Goblin

Fireman Gob Montag's page

61 posts. Alias of Ambrosia Slaad.


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Woran wrote:
C'mon body. Start adjusting to daylights savings time already.

Light exposure stops the release of your body's natural melatonin, which is what signals your body's systems that it's night time. Exposure to stress-inducing individuals releases extra cortisol into your bloodstream, increasing your allostatic load and keeping your brain extra active.

Thus, logically, you should expose yourself to bright light and remove social stressors. As a doctor, I recommend you set an a!shole (or a!sholes) on fire and enjoy the warm rosy glow. Repeat as necessary until you are sleeping better.


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Feros wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

OK. That's a new one. Apparently getting fired is now an, "Uncomfortable employee separation."

Sort of makes me wonder what a, "Catastrophic termination of employment," would be like...

It involves putting the soon-to-be-ex employee into a large cannon.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
Who wants to help me set up a new business? It's a subscription-based food delivery service that specializes in noodles. I'm gonna call it "Send Noods".

Let me know when you set up a fire delivery service. I'll work for cheap.

gran rey de los mono wrote:

Laundry is done, but I'll be f#+@ed if I'm going to put it away. So what if this is the 3rd day in a row that I haven't put it away. It's also the 3rd day in a row that there has been more than I should have to deal with. Hell, some of the laundry I did on Saturday night is still down here, so they clearly haven't needed it that badly.

We really need to hire a friggin' laundry person.

You really need to hire a friggin' fireman.


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Orthos wrote:
There's no way I can reply to that honestly without getting political, so I'll just say Facebook needs to get its ftaghning house in order.

{rolls in another barrel of napalm} Nope, it's way too late for that.

♫♪ Burning down the house ♫♪


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It figures you would take Grand Nagus' side as a distraction. We all know microwave popcorn is a metaphor for the savings and loan crisis of the 1980s.


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Darth Game Master wrote:
dinosaurs are good

Ah, but what is the alignment of DinosaurBatman?

And when power-armored DinosaurBatman has to punchfight SynapsidSuperman, would he power up with Fossilizer* armor and weapon bits?

(* Yes, this a real Transformers toy coming early 2021 to store shelves as part of the War for Cybertron: Kingdom line (think Beast Wars, but with updated and new figures).


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NobodysHome wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Fritzy! Fritzy! We need boom boom now!
Er... for work-from-home expense discussions?

{shrugs} Math's insidious Evil takes many forms. All of which must be cleansed with fire.


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gran rey de los mono wrote:
Singed Vidmaster7 wrote:
I might have a suggestion.
The word is "Sang", and I don't think music will help.

No, no, I think the semi-crispy Vid is on to something. Rock beats scissors, and fire beats dirty piles of laundry.


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Pyromaniac wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Woran wrote:
Heaven preserve me from men that try to impress me with their IT knowledge.
Arson.
You Rang?

It's surprising how many problems that a good dose of arson solves.


Looks like the Climate Change thread has broke containment. Oh well. {flicks lighter in front of flamethrower}


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Freehold DM wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

...Math... coding... math... coding... math... coding...

Er... my code's more readable, maintainable, and less error-prone, thanks!
Doesn't matter. Get rid of those semicolons!

*SIGH*

loads shotgun

Go on...

Be careful, he probably wields those semi-colons like shuriken.

{packs braces, brackets, and parentheses into a blunderbuss}


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Master Pugwampi wrote:

I Blame Cosmo that no one has blamed Cosmo in a month!

Take a look at the state of the world people! Expose, Report, Complain!

A-B-C. A-Always, B-Blame, C-Cosmo. Always blame Cosmo. ALWAYS BLAME COSMO. We're adding a little something to this month's blame contest. As you all know, first prize is a Lamashtan Eldorado. Anyone wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of dogslicers. Third prize {holds up alchemist bomb} is you're fired.


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I accidentally rear-ended a can of pinto beans, blew up half the store.


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The amount of gunpowder used will continue to increase until morale is improved.


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Cantankerous Rules Lawyer wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Tuesday Movie Night was Solo. We took the three kids plus one of their friends with us. It's really not a bad Star Wars movie. It's light and fun.

From what I've heard, that's what a lot of die-hard fans have an issue with: We loved Han Solo because he was a scoundrel.

Disney cleaned him all up and sanitized him, and he's not the same character.

#HanShotFirst

He was Ambien shooting, doesn't count.

{loads Greedo into trebuchet, sets him on fire, and fires at CRL} What? Fritzy was on a lunch break.

{shrugs, sets trebuchet on fire}


Rysky wrote:
They're great... until they start to feel... naughty...

That's our secret, Captain: We're always angry naughty.


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Gregg Reece wrote:
TheFinish wrote:
They're what 1st level adventurers in a city go to kill in sewers alongside rats; not what they find hawking wares in the marketplace.
Yeah, completely different from all of those human thugs they find down there as well.

The number #3 most common reason for a sewer blockages in Absalom is clogs of adventurers. I don't know who keeps flushing them down there; really, there are perfectly good recycling bins located throughout the city. Each is practically the center of a katamari of gear, and all the pokey bits keeps getting caught on everything. Most gobs and kobolds in the plumbers' guild aren't experienced enough to cast bigby's plunging hand. Heck, most adventurers are too disgusting for otyughs to eat.

Thankfully, there's always napalm and dynamite.


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Scott Mcgroarty wrote:
I just had a worse thought than the obliteration of all knowledge on Golarian. Half-goblins.

Longshanks with big swordsies have been making half-goblins for longer than me be alive. Splitting headache not a joke for many goblins' noggins.


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Ser Guii de Facien wrote:
...wonders if being raised in a niche fundamentalist extremist home would be a fair Ancestry for a goblin.

{suddenly interested} Does this Ancestry involve burning infidels and heretics? And non-believers? And believers who believe a little too strongly or not quite enough? And books? And doges? And horsies? And orangutans and breakfast cereals and mangoes and shovels and møøses and...


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Tarondor wrote:
I tried to put on my old armor from the Edition Wars. It doesn’t fit anymore.

I'll get Lancel to fetch the breastplate stretcher.

---

And if anyone needs their old/current/future/theoretical-of-straw books professionally burned, please stack them over here and I'll get right on it.


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Gip wrote:
Captain Killjoy wrote:

Take my ship, take my shoes,

Take me where the goblins lose.
I don't care, wait and see,
You can't take my fire from me!

Take me out to the shore,
Beat me bloody, aft and fore.
Lock me up, lose the key,
You can't take my fire from me!

There's no place I can't burn,
As these longshanks soon will learn!

And they can't take my fire from me!

TAKE HEART, GIP!

O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!

{stands on desk-shaped mimic} O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!


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xobmaps wrote:
Rysky wrote:
Vic Wertz wrote:
Redacted: A flamethrower? That solves two problems.
Only two?
Maybe it was just the net solutions after subtracting off the new problems it caused?

To quote a wise man:

Jake Jortles wrote:
Any time I had a problem, I threw a Molotov cocktail and, boom, I had a different problem.


Set wrote:
Knight who says Meh wrote:
A house fire is good and a dumpster fire is bad?

A house fire is bad, a house on fire is good. I don't even understand what I'm saying right now.

A house fire, a dumpster fire, a house on fire, a Whedon on fire... it's all good. Torch 'em if ya got 'em.


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Have fun storming the castle!


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Maybe we could shuffle additional economic/government and inclusion discussions off into separate new Starfinder threads? New threads are real easy to make and would have more breathing room for constructive, in-depth discussion.


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Moral-heightening? No thanks. I wear lifts in my temporo-parietal junction.

Besides, I don't need pills: I'm high on Life. {throws another boardgame into fire, inhales deeply of burning plastic fumes}


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IDTheftVictim wrote:
hands pile of bus brake cables to Montag

{strikes an Oskar Werner-esque pose, ignites rocket pack... and crashes into second bus}


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Captain Gobbo Beatty wrote:
Fireman Gob Montag wrote:

"It"? You're gonna have to be more specific-

No, wait... no need to be specific, we have flamethrowers. {picks a corner, starts setting everything on fire}

EXCELLENT! Great work, Montag!

{sets fire to the Captain's word balloons}


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"It"? You're gonna have to be more specific-

No, wait... no need to be specific, we have flamethrowers. {picks a corner, starts setting everything on fire}


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Gorbacz wrote:
At this point I think it's obvious that this is Guardians of the Galaxy RPG.

I also suspect the ysoki iconic is going to be a full-on pyromaniac, probably with a background involving clearing out/repelling a xenomorph infestation. As a goblin, I eagerly await flamethrower-related combat styles and archetypes... and the complementary/necessary bacta-healer alchemist archetype.

Hmmm, should flamethrower wielders and pyrokineticists get a bonus to Diplomacy and fascinate checks against goblins?


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Freehold DM wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Freehold, did you steal my DVD set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 7?

Because if so, thank you, and I am sorry.

it wasn't me, although I would have had entire seconds of amusement by watching the series crackle and burn in the microwave if I did steal it.

Have you considered a career as a fireman? You seem like the type who would relish the job. Of course, you'd can't start out with A-lister Whedon works. You'd have to work your way up the ranks, and we have a huge backlist of other works; the mountain of dubbed anime from Blockbuster discount bins alone would take years to get through.


This is going to be an interesting thread.


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Rosita the Riveter wrote:


So, on that worldbuilding project a few pages ago. I just figured out the best form of transportation for far flung colonies. I've established that, while petrol is available, it's expensive to ship, and tends to be reserved for uses that absolutely require it, which is not everyday civilian transportation. Horses and mules are an option, and definitely present in the colonies, but they aren't the cheapest option, and require vet care and skill in handling animals. There's a cheaper to ship, simpler to take care of, and easier to use option for the everyday interplanetary colonist.

It's the common bicycle. Almost any able bodied person can ride one, it takes up far less room in a spaceship than a car or a horse, you don't need to feed it or have a vet around, a lot of maintenance and repairs can be done by a layman, spare bike parts are easier to ship than car parts, and so on. It makes perfect sense as long as commuting distances are around the ten mile range or lower, which is doable for a properly thought out colony.

Have you considered a courier service that uses recumbent bicycles with wraparound aerodynamic cowlings? With low-weight pilots/riders, let's say kobolds? And some form of take-off assistance, like being launched from a railgun barrel?


BigNorseWolf wrote:
Because if you want to get rid of something you need to know how it works.

...Or at least have sufficient caches of wildfire on hand.


Pappy SmЦГf wrote:
"Remember my little smЦГflings to be a responsible pet owner and have your dogs spayed or neutered"

{brandishes shovel} A responsible goblin will spade your dogs for ya.


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The thread the thread the thread is on fire
We don't need no mods let the motherFaWtL burn
Burn motherFaWtL burn


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Vingorg wrote:
Captain Killjoy wrote:

I blame Cosmo for the fact that the Imperial Goblin Navy has no ships.

And is based over a hundred miles away from the ocean.

I Blame Cosmo for Captain Killjoy not realizing that due to this BRILLIANT strategy, the Imperial Goblin Navy can never have a ship sunk or be defeated in naval combat! Huzzah!!!

I also blame Cosmo that Captain Killjoy did not realize this. Think it through, man.

You have not lived until you've seen the carrier IGS Flammable Wooden Target launch landboats against a town full of unsuspecting Taldan nobles, who are then clubbed and skinned! War on the pinkskins for fun and profit!


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Guy Montag wrote:
It is a pleasure to cull. It is a special pleasure to see things eaten, to see things blackened...

Ooo, an impostor! I'm calling you out, pinkskin... flamethrowers at dawn!


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Opposite World Freehold wrote:

C'mon Freehold!

We can hang in Downtown L.A. and throw pennies at Joss Whedon (because in Opposite World he's an abject failure and homeless)

{suddenly appears, in black & white and smoking a cigarette} Oddly, something similar has already happened... in The Freehold Zone.


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David M Mallon wrote:

Found this one after getting curious about the origin of a common proverb after hearing it used in a conversation:

The proverb "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" is often attributed to Confucius or the Bible, but actually most likely dates to the 19th century.

The oldest English-language version of the proverb can be found in Anne Isabella Thackeray Ritchie's 1885 novel Mrs. Dymond, as "If you give a man a fish he is hungry again in an hour. If you teach him to catch a fish you do him a good turn." (Source: Wiktionary)

"Build a pinkskin a fire, and he's entertained until it goes out. Set a pinkskin on fire, and he's entertaining for the rest of his life."


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I blame Cosmo that poor Chris is constantly putting out fires and fire elementals without a decanter of endless water. Or even a spiffy firefighter's helmet.


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Jerbli Popular Liberation Front wrote:
[Fade to black, as Vivaldi's 'The Four Seasons' plays at deafening volume to cover up the horrific sound of goblin-on-goblin violence]

Join the United Goblinoid Army. We do more killing before 9AM than most murder hobos do all day.


{fades into view} You rang? Sumthin need a burninating?


Flamewar wrote:
Pyromaniac wrote:
Rawr! wrote:

So I read that quickly, and, at first, I thought it said, "I have got to stop setting fire to the school."

... go on....
I Concur

I'm all ears.


White phosphorous (evil stuff) rounds?

"Sunder"/breecher slug rounds for blasting open chests, locks, and visible traps?

HESH/spalling rounds for armored targets?

Paint/ink/faerie fire rounds for marking targets?


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Comrade Anklebiter wrote:

I agree. Television is a waste of time. You pinkskins should do what your disgusting ancestors did after a hard day's work (we goblins, of course, prefer to take from others) and watch the fire.

Fire is pretty.

Agreed. Build a pinkskin a fire, and he's entertained until it goes out. Set a pinkskin on fire, and he's entertaining for the rest of his life.


C.H.U.D.s for everyone!


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I blame Cosmo that Tel's sister is inviting Mayhem over to the house.


{withholds beautiful, seductive, cleansing fire in appreciation}

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