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Dysthymia. (Melancholia... "the Blues")
Since very young...
After I had kids... OCD and Anxiety Disorders kicked in and it forced me to seek treatment.
I read Stephen Ambrose's "Undaunted Courage" about the Lewis & Clark Expedition and noticed far too many common personality quirks that I shared with Meriwether Lewis than to be comfortable with...
I mean... considering he ended up committing suicide.
So I sought out treatment.
I also had a "spiritual awakening" around about the same time...
I'm not sure what the cause & effect that had on things... but I started getting invitations to "visit other churches" by Pastors in my area.
Eventually I gave up on church and sought out Fellowship with the RPG Gamer community... because I had always wanted to play as a kid... but didn't have the kinds of friends that were interested.
It worked out GREAT as therapy... I finally found a bunch of folks as effed up in the head as I was!
Soooo... THANKS you bunch of freaks.