*I'm never again allowed to find as many overly flamboyant Gnome Bards and make a Guild called the Lollipops.

*I'm never allowed to ask the paladin if it's Knight Time before every combat encounter.

*I'm not allowed to make a Necropolitain Bard and name him Jack.

*I'm not allowed to make a character that is mechanically designed to use other party members as weapons, nor am I allowed to take Weapon Focus: (Rogue).

*I'm not allowed to push the fighter down corridors because I don't feel like searching for traps.

*I am not allowed to rename any Monk power "Fist of the North Star."

*I'm not allowed to put kick me signs on the Barbarian.

*I'm not allowed to call my Magic Missile "Silver Dildo Surprise."

*I am no longer allowed to make a backpack chair and ride the half-orc into battle.

*I'm no longer allowed to take my Grandmother as a Cohort and make her a Monk.

*Not allowed to make a Mime bard.

*Not allowed to use Ghost Sound to make it sound like the BBEG farted.

*I'm no longer allowed to make jokes whenever I use Black Tentacles.

*I am no longer allowed to tie multiple random wands together to make a super charged randomized magical bazooka.

*I'm not allowed to lay claim to an item I cannot use and rent it to other PCs.

*I'm not allowed to play a paladin who rides a bear in spike plate barding.

*I'm not allowed to summon my paladin mounts over enemies (see last)

*Protocol droids have uses besides knowing which culture and/or species women will put out on the first date.

*I am never, EVER allowed to play Wikipedius the Wizard ever again.

*My team is not the A-team and I should stop refering to it as such.

*The Wookie is not T-Bacca.

*As a bard, I am not allowed to break into Bittersweet Symphony.

*I am not allowed to say "(insert monster name), I choose you!" every time I cast Summon Monster.

*Suicide hugging the BBEG when I meet him is wrong.

*I'm not allowed to spend my gold on 400 domestic cats with plate barding pulling a chariot.

*I may not taunt the power gamer. I may not mess with the power gamer.

*I may not make the power gamer cry.

*I'm not allowed to play a paladin with an Irish accent.

*I am never again to claim that one of the uses of Miracle is 'Summoning the Electric Kung-Fu Jesus to aid us in our time of need' ever again.

*I am no longer allowed to use bags of holding inside portable holes for anything other than item destruction.

*"Lost forever in the astral plane" Does not suggest that my phylactary will be safe for all eternity as no one can possibly find it.

*I'm no longer allowed to make a grandfather's clock warforged, because it's apparently not CLOBBERING TIME.

feel free to contribute

+Infinity

I am in awe of your... creativity.

*I was never allowed to play a member of the Lollipop Guild(and I was working with 2 other players on it).

*I can not play triplets with the other players(same 2 players mentioned above)

*I can not wildshape into an elephant over the flying dragon.

I am using this alias to protect my identity.

Damn you! Now I have to clean up me mornin' tea!
Too damned funny!

*I am not allowed to create a bard that sings 80's hair-metal songs.

*I am not allowed to have the party druid transform into a horse, sell him to a local farmer, and split the take with him after he escapes that evening.

*I am no longer allowed to yell "Shape of (insert animal name)!" when I shift into an animal form.

*I am no longer allowed to yell "Form of (insert element type)!" when I turn into a corresponding elemental.

*I cannot ever, under any circumstances, try to get a houserule made to determine PC penis sizes.

*I am not allowed to alter a spell to enlarge specific parts of my PCs anatomy temporarily when he rolls badly on the previous houserule's chart.

*I am no longer allowed to ingest any combination of chili, Thai food, or Taco Bell for at least two days before we game.

*The gnome illusionist in the party is no longer allowed to ride the half-orc barbarian into battle.

just a side note, most of these aren't specifically mine, im just compiling a humerous list from a number of sources

*A one man band is not an appropriate bard instrument.

*Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.

*The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.

*Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'

*Cannot pimp out other party members.

*There is no Summon Bimbo spell.

*My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"

*A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.

*Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.

*A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.

*I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.

Ekeebe, that's brilliant. Thanks for the laughs! :-) I like the Miracle one best.

*Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.

*The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.

*Cannot pimp out other party members.

*My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"

*Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.

*I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.

:)

*The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.

*My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates.

*The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.

*Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.

*The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt"

*I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy.

*I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck.

*I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason.

*When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.

*I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.

*I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.

*Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.

*My bard does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl.

*I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf.

*Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.

*My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters.

*Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words: Slavic, Tonedeaf, Karaoke, Musician.

*I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.

*The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.

*My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.

*There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.

*Druids are not against my religion.

*I am not allowed to have the party druid transform into a horse, sell him to a local farmer, and split the take with him after he escapes that evening.

*I can no longer cast Summon Nature's Ally to summon a 'trap monkey'.

*Web is not a 'bedroom spell.'

*I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?

*Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.

*My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially in his neighbor's garage.

*Not allowed to use more than 3 words per game that the GM has to look up the definition.

*Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.

*There is no Halfling god of groin shots.

*I am not the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Gundam Wing Z.

*I can not order the Druid to transform and roll out.

*The following cleric domains do not exist: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism, Keggers

*The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language.

*When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.

*No matter how smart I make my animal companion, he still can't take the tax accountant skill.

*My half-ogre cannot surprise the halflings with spontaneous games of dodgeball.

*Even if laughter is the best medicine, it still doesn't restore any of my HP.

*My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.

*"Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.

*A gimp suit does not count as leather armor.

*I cannot cast invisibility on random household items like car keys, tea sets and bear traps.

*My gnome cannot save point on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere.

*Pinball is not a specialization for wizards.

*I cannot start the game married to another PC without their consent.

*Power Word: Beer Me is not a real spell.

*My monk's battlecry is not "Round 1: Fight!"

*I am to stop asking the elf to put a good word in for me with Santa.

*When a virgin sacrifice is demanded I will not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or Hermetic.

*I will not blow all my starting funds on hookers and booze.

*Steel toe boots do not add to my AC.

*Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting PCs in the head if they are bitten.

*When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.

*Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.

*I cannot put my familiar up for stud.

*I did not invent the wet tabard contest.

*Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell.

*1st Watch is not for accordion practice, 2nd Watch is not for starting up pick up rugby games with wandering monsters and 3rd Watch is not clothing optional.

*When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf", I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.

*The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically Neutral Evil.

*Halfing mating rituals do not include beer can crushing, power belching, or Lynyrd Skynyrd trivia.

*While Bardic music can increase skill rolls, bad jazz adds nothing to seduction rolls.

*Dwarves do not get Beard Cancer.

*I will not tell the noobie to roll his THACO.

*After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.

*I am not the Lord of Rodly Might.

*I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.

*I will not convince the entire party to play Amish for the cyberpunk campaign.

*Even if the rules allow it, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the vorpal option for a forklift.

*When I level up, I just can't copy the guy next to me's choices.

*A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."

*There is more to buying rations than ramen, spam and beer.

*Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.

*I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm.

*I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.

*The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars.

*Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.

*I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.

*When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.

*A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll.

*No taunting the 1st level magic user with "Mighty bold talk for a guy with only 4HP."

*The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.

*No diety will let me use my nipples as holy symbols.

*I cannot name my character Dwead Piwate Woberts.

*Every time a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing the Oompa-Loompa song.

*I can't have a magic item I can't request with a straight face.

*Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.

*I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way.

*I can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark.

*Just because they are all into rock, metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers.

*When asked to tutor someone on his defense trait, can't keep punching him until he gets it.

*Arguments cannot end with the statement 'Alright, we'll settle this like penguins!'

*Even if he loves me too, Chitti-Chitti-Bang-Bang is not an appropriate choice for the romance background.

*My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer.

*No matter how much mousse I use, my hair will never have damage reduction.

*Gnolls don't fall for the fake ball trick more than once.

* D&D adventures cannot be summed up like an episode of Dora the Explorer. Forest, Dungeon, Treasure!
* I should not sing the "Backpack" theme from said show every time I take an item from my Handy Haversack
* I cannot throw a Tree Token in the mouth of a monster to make it's head explode (literally cannot do that since they changed the rules from 3.0 to 3.5).
* You cannot summon 1d4+1 whales to gum up the works of the Juggernaught in TOH (also cannot do this anymore thanks to the rules change).
* I'm not allowed to sing "The Doom Song" when my bard performs the Dirge of Doom.
* Perform (puppet show) is not on the list.
* I may not yell "Beast Mode!" before wild shaping.

*My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.

*A crayon is typically going to cause a penalty to my forgery skill.

*Changing sexes is restricted to male or female.

*The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.

*My Paladin will stop referring to her detect evil power as Evildar.

*Unlike real life, I don't gain the whirlwind attack to smack all my backtalking children.

*When deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifacts we discovered, EBAY is not an option.

*My character's primary purpose in the party is not to just leech 1/6 of all the XP.

*The game of chicken does not involve the polymorph spell.

*My vampire hunter does not take the "un" out of "undead"

*Mordenkainen's Dysfunctional Family is not a real spell.

*Buying the Elf Babe a trampoline and telling her it boosts her Charisma isn't fooling anybody.

*Any plan involving strapping puppies to my armor is vetoed.

*Fed Ex does not deliver to the Keep on the Borderlands.

*The Banana of Disarming is not a real magic item.

*Cannot sharpen Ioun stones for increased headbutt damage.

*I do not get a bulk discount on ninjas.

*No, there is not a Mr. Of Arc. No, I still can't hit on her.

*Cannot take the flaw Obsession: Elf Chick's lingerie.

*Adding hydrolics to my R2 unit does not give him an intimidate bonus.

*Apparently Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry aren't real alignments either.

*Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.

*Not allowed to take a toad for a familiar just for its pharmaceutical properties.

*Not allowed to forge the 1.1 ring.

*Burning my bard song on CD and putting it on repeat does not mean the effect never ends.

*My great axe priviledges can be taken away.

*Tai Kwan Doberman is not a real martial art.

*The following are also not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai Llama, Boom Orangutan.

*Monks do not make 3 Stooges sounds in combat.

*"Start a career in modeling" is not an appropriate use of the Suggestion spell.

*Despite the movie's claims, Wookies get no racial bonus for chess.

* I cannot increase my bardic knowledge check by using Wikipedia.

*Large dice are for rolling. Not sound effects.

*While the party is off searching for secret doors, can't position the slain orcs in compromising positions.

*Taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet.

*Sending the villain a nymph stripper only works once.

*Cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. To the death.

*Augment their psi means their mental powers, not their air pressure.

*If everybody in the room is in black leather, we're in the thieves' guild. Not a fetish club.

*Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.

*Despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss.

*I will stop reminding Elminster he's not as cool as Merlin, Gandalf or that shapechanging wizard from Krull.

*When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu Mythos.

*It doesn't matter how high his hit points or damage reduction are, we aren't sending the dwarf into battle via catapult.

*Polymorph Mother-in-Law is not a real spell.

*We will not take the dead dryad with us to use as kindling.

*I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.

*I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way.

*I can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark.

*Gnolls don't fall for the fake ball trick more than once.

How in the world do you know all this!? It's awesome!

edit: here it is

yes some of these are from a live journal list, but others are contributions that i got from another roleplaying board that died, i made the smart idea of saving that thread as a HTML file on my PC

*I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters.

*Bigby's Offensive Finger is not a real spell.

*I do not put the cad in decadent, nor the rave in depraved.

*My halfling cannot take the flaw Obsession: Ring of Invisibility.

*After cleaning out Ravenloft, when it's my turn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle.

*If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior.

*Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.

*Halflings do not store food in their cheeks for winter.

*Elves are not deciduous.

*Despite evidence to the contrary, half-elves do not automatically go both ways.

*Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats.

*Dwarves do not get Roto-Rooters as racial weapons.

*Cultists tend to notice if you've replaced their summoning ritual with Jitterbug instructions.

*I will not have the architect build my castle using a hexadecimal base to screw with the powergamer.

*I will not fill the bag of holding with dirt so we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them.

*Humming the James Bond theme in the middle of a Black Ops doesn't give me any bonuses.

*I am not Bjorn of Borg.

*If Australia doesn't exist, I can't use my Australian accent. Even if I am playing a space koala.

*I will not make my castle's halls 9x9x9' to keep out gelatinous cubes.

*The most important stat in Call of Cthulhu is not movement.

*No matter his age, my bard can't start a boy-band.

*If I don't have an instrument for my bardic song, an 'air mandolin' won't suffice.

*Elves aren't marsupials.

*Even if we're freezing to death, I won't cut open the half-orc and shove the elf inside him.

*There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem.

*Disable plot device is not a real skill.

*Even if starving, can't suckle the elf chick.

*David Bowie cannot cast glitterdust at will. This issue is also closed.

*If I am in space, wearing a foil outfit, I am NOT David Bowie.

*Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.

*I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.

*I will stop referring to the powergamer as MinMaximus.

*The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon.

* It's inappropriate to cast silence 15' radius, hold person and grease in that order on a PC.

* 'Flipping the bird' is NOT the somatic component for the 'Finger of Death' spell

* 'Time Stop' may NOT be used to have your way with the BBEG, even if she is hot

*Enlarge Person does not make "The little people look up to me."

*Vampires in D&D do not sparkle.

*There is a fine line between "Rules Lawyer" and "@$$"

*Yodeling is not the verbal component for a shout spell.

*I may not use the shout spell to create an avalanche.

*Using a megaphone as an additional material component does not Empower and Maximize the shout spell.

*Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA

*The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.

*If we have to add a new PC mid-campaign, he doesn't have to pass a drug test first.

*Under no circumstances does my mind-blade sound like a lightsaber. At all.

*I may not give the continent of Australia away as part of a bribe

*My Chaotic Good female wood elven Ranger of Mielikki is not motivated primarily by phat l00t.

*My Warforged band may not play “Ironman” in the main square of ANY town (even if they are pro-Warforged)

*Perform (Crowd Surfing) is not a skill.

*"PWNED" is not an acceptable Arcane Mark

*Stone to Flesh, a large stone cavern, and a fireball do not make for perpetual hot meat.

*I am not allowed to convince the newbie that he is required to play a bard in order to provide my character with theme music.

*Cookware on my head does not affect my AC.

*There is no such thing as "Dire Ewoks"

*I may not use my bard's groupies as ablative armor.

*When asked a question, my bard needs to occasionally answer with something other than "We're on a mission from God".

* Claiming to want to "roleplay" a character with charisma of 6 only works once, and that one time was many many years ago.

*Holding the hand crossbow sideways ‘gangsta style’ does not add to my intimidate check.

*We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.

*I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just Llanowar Leafblower.

*I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.

*There is no such thing as a Dwarven Battle Perm.

*Even if I can prove at least a half dozen practical uses for it, I can’t have a slip and slide for the dungeon crawl.

*Even if we are Womprat hunting, we don’t have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.

*When told to dress like a Goth I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.

*There is no such thing as a brothel crawl.

*“Everybody Wang Chung tonight” is not an acceptable use of the Mass Suggestion spell.

*Even if he used INT as a dump stat, I don’t have to carve ‘this end towards enemy’ on the barbarian’s axe blade.

*I cannot wish that someone else was an Oscar Meyer weiner.

*I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.

*Add Bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to.

*Can’t strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, no matter what we all know it’s made out of.

*I cannot RickRoll people with any video that increases their Mythos Lore.

*I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.

*My weapon is a +3 Flaming Flail. Not my Great Balls of Fire.

*I am not allowed to make a Celestial Bloodline Sorcerer with an Int of 7 and a Cha of 20 and then fireball the first person to make a 'Dumb blonde' joke.

*My weapon is a +3 Flaming Flail. Not my Great Balls of Fire.

*I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.

*The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically Neutral Evil.

*A 2nd level commoner is not twice as common as a 1st level commoner.

*Our mission is to rescue the princess. Not to bring Sexy back.

*The party leader is not the one that looks best in a chainmail bikini.

*My knight will not buy a Shetland pony just so he can use his lance underground.

*I will stop asking NPC’s how much XP they are worth.

*The seduction skill does not have a to hit on roll.

*When asked what game we want to LARP, Frogger is not an option.

*Chewing hoagga leaves does not make me a goddammed sexual rhinodon.

*It’s okay to feed the Ewok after midnight.

*My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.

*There is no such thing as ‘ambiguously elven’

*I will stop trying to put the Halfling in a diabetic coma.

*The Vulcan neck pinch doesn’t work in campaigns without Vulcans.

*It's a strangehold. Not an Ogryn neck pinch.

*It’s okay if you name your Kindred Alucard. But I still can’t name my Garou Namflow

*My fighter can’t use the Bestiary as a To-Do list.

*My Paladin can’t be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn’t watch exactly where he lays on hands.

*Gold dragons do not conduct electricity better than other dragons.

Your DM has obviously never had a 2 year old in the house...

*I cannot use familiars as emergency rations without the wizard's permission

*I cannot bribe the DM with chocolate.

*My female fighter is not Xena, and their chakrams do not bounce of walls to return to her hand.

*Halflings with any "half-" template are not called quarterlings.

*Even if the gnome is a druid, I may not refer to him as the garden gnome.

*My gnome cleric is not the Travelocity gnome just because he has the Travel domain.

*My female fighter is not Xena, and their chakrams do not bounce of walls to return to her hand.

*For the last time, the elf wears the maid disguise and the troll wears the bouncer disguise.

*There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy Seeing Eye Rhino.

*I will not taunt the minotaur with ‘How appropriate, you fight like a cow’

*The 10’ pole in the starting equipment list cannot support the weight of an exotic dancer.

*Even if my character is Canadian, that doesn’t mean he can take a 1.524 meter free step.

*A NASCAR pit crew cannot repair all my vehicle’s damage in one round.

*Black and Decker does not make droids.

*The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.

*You cannot tell if somebody is a power gamer by the faint smell of Gouda.

*Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is a bit much.

*If unsure of what side of the road we drive on, the middle of the road is not a healthy compromise.

*Brute squads make poor bridesmaids. The reverse is not necessarily true.

*Guardian mode is not just for flipping people the bird in the middle of battle.

*I will not tell the new players gelatinous cubes come in a variety of yummy flavors.

*The cleric is not tax exempt.

*I will not use the mass suggestion spell to make the elf babes to make out.

*Gnomes are not nature's tripods.

*Dwarves do not groom themselves like cats. Or baboons.

*Elves do have Nipples.

*Halflings are not used as currency.

Players will not shout out "Inyuk-chuk!" as the verbal component for the Enlarge Person spell.

Note: This one is real, I'm not funny enough to make this one up on my own.

*I will not taunt the minotaur with ‘How appropriate, you fight like a cow'

*Setting Jawas on fire with a magnifying glass is an automatic dark side point.

*We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of "Hot Gnome on Gnome action."

*Portable Plothole is not a real magic item.

*The Monkey Grip feat doesn’t have anything to do with gripping monkeys.

*It's obvious I'm just playing a skald so I can sing "Bjeorning, Bjoerning, Disco Inferno"

*The primary dwarf subraces aren’t Sedimentary, Igneous and Metamorphic.

*Bleaching the drow won't help.

*Doing 50 in a 45 does not cause an alignment check for the paladin.

*Montaigne aren't required to surrender after the second turn.

*When the DM sobers up, my paladin's flumph mount is as good as dead.

*Zentradi are not good eating.

*Wizards do not have to save against carpal tunnel syndrome.

*When the dwarf has an idea, no making the "He's drunk" motion behind his back.

*Like a cow who goes to the well to often, I will stop speaking only in metaphors.

*The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a karma chameleon.

*Dwarves do not have the racial ability to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf.

*None of the Summon Animal spells will get me the drummer from the Muppets.

*The concept of puberty is not alien to the elves.

*Burning Orb spell doesn't cause jock itch.

*My bard will not stop every passing minstrel for a round of Dueling Banjos.

*I will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown.

*The spell is called Prismatic Spray, not Taste the Rainbow.

*Before we start the dungeon crawl, I don't have to have my monk oiled down.

*The Dirty Harry 'Feeling Lucky Punk' speech doesn't work with a longbow.

*We are NOT 'The Jedi Knights Who Say Ni'!

*I may take the Leadership to gain a Lantern Archon. I may not use said Archon with the silent image spell to get everyone to sing along.

STOP!

I'm hurting!

This is SO funny!!

I love this thread :-)

*I may not cast true ressurection on the Paladins dragonhide armor.

*Elves do not make braces out of mithral.

*Druids wildshaped into a octopus are not allowed in a Rokugon Brothel.