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This thread is hilarious. It is a relief seeing worse cases than mine.
Me: You see a circular room with a circular tank of black liquid. From the liquid emerges a statue of one goddess of evil.
PlayerKineticist: Fire blast to the statue.
Me: The statue seems unafected.
Rest of players: enter the room to hit the statue.
Me: The black liquid was hiding a mechanism and some joints razors appear and start spinning. Roll reflex, damage, etc.
Players: Climb the tank/fly to get out of the razors, hit the statue.
Me: Roll Acrobatics to avoid falling into the tank (all succeed). After your 2 rounds of hitting the statue the head breaks. The razors stop spinning, but look like the events are not connected.
PlayerMonk: I grapple the statue and apply constrict damage 3 times with my super combo.
Me: you break the statue and fall into the tank with the razors, roll direct damage.
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Star Wars The Age Of Rebellion.
The pilot/mechanic/slicer blunders during the landing crunching Blip -
astromech droid belonging to the base's CAG. We learn that the CAG is one nasty
b Duros and the astromech was a jerk anyway. Rest of the party made a deal with quartermaster to get a clean astromech droid of the same type and managed to recover Blip's memory banks. Now, the pilot/mechanic/slicer only needs to put those memory banks into the new droid so we can present it to the CAG together with saying "Sorry!"
Instead of doing that, she turned on the new droid, declared it has cute, not-yet-formed personality, and proceeded to merge its default personality with Blip... Critical failure ensues sending the new droid on murderous rampage to destroy our astromech... While falling in love with our pilot.
The first campaign I was GM for ended when the party decided to try using dimension door in an alcove that had a door blocked by a collapsed wall. They specified to just go 10 feet in the direction of the blockage which put them in the area's "boss fight" chamber without the added benefit of having cleared the rooms prior.
The whole time they had been meticulously clearing the place room by room so I'm not entirely sure why the sudden impatience with a blocked door when it was far from the only option available.
Our group were level 5 in a town in an island that we had to escape for various reasons.
The price for a trip to the main land was 3000 gp. (Don't ask why,the GM hated us)
We didnt had any gp, so 1 party member decided to trick the big mafia boss of the town and steal the ticket.
We were warn several time by the GM that the boss and his gang were OP and could kill us on the spot. (Various NPC told us to be true)
But my group still wanted to do that.
So some1 in my group arrange a meeting with the big boss at the port, while me the ranger stay a little bit back. When the boss show the ticket, the rogue try to steal them and failed miserably.
As soon as it happen I drop my bow and raise my hand.
The rogue was killed on the spot ( They were like 20 goon all around ) I was taking hostage with the cleric , and he sorcerer ran away with invisibility.
So yeah, morale of the story : When your GM warn you to not do something stupid, listen.
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Actually I just remembered I DO have one of those stories! ^_^
Edit: I have one of those groups... >_>
This one is about me in a World of Darkness game.
First a bit of backstory. We were changlings, so the gist of it is that we got sucked into the Hedge, basically the Fey world, but we don't age in there. Then we get spat out together at some later time with weird Fey powers.
My character, Germanus, was a roman centurion from around 50AD. We got spat out sometime around 1990s.
So my character is around 2000 years old and has no clue about modern technology, you know, things like electricity or cell phones...
Btw, it should be noted that I have a TERRIBLE memory, and this was an IRL game, so your character only remembered what you remembered. Germanus remembered almost nothing...
He was FUN to play >:)
Anyways, at some point early in our story we have to deal with the mob, and its mob boss Fario. Problem is, none of us liked him much but we were threatened into working for him.
So, of course, the moment we were out of earshot, we said "Screw that!" turned our backs, beat the carp out of our "ally", his #1 henchman and left him half dead in a church pew then promptly forgot all about it. As was proper.
Later on in the game, we are doing a chase scene with the police on my Harley (My Roman wanted his HorsePowa!) that got botched.
Why were we being chased? Literally for no reason :/ My ancient roman had no idea what the car with the flashing blue lights meant and the resident klepto yelled "FLOOR IT!" so I had too D:
Anyways, a critical ride check failure later and my character loses his cell phone :/
We escaped but I had no phone after that >:(
Thats fine and all, and we are nearing the end of the campaign on the last day that we are meeting up when we decide we are going to do one last big mission. So of course we split up X(
I, having no phone, ask to borrow someones and then call up Will, our scout to tell him what the plan is.
GM: Alright, you pull out your phone and call.. Oh right, you lost it. Here, this NPC lets you use his.
Me: Thanks! Ok I call up Will.
GM: His number is not in that phone. Do you remember his number?
Me: Hmmm. Nope. Not at all :(
GM: Ok, you better roll for it.
Me: I roll a critical failure...
GM: Hmmm. Thats not good. I guess you call a random person...
We may, or may not have made some prank calls earlier in the campaign using a government top secret phone... THAT definitely did NOT affect this >_>
GM: thinks for a moment, then gets an evil idea...
GM: Hello? Who is this?
Me: Hey is this Will? Its me, Germanus. We figured out our plan.
GM: ... Yessss. Hello Germanus. This is Will. I am listening.
Me: Great! Heres our plan. We will be at "X" in 3 hours. We are going to negotiate with that idiot, Fario to get him off our backs. Of course we are not going to actually pay him. But he doesn't know that. Where are you, do you want us to pick you up?
GM: Suuuuuree... I am this address.
Me: Ok, great. see you soon.
Then I talk to the rest of the party,
Me: Come on guys, lets go pick up Will!
Ya... Needless to say, when we got there, there was 3 white vans with machine guns and full of goons just waiting for us. A completely unnecessary car chase ensues (Where we get rescued by GM Fiat) and later negotiations go VERY south. Can you guess who I called?
Ya, I often felt like we were playing the 3 stooges that game. It got pretty bad sometimes ^_^ Would you believe me if I said at one point we tried to take a freaking gladius and a submachine gun onto an airplane? Or, when we were arrested by the cops, we told them to mail our firearms back to our secret lair and told them the address to it? We told the cops the address to our own secret lair???
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Musta been 1996...
I was playing D&D 2E as a dwarven battlerager from the Complete Book of Dwarves. They were the precursor to the 3.5 and beyond barbarian, but with heavy restrictions.
Int and Wis no higher than 10. I think mine were around 6. To end your rage, make a Wis check or attack the nearest creature.
While enraged, temporarily unaffected by all "cure" spells, bless, aid, heal, regenerate.
Must continue fighting each round until all enemies are dead.
Anyhow, we're around level 9 as a group and end up fighting a beholder of one sort or another. The beholder casts earthquake at some point, creating a huge rent in the earth separating the group from the beholder.
Being a front-liner, I was in close and when the rent began to appear, I was given an action to move or fall into the chasm.
Enraged and non-too-bright, I opt for plan C. I jumped into the beholders mouth, swung my dwarven axe and hit once, and promptly got munched.
He didn't die, but did take a crap ton of damage, leapt out of the maw, and survived...
Luckily, there were other targets to attack.
It can be tough playing a der character. Or easy. Just make poor choices.
|John Napier 698|
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Damn, but that takes me back. I remember the Battlerager from one of R.A. Salvatore's novels. His Plate Mail had blades and other sharp bits on it. When he'd go into a rage, he'd leap on an enemy, An Orc, if I recall correctly, and go into a fit. The seizure was so violent, there would be just bits and pieces left ( think stuffing an Orc into a woodchipper ).
This happened just last week. We were on a ship and being attacked by a megalodon. One of the other players turns into a bear (though he's not a druid, I'm not sure how he does it). He halfway transforms so he can lift up one of the ship's cannons and fire it at the megalodon. The GM then has him roll a Dex check. The result is that he drops the cannon into the water and falls in himself, where he promptly gets swallowed whole. The rest of us keep attacking and manage to kill it and pull him out and back onto the ship. He then grabs my boar companion and use him as a teddy bear for the rest of the 'night.'
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A very typical encounter setup is for the party to get into a heavily guarded building or area. A castle or the like.
First time my group got up to this task, we had reason to believe that the, otherwise friendly, fort may have been attacked by Ogres. We didn't see any guards posted atop the wall to great us when we approached... So we walked up to the fort's ramparts, to the portcullis armored gate and knocked...
The new denizens of the fort opened up the gate and rammed us with a rhinoceros, followed by a barbarian and an anti-paladin and the rest of the ogres. It wasn't until after we had retreated and almost lost three of our four player characters that I realized what strategical masterminds we were.
"Just knock" became a running gag.
We've done this multiple times in multiple games since then, with varying degrees of success. Last session we went the extra mile by stripping and handcuffed two of our three party-members (in an attempt to disguise us as slaves and slaver) before we knocked on the gnoll slaver's garrison. Little did we know, the gnoll slaver was expecting us and knew exactly who we were and led us far into the garrison where we got surrounded by his guards. We slew every single gnoll in that garrison.
Moral of the story: Knocking is only stupid if you can't back up your intent.
Happened this week :
An half-orc mutagen fighter with low intellect + capacity via mutagen to fly. (Level 7)
The group see a slightly altered version of a Skrik Nettle sitting on top of a giant statue (40 feet tall). It look like the statue got hair because of the tentacule. An arcana check later the party decide to leave it there, it does not show any aggressiveness.
They enter a dongeon near-by, mostly puzzle and trap + a Large mimic just for the fun. They finish the dongeon with only a few health left over after using all their heal for the day. When they come back outside the group start to go back to their carriage but the half-orc stay behind. After a minute he decide to use his wing and fly to kill the Skrik Nettle by himself while the party was like 400 feet away already.
He forgot 1 thing ... he was at 17 HP ...
Yeah, he died in 2 round. The party came back to see his body had fallen to the feet of the statue and his neck was broken, while the cute Skrik Nettle still sitting on top of the head of the statue.
He said to me : Well, my character was stupid, what more can I say?
I love when players start fights for no reason. LOL
This reminds me of a game I ran. There was a paladin in the group who thought he could defeat anything... and he pretty much could. He had a kick-ass magic holy sword that, I admit, I shouldn't have let him get. Well, they were looking for someone specific underground when they passed a side room. There were slots in the floor and ceiling where sword blades continuously fell like rain. In the back of the room was a vampire with a sword. When the group stopped, the vampire warned them away. Something like, "Leave now lest you take my place" or soemthing like that. He was cursed to stay in that room. The paladin detected it as evil and, against the urging of the party, went in to challenge it. He activated his holy sword, making it glow with a holy light that the vampire could feel from there, so... when the paladin charged across the room, getting pummeled by the rain of sword blades, the vampire proceeded to sunder the holy sword with his adamantine sword. I thought the player was gonna cry when that happened. They beat the vampire and it went gaseous to escape under the floor. The paladin was so pissed, he got the party to basically destroy the room. They stopped the sword rain and the cleric, via stone shape, opened the floor to get to the vampire and they permanently killed it. But, he lost his holy sword... all because he couldn't walk away from a fight.
|The Shifty Mongoose|
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Wow, Chuck, I think I know that module. Did they get different magic swords at the end of it?
As for my story: we had a player who showed us the character sheet of his aasimar sorcerer (infernal bloodline). DEX 10, CON 8. Living dangerously was the way he wanted to live.
In our first real dungeon crawl together, we find a fountain in the room with the apparent McGuffin hanging from it, and a flight of stairs off to the left.
My witch gets suspicious and suggests the sneakiest of us look at the fountain in case it'll start spewing acid or something.
The sorcerer immediately rushes for the stairs, saying, "Oh no, I'm staying where it's safe! *Hops to the first stair* Right here!" *Ominous click*
He later came around to find himself on the other side of the room, stuck to the results of a trap, my witch bottling her smelling salts and asking him, "Now, what have we learned from all this?"
He croaks out in reply, "Nothing..."
I played with a lady who always had some pretty stupid ideas. One time we were playing a PFS scenario where we go to one of the planes of hell(as far as I can remember) and we came up to a miles wide field of a strange kind of weed. One of the characters rolled a really good nature check and found out that it is some sort of weed that causes an uncontrollable rage. The Lady was playing a Paladin who was very proud of her warhorse (that she could never use as she always had it hooked up to a cart that she rides in). We were all confused as to why she didn't just buy another horse to pull her stupid cart. In fact, we were confused by the cart to begin with, especially for a PFS campaign where you don't keep loot. I don't know how many times that she tried to ride the horse into battle, just to be reminded that it was pulling a large Gypsy-style cart. Anyway, her idea of solving the rage weed problem was to:
Stupid player: I set the weeds on fire.
Player 1: I get on my horse and ride in the opposite direction as fast as I can.(He had played with her before)
Rest of the players: We follow player 1.(We had played with her before too.)
GM: Ok. You set the weeds on fire. The smoke washes over you. Roll a fort save.
GM: You attack the closest living creature with your strongest attack.
She killed her prized horse. The funny thing is that the horse passed it's fort save.
in a recent Star Wars game set just between the prequels and original trilogy, we had just narrowly escaped a Empire controlled planet by the skin of our teeth, our shipped just barely holding together with bailing wire and our hope in the Force and only capable of making one jump before our mechanic figures our hyperdrive is going to kick the bucket, though our "leader" feared we had been scanned by the Star Destoyers in orbit and that they could then follow our ship, so he gets the ships captain to take us to a pirate moon on the far Rim. There he plans on buying a scrubbed drive from the black marketeers. So far, fine I guess. We get to the moon, hyperdrive goes KAPLOOEY and we track down the black market shipyard. Our "leader" speaks with the mechanics there who tell him that they have what he wants and that they'll even cut him a deal in exchange for an in with the Rebellion (a deal he lacks the authority to give btw), so he agrees and they tell him it will be like 15,000 credits, which is indeed a hell of a deal for a new drive. Only problem, we're rookies (read 2nd level) and have about 200 credits to our names. When he finally realizes what he's done (most of the rest of the group had long since figured out his mistake in this and were waiting around to see how far he would take it), he panics and makes an emergency call without trying to encrypt it or even make a coded message along the Empire controlled and MONITORED hyperspace channels to the rebellion (see you can all guess how that turned out later). The black marketeers get tired of waiting around for him to make up his mind and eventually leave, while the group proceeds to make various jokes based on the Underpants Gnomes about his "plan" until we essentially flag down a ride.
Vetala gone crazy from age and over-faith in prophecies is persuaded that the party will kill him. As he is crazy, he sets up a plan to provoke them into a fight, so that he will confront them in his own area, and hopes to kill them before they do him.
Considering the party had specialized on undead annihilation, it was a bit hopeful, but as he was CR 19 and the party was level 12 (there was a level 19 in the group, the fighter, but he kept it a secret and fought as a level 12), it was totally doable. He is not the stupid guy in the story, he is the one who got incredibly and unfairly unlucky.
So he takes hostage the rogue's lover. Nice. He's not stupid, but completely suicidary, so he sets to go. Of course, the others accompany him. Not stupid yet, just reckless.
They get in, destroy a bunch of vampire spawns without a sweat. Their specialty. Then they have three doors, picturing a drop of blood, a bat and a black book. They know the vampire and aren't really stupid (yet), so they figure out it's a test to see if they really deserve advancing, they have to take the door picturing the better their reasons to be here. That magic has rules, if noone goes out of his way he won't get killed by the doors.
So, naturally, the cleric stays back there, because she's not sure why she followed. She's not saving an innocent, she's not exerting revenge, she's not even here because of fate. She's here because it was fun.
GM glares. "Do you want a Wisdom test?"
Cleric. "Gladly. Natural 1. That's... a 2..." (yes, a cleric with Wisdom 12.)
GM. "Err... anyone ?" Glares at the rogue (Wisdom 26).
Rogue. "I already passed the door, remember ? I'm a bit on my toes on that one." The ranger (Wisdom 18)? Followed the rogue before the fighter had finished explaining the doors to the two who hadn't understood. Said fighter? Gone too.
Paladin. "C'me on, I'm not in your head." And goes through her own door. How to lose a character in three seconds.
A few rooms later, they're damaged, but the remaining are there. Not the final room yet, but almost. Telepathic vetala speaks in their heads and tries to have them fight against one another.
He fails the paladin, of course. He fails the fighter, so he starts pushing on his cursed weapon's seal. Nice. He does have an hostage for the rogue. The rogue looks at the paladin.
Rogue's player. "Casting magic circle against evil ?" (He was also a warpriest, so he had the spell prepared.)
GM. "The second you begin, the vetala tells you he'll kill your fiancée if you cast the spell."
Rogue (not casting the spell, finally). "Say, paladin, could you cast-"
Vetala (telepathy) "I will really kill her, you know ?"
Rogue (telepathy) "Well, I would have fought after the casting." To the paladin. "Never mind. Let's duel?"
Paladin. "He asked you to kill me, didn't he?"
Both raise their guards. Both have merciful weapons and forget to disable the merciful side effect. The paladin did prepare protection and circle against evil, and does not cast them.
Ranger. "Paladin, shouldn't you-"
Vetala (telepathy) "You secretly love that rogue, don't you ? I'll have him killed if you say that."
Ranger's player. "Should I buy that?"
GM. "You're asking because you think you buy it and hope I say you don't?"
Ranger's player. "I'm asking because I build her as paranoid. For what she thinks, there might be snipers around, anything could happen. And she does personally know the vetala for someone with unmatched power, though she might be overestimating him."
GM. "She has no reason not to buy it, if you put it this way."
Ranger. "Oh, crap."
Fighter forgets he knows the paladin has the spell prepared.
Of course, paladin does knock out rogue. And vetala does take possession of the rogue body.
We got out of it by sheer luck. (And thereafter the rogue finally destroyed the vetala with his own hands, almost one on one, thanks to crits and nasty sneaks, while the vetala kept rolling natural 1s. Even consecrated the vetala's tomb himself. Thrice. And scolded the paladin for in-game weeks.)