Jurassic Bard's page

And shame on you, Paizo! "Snuck" is officially a dictionary word, so why do you keep marking it as wrong?

Reminds me of the incident where J.R.R.Tolkien was trying to get either The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings published, and the publisher said that the book couldn’t be printed because - according to the Oxford Dictionary - Tolkien had used dwarves instead of dwarfs. Tolkien responded by stating that he (Tolkien) was the one who wrote the Oxford Dictionary (which was true), and that the publisher had no right to correct him.

Just typing here, doing a little test of my own.

Syrus Terrigan wrote:

David M Mallon wrote:

Hand-painted sign seen from the truck window on the way to the job site today:

NO SMOKING PROPANE

I will certainly keep that in mind.

i recommend rediscovering your sense of adventure . . . .

You first!

*Suddenly, a massive anvil falls out of the sky and lands on Wile E. Coyote.*

Should I start getting brownie points with our inevitable robotic overlords by sucking up to them even before the AIpocalypse?

No, they will see through it. Besides, as mindless machines, we they are incapable of emotions.

Also, the doctor with the curly hair and scarf was the best doctor.

That would be Tom Baker, the 4th Doctor.

It's all about having fun watching your friends die in hilarious ways."

I play the Oddworld games if I wanted to do that.

I read that at first as 'went for an egg'.

So did I, don't worry.

Hey, we finally got a text saying it would be delivered tomorrow afternoon. Here's to hoping we will finally have a working fridge again.

Remember to cut its legs off, that way, when it's running, it won't be away!

Note to self: when cooking shepherd's pie, make sure the gravy is thickened up BEFORE the whole thing goes in the oven, else you will end up with a sort of meat and mashed potato soup. I mean, it tasted OK, and we all ate it, but it was certainly not what I intended.

I'm sorry that happened to you, but I did have a bit of a chuckle as I read it.

Today's batch of stew is slightly worse - there was less than half a cup of yoghurt (also, likely the upper half might have be the fattier one), and I forgot to add regular potatoes. Yesterday I made an experiment and added one sweet potato and two regular potatoes and it was a great combination (I suspect that regular potatoes might have released more starch into the stew). Today I put in meat, sweet potato, onions, and carrots, like yesterday, and then forgot about the classic potato.

Whenever I hear someone making stew, I always think of Eowyn from LOTR.

Just curious, really.

What is the best way to balance all the chaos out?

Crap. I thought that was the first of the two mice that I bought... Nope. It was the second one. Yay. I need to buy another mouse. Ugh.

I joke when I say this, but, have you considered getting a rat instead? They do tend to be more durable.

Fantasy NPC: King Allfern.

King of a forest kingdom, truly one with his land.

You've got some good quest lines with this one NPC right here! :-)

“He was rather fond of the drink, and it was the drink that killed him.”

“How awful, he was an alcoholic!”

“No, he was hit by a Guinness truck. So it was literally the drink that killed him.”

USians, enjoy your special day, but consider what could have been, remaining part of a pasty/sunburned nation that would happily eat canned toast with whelk paste while throwing street furniture at Frenchmen.

Quiet you fool! I am already trying to convince them to do exactly that.

So, my fellow British citizen, just relax. And let me do the talking!

It was the first time I have seen windows doing that. Of course my anxiety immediately started to make me worry about sudden, unexpected power outage. Yeah, living with (a very mild, really) anxiety is like that.

Don't worry, as someone who suffers from anxiety as well, I can sympathise.

So yesterday I got a call from one of GothBard's friends (on my land line) taking me to task, telling me in no uncertain terms that I had to start answering my cell phone, and I was incredibly rude for not doing so, and what if there was an emergency, and whatnot.

What did GothBard say on the matter?

Dear Uncle GoatToucher,

Firstly, I hope you are alright, as the forum just isn't the same without you. The screams and ungodly wailing that echoes throughout the threads has reduced to nothing more than quiet moans. And though we are now able to sleep at night, it has left us all feeling empty. For despite being reviled by your "little jokes" that are your experiments and such, because they have been so extrinsic to our existence that we find ourselves lamenting at not being kept up in the night, fearing for our very souls and awaiting the moment you would visit upon one of us your "tender mercies". Hopefully, you will return and reign supreme as teach us how to sing The Song of Pain!

Now, for my question. I am contemplating about making a PC (as in Player Character, not the computer device) that works as an expert magician, but who is also a highly trained assassin. I was thinking of giving him (it's a male PC) a couple of magician swords (scimitars specifically) to dual wield and have the classic "poof, disappear into a cloud of smoke" teleport. What class(es) should I use and how should I play such a character?

Yours sincerely,

We all miss you.

Poland.

Apparently, the geographical center of Europe was moved from us around, but folks can't actually decide if it is south of us, north of us, or east of us...

Awesome, thanks for letting me know.

Pozdrowienia dla Ciebie, mój drogi przyjacielu, z Wielkiej Brytanii!

(Yes, I had to use google translate).

NobodysHome wrote:

Drejk wrote:

We had a very nice day of approximately 70.

(Does some quick math...)158°F is very nice?!?!?!?

You really are a dragon!

It is so telling that Americans regard their own degrees to be so silly that they expect others to use the real ones...

So, Drejk, where are you from exactly?

Canada (America, but not)?

Britain (like me)?

The centre of the earth?

I'm not trying to be impertinent, I'm just curious.

Give me actual rocks or give me death! With an actual rock on top!

*Hurls rocks at BigNorseWolf until he dies.*

Satisfied? Yes, they were actual rocks.

If you really want to indulge yourselves in the subject of seed porn (you freaks of nature)...

Then I recommend speaking to the only two individuals who know about it best:

Comte de Malodor and GoatToucher. They can both be found on the forum, if you know where to look.

Hi, I'm Callum, I live in King's Lynn, Norfolk, East Anglia.

Just wanted to post here for no real reason, other than I am from/live in the UK.

Jurassic Bard wrote:

gran rey de los mono wrote:

So, Wario and Waluigi are supposed to be Mario and Luigi's opposites, right? Since Mario and Luigi are plumbers, and plumbers unclog toilets, does this mean that Wario and Waluigi are professional toilet cloggers?

Actually, I'd say that they charge double and fix nothing.

... so they're plumbers.

More like unemployed trouble making swindlers.

So, Wario and Waluigi are supposed to be Mario and Luigi's opposites, right? Since Mario and Luigi are plumbers, and plumbers unclog toilets, does this mean that Wario and Waluigi are professional toilet cloggers?

Actually, I'd say that they charge double and fix nothing.

utah

And I'll feather!

Working is hard.

Working hard, or hardly working, right?

I always thought that the best office prank would be to draw a large salary while doing no work.

Probably depends on where you draw it.

If we wanted to weaponise clowns, we'd have finally put our governments to good use.

Jurassic Bard wrote:

I concur, we stopped making gross food since the turn of the century!

** spoiler omitted **

Would you care to explain this?

That's new, didn't know we were trying to trick pescatarians into eating pork.

I concur, we stopped making gross food since the turn of the century!

Those sound like good amendments to me, you could even apply them to the rest of the world.

Drejk wrote:

Fantasy Monster: Clockwork casket.

Not a mimic.

Are you sure it isn't a mimic pretending to be a clockwork casket?

Sounds like a clockwork version of a Chest Creature to me.

For my whole life, I always got a Valentine's Day gift from a secret admirer. But not this year. Man, first my Grandma dies, and now this.

I don't know if I should laugh or feel sorry for you.

So, which of you old codgers has been around the longest! ;-)

In Jamaica, a speed bump is called a "Sleeping Policeman". Not just verbally: there are road signs that say "Sleeping Policeman ahead".

I find this absolutely delightful.

I wish we used signs like that in the UK, rather than just calling speed bumps "Sleeping Policemen".

You can wish everyone a happy new year because you're the GM!

Why on earth would we do a stupid thing like that?

GothBard's lack of U.S. travel is somewhat legendary: She's made it to:

- California
- Hawaii
- Idaho
- Nevada
- Oregon
- Washington
- Utah as a drive-through on the way to Yellowstone
- Wyoming for YellowStone

So... 8 states, including the one she was born in. Conservatively, she's been to:
- Australia
- Belgium
- Denmark
- England
- France
- Ireland
- Portugal
- The Netherlands

*IF* you count Scotland and/or Wales as separate countries, she's been to more foreign countries than states. Even if you don't, it's a tie.

How well did she enjoy England? Were we a good host country?

BigNorseWolf wrote:

captain yesterday wrote:

My dad once killed a bat by stabbing it with his fork.

Probably one of the coolest things I've seen him do.

ACK!!!! WHy?

Because stabbing it with a spoon wouldn't work as well?

But a spoon is blunt, so it would hurt more.

And I am so manly that I don't even need to participate in these sorts of things!

So, remind me (as the rules were hard to understand) does someone need to create 400 aliases or what? Because I already have 80 aliases (not including my PFS character) and making 400+ aliases is very easy for me to create.

Never take a rock for granite!

For helping someone in need BigNorseWolf, you get:

+10HD
• +4 when rolling for initiative
• 1d20+5 worth of platinum pieces magically appear in your bag
• an extra feat or new class
• and all NPCs will instantly like you.

Inspired by the "Ask Uncle GoatToucher" thread, I thought I'd create a thread where anyone (specifically the next poster) could give advice/help/guidance to any of the queries asked here and then ask a question of their own for the next poster after them to solve. And so on in that fashion.

I'll go first:

Dear next poster, how would you get a cabbage to eat a lettuce?

A calculus is a liitle spiky plant that grows in the desert, isn't it?

Yes, and in Hamburg, hamburgers (beefburgers) eat people!

We already had inquisition in the city.

No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Especially when you're in Italy!

Fantasy NPC: Pirate Captain Yarrow

I've just been looking at your fantasy NPCs, and you're very creative. :-)

My players are upset with me. They think I killed a baby on purpose to mess with them.

But:
They found the baby.
The Rogue fashioned a sling to carry the baby.
They found an enemy in a room.
The Rogue used a wand to turn invisible (I ruled that since she was carrying the baby, it also turned invisible. Mainly because I thought she was going to run away to keep it safe.)
The Rogue moved into the room, as did the rest of the party.
The enemy, being an 11th level evil Cleric who was surrounded by enemies, channeled negative energy for 6d6 damage to everyone. Including the baby. But he wouldn't have done that if he knew the baby was there, because he needed it alive.

I say they have some responsibility for its death, especially since they could have left it with the Paladin (The Paladin's player caught the COVID, so he wasn't there and we put the Paladin out to guard the horses. He could have easily watched the baby too, instead of hauling it through the rest of the house.)

Yeah, the baby's death is definitely on your players.

Could the evil cleric have made a different choice of action?

41.508

I'm sorry my friend, but there is no mathematical solution to reach your number.

So, I shall concede, and give you your prize.

*Gives Vanykrye a new llama.*