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I understand that colloquial definitions are not literal definitions, but every time I hear someone use the phrase "completely decimated," I die a little inside.

Do you die 10% inside?

I watch a lot of sports. In the past year, the new grating sportscaster meme is calling something good in a NON-BASEBALL sport a 'home run'.

No. He did not hit a home run. He threw a football well and the other guy caught it well. No, she did not hit a home run. She vaulted the HELL out of that vault and stuck the landing. And if a tennis player hits a home run, they're definitely doing it wrong.

Seriously, people. Are you so bereft of metaphors?!

I'm literally besides myself with rage. That's the penultimate failure.

How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal were playing hide-and-seek. It was Einstein's turn to count, so he leaned against a tree, closed his eyes, and began counting. Pascal ran into the woods, but Newton piked up a stick and drew a square, one meter on a side, in the dirt.

Einstein finished counting, turned around, and saw Newton. "Aha! Newton, I found you," he called.

"No, you didn't," Newton answered, "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."

― G.K. Chesterton

Limericks on the subject of cheese may be found HERE.

Pain is dependable. Pain is reliable. If everyone else abandons you, pain will still be there for you; pain will never abandon you. You can trust pain.

Creedence Clearwater Revival, commonly abbreviated as CCR or simply Creedence, was an American rock band formed in El Cerrito, California, in 1959. The band consisted of the lead vocalist, lead guitarist, and primary songwriter John Fogerty; his brother, the rhythm guitarist Tom Fogerty; the bassist Stu Cook; and the drummer Doug Clifford. These members had played together since 1959, first as the Blue Velvets and later as the Golliwogs, before settling on Creedence Clearwater Revival in 1967. The band's most prolific and successful period, between 1969 and 1971, produced 14 consecutive top-10 singles (many of which were double A-sides) and five consecutive top-10 albums in the United States, two of which—Green River (1969) and Cosmo's Factory (1970)—topped the Billboard 200 chart. The band performed at the 1969 Woodstock festival in upstate New York and was the first major act signed to appear there.

CCR disbanded acrimoniously in late 1972 after four years of chart-topping success. Tom had quit the band the previous year and John was at odds with the remaining members over matters of business and artistic control, all of which resulted in lawsuits among the former bandmates. John's disagreements with Fantasy Records owner Saul Zaentz led to more court cases and John refused to perform with the two other surviving members of the band—Tom had died in 1990—at Creedence's 1993 induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Though the band has never publicly reunited, John continues to perform CCR songs as part of his solo act, while Cook and Clifford performed as Creedence Clearwater Revisited from 1995 to 2020.

CCR's music remains popular and is a staple of U.S. classic rock radio airplay. The compilation album Chronicle: The 20 Greatest Hits, originally released in 1976, is still on the Billboard 200 and reached the 600-week mark in August 2022. It has been certified 12-times platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America for at least 12 million copies sold in the U.S.

CCR holds the record for the most #2 singles (5) without a #1 single.

WEVT-LP is a low-power (100 W) broadcaster located in Enosburg, Vermont. The station broadcasts at a frequency of 98.1 MHz on the FM band. It is also available at http://wevt.com. Its format is oldies during the day, modern rock 'n' roll at night, and big band on Sunday morning. Like other low-power radio stations, WEVT is commercial-free.

Detective Chimp (Bobo T. Chimpanzee) is a superhero appearing in American comic books published by DC Comics. A common chimpanzee who wears a deerstalker cap (à la fictional sleuth Sherlock Holmes), Detective Chimp has superhuman-level intelligence and solves crimes, often with the help of the Bureau of Amplified Animals, a group of intelligent animals that also includes Rex the Wonder Dog. He originally appeared in the final years of the Golden Age of Comic Books, continuing into the early years of the Silver Age.

After his initial appearance in Adventures of Rex the Wonder Dog he continued to appear in that title as a backup feature until 1959, at which point he faded into obscurity. Several decades after his last appearance, Detective Chimp appeared in several cameos, namely in a 1981 story, "Whatever Happened to Rex the Wonder Dog?" (DC Comics Presents #35) and later in a brief cameo with Sam Simeon in Gorilla City during 1985's Crisis on Infinite Earths. Following these appearances, Bobo started appearing in DC titles with some regularity, appearing in issues of Green Lantern, The Flash, and other titles. This eventually led to prominent roles in the 2005 Day of Vengeance miniseries and subsequently as a regular in its spin-off series Shadowpact. The character has gone on to guest-star in other DC Comics titles, and has been a key member of the second incarnation of the Justice League Dark since its 2018 reboot.

Detective Chimp has made limited appearances in media outside comics, with Kevin Michael Richardson and Fred Tatasciore voicing him in Batman: The Brave and the Bold and Teen Titans Go! respectively.

Can we get a crossover in which Detective Chimp takes on Mojo Jojo?

People often say they hope to have a friend like Sam Gamgee. Let us all try to be a friend like Sam Gamgee.

I like bread. I like the taste and texture of bread. Naan, pita, sourdough bread, French bread, Italian bread, rye bread, pumpernickel, I like them all. I even like ordinary white bread sometimes.

Mibs! Mibs!

OK. I feel like I've done very well avoiding politics or politics-adjacent discussions since I came back. But this is so phenomenally, fundamentally, hilariously stupid that I simply can't let it go.

** spoiler omitted **

If there is a cartoon about this, it probably looks like a Rube Goldberg.

On 20 January 1982, Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a bat that he thought was rubber while performing at the Veterans Memorial Auditorium in Des Moines, Iowa. According to a 2004 Rolling Stone article, the bat was alive at the time; however, 17-year-old Mark Neal, who threw it onto the stage, said it was brought to the show dead. According to Osbourne in the booklet to the 2002 edition of Diary of a Madman, the bat was not only alive but managed to bite him, resulting in Osbourne being vaccinated against rabies. On 20 January 2019, Osbourne commemorated the 37th anniversary of the bat incident by offering an "Ozzy Plush Bat" toy "with detachable head" for sale on his personal web-store. The site claimed the first batch of toys sold out within hours.

Ozzy's later comment about the incident was a classic British understatement.

"It weren't clever."

My voicemail message is a limerick. People are generally amused by it, and are therefore more likely to leave a message. It has happened only once that the caller couldn't stop laughing long enough to leave a message.

If I had a starship, it would be my best friend.

If I had a hammer, there'd be no more folk singers. (Seen on a button)

If a pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun, why isn't a proverb a word that takes the place of a verb?

Because I am the sort of person I am, what started as a joke turned into a serious question. According to Merriam-Webster online, a proverb (with a long O) can in fact be a verb that takes the place of another verb. For example, in the sentence "Act as I do," the word do is a proverb.

If a pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun, why isn't a proverb a word that takes the place of a verb?

My dog had a good day yesterday. My son gave her dinner while I was out, then he went to work. When I got home, I fed her dinner again. Happy satiated dog.

1729 is the smallest integer that can be written two ways as a sum of two cubes.

1^3 + 12^3 = 1 + 1728 = 1729
9^3 + 10^2 = 729 + 1000 = 1729

Godot arrives just in time to rescue Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

A ship carrying a cargo of red paint collided with a ship carrying a cargo of purple paint. Both crews were marooned.

Multiple sclerosis sucks.

I know it's not the worst disease out there, and I know how lucky I am to have good medications and adaptive gear. But once in a while I need to vent.

Nomad is the name of several fictional characters appearing in American comic books published by Marvel Comics. The Nomad name and costume were created by writer Steve Englehart and artist Sal Buscema as an alternate identity for the original Captain America, Steve Rogers, in Captain America #180 (December 1974).

The identity was revived by writer J. M. DeMatteis for a minor character named Edward Ferbel in Captain America #261–263 (September–November 1981). The same writer later gave the title to its best known claimant Jack Monroe in Captain America #282 (June 1983). Other claimants of the code name are Rikki Barnes and Steve Rogers's adopted son Ian Rogers.

STERILIZE! STERILIZE!

A new musical about a surrealist painter will be opening soon. It's called Hello, Dalí!

Someone at YouTube must have a really weird sense of humor. The movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is listed as a comedy.

A Salisbury steak frozen dinner's directions included the step "Rotate the patty 180 degrees clockwise." They don't tell me what to do, dammit! I rotated it 180 degrees counterclockwise! Ha! So there!

Precocious high school hacker David Lightman breaks into WOPR in order to use the nascent artificial intelligence to write a Broadway play that is guaranteed to be a failure, knowing that with creative accounting (ie., bilking his investors) he can make more money with a massive flop than he could with a hit.

The play, a musical about a USCG admiral who is reputed to have coined the term "computer bug", will be titled Springtime for Hopper.

"I wasn't sure what to wear tonight. My mother suggested I could wear my grandfather's nice tuxedo. So I got a shovel..."

"I used to think the human brain was the most amazing thing in the world. Then I thought, 'Wait a minute. Look what's telling me that.' "

- Emo Philips

"Fine animal gorilla."
- Koko

FRIEND: At my check-up today, they drew 12 vials of blood!

ME: Jebus! Who's your GP, Dr. Acula?

Some guy named Kollen, or something like that...

"I don't really like hot dogs," he said frankly.

Darth Voldemort, disguised as Count Olaf, shot J.R. Ewing.

R. Daneel Olivaw throws the Wicked Witch of the West into the Crack of Doom.

"Let's go to the new restaurant," he said patronizingly.

I asked my wife if I am the only one she has ever been with.

She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

ouch

See this scar here, right under my hairline? Got that when someone tried to argue you could sing any Emily Dickinson poem to 'The Yellow Rose of Texas'.

Man's gotta have a code. And gotta enforce that code, even if it disrupts a new graduate student/faculty introduction tea event.

Most, anyway. Or the Gilligan's Island theme song. A few of her poems fit "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider".

The White Martians are one of four fictional extraterrestrial races native to Mars in the DC Comics' shared universe. White Martians, also known as Pale Martians, appear in the comics of the DC Universe, chiefly JLA, Martian Manhunter, and Son of Vulcan. They first appeared in Justice League #71 (May 1969).

Dotar Sojat!

"Eletelephony"

Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephant—
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone—
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I’ve got it right.)
Howe’er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee—
(I fear I’d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

- Laura Elizabeth Richards

This poem is in the public domain.

Well that’s a terrifying thought. Glad I have taken better care of my mouth. Even if I did have to get my implant tooth installed today.

An implant tooth likely falls into the category "Hate to need it, glad to have it."

Feel better soon, OK?

I had an amusing experience at the dentist's office today. (There's a sentence you don't hear every day!)

I told my new dentist about OEDILF (www.oedilf.com - The Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form) and the definition of "glossectomy". She now wants a framed copy to hang on the wall as a warning. She even went so far as to consider doing it in cross-stitch.

He thought dipping tobacco would mean
He'd stay safe from the cancer he'd seen.
But although he's still young,
Surgeons cut out his tongue:
A glossectomy done on a teen.

Name the element:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQSTUVWXYZ.

Aberzombie wrote:

Andrew Katsulas (May 18, 1946 – February 14, 2006), known professionally as Andreas Katsulas, was an American film and television actor, most recognized for portrayals of Narn Ambassador G'Kar on the American science fiction television series Babylon 5 and Romulan Commander Tomalak on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Some might also remember him as the One-Armed Man from The Fugitive!

He is also 1/2 of the duet Barnes and Barnes, who wrote and recorded the song "Fish Heads", and made the accompanying short film.

Theconiel wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, you're just now watching it?!

But, yes, the gut-wrenchimg plot twists. We didn't call it "Addictica" for nothing.

Didn't have the cable package with whatever station carried the show. Don't have cable TV at all now, but the show is free on Amazon Prime.

It's a serious blow to my "nerd cred", I know.

Fifty-nine-year-old me likes the newer show as much as twelve-year-old me liked the original.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

"People are basically irreverent...They want to see sacred cows kicked over. You can’t have Harry Belafonte on your show and not have him sing a song, but we did; we had him climbing out of a bathtub, just because it looked irreverent and silly. If a show hires Robert Goulet, pays him $7,500 or $10,000, they’re going to want three songs out of him; we hire Robert Goulet, pay him $210 and drop him through a trap door."

― Dick Martin

Sock it to me!

Switchel is a drink that was popular throughout New England in the 18th and 19th centuries, especially among farmers. After all, after toiling in the hot sun all day, who wouldn't crave a swig of ice-cold vinegar? I make switchel with the recipe below, which I learned from Max Miller's Tasting History YouTube channel.

1/3 cup (80 cc) molasses
1/3 cup (80 cc) maple syrup
1/3 cup (80 cc) apple cider vinegar
1 tsp (5 cc) powdered ginger
Enough water to fill a 2-quart pitcher (ideally 6 2/3 cups (1.6 L), but I don't bother measuring the water)

My daughter's new epithet for me is "godless switchel-swilling Yankee".

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- Marcel Marceau

"You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. Whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back."

- National Lampoon, "The Deteriorata"