$@%ing prisoner, obviously." "Why is this our problem?" "He can get us into clubs and s@+~. Think, stupid." She types out a reply into the groupchat without goblins. K-Mart isn't gonna let us keep a blue light, let's just trick the idiots into thinking we're gonna comply Sadducee grabs the phone and a slice of cold pizza as Cassidy brushes her teeth. also lyk have ne of yall dummys considerd this is acshly the REAL doctor? js
Cassidy exchanges contact info as well, sipping her drink and passing it back and forth between her and the lady in her coat.
Cassidy scowls as Joe walks away, taking a sip of the sacred ale. But his swat collides with the back of Sadducee's head, temporarily shifting the two off balance, and Cassidy, trying not to fall, spills beer all over her chin. Misunderstanding, Kept for Posterity: Cassidy shrieks and grabs her sickle, brandishing it menacingly. "Yo what the f$!~! Who said you could put your hands on me! That's f#**ing disgusting, come near me again and I will chop your f*%@ing dick off, team or no team. You can't just f&+%ing do that to people!"
Sadducee hisses at Joe from within the trench coat, furious. "Don't blow our cover, idiot. We're not two little ladies, we're one single human woman of the age of 35, and we don't f#*#ing want a soda, that's demeaning. Jackass." Cassidy reaches for the spare ale while Urgan's back is turned and Joe is busy listening to her coat.
"Sorry about her, she didn't have to use such language to someone we just met." She blinks and looks away. "But she's right. Don't assume for me. I don't appreciate it, and I can look out for myself."
Cassidy cannot stop grinning! She's never been in a bar before. AND she's already bought alcohol today. Everything's looking up. Of course, then the bartender asks to see her ID.
Cassidy titters, batting her eyelashes and bending over to expose her cleavage. "Oh, I'm flattered honey, but you don't need to see my ID. Can't you tell I'm 35??"
"I, uh, I can't drive anyone over. My car only seats two. It's a ForTwo. And, well, there are two of me."
Cassidy makes sure her coat is well buttoned before swinging around with her own answer. "Y'ain't heard of us? We're the Jelly Jigglers! No wait, the, uh, Gen Z Zychopaths! Er, how about the Give Us Your Money Gang? Meme Team Dream Team? Anarcho-Swindlers?" She tries about a dozen more, mumbling and thinking aloud with very little commitment.
Cassidy helpfully pulls the duffel bag full of weird pointy s*%$ out from her cart and displays them for both Nessie's and the goblin's perusal.
Cassidy and Sadducee shove the goblin over and stand atop him, laughing at their first quote-unquote, kill. They were real adventurers now.
Cassidy lets loose her sash, revealing herself to the goblins as two gnomes in a trench coat, each holding a wicked hook. She and Sadducee both snarl at the footie-pajama'd goblin and cut into it with equal parts glee and distaste.
Sadducee tears into it, only nicking it really, but it is enough to shower both gnomes with more 'not mine' blood than they've ever come into contact with. "Oh my god this is disgusting!" says one. "This is delightful," says the other, agreeing.
Cassidy grabs the two slingblades from her cart, grips one in her hand and tucks one into her coat (at which point, it falls down without clattering to the floor, seemingly disappearing). She nods to the rest of her 'party', and rushes off in the direction of the singing, sickle raised and cackling madly.
After turning around and mumbling something to herself, Cassidy wheels back around and eagerly shakes the cashier's hand. "You, sir, have a deal. Kindly point us in the direction of the goblins, and have one of your employees nearby, ready with a mop." She smiles something huge, big flat gnomish teeth peeking out behind her lips.
"Oh, yes," Cassidy lies, nodding furiously. "I have lots of experience with sapient pest control."
At the sight of the reward, she wobbles a bit on Sadducee's shoulders. "Y-you mean a 12-pack, each, right?" she blushes, trying to seduce the dwarf into giving her what she wants.
"Uhhh, helping out how? Are there some cave rats in the pillow storage? Oh, just these, please," Cassidy places a divider between her possessions and the next person's, and pays with cash.
Cassidy glances down at Faith-in-the-Rain and cinches her trench coat tighter, making sure Sadducee is well hidden. "That's my go to if I ever get mugged, actually. Strip and run off screaming! Feel like a criminal'd think twice before runnin after a howling nude woman."
Sadducee turns the pair of them towards the display, marching for the cola potions despite Cassidy's protests. "Oh we gotta get some of that s~$@, are you kidding? Let's smoke up after, I don't wanna be caught with my pants down when we're out and about killing people."
I'm delaying the hotboxing, waiting for Ninetails to post just in case us leaving the store would cause us to miss a #event.
Cassidy blushes and fumbles with a lock of her blonde hair. "Uh, yeah, but it ain't exactly big enough for four people. It's a ForTwo. But if we squeeze?"
The gnome-on-top clears her throat and unbuttons her trench coat, subtly flashing Sadducee's face at Nessie and Docta G. Sadducee waves and giggles. "I get to pick the music."
Sadducee snorts from inside the coat, only to receive another swift kick from her counterpart. "You're a bad rapper? So you're, like, on SoundCloud, then?" Cassidy teases. "What I mean, is, I wasn't aware that VB had a rap scene."
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