Karen Eiffel, Author's page

An...electronic milkmaid? Hmm...

"Do Android Freeholds Dream of Electronic Milkmaids"? Hmm...

At the moment?

Arsenic and Old Lace
Hot Fuzz
Megamind

If I was writing a screenplay/adapting that Agatha Christie story today, I'd let the ladies have actual Old Lace.

{begins scribbling notes for scifi-horror remake involving okra-based Triffids}

I'm waiting for sod at the sod farm.

It's not as glamorous as it sounds.

{munches popcorn} Are you Vladimir or Estragon? Has Lucky and Pozzo shown up yet?

Scintillae wrote:

"The Great Gatsby was set in the 1920s. The 1920s was a roaring era made from rich adults."

I have...a very different mental image of New York now. With more dismemberment and viscera forming the skyscrapers.

...get to writing. And drawing. And making a roaring 20s horror rpg where you are a poor immigrant who just arrived in America, armed with ancient occult knowledge from the old country, and must survive these horrific parties as a servant. It's like five nights at Freddie's but in a different time period.

Or instead of the RPG, write scripts for the upcoming Penny Dreadful: City of Angels show.

NobodysHome wrote:

Frostwillow wrote:

Freehold DM wrote:

Now is the time to put my plan to steal the sun into action

THE ECLIPSE IS HERE! THE ECLIPSE IS HERE!

Cheel! Find Vien! You guys gotta do the Fimbul-ritual thing! IT'S HAPPENING!

Wednesday (today): 4.55 kWh produced

I blame FaWtL.

wow.

I really did steal the sun.

Also, I got another anthology of short stories today and the first story was by second favorite author Paul S. Kemp, outlining how Resson Kel, villain extraordinaire, stole the sun.

...

I am a bit worried now.

typing: Little did he know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death.

Hey, Tom. Forgot how to do paragraphs? :D

When the dogs ran off over the hill, they took all Tom's ¶s with them and promptly buried them under some shrubbery.

Uncle Teddy wrote:

I'm just going to blame Cosmo for roundabouts and the individuals who thought putting them on Wisconsin roads, especially when the terrain makes roundabouts a very bad and very dangerous idea, was a good idea.

I shall also add that I blame Cosmo that the aforementioned individuals cannot decide on a single design for the roundabouts - some are two-lane, some are one-lane, and some are a twisted combination of the two, and all have the center so raised up that one cannot see oncoming traffic unless one is in a semi.

I shall also blame Cosmo that, no matter the design, none of them are ever plowed decent, if at all, in the winter because the design makes such activity difficult, if not impossible.

I blame Cosmo that in California, they put Stop signs around every roundabout, showing a complete and utter lack of understanding of their purpose.

Is it any wonder California drivers have no clue whatsoever how to use roundabouts?

Very clever, Mr. Cosmo. Verrrrrry clever!

I blame Cosmo for continuing this constant one-upsmanship with Crowley across the pond in the English DoT.

Oh, he can make bullets, he's a retired chemistry teacher.

This is the seed of an AMC Van Helsing + Breaking Bad show.

Tune in next week, on Oo'Prah the Undying show as I talk about my new pop-up book, Elves are Analogues, Dwarves are Digitals. That's Fireday, 4:00PM Akiton Standard Time on the NuAbsalom Network.

We didn't do that either, but we did sometimes have contests to see how many times we could staple ourselves with a stapler. Unsanctioned, of course. I usually won.

{writes in David as "Swingline the Red" in Mystery Men II script}

Today, Bryan Fuller and Neil Gaiman suddenly got a new character idea...

You should do it. It's better than the endless rules questions on the AMA threads. Seriously, ask your GM people, or if you're a GM, make a f***ing call, take a stand, already!

“The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen.”

Since when do you listen to warnings? That's how you wound up needing the fire department to get you unstuck from the neighbor's pool filter.

That was subject of a totally horrible Chuck Palahniuk short story. {shudders}

Chemlak wrote:

Roundabouts.

Ah, roundabouts.

I'd like to introduce you all to The Magic Roundabout, Swindon, UK. This was part of my route to work for 8 years.

Enjoy.

are those roundabouts

within roundabouts

and those squiggly lines on the roads? why are they squiggly? what do they mean?????

The Magic Roundabout was Crowley's Round 2 FiendishStah! encounter map submission that eventually got him the job designing the M25 Orbital Motorway.

Edit: D'oh!

Squirrel!

This week's monster may have gotten a bit out of hand.

Party Ranger: "WHEW! I thought that was a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing. Thank goodness, it's just a regular squirrel. Hey, I wonder if he'd like a couple leftover roasted peanuts from that street food vendor in that last town..."

{blood and chunky salsa fly everywhere}

I wish I knew...

GRANTED

Much like Prak before you, you learn it All. Thankfully for the rest of all other sentients, you are immediately quarantined in an inescapable sound-proof room for the remainder of your days. However, you take some small consolation in 1) knowing the exact horrible reasons why Paulie Shore and Adam Sandler are still considered funny by a sizable portion of the population, and b) what Batman's actual alignment is.

I wish I knew what to eat for breakfast.

And then, with his cream- & butter-fueled skyhigh cholesterol count, he developed severely blocked arteries, which led to a massive heart attack... and he died.

And he remained an ex-rodent until the prairie dog necromancer moved in next door...

Hmmm...anyone want to stat up a were-house? You know, a house that only appears during a full moon? Could even be a were-warehouse. And if it bites another house, the second one becomes a were-house as well.

Somewhere, a drunken Laurell K Hamilton gets an idea for a new Anita Blake trilogy...

Katina: Metaphorical pants.

...Plus a sharp simile shirt, an amazing allegorical ascot cap, and an obnoxiously-overweening onomatopoeic overcoat.

This advertisement paid for by Bulwer-Lytton Florid Fashions.

Legion Janus wrote:

Scintillae wrote:

Which gave me an idea for a potentially sinister NPC for a campaign I haven't thought of yet.

Tell us about it?

A discussion of "hey that actor's done all these roles..."

Specifically, Angela Lansbury as a princess, serial killer enabler, pirate, and castle maid. Combine into one character...

"I am Angela Brigid Lansbury* of the Clan Lansbury. I was born in 1518 in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am immortal." {cue Queen soundtrack}

(* I blame this joke on Craig Ferguson.)

Snorter wrote:

Timitius wrote:

Just to be clear....we don't work at Paizo.

That statement still leaves plenty of leeway, for some members to be building a nest in the ventilation ducts, and still being 'technically' true.

All the ducts are full of tentacles anyway.

{typing:} Melisandre: "The ducts are dark and full of tentacles."

Also, I've become convinced toddlers are actually the larval form of tornados.

{starts hack script pitch for SyFy movie, Toddlernado, with the 'Zombie cast as BatDad}

Hmmm...

Ashley: I love it when violence is used to bring people together.

{pencils in Jessica's name for "Hannibal" part in all-female remake of The A-Team}

Orthos wrote:

According to Google, George R. R. Martin is 5'6". I'm not sure how I feel about Google having that as one of it's auto-pop-up answer things.

The hat makes him look taller.

I thought it was all the bodies he was standing on.

{begins typing up movie pitch, "Dingoed in Sixty Seconds", starring Nick Cage, Steve Buscemi, Yellowdingo, and Dominar Huey XVI, the Henson muppet funnel-web spider}

Randarak wrote:

Randarak wrote:

I blame Cosmo for getting me sick with a sinus infection for most of this week, making me miss my Tuesday night game, and potentially making me miss my Friday night game, of which I am GM.

Weaponized bacteria dude?! That's low, even for you.

I am blaming Cosmo for the exact same thing again, a mere 10 weeks later. I fell for it again!!!

Of course, you realize, this means war.

You already lost.

I blame Cosmo for Randarak just now accidentally wishing himself into the Daffy role in Duck Amuck.

I blame Cosmo for the Oxford comma being used less and less.

I blame Cosmo for everyone ignoring Ned Stark when he kept reminding us that "Winter is coming."

DJEternalDarkness is banned for having that smugly gruntled look he is fond of wearing.

All <redacted> and no <redacted> makes <redacted> a <redacted> <redacted>.

gran is banned for making e.e. cummings spin in his grave.

Ned Stark's rotting head sez, "The Swarmnomicon is coming."

Dr. Sigmund is banned for being too Jung.

I need a cooler name if I am to be his nemesis. I'm thinking something like Jordal.

{stops typing briefly} Jagrafessian Multitemporal Doom of Sector 031?

{typing:} "Harold 'Tarren' Crick went to bed that night with dreams of a morning roadtrip to freedom and delicious coffee. Unfortunately, he was ill-prepared for the tragic events that would actually transpire."