The Patrician Maker (Inactive)

Game Master Shadowtail24

Raul gives a smug smile to Risbeth, then walks up behind the two already inside. "Lead on, you're our trapmaster."

Risbeth rolls her eyes. "Igorina, follow with the gunpowder. They'll get tired of foolishness eventually, and we'll blow the place up."

"Goatie man, lady vampire, why not yell out for them to greet uS? You are scary enouGH!"

Says the gnome as he looks around for traps.

"All clear, start opening doORS!"

Perception(traps): 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (5) + 8 = 13

Risbeth shakes her head. "Oh no Trops, this is all you. Raul and I wanted to blow a hole in the wall and start beating people with truncheon's until someone talked out of survival instinct. You wanted to go in the front door and talk. So we'll just follow along and let you handle the diplomacy. If things get too nasty, we'll start killing them for you."

Igorina giggles like a mad school girl in the background.

Raul shrugs, opening the first door on the left.

The door opens easily, but soon so causes a decorative case on a stand next to it to fall over and break at your feet, spilling slippery grease all around you.

reflex save: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (7) + 1 = 8

You are slow to react and wisely choose to not jump away when the grease spreads. You are standing in a 15 foot area(linear) that acts as if under the effects of a grease spell.

This prompts Trops to reconsider his earlier assertion of all clear.

perc traps: 1d20 + 8 ⇒ (20) + 8 = 28

Trops now realizes that the first 5 doors on each side are trapped, just as Raul is.

Risbeth nods. "Igorina? Go down to the store and buy a couple of sacks of that dried clay they sell for cat owners who keep them indoors?" She then turns to Raul. "Everyone just stay still for now..."

Igorina nods and parks the wheelbarrow full of kegs of gunpowder next to Risbeth, so she can keep an eye on it. Then she heads out, avoiding the messy puddle in the front door. When she returns 10 minutes later, she's carrying two 10 pound sacks of kitty litter. Putting one on the wheelbarrow, she opens the other and scatters it around on the grease around Raul. "There you are, Mithter Raul. That thould keep you from landing on your atth."

"Good thinking!"

While Raul is stranded, Trops reveals to all which doors are trapped and which arren't.

After a while, Trops yells up again.
"Stop messing with us, we haven't paid for any service, we simply want to speak with someone who is in chaRGE!"

Turning toward the others:
"Who wants to open the next doOR?"

Risbeth smiles. "Oh, I'll open something, but I want to use my own special way of knocking, just to make sure they hear me." She pats one of the kegs of black powder.

Trops rolls his eyes.

"I would open then normally, but the handle is too hiGH! Although, maybe blowing up a door will convince them of paying attentiON!"

"I've been saying that for an hour now."

Tanz sighs, and actually looks observably irritated for the first time since you've known him.

"They is fools. They is act like fools. Enjoy while can. Probably have to squish all before done."

He turns the handle on the next door, pushing it open before stepping inside.

mobile Chrome just ate my post. I'm going to use those rolls

A bolt flies from a pillar, striking Tanz in the chest.

Tanz takes 5 damage

Any semblance of a good mood is now gone from Raul's face.

"Blow it."

If I understood the GM's description, it's basically a long hallway with 5 doors on each side, and nothing at the end opposite the entrance. The below is based on that.

Risbeth walks down the hallway to the end, checking for traps at each step.

Perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (4) + 6 = 10
Perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (13) + 6 = 19
Perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (10) + 6 = 16
Perception: 1d20 + 6 ⇒ (10) + 6 = 16

At the end, she takes a keg of powder and sits it on the floor. She cuts a 30 ft length of cord, and jams the end of the cord into the barrel's plug. Igorina rolls the wheelbarrow out of the front door. Risbeth follows, smiling as she plays out the lignite. "Well then, let's see if we can get their attention." Once out the door, she readies her pistol, making sure it's fully loaded, then takes the flint striker from her belt pouch and sets fire to the lignite cord, watching it burn toward the barrel. "I really wish we had some nice heavy sand bags so we could direct the force of the explosion into the guild better."

She watches the lignite until it's an inch from the barrel, in case someone decides to use seltzer water on it. If they do that, she smiles and fires her readied pistol into the barrel and then hops to the side, giving whoever is stupid enough to step into the hallway a merry fang filled grin.

BOOM!

I"m confused.Are you placing the keg at the stairway leading up? The corridor has actually ten doors on each side, Trops just noticed traps on the first four. The end of the corridor is the first step up of a atwo stage staircase. So steps facing away from the door going up to a platform and then steps back towards the door going up.

Sure, that works. I'm sure the steps are rigged to send you sliding back down anyway, so might as well blow them up. The first keg is just to get their attention. If this doesn't work, I'm going to get Tanz to go get some really big stones to put on top of the next two kegs, and see how much damage I can do to their castle blowing two 100 lbs stones up through the structural members.

The explosion is loud even the those of you outside. The hallway is long enough that the door manages to stay on, but there is decimation inside. A chunk of the stairs has been blown away and the rest has turn into a slide. The hallways many decorations have been torn apart, leaving wood, glass, canvas, greasy oil, kitty litter like material, a few arrows, and one very dead bunny lying on the floor. As you look back inside you see a canvas being lowered from the 2nd story. It reads "Bang".

Risbeth smiles happily. "Excellent. Tanz? Would you go down to the quarry and get us oh... 3 or 4 hundred pounds of the cheapest stone they have? In chunks about the size of your fist? I don't need anything fancy, just hard. The stuff they usually chew up to make that cheap gravel they sell to the government would be fine. I expect no more than a copper a pound for it." She then coughs and calls out. "We wont' be opening any more doors, not after you shot our ally. So, I'll simply start blowing up your whole damn guild, one section at a time, until you either parley, or there's nothing but rubble around your ears. I'm perfectly fine blowing up your whole castle, it's rather fun, but I'm also busy, and it's moderately expensive to blow your guild up. You have until Tanz get's back with the rocks I need to blow out a nice chunk of your guild. After that, I detonate two of those kegs while they're sitting under 300 lbs of stone. Then an hour later, four kegs under 400 lbs of rubble. The nice thing is, I won't have to pay for the rocks a second time, I'll just use the remains of your guild."

Turning to Igorina, she nods. "Igorina, you may need to go get some more kegs. Mr. Tanz, may she take Igor with her to get us four kegs? In case the next 2 don't convince these morons to talk?"

She turns to Raul. "Mr. Raul, can you watch for the Watch. I'm sure they will be along shortly, but as long as it's the Fool's Guild, and we can prove they attacked us first..." She points to Tanz's chest, with the bolt still in it. "We should be able to keep them from interfering, especially if we keep the damage to the interior of the Fools' Guild. Last I checked, even the Watch didn't like them."

Turning back to Tanz. "Mr. Tanz, I hate to ask it, but could you keep the bolt in until the watch shows up? It will help, it's in Fool's Guild Motley." She points to the feathers and tassles on the bolt.

Raul nods. "Tanz, don't heal that wound. That's our proof."

Trops stays close to Risbeth. First slightly aghast at the destruction, a smile of satisfaction slowly appears on his lips.

"Really foolish the fools."

Considering that it only did 5 damage and I am made out of rock/crystal/diamond, I was gonna play it as just kinda bouncing off of me. Possibly making a *tink!* sound. But on the other hand, it was a pretty good excuse to explode things, so... XD

The troll looks around, still and silent. Slowly, subtly, a smile spreads across his face, and he whispers, so quietly one might think he had only mouthed it.

Boom

"You could almost be troll," he informs them, sifting a hand through the rubble, "If only not so squishy."

He suddenly snaps back to reality.

"Igor back at library. Get books. Yes. Go get shale. Be back soon," he replies, lumbering off.

Ok, let's jump ahead in time. Tanz has collected a few rocks and Igorina has collected 2 barrels. Anyone want to do anything before the Watch arrives? Or continue with the setting up of Boom 2: Hell on Discworld?

Are they really not answering us? Wow, at this point that's just rude.

Just waiting for the fools to send someone to speak, Trops did call unto them a few times.

Nope, Risbeth's mad now. She's going to make them spend a lot more cleaning up the damage than they got out of it for jollies. And she's come to realize she doesn't care if she get's arrested. She's done nothing worth killing her for, worst she'll get will be a few decades in ash form.

And Raul will just point at Risbeth. :)

As work begins on what one assumes would be a second explosion, a Fool's Guild Member expertly slides down the banister. The man even manages to hop the part where the bannister collapsed without so much as a hiccup here. I'm trying to make the point that this guy is a real Fool because he in fact, has a white face. That would make him none other than Dr. Whiteface, president of the Fool's Guild.

He lands softly on his feet with a flourish. "Ok, ok, no need to do that again. But please do enlighten me, what was it you did and WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?" The latter part of his questions seems to break charatcer but Whiteface recovers with a moppish grin.

At the same time, Sergeant Colon and Colonel Nobbs stroll in the front door of the Fool's Guild, oblivious to the fact that any other day that would have resulted in severe pie attacks; not that Colon doesn't enjoy a good pie. Fred whispers to Nobby after they enter, though his whisper is very audible. "See Nobby, this is why we waited. Now the President will sort it out and we don't have to get involved." He raises his voice, though it comes out more quietly than before. "Exactly the question I had Dr. Whiteface, I hurried over here but you had a much shorted distance so it really wasn't a fair race. You guys can go ahead and answer his question, Nobbs, I mean the Colonel, and I will just observe."

Risbeth smiles at the Fool. "Well, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Dr. Whiteface. I do apologize for the damage, but... We came over peacefully, without any explosives, to talk. When we arrived, you closed the doors. We knocked politely, and Mr. Tanz was hit with a pie. Now, we can take a joke as well as anyone, you know, so we didn't do anything at the time, but we did prepare in case this was just a training shot before firing acid bottles at us. Once we had some powder to get your attention, Mr. Tanz knocked again. When we did, you opened the door. Mr. Tanz then pushed it open, stepped over the fallen bucket of mud, and entered. Obviously you invited us in by opening the door." Risbeth is in full tick off how we legally entered mode. "Upon entering, we again were very peaceful and polite. We didn't see anyone, and we assumed we needed to find the Guild Reception area. We called out several times, but heard only some giggles in the walls. Unfortunately, your doors were unmarked. When Mr. Raul opened a door, highly flammable oil was poured around him. We considered this more of a joke than a threat at that point, and simply went and bought some cat litter so he could get out with injury. However, when Mr. Raul was out of the oil, Mr. Tanz opened another door, again looking for the Receptionist. When he did, someone shot him with a crossbow bolt." She points to the bolt, still sticking out of Mr. Tanz. "Now, that is an unprovoked assault on Mr. Tanz's person. We felt we had no option but to respond to an unprovoked and lethal attack. So we blew up your entry way. At multiple points we asked for someone to speak to us to avoid further damage or bloodshed. Instead, nobody arrived or talked until you did Mr. Whiteface. Now, in my experience, inviting someone into your guild and then shooting them with a crossbow bolt when they have done nothing to provoke such an attack is..." She looks to Nobby and Colon. "... I believe the official term is, 'frowned upon' isn't it Officers? Frowned upon by Lord Vimes, Lord Vetinari, and the Watch in general?"

Raul remains silent, knowing Risbeth is much more experienced in this area. He does nod and confirm all of the facts she presents though.

Tanz appears to look slightly sheepish as the protruding quarrel is examined, but it's somewhat hard to tell with troll expressions. He does briefly slap his sword though.

"True, trUE! Officers and clown man, what lady vampire is saying is TRUE!"

Previous post was supposed to be from Trops...

Dr. Whiteface makes as if to speak but Nobby interrupts. "Oh, I actually know this one.'" He draws a breath and closes his eye. "Guilds cannot be punished for actions taken on their own property up to lethal damage." Sergeant Colon gives Nobby a surprised look.

"Why do you know that?"

"I won't be telling you that Sarge, not good for business."

Sergeant Colon frowns but let's it slide. "Unfortunately, they seem to be in the right Miss Vampire - erm- Von Hogsandmead."

Dr. Whiteface smiles (?). "And what about the question of damages?"

Wha..? almost whispers Trops.

Then, when people seem to have forgotten about him, the gnome walks behind a precious rock (possibly Tanz or a piece of him that has fallen to the ground).

Stealth: 1d20 + 23 ⇒ (15) + 23 = 38

Risbeth sighs. "Well, in that case, damages will be 128 gold pieces, the price of a barrel of gun powder, and the lignite cord. I would of course accept platinum pieces." She smiles at Nobby. "I assume the whole 'not responsible' thing doesn't apply to Assassination Attempts by a Guild, on another guild's property or the city streets or sewers, and especially ones not utilizing a sanctioned Assassin's Guild Representative? Of course, if Mr. Whiteface wants to continue things along this vein, I'll simply have to turn over this man's itenerary." She shows the drawing of the Fool's Guild representative to Mr. White, but not to Nobby and Colon. "To a representative of the Assassin's Guild, so that they can determine why a senior Fool's Guild representative was posing as an Assassin's Guild representative. Alternately, if Mr. Whiteface would like to conclude the repayment of my expenses for the gunpowder in private, and not involve the Night Watch, then we could forgo informing the Assassin's Guild about Mr. Whiteface's colleague pretending to be a ranking member of the Assassin's Guild." She smiles at Nobby. "I'm sure the watch would not want to become embroiled in guild interpolotics, especially not the kind likely from such a revelation, isn't that correct?" She then turns back to Mr. Whiteface. "All of which we tried to be discreet about, but you just had to have your little jokes, so since I can't be discreet about it, I see no reason not to be indiscreet about it. Unless of course you want to take this to a more private space and stop this ridiculous prattle about expenses and reimbursing me for them."

Risbeth idly flicks the lighter she is holding in one hand, watching the flames as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world. Her other hand holds still the lignite cord.

Raul prickles at Mr.Whiteface, but smiles when Risbeth responds. Wish I could learn half of those things.

The Dr.'s response, is, of course, very drawl. "I was meaning the damages to the stairway." He puts on glasses and glances at the picture. "I have never seen this man in my life. Who told you he was a 'Senior member'?"

Risbeth looks at Mr. Whiteface, then the stairs, then the Fool, and then the staircase. Then she bursts out into laughter. "Oh my god, Mr. Whiteface! You are so funny! And so droll! Damage to the stairwell! That's so funny!" She smiles at the man, showing dimples, and then waves the comment away. "Oh, well, anyway, as to who sent us to you, it was one more Foul and Ole than even Nobby there." She smiles at Nobby. "No offense, Ron.. I mean Nobby." She turns back to Mr. Whitehead. "And of course, we asked that august personage because not only are we interested in who killed our friend, and blew up our research facility, and tried to kill us in the sewers, but also because Mr. Raul's guild is rather bent out of shape about someone who identified themselves as a Fool pretended to be with Mr. Raul's guild. Now, as I said, we assumed that it was a lie that he was a Fool, until the Fool's guild ran away from us like we were Death himself, who by the way, is actually a very nice person if you meet him, but don't stare at his nose. It's not there, and I think it bothers him. Anyway, then you assaulted us, when we took up your invitation to enter. I came here thinking you were not involved, but now you've assaulted us, so perhaps your Guild is involved in the attack on us. After all, why would you attack us for no reason? Especially after we entered politely and asked to talk politely." She raises an eyebrow. "You do see how it will look, yes? Perhaps not to a court of law, but we all know that's not the sort of Court the Fool's Guild really cares about." She raises an eyebrow.

Dr. Whiteface has a Phd in Time Foolery, NOT to be confused with Tom Foolery which Dr. Whiteface considers unorganized and childish, and has a book titled "The Fool's Gold; True Worth" that has rewritten the definition of a modern fool. He can backfip, twirl, mock, drawl, infuriate and demean with the best of him and it is said that he once hit an entire diplomatic envoy with pies in the span of ten seconds. (Borogravia declared war over that but everyone thanked Dr. Whiteface for skipping over the needless diplomatic talks.) And yet, Dr. Whiteface has no idea how to talk to a woman. Or how to talk to as vampire. Especially one that might never stop talking.

"They ran because you're a bloody vampire." Dr. Whiteface's white face plays the shocked face well. Another appears on the slideway, executing a perfect, struggle with putting on a suit jacket while sliding down a former stairway and manage to get the jacket on just as you reach your destination. The man does indeed look prim as soon as he steps next to Dr. Whiteface. There are hoots from above and several pieces of paper fall. It looks like the consensus is a 8.5. It would have been 8 but Nobby gave the man a 10.

"What my client means to say is that a, he means 'the b-word' and two, the fools outside saw the vampire silhouetted in the red dusk and were frightened by the symbolism. I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "red sky at dusk, get hell away from vampires'?" More pieces of paper float down for a consensus 5.

Risbeth's eyes narrow. "Dr. Whiteface! Are you saying that the Fool's Guild... a Guild in Good Standing... a Guild which signed onto the City Charter... practices... Racism?" The Vampire draws her self up to her full height, and a righteous fury alights her eyes. "A vampire? You attacked us because... I am a vampire? A vampire who is a member of the Intemperence League, a member in good standing?" She taps the red ribbon around her neck. "A vampire who is a member in good standing of the Doctor's Guild?" She taps the stethescope around her neck. "A vampire who is a member in good standing of the Seamstress's Guild?" She taps the needle and thread on her lapel. She turns to the Nobby and Colon. "And don't you two try to weasel out of it either! You were standing right there and heard him admit it! I will have you in front of Vimes on the record!" The woman looks at the lawyer. "If I were you, I'd begin getting your legal affairs in order. With the eyewitness accounts tonight, plus the evidence of the attack on us earlier by a personage claiming to be with your Guild, and the stated Racism of your guild, it won't be hard to prove to a jury of my peers that it's obvious the Fool's Guild sent assassins after us because we had a Vampire, a Werewolf, a Troll, an Igorina, an Igor, a Pigeon, and a Gnome in our number!" Risbeth turns on her heal, coldly furious and begins stalking away.

Risbeth does watch out of the corner of her eye to see what rating the papers give her.

Kn(History) Untrained: 1d20 + 3 ⇒ (18) + 3 = 21

Raul looks at Dr.Whiteface, giving him a cold stare as Risbeth storms off. "She's serious you know. I suggest you make some time to talk with us before things get - much - uglier."

Intimidate: 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (19) + 7 = 26

Trops is still nowhere to be seen.

K.Hist: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (2) + 1 = 3

The papers fly down, finding Risbeth a consensus 7, which is a decent score for an outside. And, if some of those 6's are actually upside down 9's...

Risbeth's steps echo in silence but are interrupted by Dr. Whiteface. "I have seen that man before."

There is a measured silence. It is ended by a ridiculously loud gasp emanating from a side room. A quick glance that way shows an open doorway and a fool pulling the lever of a large phonograph. Papers start flying from the upper floor. 10, 10, 10... six tens later and there is a holding of breath from the phonograph. A cheer erupts, or rather is played, from a second phonograph as the player notices that Nobby is holding up an official Watch notebook with a crooked 10 on it. Dr. Whiteface turns with a bow to the staircase and his lawyer steps forward.

The lawyer begins talking. Behind him, a fool carefully slides down the stairs with a trophy cup in his hands. The cup is filled with liquid and has a large 10 scrawled across the side and base of it. The fool manages to avoid spelling a single drop, a feat that would have earned him an 8 if there was not a rule outlawing scoring during ceremonies. Dr. Whiteface accepts the cup and drips it in one go.

Lawyer: "What my client means to say is that the man in picture did visit our guild, and wished to join. My client quickly determined that the man wanted to use guild abilities for nefarious purposes, and suggested he check out the Thieves Guild recruiting station on Treacle Mine Road."

Dr. Whiteface has finished his awards ceremony by now. He turns, whipping Trops around on the side of his boots. "All the world's a place where people pretend and we are just those people."

Sense Motive: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (13) + 1 = 14
Kn(Local): 1d20 + 7 ⇒ (3) + 7 = 10

Risbeth stops in her tracks. "Igorina, you know where Morecombe, Slant, and Honeyplace's offices are don't you?"

Igorina smiles and nods happily. "Oh yeth, Mithtreth, thatth where Mithter Thlant the Thombie Lawyer practithes."

Risbeth nods. "Yes, it is. If you decide I need a lawyer, you go down and ask him to take our case, and explain to him, in full detail, everything that happened after we entered the Fool's Guild, including all statements by everyone."

Turning back, she approaches Mr. Whiteface. "I see, well then, I think it would have been much easier if we'd all just talked about this earlier, don't you? Now then, if you don't mind answering a vampire's questions, why Treacle Road, seems an awful long way to send him." She tilts her head. "Also, how many Vampires, Werewolves, Pigeons, Igor/Igorinas, and Gnomes do you have in the Guild?"

Tanz, while smart for a troll, still finds it difficult to pay attention to long speeches with no linebreaks or formatting, and so shifts idly from foot to foot. As the conversation continues, he begins looking around, shifting rubble aside and occasionally inspecting it. A loud gasp briefly interrupts his search, but he quickly resumes looking.

If one is particularly perceptive, one might be able to make out stone lips mouthing out the same word, over and over.

Unicycle.

Perception: 1d20 + 1 ⇒ (16) + 1 = 17

Trops still trying to stay out of sight.

The lawyer smiles. "Perhaps if I answer that you will tell me how many of those same groups are in the intemperance league."

Risbeth smiles at the lawyer. "Oh, that's public knowledge. Currently there are one vampire and one Igorina in the intemperance league. An invitation has been given to two werewolves, 3 other vampires, and 2 humans with a fetish for pretending to be one of those sparkly neo vampires. It is against the Intemperence League's charter to refuse anyone who wishes to join and has either a need or fetish for drinking human blood or eating human flesh from living humans." Her eyes narrow. "And now your answer? And I suggest Mr. Whiteface answer for himself about the gentleman, which you are trying to distract me from with your kibitzing. You're really not a very good lawyer are you? A good lawyer knows what questions someone doesn't want to answer, and which questions they will answer without hesitation." She looks at Mr. Whiteface. "Perhaps you should get his boss out instead? He's doing a pretty good job of screwing up by the numbers? A good Fool only screws up when it's funny."

The (not really a) lawyer smiles. "What makes you think I'm a lawyer? I'm just here to stall you until the reinforcements arrive. Speak of the devil, " You follow his gaze to the doorway where a bear dressed a as a clown with a suit ides a unicycle into the guild. He completes a very difficult stooping maneuver to get in under the door and then continues on.

"Dah Bear there is our official guild lawyer. I'm just a barber."
A quick turn back shows Dr. Whiteface sitting in a barber's chair wearing a smock while the man formerly thought of as a lawyer is putting lather on the man's perfectly shaved, white face.

"And if you don't mind, I will return my attention to my client." A few papers fly down by the Fool's above seem to have lost interest in the barber and are now sending down drawings of shapes. After a second of shaving, the former false lawyer looks up. "You might consider asking him your questions, though he's not going to answer; he's a bear and bears don't talk." Another reign of feigned interest papers. The consensus is sqaure.