An Old Fishwife's page

28 posts. Alias of Heathansson.


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"Albatross! Get ye Albatross!!!"

A challenger appears!!!

It's an old fishwife. She tells everybody to man up and don't take any crap from these guys if they got any balls, and scolds them all for not being manly.
She's not a troll or a hag, literally anyway; that's just the avatar pic this avatar has.

1d20 ⇒ 7

Women on th' boards o' a sailin' ship make the sea angry.

Intercourse the penguin!!!!!

I rilly think that Jean Paul's masterwork is an allegory for man's search for commitment.


slithy toves? gyring?

"I'll be around, dearie! AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

The ogres all remain silent, as they row the longboat out again...

You guys go outside,

It's morning. The longboat is waiting; she has gathered a ragtag crew of ogres to row it to the island, and the Fishwife is at the steerboard.
They look surly, but nothing you guys couldn't plow through in 30 seconds.......

"Ready to board the Witch's Teat?" she cackles out to the party.

The tower looms above the island.

You feel like.....you're being watched.

"Oh, well that's okay. I know my grandchildren used to like camping out in their playhouses. I'll pack you all some sweets!!!"

"I grew to where the wortroot doesn't work at all any more....started to make my skin prickle and crack.
Don't have tanglewood around here, or many trees for that matter...."

Beldan Vale wrote:
“Well,” says Beldan to the hag, “I really, honestly think we have a good chance of killing this dragon. If you were to help us – nothing too obvious so there’s no fallout on you in the outside chance we fail, just small things, like lending us your boat and giving Altai some of your youth bombs – then you’ll be on the winning side, and we’ll remember it when it comes to distributing the dragon’s hoard.”

"Yeah; he doesn't care. They ALL think they have a chance of defeating him.

I'll row you guys over in the morning, or whenever; not tonight, though. My rheumatism is acting up, and the cold mist of the Styx does naught but aggrivate my knuckles and ankles."


"Yeah. Svipdag isn't known for swimming. Just killing."

"Aaah....more artificial constructs. Are you listening, Hansel? Gretel?"

They both nod, with a look in their eye like she's crazy.

Beldan Vale wrote:

Beldan looks sceptical. “That seems sort of dumb ... why didn’t the guy’s mother dip him once, then change grip to the other ankle and dip him again? Or just hold him by the hair and plunge him down?

"Anyway, I bet it was a rogue that shot him. Sneak attack!"

"I've always wondered that....I think there was more to the story maybe.....or it's symbolic in nature somehow."

Beldan Vale wrote:
“We’ve killed our share of artificial constructs, I’d say they were bad.”

Heehee! Heehee! good one, lad!

Elgan Dreadwood wrote:
"Or assedently make deh good 'vaperate, an' end up wit a batch o' bad mojo!" Elgan cautions, remembering the first few attempts at a still by his trapper friends,...

"Good...bad.....that doesn't even mean anything. They're completely artificial constructs."

Altai Iscarni wrote:
dungeonmaster heathy wrote:

The little girl hands Stiggy a crystal goblet marked "x-x-x."

"From our still,...."

"That makes me think. Hmmmmmm....." Altai starts pacing the room, absentmindedly bumping into things. "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......"

"The river Styx, you say? And a still? Could we, possibly, rend down the baleful properties of that river?"

"That's what I'm working on;...."

The girl says;
"that's why we're......young again."

The boy says,
"Now, what I want to know is why you are such a bunch of douche canoes."

"I don't know where you mudsiders are from,.....but there was a famous hero of one midgardish place. His mother dipped him in the Styx, but for his heel, and she was able to make him invulnerable, utterly impervious to wounds of battle. But for his heel.
Ultimately he ended up shot there with an arrow....."

Beldan Vale wrote:
An Old Fishwife wrote:
"Is that dog for working, or for eating?"


“T’ only doog aye’ll be puttin’ in me belly be hair o’ t’ doog,” says Stiggy, patting Tensor on the head.

“Rat-th rue!” agrees Tensor.

"That's too bad.....he looks to have a good lot of meat on him;

no insult meant, of course."

Beldan Vale wrote:
"Well ... ok ... thanks for the advice ma'am. So, have you heard of anyone surviving a battle with yonder dragon?" asks Beldan.

"Oh, no. Not at all.

He takes all comers, be they man, dwarf, elf.....hobbit.......giant," looks at Claw; "mongrelman golem,....."

and she cackles a bit;

"even other dragons! Especially them; he hasn't met a dragon he liked ever, I don't believe.

All dead. Under the claws of Svipdag."

Beldan Vale wrote:
“No thanks ma’am, I’ve just eaten, some delicious trail rations,” Beldan pats his stomach. “So, you must be able to hold your own if the dragon will leave you alone ... a powerful sorceress, or just a good neighbour? Anyway, we were wondering, if it's not too much trouble, could you advise us on the best way to get across or around the lake? Would you by any chance be willing to hire us your boat?”

"Good neighbor, I suppose. Like I said,.....live, and let live.

I'd say boat, or fly.

Don't swim; yon strand is a stretch of that very River Styx.

I do, indeed, ferry the odd dragonslayer over to the island.

Svipdag doesn't mind in the least. One more gang of mice, under his claws."

"Is that dog for working, or for eating?"

Beldan Vale wrote:
“Heh, heh, feces,” chortles Beldan, then turns to look at the hag. “Why grandmother … what big teeth you have … um, yes, we’re intending to slay the dragon. Is that his tower, over there across the lake? If you don’t mind me asking, how is it that you and your ... um, I’m sorry, are these two precious things your adopted children? Anyway, how can you live so close to the dragon in safety?”

"Aye, lad......long of tooth I am."

she looks in the direction of yon tower;

"Aye, thither roosts the dragon Svipdag.
I don't bother him. He don't bother me.
Live and let live, I've always said.

Would you like some strudel?"

Boy; "who the f++# you calling fat, you f~&@ing catoblepas!"

Girl; "stfu a#&&%$!!!! {to Beldan}>>No; not you; uuuuh.....Sir, me mother doesn't live here.....she lives,....oh, I don't know...." and she blushes a bit;

Hag...."come in! come in! out of the cold, deary...I have some nice treatsies for ye! Oh,.....you all must be here to have a go at Svipdag I take it? Well, dragonslaying's no good on an empty stomach!"

..."Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things...."

The runes he cast spell "an old fishwife...."