Fools Aplenty

Greetings dearest ‘finders,

I’ve once again crawled out of my cave to bring you the finest bounty of Paizo shenanigans. I’ve spent another year hard at work snooping through the ‘office’ chat rooms, finding funny tidbits to hoard until I present them, contextless, to my coworkers in early spring to inspire their funny bones to bring you some festive feats and heritages.
Maybe someday, if I can run faster than the NDA goblins, I’ll provide you all with The List. Until that day, I present some foolish morsels.

Maryssa Mari
Senior Web Content Manager

Wombat Style

2026 marks the 15-year anniversary of Pathfinder RPG: Ultimate Combat. It’s also the anniversary of that book’s lesser-known companion volume: Ultimate Wombat. While we’ve not remastered the whole book, I have written an updated version of its beloved monk feat chain. Now you, too, can batter foes with a reinforced rear and poop cubes!

Wombat Stance [One-Action] Feat 1
Monk, Stance
Requirements You are unarmored.

You enter the stance of the implacable wombat, your reinforced backside ready to jostle and batter those who offend you. The only Strikes you can make are wombat butt unarmed attacks. These deal 1d8 bludgeoning damage; are in the brawling group; and have the hampering, nonlethal, parry, shove, and unarmed traits.

While you are in Wombat Stance, you can't be flanked by enemies of your level or lower.

Wombat Bastion [Two-Actions] Feat 6
Monk
Prerequisites Wombat Stance
Requirements You are in Wombat Stance.

You make a quick attack before retreating to safety. You either make a wombat butt Strike or Shove an adjacent creature, after which you can Step and Take Cover. If your Strike or Shove is a critical success, you also gain a +2 circumstance bonus to your Fortitude DC to avoid being Repositioned or Shoved until the end of your next turn.

Special If you have the Wombat Burrow feat, you can Burrow 5 feet instead of Stepping when using this feat.

Wombat Burrow Feat 10
Earth, Monk
Prerequisites Incredible Movement, Wombat Stance

While in Wombat Stance, you gain a Burrow speed equal to the Speed bonus granted by your Incredible Movement ability. You can Burrow through earth and soil, but not solid rock.

Kobold Heritage:Three Kobolds in a Trench Coat

Surprisingly Common

You are actually three individual kobolds in a trench coat acting as a single entity. You are Medium instead of Small. You gain a +10 circumstance bonus to Deception checks to Impersonate not being three kobolds in a trench coat. You also gain the Trenchcoat Topple reaction.

Trenchcoat Topple [reaction] Frequency twice per day; Trigger You would be affected by an ability that permanently removes a body part, such as the decapitation effect of a vorpal weapon; Effect One of your kobolds jumps free of the trench coat, negating the effect.

Special The second time you use this in a day, your size is reduced to Small until your next daily preparations.

Dad Joke:

Dad Joke [one-action] or [two-actions] Feat 1
Auditory, General, Linguistic, Mental, Skill

Using the power of punnery, you deliver a lovingly tailored joke at a creature within 60 feet. Attempt a skill check using the skill that would be used to identify the creature (e.g. Religion for a fiend); you can instead attempt a Lore check with a +2 circumstance bonus if the target is trained in that Lore or could be identified by that Lore when Recalling Knowledge. If you target a creature that isn’t a family member, this ability gains the incapacitation trait. The target is then immune to your Dad Jokes for 1 hour.

If you spend two actions to use this ability by setting up an especially elaborate punchline, your target also takes 1d4 mental damage, plus 1d4 additional damage at 3rd level and every 2 levels thereafter, with a basic Will save against the higher of your class DC or spell DC.

Critical Success The joke is so blindingly perfect-yet-awful that the target dissociates from reality. The creature is dazzled and stupefied 1 until the end of your next turn. Double the mental damage dealt to the target.

Success The target is stupefied 1 until the end of your next turn or until the creature targets you with a hostile effect, whichever happens first. The target takes full mental damage.

Failure The target is unaffected.

Critical Failure The target is unaffected. Your allies who hear the joke are so embarrassed by it that they can’t treat you as an ally for any effects until the end of your next turn.

A Feat for Cat Owners

As authors and cat-parents, we know that sometimes the best content happens when we’re interrupted by a four-legged fur-baby walking in front of the computer, reclining on the keyboard, and using their rear end to dump a confused jumble of letters into an otherwise pristine Word document. Here’s one of these gems that never made it to print.

GGGHhhjjjJJK Feat 1
General
Prerequisites Pet

You have JBNNNMBMM<<<M thatEHERBEBNMDF<……///.? And can FHERWHFEWRGNMN<Ggmfmngr,m as an Interact action.

Oh um oh dear, I believe there was more, but little peets across the keyboard seem to have erased the rest of te sdfja [[[]}sfJHfas. ascs .>>.

I'm not sure where the rest of the blog went, but you can join the conversation over on the Paizo Forums!