Diners and Dragons: A Modern Fantasy Campaign

Game Master VixieMoondew

A modern campaign with heavy fantasy flavor; our heroes decide to take a break from desk jobs, retail, and food service to take a chance on the original gig economy: becoming adventurers!

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Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

Brother Joe shrugs. "Worth a shot. Never know if the ladies will need support."


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Franklin looked at the two ladies still with the main group, fairly confident they could probably move pretty quietly, if needed. His glance was a bit more skeptical as he looked at Joe, the priest of the Drunken God probably not having a quiet bone in his body.

The accountant recognized the value of stealth, but he certainly didn't want to leave Joe on his own while the rest of them crept closer. "How about we give them another minute or so, then go ahead and hop in the cart and cover some ground to the Forest? It's electric, so it shouldn't make a racket. I think..."


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F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Cassidy lays her hand on Franklin's wrist and jerks her head in the direction of the golf cart twice. "How about you and I try and hotwire this thing together," she smiles, playing the part of devil-on-the-shoulder.

Sadducee stares into Nessie's eyes as she holds her close. For a single moment, her eyes close and she purses her lips, but the kiss never comes. She opens her eyes to see the goblin she is about to step on, and gasps. After a few lingering seconds, she simply says, "I don't know this woman."


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Franklin frowned at the sheer enjoyment Cassidy seemed to take in suggesting they hotwire the electric vehicle. Not knowing the first thing about electronics beyond the very basics, he replied, "How about we check for keys, first."

He paused a moment, then patted her hand, "If we come up empty, we can try and jimmy it to work." Honestly, the cart appealed to him on the way out if nothing else. It had already been a lot of walking, and if the rapper was injured, they'd likely have to carry him out.


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

"Do golf carts need keys? The only time I've ever been in one it...didn't need help moving." And would probably have been dangerous to drive at the time, Faith mused. It had certainly had too many people in it.

Still, she checked the little vehicle over anyway.

Perception: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (14) + 2 = 16


1 Yes 2 No: 1d2 ⇒ 2

The golf cart has no key... but does have a slot for one. Drat.

Re: hotwiring, I'll accept Knowledge (engineering) for a (relatively) easy check or Disable Device at a higher DC.


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Aid Another
K. Engine, Untrained: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (7) + 2 = 9
DD, Untrained: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (14) + 3 = 17

Cassidy talks Franklin through the motions based on half forgotten memories of a Youtube video she watched earlier in the year, deeply desiring to help corrupt this meek and mild mannered accountant.

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (15) + 10 = 25
Perception: 1d20 ⇒ 13

Sadducee steps nimbly around, trying to not wake any goblins and hoping to find and rekidnap the gnome.


CN Half-Elf Rogue (Phantom Thief) | HP 8/8 | AC 16 FF 12 T 14 | CMB +4 CMD 14 | Fort 0 Ref +6 Will -1 | Init +4 Perc +3 | Active Effects: none
Immunities:
Magic sleep effects

Nessie sends the picture of the sleeping goblin to the group chat. Found this goblin. Looking 4 more.

True to her word, she skulks around the field, looking for any more goblins.

Stealth: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (19) + 8 = 27
Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21


So uh. I didn't expect y'all to be this sneaky...

The Enchanted Forest is more or less what it sounds like. The trees are thin and tall, growing closely enough together that slipping from cover to cover is easy for the trust fund half-elf and the gnome with plenty of experience getting into trouble.

As they go, Nessie peeks out, eyeing the bushes and canopy with especial interest.

And for good reason.

Squinting hard, Nessie sees a pointy green ear poking out from a nearby bush. And a leg on a branch, the rest of that gob hidden behind some leaves. And the riser of a bow peeking out from some foliage.


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

No Ranks in Disable Device or Engineering makes Faith a sad girl.

Watching the others try to hotwire a golfcart, Faith wondered how this was happening. Again.


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Franklin fiddled around with the guts of the electric engine of the cart nervously, sweat starting to bead on his brow as he slowly tried to follow the instructions of the too-eager gnome. After a minute or two of bumbling around and a small electric shock, he whispered harshly, "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

He thought about it for a minute, and decided he needn't have bothered. If she had known what she was doing she'd be standing there half-electrocuting herself. Scowling, the accountant gently closed the lid of the engine compartment and shrugged. "I guess we're hoofing it."


Team Not-So-Sneaky: Are you following them across the grass and into the woods, or taking the footpath around and acting like normal visitors?


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

"At least we won't have a motorised Goblin warband following behind us as we go," Faith commented at the sparking electronics. "I'd suggest we head across the grass. At least a couple are likely to be watching out for us. Not, you know, very well...but even they'll struggle to miss us if we walk along the path."


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Two questions, A, can Cassidy try to hotwire the golf cart using her aid another rolls from earlier, and B, is the sneaky ninja goblin awake or asleep?


To clarify: Nessie sees bits of three separate goblins, not including the one Sadducee almost stepped on. They’re positioned in such a way that they are clearly waiting in ambush.

As for the cart, I planned on it being impossible untrained, buuuut let’s say you had an encyclopedia of knowledge in your pocket, took 5 minutes to research it, AND made me a Knowledge Engineering check untrained, I might let you swing it. ;)

(No Aid Another’s from the peanut gallery on that, by the way, but you can each have a turn trying it.)


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Faith's suggestion seemed sound enough, so Franklin shrugged and prepared to head across the grass with the others to try and surprise the goblins holding their musical friend captive.


CN Half-Elf Rogue (Phantom Thief) | HP 8/8 | AC 16 FF 12 T 14 | CMB +4 CMD 14 | Fort 0 Ref +6 Will -1 | Init +4 Perc +3 | Active Effects: none
Immunities:
Magic sleep effects

Nessie discreetly takes a video of the goblin ambush waiting in the trees, though between the falling darkness and the green-skinned goblins blending in with the trees, it's hard to make anything out. She sends the blurry, amateur cryptozoologist looking video to the group chat. In the trees. Camping pieces of s!$!.


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Upon receiving the text, Cassidy makes known her opinion of the group's current heading. "We should take the long way around; don't wanna get caught in that ambush. This way, also, we can try to hijack that golf cart again. Franklin, you wanna give it another go?"

She queues up a video for everyone to learn from, eager to do some stealin.


Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

"Good job, guys!" The cleric gives an enthusiastic thumbs-up to his adventuring group.


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

"We can certainly try." It was just a shame she wasn't resistant to electrics. But watching the others get zapped would be entertaining...

Pulling out her phone, Faith started to see how to get around the key on a golfcart. Maybe she could steal some more later.

Untrained Engineering Check: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Franklin looked at the petite twin a bit squeamishly, but ultimately nodded his head after getting the text and video from Nessie. It looked like footage from a Bigfoot-hunters he had seen on Youtube, but the context was clear...the two ladies had found a group of goblins lying in wait.

Sighing, he pulled out his phone and winced as he typed in How to hotwire an electric cart. Making a note to wipe his browser history after all this mess, he patiently watched, switching from his own video to Cassidy's when it became clear she was much better at searching not-so-legal things to do.

Kn Engineering (untrained): 1d20 ⇒ 6


Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

Brother Joe kneels down before the dash of the golf cart and invoke the Accidental God's name.
"Oh Cayden! Baddest of all Bada$$es! I seek to rescue an believer! Please Great Cayden! Transfer some of your celestial coolness down to me! Help me hotwire this unworthy cart and allow the 'cavalry to arrive' for Docta G!"
Knowledge (engineering) (untrained): 1d20 ⇒ 3
"Fu<k."


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Cassidy sighs and pushes up her sleeves. If you wanna commit a felony, do it yourself. She grumbles as she follows along beat for beat with the YouTube video, bumping shoulders with everyone else and outperforms them.

K. Engine, Untrained: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (18) + 2 = 20

Sadducee proceeds further in, tryna place herself "strategery-ically".

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (20) + 10 = 30
Intelligence/Strategery: 1d20 - 2 ⇒ (6) - 2 = 4


Team Hotwire:
No thanks to the boys, Faith and Cassidy handily work together (as much as Cassidy is capable of cooperating with anyone that doesn’t share her face). With a dull hum, the golf cart springs to life.

It’s apparent that it can’t be driven through the tree line, but it can fit four Medium creatures comfortably.

Whoever’s driving, some options for you: you can move along at a steady pace with no check required, or you can go at Top Speed. Cruising through the turns will require a moderate Ride check.

Team Stealth:
As Sadducee and Nessie move into position, they notice a dim orange glow from the heart of the forest, along with some goblin voices.


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Used to the rough size of a golf cart, Cassidy volunteers to drive, cackling as she takes off at Top Speed.

Ride: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (16) + 7 = 23


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

Faith got a good grip.

Strength: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Settling into the back, Franklin wisely gripped whatever part of the cart seemed sturdy enough before Cassidy gunned it, his face growing more pale than usual as the gnome barreled around the first of the turns. On the good side, if he were a group of goblins, he'd be pretty surprised to see them racing up in a borrowed cart.


CN Half-Elf Rogue (Phantom Thief) | HP 8/8 | AC 16 FF 12 T 14 | CMB +4 CMD 14 | Fort 0 Ref +6 Will -1 | Init +4 Perc +3 | Active Effects: none
Immunities:
Magic sleep effects

"This is it," Nessie whispers, crouched close behind Sadducee. The crooked smile on her face makes it clear she is loving this. Holding her phone out in front of them, the half-elf snaps a few pics of her and Sadducee hidden in the underbrush together, pursing her lips playfully at the gnome and turning her face slightly to the side to get a better angle. She picks the best one and sends it to the group chat, and then slides the device back into her top.

Slipping forward, she all but disappears into the woods, leaving only a hint of sweetly scented perfume for Sadducee to follow.

Stealth: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28 ;)
Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (14) + 3 = 17


Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

Strength Check: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (16) + 1 = 17
The caydenite can't help but laugh with childish glee as the golf cart zooms over hills and roads to join the stealth members of Last Call. Joe looks into the worried face of Franklin and gives him a winning and hopefully assuming smile as the mad group of adventurers rocket to their destination.


GM Screen:
Joe Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (10) + 3 = 13
Docta Perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (14) + 6 = 20
Faith Perception: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (15) + 2 = 17
Franklin Perception: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (8) + 7 = 15
Cassidy Perception: 1d20 ⇒ 10
Sadducee Perception: 1d20 ⇒ 12
Nessie Perception: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (5) + 3 = 8

As the golf cart takes off at a crisp 18mph, helmed by a gnome whose self-perceived level of badass greatly outstrips reality, a great many things happen.

With the speed of the cart, the cover no longer properly protects Faith and Cassidy; they begin to feel a sprinkle on their faces as the vehicle zips around a wide corner, passing the sign welcoming visitors to the enchanted forest and the treeline a moment after.

Tall, thin trees dot the area, growing much thicker to the left and right aside from the asphalt path.

As the cart banks right to head toward the area where Sadducee and Nessie disappeared into the woods, a number of complications immediately arise.

Firstly, the area is crawling with goblins; goblins in the trees, goblins in the bushes, goblins carrying rusty buckets to the fire.

Secondly, there's a fire. It looks like a rough circle, about 5 feet thick with a 15-foot radius with a broad, flat stump in the middle beside a pile of ashes, bones, and iron chains. The fire has spread to a few nearby bushes, and is threatening to start climbing a tree as it picks up speed. The rain is too light and the goblins too conflicted to fight it properly.

Thirdly, Docta G is on the asphalt path, backpedaling away three goblins that are running at him. The goblins are between the Docta and the golf cart.

And fourthly, a goblin wearing a bright blue Superman onesie stands tall on a branch.

"DID YOU BRING BLUE LIGHT FOR COOL GNOME DUDE?" he howls over the cacaphony.


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

Sighing as she pluched the wet dress that now clung to her rather tightly...revealing the armour hidden beneath the loose summer dress. She noted the fire, and sighed a little. What the hell had even happened?

Climbing out of the golf cart, Faith plunked the light down in front of them before flicking it on. Then she flicked on the siren too. Flashy blue light and loud noise rang out across the environment. "As you can see, it is exceptionally flashy and makes a loud noise. It also runs on AA batteries. Now tell your buddies to leave our rapper alone, please, so we can go do something with rodents of unusual size or the like." Asking nicely cost nothing, after all. And Faith didn't intend to ask again, although the numbers might make things...challenging.

Diplomacy: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (16) + 7 = 23


Bard 1 | HP 10 | AC 13 T 13 FF 11 | F +1 R +4 W +2 (+4 vs. illusions) | Init +4 | Perc +6 | Bardic Performace (+1d4 fire) 14 rounds/day

Docta G yells to Faith, ”Givin’ them what they want? Man, you ain’t gon’ get street cred actin’ like that! I’d love to kick some goblin @$$ right now, but if y’all ain’t into that we can leave.”


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Franklin managed to pull out his phone as the cart whizzed along, rolling his eyes as he saw the picture of the two point women making kissy faces. There was no way this would turn out well. The accountant attempted to return Joe's smile, but only managed to look a bit sick as well as worried when Cassidy took a turn especially tightly.

When the group rolled up to the scene, it looked every bit as f&@#ed as Franklin imagined it might. His eyes immediately begin flicking between the superman goblin and the fire, until finally he can't stand it any more. He yelled out shrilly, "You're gonna burn the damn gardens down!" He took a deep breath, then continued, "Look, take your blue light and do whatever with it, but you have to get organized or you're going to jail for arson, man. You need a steady flow of water, tell your gobbo pals to line up and start passing the pails to one another."


Team Stealth, you no longer have to roll Stealth checks to move around for this part. Don't worry about it unless you're actively sneaking up behind someone, interacting with important set pieces, or doing something with a decent likelihood of being caught (like crossing the asphalt).

"WE NOT START THE FIRE! GNOME KILL RAPGOB, THEY START FIRE!" he says, pointing accusingly. He makes no move to better-organize his... troops? Aside from the following:

"LENNY!! BRING BLUE LIGHT TO ME! I WANT TEST IT!! IF IT NOT WORK, WE KILL THEM."


Bard 1 | HP 10 | AC 13 T 13 FF 11 | F +1 R +4 W +2 (+4 vs. illusions) | Init +4 | Perc +6 | Bardic Performace (+1d4 fire) 14 rounds/day

”I just rap battled the dude. I didn’t know he was finna explode!”


Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

Brother Joe rests his hand on the rapier on his hip. "You alright, Doc? Any injuries?"


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

The selfish part of Franklin wanted to gather up Docta G and exit stage left with the others, leaving the goblin superhero and his cronies to figure out whether Faith's impromptu blue light would suffice or not. The dutiful part of him, however, couldn't ignore the fire and the havoc it would likely wreak on the flora of the gardens if left unchecked. Maybe the rain would eventually put it out...but maybe not.

He shook his head, then looked at the others. "We've got to put that out. I know we can blame it on the goblins, but that's not the point. So, ummm, I'm about to grab a bucket and start to work." Franklin sighed and then wandered over to the nearest goblin with a bucket, trying to yank the device out of the creature's hands as he looked around for a water source. Surely the gardens had a irrigation option of some sort?

"Any of you spot any pipes or something the place uses to water the gardens?"


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

"There must be a fire suppression and alarm system," Faith commented. Wasn't that a legal requirement?


Cassidy, before we move further and it gets weird to retroactively resolve this: when last we left off, you were in a golf cart hurtling at 18mph towards Docta G, with three goblins between you and him. If you do not stop the cart, you will almost certainly collide with the goblins-- and possibly Docta G, depending on how well that goes.

What do you do?

Also, for what it's worth to your question, Brother Joe (and because I never fully clarified this to Docta G), here's his current status:
-1HP (from running through fire), -2NL (from the initial KO last night; most of this has healed), out of bardic song for the day (from the rap battle, which in-universe took place over the course of an hour), hasn't eaten or drank anything in about 16 hours so I'm going to call that "fatigued."


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Ride: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (11) + 7 = 18
Bluff: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (14) + 10 = 24 +3 if opposed by Sense Motive

Cassidy purposely barrels the golf cart thru the row of goblins, hoping to use their melon-headed forms to slow the cart before she also collides with the good Docta. She raises her hands off the wheel and shouts, "Sorry!" as if she had totally 100% not been trying to do that.

Stealth: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (8) + 10 = 18

Her mirror counterpart slinks on over toward the golf cart, tryna remain sight unseen.


Bard 1 | HP 10 | AC 13 T 13 FF 11 | F +1 R +4 W +2 (+4 vs. illusions) | Init +4 | Perc +6 | Bardic Performace (+1d4 fire) 14 rounds/day

The adrenaline of the best rap battle ever suddenly seems to drain from Docta G’s body. His shoulders slump and his voice changes, becoming smaller, higher, weaker. He says, ”I...I need help over here.I’m...not feeling great.” He finishes with quiet and almost pathetic, ”Fo shizzle...”


Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

As Cassidy plows through the goblins, Brother Joe hears the cries of a fading rap star (jk), and leaps out of the golf cart.
Acrobatics (untrained): 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (12) + 1 = 13
The caydenite runs to Docta G's aid.


Time to roll a bunch of dice and see what happens!

Speeding cart, let's see, not built to deal damage but it's still approximately 950lbs plus passengers traveling at 20mph... let's go with 3d6, Reflex 18 (Ride check result) for half? Pulling this 100% out from under my tail here.

Cart Damage: 3d6 ⇒ (4, 5, 3) = 12
Gobbo 1 Reflex: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (2) + 4 = 6
Gobbo 2 Reflex: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 24
Gobbo 3 Reflex: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (18) + 4 = 22

Aaaand your average gob has about 6HP, sooo...

One goblin sees the cart coming and tries to leap out of the way, still getting thunked but landing in the grass, laying and groaning.

The other two's heads slam off the hood and they go under with a crunch that probably doesn't bode well for their long-term health, but does bode well for the cart's stopping. As it slows and turns, Joe hops out and rushes to the weary gnome's aid.

Taking a note from Starfinder's ramming rules here, I'm going to say that the cart takes half damage as well, but I'm only applying that once for a total of 6. It's still in mostly-good working condition.

Gonna let Nessie move, then we'll move into initiative :D


CN Half-Elf Rogue (Phantom Thief) | HP 8/8 | AC 16 FF 12 T 14 | CMB +4 CMD 14 | Fort 0 Ref +6 Will -1 | Init +4 Perc +3 | Active Effects: none
Immunities:
Magic sleep effects

Nessie hangs back on the edge of the clearing, keeping out of sight as Cassidy plows over the goblins.

Stealth: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (4) + 8 = 12


Mindblade Magus 1 | HP 10/10| AC:18 | T:12 | FF:16 | CMB: 0 | CMD: 13| Fort:+3 | Ref:+1 | Will:+3 | Init:+1 | Perc:+2 | Speed 30| DR 2/Piercing| Fire Resistance 5 |Psychic Pool 4/4

Faith winced at the crunching noise, and summoned her sword in preparation of what was about to happen.


Human Unchained Monk 1 | HP 12/12 | AC 14 T 14 FF 12 | F +4 R +4 W +4 | CMB +4 (+6 Grapple) CMD 18 (20 vs Grapple) | Init +2 Perc +7

Franklin looked at the front of the cart where the goblins' heads had thunked with pure panic. Frantically he started trying to think about the city code he had read, and whether goblins were regarded as a protected race in regards to the laws about manslaughter and that sort of thing. The scene slowed down in his mind...the still forms of the gobbos as the cart's wheels settled back on the ground, Joe leaping from the cart to the aid of the wounded Docta G, Faith's sword appearing out of nowhere, Cassidy finally bringing the vehicle to a stop.

"Oh f~$&!"


Initiative:

Joe: BroJoe Init: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (18) + 1 = 19
Docta: Docta G Init: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (9) + 4 = 13
Faith-in-the-Rain: Faith Init: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (3) + 1 = 4
Franklin: Franklin Init: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13
Cassidy: Cassidy Init: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (19) + 3 = 22
Sadducee: Sadducee Init: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (9) + 2 = 11
Nessie: Nessie Init: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (13) + 4 = 17
Supergob: SG Init: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (15) + 3 = 18
Cool Colors: Init: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (11) + 2 = 13
Warm Colors: Init: 1d20 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 = 18

First off, I'd like to apologize for how tiny the squares are, but it's a biiiig map. Let me know if that's unbearable to work with and I'll come up with some alternate possibilities.

Nessie and Sadducee, see that big, light blue-ish square? You can plop yourself anywhere in it on your turn as a bonus for being so goshdarn sneaky, even the GM isn't sure where you are!

Faith-in-the-Rain wrote:
"There must be a fire suppression and alarm system," Faith commented. Wasn't that a legal requirement?

Two of the goblins pause a moment to exchange guilty looks, then hurry up into the woods with their buckets.

Meanwhile, the Blue Light has found its way to the base of Supergob's tree thanks to whichever goblin is Lenny.

As the fire begins to spread, the lamp begins floating upward, and the distant sound of... music? You're pretty sure what you're hearing is an electric guitar beginning to echo in the forest as the lamp beings to emit a blue, ethereal glow. Stranger still: Supergob also begins to lift off the branch and hover, the light growing brighter as the two get closer. A fat toad rises off of his shoulder and begins to glow as well.

Round 1
Cassidy
Joe

Supergob
Goblins with Warm Colored Borders
Nessie
Docta G
Franklin
Goblins with Cool Colored Borders
Sadducee
Faith-in-the-Rain
The Fire


Male Human| HP: 10/10 | AC: 17 (11 Tch, 16 Fl) | CMB: +1, CMD: 12 | F: +9, R: +1, W: +5 | Init: +1 | Perc: +3, SM: +3 Cleric/1st| Speed 30ft (40ft) | Active conditions: None.

Round 1
The large human tumbles out of the golf cart near Docta G. Brother Joe then touches the gnome rapper with a cure light wounds spell.
CLW: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9 Nice!
The caydenite then helps the fallen gnome get up and away from the encroaching flames.


F/F Init: C:+3, S:+2
Cassidy:
Gnome Twinned unSummoner 1| HP: 9/9| AC: 14 (14 T, 11 F)| CMB: +3, CMD: 11| F: +1, R: +3, W: +2| Init: +3| Perc: 0, Bluff: +10/13, Disg +10| Speed 25ft
Sadducee:
Twinned Eidolon 1| HP: 11/11| AC: 15 (13 T, 1 F)| CMB: +1, CMD: 13| F: +3, R: +2, W: +2| Init: +2| Perc: 0, Bluff: +6, Disg: +14/22| Speed 30ft|

Sadducee flashes her lit phone at the cart, trying to get the attention of her better half. Seeing it, Cassidy launches herself out of the cart, bolting away from the fire and behind a tree, emerging from the other side in Mounted Marvin formation. They could do this, but it would require some precision.

Move action to get on over to Sadducee and climb up her, readying an action to drive the golf cart on Sadducee's turn.


I have so many questions about what the Marvins have planned, and I'm almost afraid to find out...

Wait, none of you speak Goblin?

Supergob, still levitating, grows impossible to look directly at as light covers his form. Tinkly piano, guitar, and a chorus of beautiful voices singing in an ugly language emanate seemingly from nowhere and fill the woods.

Meanwhile, three goblins take off sprinting into the woods, one holding a proper bucket and the other two holding the closest approximation they have on hand-- a bright yellow plastic bowl and a glass bird bath.

Round 1
Cassidy
Joe
Supergob
Goblins with Warm Colored Borders
Nessie
Docta G
Franklin

Goblins with Cool Colored Borders
Sadducee
Faith-in-the-Rain
The Fire

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