|Dave Gross Contributor|
All right- you got me. Now what?~What do you mean, 'wait a week' - ?
Is that a phrase that makes more sense in Infernal?
Nice cliffhanger! This opening chapter reminds me, in the best possible way, of a favorite episode of an old Planet of the Apes comic pairing a gorilla with a human who must join forces.
It's great to see another piece of beautiful artwork accompany the web fiction. Paizo is amassing a fantastic catalog of imagery for Golarion.
I like how this actually feels like a small adventuring party - you always have the guy who runs ahead and sets off all of the traps ahead of the armored guy, making everyone cringe. It's kind of interesting that I feel after this chapter that I know Tiberion better than I do Kal, even though the story is told from Kal's point of view. Kal feels like either a new gamer who hasn't found their place/identity yet and runs into fights, or a young noble who dreams of high things but doesn't understand the tactics needed to advance in the ranks. I'm thinking its supposed to be the later of those, but I can't stop thinking of how new players are unpredictable and could develop in many ways.
I also like the game-y elements that were added without hurting the story at all (I'm guessing the Hellknight has great cleave)
only wording I didn't like was: "Tiberion scrambled to a halt, and Kal heard him curse, spitting the words in a guttural tongue he didn't recognize. Before them rose a solid curtain of rock."
I had to read it 3-4 times to figure out if someone was creating a wall of stone in front of them to block their escape, or if they had run into a dead end. I'm guessing the second, as it doesn't talk about magic anywhere.