Check out my Campaign Journals, where I'm there from the beginning and where I join about 30 posts in (That Campaign is finished.).
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Er, wait a minutes there, mate -- I didn'a know you talked likes 'hat; we wouldn'a brought ye back if you talken like that.
PALADIN a'course . . . Peoples is jealous of me, mate. Ah yeah, it's cuz the gods 'emselves ‘ake the times outa their own schedules just a keep an eye on me. Why just the other day Pelor 'imself came to me in a dream and he says to me, in a'riddley whispery, 'hat I needs to move ons away from the Sterich Marchin and gets o' up norths cuz'n thar's some demonses and such. Now, Iya tellen to ya troothful, mates, Pelor 'imself don'ta come talken to me too much, see, but when he duz, he knows the time a day, he do. Just a whiles agon he tells me to leave the Greyhawk Free City wheren I'ms a from an' go to the Storchich Marches to kill somes devilses and I tol' 'im, I sayd, Pelor, me ole Mate, I ain'ta ne'er 'eard a no bloody “Sterich” but well, you know how ol’ Pelor is – so me rolled along the Storich Land, met some folkses 'hat wanted to help me kill some devilses -- And now, somes of us are agonna go up north to kill some demonses. A'course, Pelor ain'ta the only deity what likes to talk to me. So, mate, they's a whole bloody gang of 'em. Why just the other day Mayaheine herself tol' me how hots she isn fer me 'causen a hows I killed me a meean ol' Gelugond-Iced-Devils what had excaped from Bloody 'ell to comen up 'ere to the Starch March and so I could kills it. And that's just what I did, too, wit' me mates. A'course, Mayaheine whispers to me lots an' lots, now and me other perty goddsesses is getin' a wee bit jalousen. But 'hat's okay, I tell Lirr an' Lydia an' Myhrisssss, I can whispers to all o' 'em. Anyhoo, I shor am excited abouts goin' up north to whereevers tha' Iggywilfy girl is and meetin' her and killin' all her demonses. I loves killin Demonses as much as I love killin' Devilses. Why hey, I was jus' tellin Sotillion, I had e'ersomuch funs a'killin' that Glabrezu-typed3-demon-dog afterin we had a kilt 'hat Gelugon-Iced-Devils, I'm a hankerin' fer some more demonses to kill!
Oooh, me knows -- let's finds the phylactery and just stand by it waiting and whens the Wizard reappears we killin it again. And then wait a few more days and killin it again! And again. Heehee. BTW, now tha the Wizard is dead, dibs on Springblossom. Mayaheine wants me to have her in a threeway.
I carved a phallus on the face of an idol to Maglubiyet! Huzzah!
Mayaheine does have a divine rack. She's me girlfriend!
Take your time mates, bringing meself back. I'm a havin' ever sooo much funs as an Archon, playing with Mayaheine and Lirr and Lydia and Myhriss. I'ms a makin' me best mate Pelor ever so jealouses, though, so don'tya takes too longen er else Pelor may send me downstairs even sooners as er one o' his Demonsy Warriors. Anda I'da liken to finish in the Sterchen March a what I'd a started beforen I begins me infinity-long quest as an Archon to fightsen downstairs.
Hail, Fharlagn, Roamer of Worlds! Hear the petition of your humble messenger. Guide our feet .... . hee hee hee Aye mate, ye mights a wanna be careful durin' yer prayers thesen days. I remember one ole time 'hen I missperled Myhriss's name. 'Hat ole gal were so pissed at me fer a time I thought's I were gonna have to stick wi'h just Sotillion and Lirr fer a few nights. But dontcha worry too muchn, Trekkerty, Myhriss gots a so much luvn fer me 'hat she's back in me front pocket wheren she's nice an' comfortables.
Arrghhhh.... I don'ts to like to reads 'em longen posts. Keep em shorter, mate. AND LET'SEN GONNA KILLZ SOME DEVILSES!!!!
Wasn't (the open ground) where we found you (passed out drunk) at our first meeting? Hey now, 'hat were just the MacGuffin -- Like me said afore, Pelor had a tol' me to leaves me place in the Free City o' Grey Hawks anda get meself ta Sterches Marches e'en though I ain'ta heard o' no Storchin Marsh, but ya knows how ole Pelor gets, yeah? An' as I recalls, I were Hi on the nector o' Atroa cuz'n she were flirtin' wi'h me perty good 'hat night, making Mayaheine and Myhriss all jealouses.
And where oh where, praytell mr Trekkerts, shall we sleep at night? I fer one needs a comfy place ta lay me head cuz that'sn when I gets me whispers from Pelor and Mayaheine and Lydia and Ehlonna and all of thems. Ye sound like a some travelling nomad whats always looking for the horizon. Mayaheine says she wants me to sleep in a bed so she can finds me.
Aye, ya lucky, bloody bastid Ye just a got lucky drawing the first watch is all -- I were asleep with Mayaheine, busily listening to her serenading me dreams. We was a making perty little Lydia jealouses.
Pelor says me can't kill 'em wi'out 'em doing something evils and 'hat me cans't make any sitcheeeations as is evils. Ooooh, me head hurts.
OOOH, I gots a great idea, mates. Let's set up a sitcheeeation wheren them mercs can dos somethings evil and then we can killem!!!
We can't just arrest them for being evil. Ah, suren we cans. They's Evil ain't 'em?! And then we can eats them and piss on their graves. We make a party of it, yah -- much funs! I'd like to try to rehabilitate all of them even though we may be less successful with Team B than with Team A. What? I don't even know what that word means. I don't like 'em kinds a big werds, now. Let's just kill 'em, mate.
I like killing devilses. I don't like the nightmares in Istivinivin or whatever it be called. But the Marchioness is pretty hot so let's go kills some devilses!
....
Hey, looky who finally shows up to join 'he dialogs. Ain't not a never mets no Witch befores 'hat I a wasn't allowed to kill. And I hads a lots o' funs hackin' ole One Eyed Moll. Feels all unnaturals to make friends wi'h a Witchy. .... Ooh ya, and beforein Pelor makes me forgets, whenin those ole troll-thingys popped up 'efore us and a offered to eats only one o' us -- I raised me perty hand to volunteeeeer and a was a gonna meet 'em wi'h me ol girl Mayaheine in me pocket. It's just'n that all you other fellas gots to go firstus.
Even my spirits are dampened -- he was a good ol' boy that kung fu-grip GI-Joe, 'hat he was, wan't he, mate?! I a reckon we is gonna has to have a celebratin, yea, to champion Harabi's life. I'll invite Mayaheine and Lydia and mayhaps we can even go back to where Ehlonna was and get her to cum. We'll have a fireworks and a wine and a lots a perty ladies -- heck, I'll even invite me other mates. We'll eat dogs-on-a-sticks, raws or cooked, and gets so plastered we'll fall in our girlfriends' husbands' gardens. It be just like last Mothers' Day when we met those teenagers at the Green Dragon Inn and gots chased by their ornery dads after we finished playing Sheathe the Sword and Monsters and Maidens. 
Dude, you gotta stop perusing Monte Cook's Book of Vile Smurfness
'Ey mates -- lookin' forward ta workin' wi' everyone stills -- but I gotta shout its from the mountain tops 'hat once Lydia hears abouts a imps and a lemures and 'e hounds of 'e hells down 'ere in Storiches, she's a gonna be tickling me ta go an' kills the li'le bloody bastids, i'nt she, now? An' you knows she's a gonna be hearin' this, now dunna ya, mate? Now dunna gets me wrongin -- I'm a thirsty for that Vecna boye, too -- but devilses is devilses is devilses as me mate Pelor always say. An' Lydia, 'hat purty ol gal an' her purty white locks an' the way she goes a whisperin' in me ear a' night is enough ta make me get me ole sword straight up a' 'he sound a killin' some devilses. 'Hat Lydia, she'll make a Paladin out a ya, 'hat's fer surein!
Paladin a'course Peoples is jealous of me, mate. Ah yeah, it's cuz the gods 'emselves ‘ake the times outa their own schedules just a keep an eye on me. Why just the other day Pelor 'imself came to me in a dream and he says to me, in a'riddley whispery, 'hat I needs to gets out o' the Free City an' go to Sterich. Well, ain't never 'eard a no bloody “Sterich” I says to Pelor in me sleep, an' besides that I even particularly like this ol’ hole in The River District I’m in presently. But well, you know how ol’ Pelor is – so ‘ere I am rolling on along the Storich Land, avoidin’ that dark ol’ city a Isstvan – Mayaheine herself tol’ me it was all shadowy, see – she’s a been flirtin’ wi’ me for years now in me dreams – and after sleepin’ a night there an’ havin’ all sorts a bad dreams – I gots ta agree wit’ the sexy girl abouts Ixtvin. Anywayses, I’m a rolling along the river here in Starick Marches till un I gots to sleep – an’ I’m right in the middle uhva boincin’ Mayaheine on me knee an’ ‘avin’ a glass o’ finey red winey – an’ alls the sudden-like I’m a waken to the sexy sounds o’ battle. An’ if there’sen anythin’ me likes more than boincin’ a perty little goddess on me knee – it’s a fightin' evil critters. An' shores enough I wakes up not a hunnerd feets from some dead people fightin' some livings people an’ just like that’s – I gots me a party! |