We Be Goblins Free! (Inactive)

Game Master Shifty

Being a chieftain is boring. Adventures are interesting. As goblin chieftains, you have quite reasonably decided that your minions in the Birdcruncher tribe should either entertain you or bring you an adventure to quell your boredom—otherwise, there’ll be trouble! A great feast has been prepared in your honor, and goblins are scattering every which way to get things ready. While the others try to keep you satisfied, a few even went with Squealy Nord to hunt for your favorite truffles.

As the tribe gathers for the celebrations, two goblins—Plunger and Reg Runtweed—wheel out a massive thing covered in a tattered and patched blanket. They claim they have a secret treat that will make all the chieftains happy — a treat they will reveal later during the feast. However, it turns out that goblins aren’t good at keeping secrets. A couple of Birdcrunchers, hoping to curry favor, already ruined the surprise and told you that Reg and Plunger built a statue to honor
the chieftains’ past accomplishments.

First, however, the chieftains need to be entertained!

I will be tied up most of the holiday weekend. Feel free to have some fun and boss your minions about. We will pick up with the amusements on Monday night or Tuesday.

"Argh, this be boring!" screams chuffy from his "throne". "When fun starts!? Fun should start soonz! You there, gets over heres!" He shouts to one goblin, implying that it needs to get on all four right in front of him. Chuffy then props his feet up on the goblin's back, using him as a footrest. Then then shouts at two other goblins "Youz comes rub the chieftain's feets now!" kicking of his boots and demanding they rub his disgusting feet.

"Poog say Zarongel is the Best ... er ... what we burn next?"
Poog look for something to set on fire ...

Sorry.. The campaign tab wasnt open when I dotted into the discussion and I forgot about this!

Mogmurch sits on his throne, picking bogeys out of his ears as the rest of the goblins rush around. "BRING ME MORE DRINK!!!" and "BRING ME MORE FOOD" are alternate phrases that he yells at the passing goblins. Looking across the other thrones, he calls out "This party better be bestest EVER!! What we doing sitting here?? Lets go find fun if they no bring it to us!!" With this, he pulls out some mysterious flasks and containers and starts trying to juggle them to the absolute horror of anyone within a mile of his location.

It is finally time for the amusements to begin...

Mothmangler Munge, a goblin of some tale-weaving ability steps forward with a story he once overheard whilst spying on a traveling merchant.

I tell chiefs legend of the Green Goblin King. It great story! Green Goblin King went to the land of the Longshanks. Walked right into castle and made dare. 'I give anyone chance to chop of my head. You go, then I go. Anyone with head left win.' Longshanks was surprised... they thought Green Goblin King crazy or drunk. One accepted dare and cut off Green Goblin King's head with one chop. That not the end!!! Green Goblin King picked head back up and put it back on his shoulders. Then... uh... then..."

It is clear that Munge has forgotten the end of his story. Not that someone's head getting chopped off is a bad ending in and of itself. In a desperate attempt to recall, Munge approaches the chieftains. He is dressed as the Green Goblin King, and he is hauling about a dwarven waraxe.

"Maybe I be new Green Goblin King. Chieftains want to take swing with smelly-beard's axe? Only one get to try, and I not flinch. Then I finish story."

The goblin throng is whipped into a frenzy with anticipation of seeing a beheading. Munge prostrates himself, offering a clear shot at his skinny, green neck.

Please choose a single PC to participate in this amusement. You will get a swing at Munge with the dwarven waraxe. Because it is oversized for you, you will take a -2 to hit. There is an additional -4 to hit if you are not proficient with the weapon. Fortunately, Munge isn't squirming, which provides you a +4 to hit.

Well now... THAT is an interesting turn of events. I really doubt that I am proficient with the thing.. anyone else want to take a swing?

Mogmuch settles back on his throne "Now THIS be fun!!" he exclaims eagerly.

"Poog no play with axes
... his head know what the facts is
... if win you desire
... set head on fire
... then king no chop backes!"

Chuffy's eyes go wide at the chance to kill something. He swiftly kicks his attendants out of the way and hops up, shouting "So eagerz to die, stupid Munge!? Okey-dokey thens, you gots it!"
He grabs the oversized smelly-beard axe and awkwardly swings it overhead.
Attack: 1d20 + 3 - 2 - 4 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 3 - 2 - 4 + 4 = 11
Damage: 1d10 - 1 ⇒ (9) - 1 = 8
If the first swing doesn't bring his head off...
Second swing!
Attack: 1d20 + 3 - 2 - 4 + 4 ⇒ (13) + 3 - 2 - 4 + 4 = 14
Damage: 1d10 - 1 ⇒ (7) - 1 = 6
That should do it.
Once Munge's head detaches, Mogmurch picks it up, holding it in both hands as he looks at it and says in a mocking tone "Come on, storytellerz Munge! Tellz us hows the story ends! Wassa matter, Munge, longshanks gots you'z tongue? Oh wait, that's just me!"
Mogmurch then pulls out Munge's tongue and begins twirling the attached head around in circles before finally sending it sailing off into the forest. He then falls to the ground laughing so hard that he almost cries in joy.

Chuffy swings the over-sized axe in an awkward yet effective arc. The first blow doesn't remove Munge's head, but Chuffy's quickly following second blow does. The goblins squeal with glee as the head, with a somewhat surprised look frozen on it, rolls at Chuffy's feet.

Apparently Munge had not really thought this through, and the entertainment ends as his body crumples into a heap in front of the chieftains. Unlike a true adventure, this entertainment was short-lived and provided no loot.

Attempting to keep the crowd's attention, Munkle Pupsquash steps forward with a new entertainment. "I have better story than thats. It called 'Da Charge of da Most Powerful Goblins.'" She gesticulates madly and finishes with a flourish as she announces her story.

"This story bout goblins who made mad rush on longshanks' city. They jumped over da moat, climbed da walls, and burned it to the ground while riding off with all da pickles." The goblin crowd oohs and aahs, although you are not sure whether it is over the fire of the pickles. "Me think our chieftains can do all that."

Munkle leads four goblin dogs out of a nearby pen. They are called Lil’ Flaky, Grumbles, Snortlick, and Chub-Chub. She begins to explain to the chieftains what will be done to provide their entertainment. "Yous must race into da forest and jump over a fresh mud pit, climb a steep ridge, break a squash painted to look like a stupid gnome, rush back down da ridge, and jump over a clump of brambles before returning to da clearing."

You all saddle up to begin the race....

I'll keep track of everyone's progress to let you know what kind of checks, etc. I need from you. All ride checks are at -5 because you are riding bareback. It is possible you will end up at different points in the race at times, so please use the tracker below to determine what your action for the round should be. I will advance the round once everyone has gone.

Race Progress
Chuffy - Jumping over the mud pit (Please make a ride check)
Reta - Jumping over the mud pit (Please make a ride check)
Poog - Jumping over the mud pit (Please make a ride check)
Mogmurch - Jumping over the mud pit (Please make a ride check)

Chuffy looks over each of the beasts, pretending that he has any clue how to judge animals. Finally, he hops up and shouts "Chieftain Chuffy Lickwounds will choose Snortlick for his mount! Together, we willz...lick things!"
He then hops on and takes off.
Ride: 1d20 + 13 - 5 ⇒ (12) + 13 - 5 = 20

Poog selects Grumbles as his mount ...
then rides off to jump the mud pit.
Riding: 1d20 + 7 - 5 ⇒ (11) + 7 - 5 = 13
"Not fair ... Poog only ride Squealy Nord, not dog."

Mogmurch, in an excited fit, runs forward and jumps on the back of Chub-Chub. "Onward, Chub-Chub! We be bestest and winz all!!!"

Ride: 1d20 + 9 - 5 ⇒ (19) + 9 - 5 = 23
They take off at a sprint and easily clear the mud pit "WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!"
(Although exactly who is squeeling is up for debate...)

"Reta ready Lets go' Woo hoo"

Ride at -5: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (11) + 5 = 16

As the goblins charge off through the mud, some of them are able to hold on better than others. Chuffy and Mogmurch make the leap, but Poog and Reta land face down in the mud.

Those who stayed on going charging up the ridge, while Poog and Reta extricate themselves from the muck.

Race Progress
Chuffy - Climbing the ridge. (Please make a ride check)
Reta - In the mud (1 round to climb out.)
Poog - In the mud (1 round to climb out.)
Mogmurch - Climbing the ridge. (Please make a ride check)

"Reeta hate mud!"

Seeing that Mogmurch is keeping pace, Chuffy whacks the goblin dog's side with the flat of his dogslicer, shouting "Come onz, Snortlicks! Faster, faster, fasters!"
Ride: 1d20 + 13 - 5 ⇒ (12) + 13 - 5 = 20

Ride: 1d20 + 9 - 5 ⇒ (17) + 9 - 5 = 21
"Mogmurch da bestest, this ride the funnest!
"Gonna leave you in the mud, eating my dustest!"

Ok, I know thats awful, but its the best I got!

"Poog ride now ..."
... as he climbs back up on to the dog.

As Chuffy and Mogmurch charge to the top of the hill, Reta and Poog mount up and begin the climb.

As Chuffy and Mogmurch crest the ridge, they see four squashes painted to look like gnomes. Each squash wears a strangely colored wig and has bushy eyebrows painted on... in all a very lifelike resemblance to the small humanoids.

Race Progress
Chuffy - Smashing the gnome. (Please make a ride check and a melee attack roll)
Reta - Climbing the ridge. (Please make a ride check)
Poog - Climbing the ridge. (Please make a ride check)
Mogmurch - Smashing the gnome. (Please make a ride check and a melee attack roll)

Ride: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (6) + 5 = 11

"Ohhhh.."

Splat! Reeta goes flying into the mud again and looks disgusted.

"Mud no fun! Reeta wants to won. Stupid dog!"

Ride: 1d20 + 13 - 5 ⇒ (7) + 13 - 5 = 15
Chuffy comes flying up the hill, singing at the top of his lungs
"Longshanks flee when Chuffy rides,
Even though there's no place to hides!
Chuffy finds you, yes he will,
'Cause Chuffy always gets his kill!"
He rides up on the first "gnome" he sees and slashes it with his dogslicer.
Attack: 1d20 + 10 ⇒ (4) + 10 = 14
Damage: 1d4 ⇒ 3

Riding: 1d20 + 7 - 5 ⇒ (9) + 7 - 5 = 11
"Aaaagggg ... not Poog fault. Dog defective!"

Ride: 1d20 + 9 - 5 ⇒ (5) + 9 - 5 = 9

Riding in, Mogmurch falls off of his dog, gets up, and pulls something from his belt.
Bomb: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (18) + 9 = 27
Damage: 2d6 + 3 ⇒ (4, 4) + 3 = 11
With a glorious booming explosion, Mogmurch throws a bomb at his target, blowing the entire top of the hill to smithereens!

Don't get carried away with thinking you all have failed checks. The DC is different at each phase. None of the rolls above are fails based on where you were in the action. I'll be happy to let you fall off if you would like though. LOL

Chuffy and Mogmurch are both able to make quick work of their "gnomes." Indeed, there is absolutely nothing left of Mogmurch's to show that it ever existed. The two goblins begin a wild charge down the hill, attempting to be the first to finish. As they near the bottom, a patch of brambles looms in their path. Too close to avoid, the brambles must be jumped!

Reta and Poog charge up the hill, cresting in time to see the explosion for Mogmurch's bomb. They line up their own attacks on the painted squash.

Race Progress
Chuffy - Charging to the finish. (Please make two ride checks)
Reta - Smashing the gnome. (Please make a ride check and a melee attack roll)
Poog - Smashing the gnome. (Please make a ride check and a melee attack roll)
Mogmurch - Charging to the finish. (Please make two ride checks)

Okie Dokie.. my bad! lol

Mogmurch retains his hold and runs through the made up gnomes. He charges hard for the finish line, and as the thorns advance, he squeels out his displeasure!
"Mogmurch no likee thorns! they hurts and hurts!"

Ride: 1d20 + 9 - 5 ⇒ (4) + 9 - 5 = 8
Ride: 1d20 + 9 - 5 ⇒ (13) + 9 - 5 = 17

Angry that the stupid Mogmurch ruined Chuffy's great song with his explosions, the goblin rogue is determined to win so he can shove it in the ugly alchemist's face.
Ride: 1d20 + 13 - 5 ⇒ (15) + 13 - 5 = 23
Ride: 1d20 + 13 - 5 ⇒ (2) + 13 - 5 = 10

Riding: 1d20 + 7 - 5 ⇒ (8) + 7 - 5 = 10
If that fail ... Poor run up and squash squash, then remount to finish ride ...
Melee: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (18) + 6 = 24

Reeta charges up the hill.

"Weeee go dog! Smash stupid gnome!"

Ride: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (20) + 5 = 25

attack: 1d20 + 9 ⇒ (6) + 9 = 15

damage: 1d4 + 3 ⇒ (3) + 3 = 6

Mogmurch manages to fly over the brambles!
He closes in quickly on the finish line and tears across victorious!

Chuffy ends up in the brambles though!
Damage 1d4 ⇒ 2

Poog and Reta smash the stupid gnomes and close in on the hurtinated Chuffy!

Race Progress
Chuffy - Charging to the finish. (DC15 ride check to pass last obstacle)
Reta - Charging to the finish. (DC5 ride to move, then DC15 ride check to pass last obstacle)
Poog - Charging to the finish. (DC5 ride to move, then DC15 ride check to pass last obstacle)
Mogmurch - 1st place!

Ride DC 5: 1d20 + 7 - 5 ⇒ (12) + 7 - 5 = 14
Ride DC 15: 1d20 + 7 - 5 ⇒ (16) + 7 - 5 = 18
"Weee ... Poog finish better ..."

As Mogmurch surges past the finish line, he hoots and hollers in joy!

"Me said Mogmurch the bestest,
And the rest of you the nextest!!"

The Goblinz cheer for Mog, but wait to see how many more injuries are incurred!

Reeta plods forward on the dog.

"Reeta go!"

Ride: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (18) + 5 = 23

Ride: 1d20 + 5 ⇒ (9) + 5 = 14

Reeta gets the first bit right - but ends up playing in the brambles!

Reeta pulls herself out of the brambles and dashes over and kicks the goblin dog.

"Stoopid dog! It's your fault Reeta lost!"

Chuffy quickly tears out of the brambles and hops back on the goblin dog.
Ride: 1d20 + 13 ⇒ (6) + 13 = 19

Chuffy gets out of the brambles and over the obstacle!

Poog follows hot on his heels!

Reta likes brambles.

Race Progress
Chuffy - 2nd
Reta - 4th
Poog - 3rd
Mogmurch - 1st place!

Munkle looks thrilled "That amazing!" Munkle hands over a jar of restorative ointment that tastes like bacon.

The Goblins all make much noise...They wait to see how happy Chiefs are now!

Angered that he didn't win, Chuffy shoves Munkle into the mud as he screams "You calls that fun!? Grand-Chief Chuffy didn't win nothings! The next game better be really good or somebody's gonna have to die to makes it good!"

The goblins start to look concerned...!

Mogmurch jumps off of his dog and parades around as the winner.

"Mogmurch Very happy! Yous make lotsa lotsa fun for Mogmurch, bestest of Chiefs!"

Reeta trots in on the goblin dog.

"Reeta not happy. Reeta ready for another game!"

The Goblins still look worried, the Chiefs not yet happy enough.

A bunch of goblins move in, dragging a number of straw effigies representing some of the goblin chieftains’ conquests!

Six of these crude dummies are fashioned into dog shapes, three of them into horse shapes, and one particularly lumbering creation somewhat resembles an ogre – PA MUNCHMEAT! The straw figures are arranged in the clearing 10 feet from the front of the low platform, and each of you is handed a single star candle firework.

After the fireworks are distributed, Trimple Rotmouth, a recent convert to Zarongel under Poog’s tutelage takes centre stage – a hush descends as he waves his hands ominously.

”Zarongel bestest of all, he give us FIRE! The great burny burny hot hot!” the crowd oooohs!, In this game, the Chiefs going to shoot the fireworks into the straw stupids, setting them on fire!”

Once lit, the star candle fireworks can shoot a f laming ember once per round for 4 rounds. The PCs make ranged touch attacks with the star candle fireworks against the straw effigies. This attack is made at a –6 penalty (–2 due to range increment and –4 due to nonproficiency).

The dogs are worth the most points, but harder to hit. The Horses and Pa Munchmeat the easiest... call what you are aiming for on each attack, and make 4 attacks.

Do we add dex mods in as its a "touch" attack, or is it straight 1d20-6?

Dex/bab/ranged feats :)

Rock on! And Mogmurch has the "Throw Anything" feat, negating the -4 improvised.

As soon as he realizes what is going on, Mogmurch turns his back to the crowd and quickly pulls a small flask from his pouch and drinking it. Mutagen, +4 dex, -2 wisdom, +2 natural armor x40 min. Turning back to the roaring and cheering goblins, he steps forward confidently.
"Mogmurch show this is easy!! LET IT BURN, LET IT BURN!" he screams out in some off key parody of cat yowling.

DOG DIE FIRST! he screams out as he turns his lit firework onto the straw effigies, then alternates his targets between the dogs and the hated ogre.

Ranged Touch 1: Dog: 1d20 + 9 - 2 ⇒ (16) + 9 - 2 = 23

Ranged Touch 2: Munchmeat: 1d20 + 9 - 2 ⇒ (12) + 9 - 2 = 19

Ranged Touch 3: Dog: 1d20 + 9 - 2 ⇒ (3) + 9 - 2 = 10

Ranged Tough 4: Munchmeat: 1d20 + 9 - 2 ⇒ (6) + 9 - 2 = 13

dog
attack/fireworks: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 11

munchment
fireworks: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (9) + 4 = 13

dog

fireworks: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (18) + 4 = 22

munchmeat

fireworks: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (10) + 4 = 14

"burn!

Dog: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (14) + 8 = 22
Dog: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (2) + 8 = 10
Horse: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (2) + 8 = 10
Horse: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (7) + 8 = 15

Will resolve when Chuffy has his BOOM!

Chuffy immediately perks up at the mention of fire. Once handed his firework, Chuffy gets the biggest grin on his face as he starts to sing.
"Things go boom when Chuffy throws,
Much more fun than using bows.
Sometimes where the boom-boom blows
is not my fault-that's how it goes!"
Attack vs. dog: 1d20 + 8 - 2 - 4 ⇒ (20) + 8 - 2 - 4 = 22

Attack vs. dog: 1d20 + 8 - 2 - 4 ⇒ (9) + 8 - 2 - 4 = 11

Attack vs. Pa Munchmeat: 1d20 + 8 - 2 - 4 ⇒ (11) + 8 - 2 - 4 = 13

Attack vs. Horse: 1d20 + 8 - 2 - 4 ⇒ (10) + 8 - 2 - 4 = 12

How the event looks to Goblin eyes!

Smoke and flame linger in the air, burning effigies illuminate the sky and the yelling and cheering of the goblins is deafening.

Trimple looks confused at the four way tie, he puts a potion on table elixir of hiding - "Make you gud sneakster" he then adds "Zarongel be praized! and runs off!

***

Worried the Chiefs might not be so impressed and may be unhappy with the tie the Goblins jostle and cajole for more action!

Dillbu Tenthumbs comes forward now with a roll of twine leading off to a strange birdcage and a bag of rocks she hands over.

"Time for Killgull! You play this game, one end of a length of twine is tied to a seagull’s foot, while the other end is held by a tricky goblin! Other goblins hurl rocks at the stupid bird, trying to knock it out of the sky. The goblin holding the twine can jerk the string to make the goblins miss their throws at the bird. HAHAH VERY FUNNY IF YOU MISS!"

"Who playing?"