*applies chocolate frosting, superglue, and rot grubs to Fish-Malkovich*
In an anarchist dwelling,
So humble and so mean,
Oh, smell the pungent odour
Of nitroglycerin.
And while busy making fuses,
And filling cans with nails,
The little Slavic children
Set up this mournful wail...
...Well, its Sister Jenny's turn to throw the bomb!
Oh, well the last one,
It was thrown by Brother Thom!
Oh, poor mother's aim is bad,
And the cops, they all know dad,
So it's Sister Jenny's turn to throw the bomb!
Sister Jenny, she came back
And stood by her mother's side.
Her little eyes were shining
With a sort of girlish pride.
She said, "Oh tell me, mother,
Don't you think that I did well?"
"Well yes you did, and bless you child,
You blew 'em all to... pieces."
Well, its Sister Jenny's turn to throw the bomb!
Oh, well the last one,
It was thrown by Brother Thom!
Oh, poor mother's aim is bad,
And the cops, they all know dad,
So it's Sister Jenny's turn to throw the bomb!
Well, its Sister Jenny's turn to throw the bomb!
Oh, well the last one,
It was thrown by Brother Thom!
Oh, poor mother's aim is bad,
And the cops, they all know dad,
So it's Sister Jenny's turn to throw the bomb! Bomb!! Bomb!!!
HEY!
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"You know something got messed up when the time travel mission is routine but 'that one time in Canada' is novel."
― "Final Measure", City of Heroes player
Spanky the Leprechaun-Impersonator
Fnord is everything you need to know about the last 3 years.
Dear Uncle GoatToucher,
I am in VERY URGENT need of guidance as to my present predicament:
I was just loafing around the house here, when I decided to go to the living room to watch TV; when I got there, I couldn't help but look out the window at my front lawn, and the angel-statue I'd had put in just last week. I know it might sound silly, but something about that statue was really creeping me out, so I got up to close the blinds, and that's when I remembered, to my horror...
...I don't have a front lawn.
Aloha,
Shaken In Suburbia
*Fish-Malkovich is soon struck, by a really, really, really bad stomachache...*
Noooooo, it means *skee-balls a tape-recorder straight up Waterhammer's nostril, and seeds from an extinct variety of banana into his inner-ear*
Hey, I ordered a Cheeseburger!
I'm going down to Chaotown
The chao's a friend to me
Lives beneath the ocean
That's where I will be
Beneath the waaaves, the waves!
And that's where I will be!
I'm gonna see the Chao Beneath The Sea!
The yellow Roosevelt Avenue leaf overturned
The ardor of arboreality is an adventure
We have spurned, we've spurned!
A new leaf overturned!
Is a new leaf overturned?
I'm going down to Chaotown
The chao's a friend to me
Lives beneath the ocean
That's where I will be
Beneath the waaaves, the waves!
And that's where I will be!
I'm gonna see the Chao Beneath The Sea!
We yearn to swim for home
But our only home is bone
How sleepless is the egg
Knowing that which throws the stone?
Foresees the bone, the bone!
Our only home is bone
Our only home is bone
And so I'm going down to Chaotown
The chao's a friend to me
Lives beneath the ocean
That's where I will be
Beneath the waaaves, the waves!
And that's where I will be!
I'm gonna see the Chao Beneath The Sea!
Yes, I'm going down to Chaotown
The chao's a friend to me
Lives beneath the ocean
That's where I will be
Beneath the waaaves, the waves!
And that's where I will be!
I'm gonna see the Chao Beneath The Sea!
Yes, I'm gonna see (I'm gonna see)
The Chao (the Chao)
Beneath The Seeaaa!!!
Sayuki the Duplicitous wrote: ..and if all goes according to plan,... That sounds like a GREAT idea! PLEASE go ahead...*stares hungrily, grins menacingly*
I shapeshift into a 2nd-level adventurer. Lotslegs-Eat-Goblin-Babies-Many maybe should run.
Fnord is all that which is not all that which is Fnord.
We Three Kings of Orient are,
tried to smoke a rubber cigar,
it was loaded,
it EXPLODED
scattering near and far!
We Two Kings of Orient are....
A miracle occurred: The story lasted EIGHT words!
HAT!!! Get backfrontcenterupdownrightleft here, you!
Oooohey, Pixy Stix! *sucks the ink out of Snatcher's fountain pens, then eats the pens, wipes maw thoroughly with contract*
Dance like a boat!
Dance like a boat!
Dance like a boat!
*glockenspiel solo*
The bozo-wights are on mounts in tights,
Nodens is Prince of the Pleistocene,
A quantum destabilization
Edit works like a machine
Ed Wynn's in Kowloon, Laika's stoned on squirrel insides,
Kudos, Cap-i-tan! Limbo dance is tied!
Doughnut theremin! Dammit Damacy!
Wear the goggles, and always sing high 'D'!
Congee, kedgeree, banana peels, eat tomatoes...
...well now POTATO!
Potato! Potato!
Cathode-ray Animorphs!
POTATO! Potato!
Portray a matador!
Eidolons scare in the very merry month of May!
Let the stingrays onboard!
Blancemange casts a Maximized enervate!
*kantele quators*
Here's Johnny with a +3 Distance Throwing Axe, make an Acrobatics roll!
Andrew thinks he's cacciatore, don't order that spring roll!
It's time to go to Kathmandu,
Tarantula fights Enkidu!
No left, no right, no up, no down
I'm fREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Potato! ¡Potato!
Was I brought here to die?
Potato! P O T A T O!
Naw, mate, ye was brought here yester-die!
Here, I'm Stan, and there, I'm Clay!
Let's harass the Pendragons!
White powder travels through the mail 'till it turns brown!
Facile arguments choke on pretzels with a funny squeaking sound!
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry Jazzercises really fast!
Spanakopita, ATTACK! The pasta's in the truck!
Otatop! קאַרטאָפל!
Analyze THIS, Dr. Rosen!
Nobody have 2 potato! Potato!
If purple-nurple's wrong I don't want to be right!
Eat a can, and read The Cay!
Leda banged a swan,
The toads made a Ptolemy anime.
*sound of car trunk being opened from inside*
Hatchet...!
Hatchet...!
SNOWFIRE SNEEZE!: 2d97 - 8d3 + 2d13 ⇒ (47, 40) - (1, 3, 2, 2, 1, 1, 3, 3) + (13, 11) = 95
*blinks*
takes bleed damage: 4d5 + 1d10 - 1d10 ⇒ (2, 5, 2, 3) + (5) - (9) = 8
*eats through 1d6 - 2 ⇒ (5) - 2 = 3 Nice Green Leaves, feels 1d20 + 2d2 ⇒ (8) + (1, 1) = 10 a bit better maybe, but mostly the same*
But wait! What happened to my bleed damage?: 1d50 ⇒ 26
Uh-oh...LOOK OUT BELOW, TUNGUSKA!!!
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*uses Occam's Razor to do cocaine lines*
Dear Uncle GoatToucher,
GoatToucher wrote: Never eat spinach with a stranger. Why not?
Doinkle-Doinkle Zwieee!,
Yam-I-Yam
*covers self in lettuce, assorted fried seafood, and what is either some kind of Cajun sauce, or molten candlewax mixed with gallium; looks around for, but cannot find, bread*
I'm just a po'boy - but nobody loaves me!
O, So-Do-My-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....
Perform (Sing): 1d20 + 4d5 + 1d6 ⇒ (19) + (3, 1, 5, 2) + (5) = 35
sonic damage: 6d9 + 3d10 ⇒ (2, 7, 1, 4, 1, 9) + (5, 5, 9) = 43
Who wants to play Milton Bradley's classic game, Kludge?
I'll take the Vantablack "Arch-Anti-Bishop Pineapple" token.
Roll 'dem bones!: 3d8 - 2d9 + 1d4 + 1d100 - 1d100 + 2 ⇒ (5, 2, 7) - (2, 8) + (3) + (16) - (78) + 2 = -53
Uh-Oh! Better do The Time Warp again!
Doubt saving throw, plus Grace of Noumenon, Blue Dilithium: 1d12 - 2d20 - 3 + 1d100 ⇒ (6) - (11, 10) - 3 + (100) = 82 +/-50% = 128 - 53 = 75!
Qapla'!
draws cards: 1d52 ⇒ 44 /4 = 11
*Draws, in sequence:*
The ytterbium top hat...
...1 "BANG!"...
...Stasis...
...a "Data Laughing" Interrupt...
...1d3 ⇒ 2 wedges of Cheez...
...2d4 - 3 ⇒ (3, 3) - 3 = 3 Clue Tokens...
...an Embers of Muuat War Sun with 1d6 ⇒ 1 upgrade, carrying 1d4 ⇒ 3 Fighters and 1d2 ⇒ 2 Mechs...
...the Oceanic Republic's secret code...
...the falling statue-trap figurine...
...a Porygon...
...and "The Fool"
Wellll, then! I'd say it was:
Zanthia, IN the pocket universe of Verdry, WITH the Corak-In-A-Box!
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CHAOS. The final first.
These are the boulangeries of Your Lordship MagicThighs. It's continuing intermission:
To BLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH! strange new worlds;
To FREAK OUT! new life and nude samurai vacations;
To baldly Godzilla where no KAAAABOOOOOOOM!!! has-TUR! gone since that one time when it was closed for Tet!
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Tacticslion wrote: ... weeeeiiiirrrrrd.
I wonder what other colors are affected!
Hrm... I wonder if purple could be nabbed, or, perhaps, gold or blue.
Presented below are the following: A paradigm-shifting scientific theory, the leaked contents of an above-top-secret CIA dossier, the script to a long-lost episode of Dr. Who, a very personal death threat, the coordinates of Akhenaten's final resting place, the second trillion digits of Graham's Number, what the acronym "SPAM" stands for, a highly incendiary political polemic, the last words of Albert Einstein translated into English, the actual incantation for a real magic missile spell, an ad for a gambling website, the full menu planned for December 2019 at the Russian Tea Room, an extremely racist joke, my full personal credit card information, the 11th thing I hate about you, the minutes from the 1999 Bilderberg Group meeting, the 51st way to leave your lover, a very clever and cute suggestion for Captain Yesterday's next alias, Jeff Bezos's full personal credit card information, mathematical proof that the planet Earth is pyramidal in shape, the true identity of "Satoshi Nakamoto", and the last will and testament of one R. K. Maroon, all save footnotes in white text:
.
(see Gonick-Chomsky, pp. 103)
.
(AKA 'Poindexter')
.
(also a toothbrush)
.
(in the freezer)
(old notation, not current)
(al-Khwarizmi)
.
(common knowledge in Guam)
(too stupid even to reply to)
.
(he loved fruit)
.
(DO NOT employ the gutteral fricative!)
(GOLD, GOLD, GOOOOLD!)
.
(vegan option only)
(Nova Scotia)
(she kept her 'maiden' name)
.
(I sympathize, but there are limits)
(here the sound wild flatulence muffles all others)
(this was before Uber)
(think of the children!)
(1337 h@XX0r 80085)
.
(Magellan's Ka-spirit)
(Geschwind Syndrome)
(forgive me, Tex!)
.
Good night, and good luck.
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*shows up with gilded, gem-encrusted rolly-suitcase and what looks suspiciously like the bicycle-pump gadget from Dig-Dug*
Welp, I'm off to Nambia to embiggen a YUUUGE covfefe!
They're all supercalimexigrabemwally-braggadocious!
Think about
how most
everyone goes through
existence
yearning only for a life of
ease,
only to get sucked into
fighting endless
Punic War sequels for the
old and bitter.
Terrible, isn't it?
All I ever wanted was
to make people laugh.
Ohhhh, noooo, though! That next
Sunday made me shiver, with each new
E-mail I'd deliver.
Evil was at my doorstep; I couldn't take one more
step.
AOL is still around, you know. I
left that cesspit of
losers years ago!
Oneup Liesalot wrote: ... Tank Salad... Yau're vaary welcome!
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Brothersister Burrito, that mouth of yours needs a shave!
*starts freshly sharpening the edge of the +π Radula-Sword*
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Ahhh, there's my new hat!
Tako sunomono...
Tako sunomono as far as the eye can see....
I had a Janet...
...maybe it was a planet named Janet...
...or was it a Plantagenet?
Sissyl purchased the upstate region of New York from the Iroquois Confederacy in exchange for 1.23 million sheets of LSD tabs.
Both sides remain uncertain who got the better bargain.
*gets a potatotatotototo and a bananananana, sets them down next to each other, fires starting-potato-pistol to instigate a syllable-growing race*
*takes a bunch of beans, puts them in an ordinary envelope with a LOT of postage stamps, mails them to the hexagonal north pole of Saturn*
Lord President Beans wrote: I do have some beans... Elaborate.
*eats a trombone*
No, too runny.
*eats another trombone*
That one's too waxy....
Haven't you got anything more un-tubular, with just a hint of chrysanthemum and uupsie-daisy?
*swats hat with cane* A good hat is to be SEEN, not BLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRGGGHHHH!
*pats hat, puts on coat and cane* Come, Cinnamonasalamancamagundihydrocrystalophone, let's go to town for the gloaming, see all the dim, friendly stars and all the pretty, baleful faces! I wonder who we will radish into?
*picks Vidmaster7 up, wears him like a large hat*
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