GM SpiderBeard's Tyrant's Grasp (Inactive)

Game Master Barvo Delancy

Jeez! That's some find! Is it whole? Not cracked or flawed? If so, I think we should give it to Alara.

Tornell stays quiet as the rest of the group makes their vows of justice and vengeance. Partially because swearing vengeance is rather frowned upon with the Sarenrae faithful, partially due to not wanting to upstage anyone else, and partially a lingering sense of doubt. Will they even get out of the boneyard? Would they even be able to figure out what happened? Is whatever force wiped out an entire town silently in one night still there and ready to finish the job? Too many questions weigh him down. But one thing at a time.

O_O GIMME GIMME GIMME!

I have to re-read it six times. I'm going to see if I can get the author to comment on the GM reference just to make sure. That said for now, it is what it says it is. +2 dex.

As the town comes to peace with its fate, you move over to speak with Umble. She preens herself a bit before talking.

"You've done very very well! Oh yes, we're certain not to get disintegrated now!" Thoot stares at Umble meaningfully. "Oh yes, well now to get back to Lastwall, there is but one path we can take. The Dead Roads. You see, psychopomps cannot transjuxtaposiate between planes, we have to go the old-fashioned way. We know the way back to Roslar's Coffer through these roads. Very easy to get lost, yes. Thoot, are we all prepared?"

Thoot silently nods.

"Well then, yes, I suppose we are prepared. The ritual is quite simple, but I must ask you not to pay too close attention, as we’re not technically empowered to perform this bit of extrajurisdictational transposition.

The route to Roslar’s Coffer passes three way stations: the Palace of Teeth, a manor called Nine-Eaves, and Salighara’s Scriptorium. You’ll need to stop at all three to make your pilgrimage back to Lastwall. Each way station master will probably charge for passage. Given your pauparian circumstances, I assume they’ll trade services. I hope."

As Umble babbles on, Thoot touches her on the shoulder.

"Ah yes Duskfeather... well it's not Duskfeather you must be concerned with, it is Mictena. It is distressing to know she is here already. Mictena is, in vulgar terms, our superior. She’s quite the potent psychopomp, and this corner of the Boneyard is within her jurisdiction. I would recommend that, like us, you avoid attracting her attentions any further. We want you home because you have helped us so. She will just want you dead because she does like her rules."

Ridill listens flatly as the two bureaucrats set them on a soon to be series of annoying quests. Then Mictlena comes up and a look of realization crosses his face. ”Ah, this whole time I thought you both were incompetent. Turns out you just work for a dumbass and have to navigate that.”

Malvo nods sympathetically to Umble and Thoot. "I understand your situation - the military has its share of officers who care for regulations more than the people trying to live with them."

"Will you be accompanying us? If not, how do we approach the various station masters so as to assure them of our plight? "

”Ah, this whole time I thought you both were incompetent. Turns out you just work for a dumbass and have to navigate that.”

"Why darling that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!"

At Malvo's question, Umble shakes her little head. "Alas, we have our work to do here. There's a whole village to get to the Lady of Graves! You must go it alone to get the stamps. However, a good trade should be the best way to go about it which will of course vary by station master."

Sympathy for bird and jackal increasing...

"Well then, I guess all that remains is for you to set us on the road, and take your charges."

He looks toward where his former siblings-in-arms gather. He stands silent for a moment, then quietly salutes them before turning and heading in the direction indicated by Umble.

Malvo will wait for everyone else, but doesn't feel there is any further value in trying to actually say goodbye to his troops.

So we may end with a high level item due to a mistake? That's hilarious.

Artyom's eyes bug out of his head when he finds out what gem is. He turns to Alara. "Well... it seems that you were correct in attacking. Because you got a deep red sphere ioun stone. Congratulations. Now, I believe that this goes to you because you're the one it will benefit the most. It increases your dexterity... once it's attuned to you, of course. Just hold it up to your head and let it go. It'll orbit your head from 1 to 3 feet."

Meaning that you roll a 1d3 to determine this. I'm also putting in the entry for ioun stones. This is because there's some fun facts about them. Like how their orbit can be affected by the emotions and thoughts of their owner.

As the town comes to peace with its fate, you move over to speak with Umble. She preens herself a bit before talking.

"You've done very very well! Oh yes, we're certain not to get disintegrated now!" Thoot stares at Umble meaningfully.

Artyom smiles. "Congratulations to you both! Everyone is now happy and their futures are secure! I'm sure the Lady of Graves will reward you both."

"Oh yes, well now to get back to Lastwall, there is but one path we can take. The Dead Roads. You see, psychopomps cannot transjuxtaposiate between planes, we have to go the old-fashioned way. We know the way back to Roslar's Coffer through these roads. Very easy to get lost, yes. Thoot, are we all prepared?"

Artyom listens to this in interest, eager to learn.

"Well then, yes, I suppose we are prepared. The ritual is quite simple, but I must ask you not to pay too close attention, as we’re not technically empowered to perform this bit of extrajurisdictational transposition.

Like most things involving psychopomps, the Dead Roads rely on a complex bureaucracy. They’re maintained by Barzahk the Passage to allow us to come and go, but creatures of... of non-psychopompological nature need authorization to prevent abuse. Specially appointed bureaucrats control way stations along the routes, and can offer a stamp on your body to pass freely. Without a stamp of passage, beings tend to, oh... ‘slide off’ the Dead Roads and land back here—hopefully. We never did locate more than a few fingers from that one poor waywardarian Keleshite who found his way in.

The route to Roslar’s Coffer passes three way stations: the Palace of Teeth, a manor called Nine-Eaves, and Salighara’s Scriptorium. You’ll need to stop at all three to make your pilgrimage back to Lastwall. Each way station master will probably charge for passage. Given your pauparian circumstances, I assume they’ll trade services. I hope."

Artyom makes mental notes of this, feeling it would be useful information for their trip. He asks, "Do you know any of these station masters or have any information about them? Since you two travel the Dead Roads often, you may know some of the more familiar faces on your routes."

As Umble babbles on, Thoot touches her on the shoulder.

"Ah yes Duskfeather... well it's not Duskfeather you must be concerned with, it is Mictena. It is distressing to know she is here already. Mictena is, in vulgar terms, our superior. She’s quite the potent psychopomp, and this corner of the Boneyard is within her jurisdiction. I would recommend that, like us, you avoid attracting her attentions any further. We want you home because you have helped us so. She will just want you dead because she does like her rules."

Artyom smiles. "Ah. Structure. Order. Bureaucracy. Laws. It is all so... soothing, in a way. There is nothing like structure and order to help one prepare for the future and for what is expected. Like the Boneyard, for example. We now know what's expected, where to go, and what to do. If only everything were more structured and orderly." Ricky pipes up from the wizard's shoulder. "But, Mictena wants to kill us as per her rules." Artyom glances at Ricky. "Well, of course, some rules wouldn't be enforced. We're trying to be Architects of a New Future. Not a&%@~%!s."

This wizard takes one more glance at Vibia's spirit before carefully tucking the kapenia into one of his pockets.

At Ridill's comment and Umble's response, Artyom says, "Well, you two have shown great valor and resourcefulness. Not to mention you're about to lead an entire town, wrongly slain, to their preferred afterlives and have aided individuals who might be able to stop this. In my opinion, you are much better than this Mictena. I'll make a request in my prayers to the Lady of Graves to promote you two. Who knows? Maybe you can even be Mictena's superior and rule this portion of the Boneyard." He says this genuinely.

Ridill’s eyes widen then focus in a not wholly human manner as he watches the red sphere begin to orbit Alara’s head. ”Not gonna lie, that would bug the s@#~ outta me.”

Short of it is this AP has some heavy loot earlier on. However, you may not find a store for a little while.

Umble lets out a weird squawking twitter of delight while Thoot just curtsies, which is a very strange thing for a gigantic death skeleton wielding a glowing scythe to do.

"You mean it? Ohhh what a thought, what a thought, Thoot! We'd make some changes that's for sure.. ahem. Right - so you want to learn about the pecularisness of the various station masters and their own idiosyncratic ways. Well..."

Umble keeps prattling on. "The Palace of Teeth was constructed by I say, Thoot, who constructed it? I’ve no idea, actually. Its current occupants are malicious little pixies who collect teeth. Rather pesky. They raid the graves of the Boneyard, so I imagine they’ll accept a few teeth in trade. I cannot even fathom Barzahk’s reasoning regarding this appointment, but positions staffing the Dead Roads are far from coveted among my normally quite sociable kind. I imagine it pertains to a case of prolonged occupancy implying a certain element of ownership."

"Salighara is a viduus psychopomp, and not a gregarious one. She likes the privacy the Dead Roads offer and oversees several scribes performing menial copying tasks for the Boneyard bureaucracy. I’ve attended one of her pompatious lectures on a prior encounter, and I don’t need to tell you, they are sanctimonious and redundant in the extreme. How a psychopomp could be so full of herself is quite beyond me! If Salighara wants labor in exchange for her stamp, it will likely be exceedingly dull to perform. You have my apologies in advance!"

Aryom recognizes that shoki psychopomps are librarians and caretakers while viduus are tasked with locating lingering souls in the Boneyard.

”Pixies that collect teeth, eh?”

Nature: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (18) + 6 = 24

Every small child has heard tell of a lovely tooth fairy, a creature which, when a tooth is left beneath a pillow, will take the tooth and supply a copper piece instead.

The actual truth is far grislier. Created when the tooth of a wilful child is buried in a place of power, tooth fairies are deranged little creatures who stalk humanoid settlements with huge pairs of pliers to violently wrench teeth from the victims. The teeth are then crammed into the tooth fairy's own mouth, or used to build and decorate their dwellings.

”Ugh, tooth fairies. Hate those wee bastards. And their not-so-wee pliers.” Ridill thinks aloud before turning to the others. ”If they go for your face, don’t scream.”

I'm following along, but don't have anything to add at this point.

Ridill’s eyes widen then focus in a not wholly human manner as he watches the red sphere begin to orbit Alara’s head. ”Not gonna lie, that would bug the s%!~ outta me.”

Artyom looks at Ridill. "Well, I'm sorry. That's how ioun stones work. Unless you want to try and buy a wayfinder."

Umble lets out a weird squawking twitter of delight while Thoot just curtsies, which is a very strange thing for a gigantic death skeleton wielding a glowing scythe to do.

"You mean it? Ohhh what a thought, what a thought, Thoot! We'd make some changes that's for sure.. ahem. Right - so you want to learn about the pecularisness of the various station masters and their own idiosyncratic ways. Well..."

Artyom bows in response to Thoot's curtsy. "Of course I mean it. You two are some of the friendlier faces we've come across. That should be an important quality when bringing people into the afterlife."

Umble keeps prattling on. "The Palace of Teeth was constructed by I say, Thoot, who constructed it? I’ve no idea, actually. Its current occupants are malicious little pixies who collect teeth. Rather pesky. They raid the graves of the Boneyard, so I imagine they’ll accept a few teeth in trade. I cannot even fathom Barzahk’s reasoning regarding this appointment, but positions staffing the Dead Roads are far from coveted among my normally quite sociable kind. I imagine it pertains to a case of prolonged occupancy implying a certain element of ownership."

"Nine-Eaves is a rather gloom-encrusted manor. An elderly shoki psychopomp named Kishokish serves as the master, ruminating on all manner of confabulations. Reclusive and a bit annoying, he has a fondness for puzzles and games. He’ll almost certainly demand some battle of wits before granting his stamp, as he’s a depressing fellow. Humor him."

"Salighara is a viduus psychopomp, and not a gregarious one. She likes the privacy the Dead Roads offer and oversees several scribes performing menial copying tasks for the Boneyard bureaucracy. I’ve attended one of her pompatious lectures on a prior encounter, and I don’t need to tell you, they are sanctimonious and redundant in the extreme. How a psychopomp could be so full of herself is quite beyond me! If Salighara wants labor in exchange for her stamp, it will likely be exceedingly dull to perform. You have my apologies in advance!"

Artyom listens to Umble's explanation of what lies ahead. "So, we have Kishokish, a shoki psychopomp, a librarian and caretaker. We also have Salighara, a viduus psychopomp whose tasked with locating lingering souls within the Boneyard. I'm not sure what these pixies obsessed with teeth are." When Ridill explains what tooth fairies are, Artyom nods. "Noted. Anything else about them?"

”Was’that?” Ridill asks after Artyom mentions a Wayfinder.

For the Tooth Fairies does Ridill know anything else?

Ridill does recall one more important piece of information - when they die they explode into a cloud of sparkling fairy dust that is apparently the most disgusting-smelling substance in the First World.

You can approach the three way-stations in any order. The Palace of Teeth is the closest, at 3 hours travel. Nine-Eaves and Salighara's Scriptorium are a full eight hour walk, but only 3 hours from each other. First place with two votes is where you go - no votes means we go Palace of Teeth.

”Was’that?” Ridill asks after Artyom mentions a Wayfinder.

Artyom blinks. "It's an item used by members of the Pathfinder Society."

My vote is for the Palace of Teeth.

"So the afterlife is also ruled by a bloated bureaucracy where people rise to their position of incompetence and maintain it through inertia. Oh Sarenrae, what a fantastic afterlife awaits us," Tornell bitterly comments.

"Deal with teeth stealing faeries, a tired bored old self important kook, and some boring scribe. Oh, joy. I say we start with the Tooth one. Might as well get it out of the way quickly... Hmm... Keep an eye out for interesting teeth along the way. Maybe some skeleton of a big beast?"

"The simplest is to proceed in order from nearest to farthest. Let's have the joy of the tooth fairies. That's a good idea, there, Tornell. If we can find some exotic teeth, it might be more interesting to them."

Well that tells me nothing useful Ridill thinks after Artyom “explains” what a Wayfinder is, but he doesn't press it. He then nods to Tornell. ”Hopefully we’ll find some. If ya kill one they go up in a poof of glitter. Smells godsawful and goes everywhere.”

You all take whatever time you need to bid farewell to the town and your loved ones. Umble flaps away from Thoot and leads you to a road rising up from the ground. "Best write this down - you want to go four miles down the road and then of the three lefts, take the second. Follow that for two miles and then when it splits four ways take the one near the gibbering tree. He's friendly but leave him alone. Then keep straight as long as you can - you'll see the Palace of Teeth. It's hard to miss. Fare well travelers! Good luck - and stay away from Mictena."

Umble flaps back to rejoin her spooky companion, and they begin the process of leading your entire town on the long journey to their final fates.

---

The Dead Roads are a tangled jumble of raised roadways, around 15-20 feet across. Below you over the edge of the Dead Roads is only mist once you are high enough above the Boneyard.

Interestingly, as you speak with each other you begin to realize the roads look different. Particularly Ridill sees the smooth, beautiful stone of a road he'd see in the First World while the rest of you see what you'd more commonly consider a road.

Although a little confusing, Umble's directions hold out and (the gibbering tree was -very- nice) and you finally spy the strange palace the tooth fairies ahead of you.

This tall, narrow castle rises from atop a hill near the road. Constructed of weathered wood and ivory-colored stone, the building is studded with thousands upon thousands of teeth, arranged in neat rows and spirals. The castle’s only windows are high and narrow. A tall gatehouse leads into a courtyard, its floor paved with yellowish bricks and old teeth.

The castle appears to be precariously fixed to the side of the Dead Roads, with its back half hanging out over the swirling mist of whatever lays below. For an engineer, it is an anxiety attack waiting to happen because any structure should have long collapsed over the side by now.

The most obvious way in appears to be through the front gatehouse, which is open before you.

Malvo looks at the "castle" and shakes his head. "Held up by baling cord and magic. And who knows which is doing more of the work."

He checks out the gatehouse, looking to see if there are any guards or watchers to greet before the group enters.

"I wonder if we should announce ourselves before just stepping in. Even with the gate open, some folks are peculiar about how they define 'tresspassing'."

How far from the gatehouse is the main building? Would anyone likely hear us if we call out?

Like 20 feet. I'll amend the spoiler blocks on the map so it's clear what you're looking at. There's an open courtyard in the other side

OK, I think I've sorted out the layout ... the map appears to show three levels of one building, but maybe it's a 3 story gatehouse in front of a 3 story building, with a courtyard between them? It probably doesn't really matter, but does it appear that the two buildings are connected above, or is the courtyard open to the sky?

There don't seem to be any windows drawn, but I assume there must be a way for anyone in the gatehouse to see who is approaching.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

Malvo looks at the "castle" and shakes his head. "Held up by baling cord and magic. And who knows which is doing more of the work."

"Fey, don't think about it if you're not one."

Sorry for not going into more detail about Wayfinders, Ridill. We can build on that later. Also, I will work on the journal at some point. I'll say that Artyom wrote in it during the three hour walk.

Artyom's jaw drops at the sight of the tooth palace. "That... is... horrifying! That's an architectural nightmare! How is it staying together?! How is it just sticking out of the side of the Dead Roads like that?! What is any of this?!" He then says, "I wonder if the tooth fairies would let me try to come up with better designs?"

Artyom remains silent as Malvo calls out. He and Ricky do keep an eye out for danger.

Artyom's Perception (Alertness): 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 2 + 1 = 5
Artyom's Profession (architect): 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (18) + 7 = 25

Ricky's Perception: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (20) + 9 = 29
Ricky's Profession (architect): 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (2) + 3 = 5

No worries :3

”Fey,” Ridill repeats, before tilting his head. ”Actually, ask em and find out.”

Despite the fact he woke up and found out his friends and family were all dead and he was... well, not really but kinda sorta it's complicated, the sight of the improbable palace of teeth is finally too much for his mighty brain. Try as he might, the architecture for the Palace of Teeth does not make sense. It doesn't even look like there is necessarily magic at work - more the rules that govern a building like this seem to have been suspended or never applied in the first place.

Still though, he can tell it's a palace made out of lovely white marble that has been covered in ugly yellow teeth. It's a fairly small castle as far as they go, and if it was on solid land it would be a piece of uninspiring, stable architecture.

Malvo calls out, announcing the group's presence. There is no response.

"Umble said we need the approval of these guys to get where we're going, so I guess there's nothing for it but to go in and look around. Let's be on guard, but try not to look too ... aggressive."

Malvo leaves both of his weapons stowed, and prepares to step inside once everyone agrees.

”I’ll do my best, Sarge.” Ridill comments as he saunters alongside the Halfling.

Alara seems to be making a concerted effort to distract herself with the ioun stone orbiting her head, but she presses forward all the same.

"That... is... horrifying! That's an architectural nightmare! How is it staying together?! How is it just sticking out of the side of the Dead Roads like that?! What is any of this?!"

"You'd think a guy as well read as you would know the realms outside the Material don't follow the same rules."

He then says, "I wonder if the tooth fairies would let me try to come up with better designs?"

"Good luck with that. Do you have that demented love of teeth collection that appeals to them?"

Tornell follows Malvo's lead, keeping his weapons at the ready, though undrawn.

"HELLOOO! ANYBODY HOME! KNOCK, KNOCK, YOUR FRIENDLY LOCAL SARENITE PRIEST HERE FOR A VISIT!"

Ah. Artyom's true fear: improbable construction planning.

At Tornell's quips, Artyom says, "I know that! It still doesn't change the fact that it doesn't make any sense! And, no, I don't have a love for teeth or a collection of them. But look at it! If it was on solid land, it wouldn't be that impressive. But look at that high quality white marble being tarnished by all of those hideous yellow teeth!"

When the others begin to move towards the palace, Artyom follows them, not really saying much.

You make your way into the courtyard.

This small courtyard is surrounded by walls 12 feet tall. High above, an arched bridge spans the courtyard from north to south. The courtyard is paved with bricks and teeth in intricate floral arrangements.

A heavy wooden door stands on each side of the passageway in the south wall. The handle of the east door has been removed, leaving a gaping hole. The west door is secured with an elaborate lock, supplemented with an additional lock and handle, apparently from the east door.

As you cautiously make your way forward, you hear a loud rattling, like the sound of a jar filled with teeth being shaken repeatedly. It's not pleasant. Within the courtyard, you look around and hear the fluttering of wings. Around you, five gaunt little fairies with weirdly huge pliers and mismatched teeth suddenly flutter out of hiding places. They call out in their strange tongue.

Despite being prepared, the fairies were VERY ahrd to spot, and only Malvo can react in time!

Malvo has a surprise round action!

Surprised by the sudden appearance of the fey, Malvo adopts a defensive posture and says, "We come in peace! We only wish to request passage down the road! Ridill, do you understand them?"

Standard action for Total Defense. Weapons not drawn.

"Unfortunately." Ridill mutters.

The tooth fairies stare at the group for a moment, and hesitate. They all offer big, weird smiles before one of them quickly jabbers at Ridill.

”They’ll take us to their boss if we give them a tooth, Sarge.” Ridill nonchalanty says.

Spiderbeard, we had said we were going to be on the lookout for any dead critters on our path that we could harvest teeth from. Any chance we found one (or more)?

Since you thought about that in advance, yes. It's the boneyard. I'm sure you can find a few teeth SOMEWHERE. You have a handful of varying humanoid teeth.

Tornell was keeping an eye out for interesting teeth. Large fangs and big molars from any larger skeletons he could find, but a few regular ones as well.

Tornell digs in the pouch he reserved for their dental collection, sorting through some teeth. He's not sure what kind of teeth said fairies would be interested in, so he looks or a sizeable, but not the largest or most interesting, one.

"How's this?" He holds out one tooth in the palm of his hand.

The fairies squeal in glee as he pulls out a nice-looking orc's fang. One snatches one up in his pliers. They all grin at you really weirdly before gesturing in silent unison to the the double doors to your north.

"'aight, thanks." Ridill tells the fairies as he walks past them towards the doors.

Perception: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28

Tornell's hand snaps back as the faeries grab the tooth with pliers, quickly checking to make sure they weren't so eager enough to take some flesh with it. He quickly follows, staying close with the group.

"Well met, then. Good day to you all!"

Malvo does his best to seem friendly as he follows Ridill into the building.

You stride through the double doors as the tooth fairies silently grin at you.

This ornate room spans the entire width of the palace. The north end consists of a floor-to-ceiling stained-glass mural of skeletal nights with halos surrounding an angelic figure. Globs of metal and bits of teeth affixed to the stained-glass angel give it a repulsive appearance, with a mouth far too wide and teeth attached to its fingertips. On either side of the stained-glass mural are two delicate archways. From the room beyond comes the faint sound of flowing water.

The southern wall of the room contains two alcoves and a double door.

Aside from the creepily grinning angel mural, the only way to proceed is north towards the sound of flowing water.

My twenty ;_;

"Yeah, it's gonna get creepier..." Ridill tells the others as he advances.