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Collection of stories from my first PF campaign


Campaign Journals


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After having the idea put to me by Kileanna, I've decided to make a single thread where I can post any interesting stories from my first ever Pathfinder campaign.

Will post more stories as the campaign carries on.

---===INDEX===---

Elf Leavings
The legend of Splatty Stew, part 1


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tldr; bard decides to prank wizard, wizard punishes bard by taking a huge s~%* on his bed

So I'm currently playing a CG Bard (his name is Desmond) in my first ever Pathfinder campaign. The majority of the party is CG (Barbarian, Cleric, Rogue), with the exception of the Paladin (LG, of course) and the Wizard (Ivellious), who is LN.

Ivellious is an elven racial purist, who believes all other races are vastly inferior to elves, although he doesn't take it as far as killing other races. Desmond, being somewhat of a ladies' man (or so he would like to think) has earnt the ire of Ivellious, who constantly refers to him as "scum" although he somehow tolerates my presence - not that we always manage to moderate our animosity for each other, as you will soon learn.

Anyways, this past session we were resting in a tavern, and Ivellious was drinking a glass of fine elven wine and studying his spellbook, while Desmond was quietly playing his lute. Deciding to have a little harmless fun, Desmond used Mage Hand to randomly turn the pages of Ivellious' spellbook, so as to annoy the hell out of him. Ivellious, getting understandably annoyed, used Mage Hand himself, to retune Desmond's lute so it was out of tune. Himself now pissed off, Desmond used Mage Hand AGAIN, this time using it to dump the glass of wine on Ivellious' head. Laughs were had, and the night went on, with Desmond becoming more and more drunk as time passed.

Here's where things turned into sheer hilarity - Desmond, by this stage being completely off his face, failed a Perception check to notice Ivellious leave the room in secret. He soon returned, saying nothing of what he had left the room for. Later on, Desmond decided that it was time to call it a night, and headed for bed.

However, as he lay down, he felt a strange feeling on his arms and chest. Me, feeling rather confused, initially thought that he had been hit by some kind of spell. This was promptly dismissed, as he then noticed the smell coming from around him. Getting up and looking at his bed, he noticed the large pile of elven faeces he had been laying in a few moments prior. While Desmond, having failed the Perception check earlier, did not connect the dots, the DM told me that it had actually been Ivellious who had taken a dump on my bed, as a drunken way of "punishing" me for messing with him. Everyone bursts out laughing at this, myself and Ivellious' owner included.


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-----------------

Several sessions back, our party was resting in a cave overnight on the way to the nearest village. One of our party, a CG Half-Orc Barbarian called Kar-Splatt, decided to cook up a stew to feed the party. He went out, successfully hunting a deer (which we had previously learnt he had somewhat of a soft spot for) and using its meat for the stew. While not having any ranks in the relevant skill (Profession: Cook, I think), he somehow got a bloody good roll on the check, not a natural 20, but an 18 or 19 if I recall correctly. Anyways, our party agreed that the stew tasted amazing, with some jokingly referring to it as "Splatty Stew".

While most of us thought it was simply something to lighten the mood on our journey, little did we realize that it was going to become something else entirely...

-----------------

Upon reaching the village in question, our party was tasked with heading to a nearby castle to defeat - wait for it - an undead baby elf foetus (yes, I am serious.) Anyways, while in the castle, we came across an owlbear, which our party managed to defeat in 2 turns, thanks to a VERY lucky critical hit from Kar-Splatt. Once we had defeated the owlbear, Kar-Splatt asked how much meat he was able to get from the creature. We all asked why he would want to do such a thing, to which he replied he was going to make more Splatty Stew.

We all had a good laugh, upon realizing that Splatty Stew was now an official thing. We also learnt afterwards that Kar-Splatt had taken ranks in Profession: Cook, further cementing the foundation of what was going to become almost the centerpiece of our campaign.

-----------------

When we returned to the village, we were rewarded with a handsome sum of GP each. We spent some time in the village, with our Wizard working on making magic items for the party (the same Wizard from my previous story - he was starting to become less of a troll to everyone by now), my Bard (Desmond) becoming mates with the local woodworker, and his father who was the local blacksmith (both of whom were worshipers of Cayden Cailean, as was Desmond) and Kar-Splatt making - you guessed it - a MASSIVE pot of Splatty Stew. Everyone in the village became obsessed with this newfound delicacy, with the manager of the local tavern asking for the recipe for the stew.

Kar-Splatt eventually agreed to give them the recipe, on the condition that he received a portion of any profits made from selling the stew, with some of said portion being put towards a large house to be built for him in the village.

And thus Splatty Stew became an official business.

-----------------

Our party eventually departed the village, heading for the capital city of the region we were in. While in the city, Kar-Splatt spent some of his hard-earned GP to get himself a fancy suit, with our Paladin (Lithert) doing the same. We wondered why they were doing this, before being informed that Lithert was now Kar-Splatt's manager, and that they were looking to purchase business cards to promote Splatty Stew.

While this was going on, Desmond went to one of the Bard colleges in the city to try and convince them to purchase some of his poetry for sale (I had been having Desmond write poetry the last few days, as selling something he had written or scribed was the final prerequisite for taking levels in Pathfinder Chronicler). At this point, I had scribed three pieces; two of which were serious, and one which was originally intended as a joke. The "joke" poem went as such:

The first taste has you hooked
For more, anything would you do
Tastes like food from the gods
They call it "Splatty Stew"

Now when the Bards of the college asked me for an example of my work, I went to pull out one of my serious poems to show them. Instead, I accidentally pulled out the "joke" poem. I initially went to put it away and grab one of the other ones, before a moment of sheer' hilarious brilliance struck me.

Desmond gave the Bards the "joke" poem. They were all confused as to what "Splatty Stew" was, and asked for an example of such before they made a decision. He went and found Kar-Splatt, who agreed to make a pot of Splatty Stew if I went out and purchased the owlbear meat required. He did so, and the pot of stew was made (he took 20 on the Profession check, so the stew was perfect).

Upon returning to the college, the Bards were instantly hooked on the Splatty Stew. They agreed to purchase his poem for 50 GP, on the conditions that a) they were left with at least a week's supply of Splatty Stew, and b) they were directed to where they could obtain more.

The deal was made, and so Desmond became Kar-Splatt's Vice President of Marketing.

-----------------


Cool! Keep posting nice stories!


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This is what I like to see, just silly enough to get every on around the table the laughing, serous enough to keep a story running, and with that little dash of grim that keeps your eyes popping up (I stealing that undead foetus idea).

Well done, just well done.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber Subscriber

Bahaha! That is awesome! Dot!


Thank you for sharing.


I've thought of making a thread like this a lot of times as I have so many stories that don't fit anywhere.

Crag, I've started to write down the stories of Sylvyana and Va'ardalia if I decide to post them someday. I don't know if you remember.


'Tis a good idea. I've written some short stories of my sessions too, although they're mostly fictional. This is because the sessions might not exactly be a good story like Splatty Stew (ours can get either too confusing or too dull), but a good starting point to an interesting story. Does that make sense? <-- basically, I took something that happened in the game and crafted a story around it.


Sounds cool! I try to be somewhat accurate when I tell my stories, but when I cannot remember the specifics sometimes I have to fill some holes.

Hey, what about creating a common thread just to share stories? Not «the best combats» nor «your character background» but «whatever you want to share»?

It could be gaming stories, rpg related fiction, whatever. I love reading interesting gaming stories, so it could be cool.


How many times will I have to tell you guys, Ivellios has no "U" in his name, c'mon!


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Had another session of our campaign today. Sadly I wasn't able to turn up until towards the latter half of the session, by which time I had missed 90% of the awesome stuff (not my PC though, as the DM had simply RPed as him, and did a bloody good job by the sound of it). However, this did not mean that I missed out on all the fun, because I was able to be somewhat responsible for a couple of minor miracles this session, as I will explain below.

-----------------

Basically, Skorg, the village I mentioned earlier where the tavern was that the recipe for Splatty Stew had been sold to, was burnt down, and our party currently doesn't know who was responsible (although a couple of them have some ideas). Desmond, having developed quite a close friendship with Siegmund the local woodworker previously, made saving him and his father his main priority. He managed to save them both, and while they were rather badly injured, they were able to be healed to a point where they were somewhat mobile again. Sadly, the village of roughly 30 people was practically razed, and about half of the villagers died. The leader of the village and his wife managed to survive, but their baby son was nowhere to be found, and was assumed to have tragically perished in the fire. More fatalities would have occured, were it not for us being saved by the task force of about 50 led by the leader of a rebellion we had met a couple of sessions previous (Elcindor was his name IIRC).

-----------------

Anyways, cutting back to where I finally turned up to the session, our party had managed to capture the people who had actually torched Skorg. They informed us that they had simply been ordered to perform the deed by a hooded stranger. Much debate occurred among the party as to who could be responsible, but no single conclusive answer could be reached. Moving on from this, our party discussed what would happen to the survivors from the village. Desmond immediately suggested that the survivors come with us (we were going with Elcindor to their headquarters), to which the rest of the party agreed that they didn't really have any other choice.

After resting that night, Kar-Splatt (who you all know well enough by now) and Lithert (the Paladin in our party) spent some time in the morning training up some of the peasants in basic melee combat. Meanwhile, Desmond and a couple of others decided to return to what remained of Skorg, in the hope of salvaging anything that could be of use to us on the journey. The DM, deciding to give us a fair chance, rolled a percentile check to see what we found. When his eyes shot wide open, and he revealed that he had rolled a 100, I was immediately ecstatic, assuming that I had found some awesome magic item or some such.

What I found, however, while of no real monetary worth to me, was something far, far more valuable to someone else. We found what originally appeared to be the somewhat charred corpse of a baby. Looking at the DM, I initially wondered if he was playing a cruel joke on me. When the baby let out a stifled cry, however, it was my turn to be amazed.

We had found the baby son of the village leader. And he was alive.

After a quick heal, the baby was still crying, but otherwise okay. The village leader and his wife were out taking a walk in the nearby woods, mourning the apparent loss of their son. Meanwhile, Desmond was tasked with looking after the baby until they returned. Having noticed a rather unpleasant smell, he realised that baby had made a boom-boom and needed a change. Failing a Fortitude save (which he had developed somewhat of a habit of doing in the past, with hilarious results), he made a hasty exit, with Dathamir (our Cleric) taking over changing duties. Desmond soon returned once the deed had been done, resuming looking after the baby.

The village leader and his wife soon returned, and Desmond approached them, simply commenting that he "had something that they were desperately looking for", before presenting them with their very much alive baby boy. I left them for a while, giving them time to come to terms with the fact that their son was still with them.

Meanwhile, Elcindor and a number of others were preparing a small memorial to honour the lives of those they had been unable to save, with one of them being a rather devout cleric of Cayden Cailean. Desmond, he himself being a follower of CC, pulled out his last remaining bottle of wine and added it to the memorial, asking that the cleric enjoy it at CC's side, because he deserved it. Our DM, feeling rather generous, decided to roll another percentile check to see if a small miracle occured as a result of his actions, and the dice, feeling rather generous themselves, gave another favourable result.

Before leaving, Desmond turned back to the memorial, noticing that the bottle of wine, despite not being open, was now half-empty. He also felt a strong feeling wash over him, almost as if a certain deity was immensely proud and grateful for his actions.

-----------------

Anyways, now that the serious business is out of the way, I can move on to what I'm sure you're all here for: MORE STORIES ABOUT SPLATTY STEW.

-----------------

After arriving at our destination (a port city a couple of days away from Skorg), Kar-Splatt went out shopping. Upon stating that he was purchasing as much owlbear meat as he could, we all knew that it was time for Splatty Stew. Preparing a big pot of stew outside the local tavern, Desmond decided to perform nearby, so as to make a little money on the side, as well as to draw more people in to buy some stew.

The tavern owner, wondering who was drawing so many customers in, came out and asked what we were doing. Kar-Splatt simply replied by handing him a free bowl of stew. Finishing it, the tavern owner immediately asked for the recipe. Kar-Splatt and Desmond, after a brief discussion, agreed to sell him the recipe, seeing as their previous venture was no longer a thing. However, this time we took further steps to secure the deal, with Desmond drawing up a detailed contract (he got a non-natural 20 on the Profession: Scribe check) and the tavern owner readily agreeing.

We, and the rest of our party, now had free lodgings and food for the rest of our lives, as well as a 15% cut of any profits from sales of the stew.

-----------------

Before I finish my post for this session, I thought I'd mention my plans for the future of Desmond and Siegmund, who Desmond has developed quite a close friendship with.

I had a brief discussion with our DM earlier, and he agreed to let me take Leadership as a feat in the future. While I probably won't take it until 9th level, for reasons I will explain below, I asked our DM if he would be fine with me taking Siegmund as my cohort, to which he seemed to agree.

My plan, assuming I take the feat at 9th level, is to introduce Siegmund as a 7th level Ranger with the Craft Magic Arms & Armor feat. Now before people start thinking that I'm simply going to abuse Item Creation feats on him, my logic for this is the following:

- Many of the villagers of Skorg were rangers, which makes this class the most logical choice given where he came from
- A 7th level Ranger has a caster level of 4, which means that the fact that he was able to give my shortbow a +1 enhancement bonus previously will make sense
- I don't want him to have any other Item Creation feats, seeing as his profession was working with mainly ranged weapons - having Craft: Bows as a skill would be the most logical choice for skills in this case

-----------------

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this update, and please stay tuned for more in the future.


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I want the recipe for Splatty Stew! I wonder what owlbear stew would taste like though. I've never eaten an owl or a bear, but I've read online that bears taste a bit like like venison, which tastes a lot like beef. Depending on how owl tastes maybe you'd end up with something around like goose or more like veal. We haven't decided what to have for dinner at today's game, and a big pot of Mystery Stew might be fun...maybe next time...

I seem to recall that the "plus" you can put on a weapon is limited by your caster level. If so then a Ranger would ironically kind of suck at making magic bows and arrows. If he'll just have one item creation feat then he could take the Master Craftsman feat to get it at full caster level and whether or not he has any spellcasting ability.

It doesn't look like the Hunter class has a reduced caster level, so you could get him as a 5th level cohort at 7th level. That seems like a significant improvement to me though you should probably discuss with the DM what role the cohort will play in the game (some are mostly "off camera" and only rarely help out on adventures)


Devilkiller wrote:

I want the recipe for Splatty Stew! I wonder what owlbear stew would taste like though. I've never eaten an owl or a bear, but I've read online that bears taste a bit like like venison, which tastes a lot like beef. Depending on how owl tastes maybe you'd end up with something around like goose or more like veal. We haven't decided what to have for dinner at today's game, and a big pot of Mystery Stew might be fun...maybe next time...

I seem to recall that the "plus" you can put on a weapon is limited by your caster level. If so then a Ranger would ironically kind of suck at making magic bows and arrows. If he'll just have one item creation feat then he could take the Master Craftsman feat to get it at full caster level and whether or not he has any spellcasting ability.

It doesn't look like the Hunter class has a reduced caster level, so you could get him as a 5th level cohort at 7th level. That seems like a significant improvement to me though you should probably discuss with the DM what role the cohort will play in the game (some are mostly "off camera" and only rarely help out on adventures)

Oh yeah, that's the other thing I found in the village - the original recipe for Splatty Stew that Kar-Splatt had written up for the innkeeper. I originally intended to hold onto it, but honesty got the better of me, and I gave it back to Kar-Splatt, who seemed somewhat grateful at least.

As for the whole caster level issue, the reason why I'm hoping to have siegmund the way he is is that, when Desmond originally met him, he was relatively new to the whole woodworking business, and the extent of the work he has been able to do for Desmond so far is to make him a Masterwork lute, and give his Masterwork shortbow a +1 enhancement. That, combined with the fact that many of Skorg's former residents were rangers, means taking him on as a 7th level Ranger (with a caster level of 4) makes logical sense. I'll probably give him ranks in Craft: Bows and Spellcraft, as well as Craft Magic Arms & Armor and Skill Focus: Craft Bows as two of his feats.

The Hunter class does look interesting, however this campaign is only going by the Core Rulebook currently, so no hybrid classes, sadly.

Grand Lodge

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I love everything about all of this.


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Splatt em, there is one crucial detail you forgot in this story


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The famous Kar-Splatt from Splatty Stew is here!!!

Will you share your famous recipe?

Grand Lodge

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AAA I DIDN'T PREPARE FOR CELEBRITY

*runs off*

*frantic clanking noises*

*returns, wearing my formal faceplate*

W-why hello there, Mister Splatt.

Paizo Employee Sales Associate

Moved thread to the proper forum.


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Cosmo wrote:
Moved thread to the proper forum.

Thanks, appreciate it.

Nitro~Nina wrote:

AAA I DIDN'T PREPARE FOR CELEBRITY

*runs off*

*frantic clanking noises*

*returns, wearing my formal faceplate*

W-why hello there, Mister Splatt.

Kileanna wrote:

The famous Kar-Splatt from Splatty Stew is here!!!

Will you share your famous recipe?

FYI, I can confirm this is definitely the real Kar-Splatt you're talking to =D


I feel so honored!!!


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Thanks for writing the stories for me, my dude, absolutely love your writing and it makes sense since you're the bard that you would write our adventures. You also make me seem like a much better DM than I actually am but not like I'm complaining. xD


Of course, you neglected to mention the commissioned sailing ship, the opening of a bank account, and the appointment of Ivellios as Kar-Splatt's Financial Manager, oh and the fact that were military now. Other wise, 10/10 summary.


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You are a lucky GM, you seem to have a great gaming group!
Keep up the good stories! Your bard deserves a reward for writing and sharing all this stories, just saying *wink wink*.
And maybe a Cauldron of Brewing for our dear Kar-Splatt xD

I'm not allowing my Bard to write my campaign journal and I have to do it myself because she'd make everything just too big. She tends to exaggerate a bit xD


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Ah yes, you should most certainly catch everybody up with at least one more post before we continue the campaign. Can't wait to see it, no pressure. (Jk, all the pressure)


Also, please tell the story of Dathamir and her "Transformation" I'd love to see how you portray that one, especially since it was one of my favourite parts to DM.


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MooBoi wrote:
Also, please tell the story of Dathamir and her "Transformation" I'd love to see how you portray that one, especially since it was one of my favourite parts to DM.

That was an interesting encounter, still something I feel will come up later.

Also, might be good to edit a cast section into the first post, something like:
Ivellios Meliamne: Elven Wizard, Magic Item Crafter, Resident Instigator


Rookwood wrote:
MooBoi wrote:
Also, please tell the story of Dathamir and her "Transformation" I'd love to see how you portray that one, especially since it was one of my favourite parts to DM.

That was an interesting encounter, still something I feel will come up later.

Also, might be good to edit a cast section into the first post, something like:
Ivellios Meliamne: Elven Wizard, Magic Item Crafter, Resident Instigator

I agree


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As requested by MooBoi and Rookwood (who I can confirm are from our campaign as well) I'll post the other stories I neglected to mention previously.

(Forgive me if my telling is a little off, this was a few months ago now, so my memory is a little hazy)

-----------------

Our party was in the castle which I mentioned earlier (the one where we killed the owlbear and fought the undead elf foetus). The room where we were going to be facing the foetus was in the castle's basement, which was accessible via a rather unstable ladder. Now I don't remember who was the first one down the ladder, but when Desmond went to climb down, he failed the check rather hilariously (Climb or Acrobatics, I think) not only landing in a puddle of blood, but breaking the ladder. Failing a Fortitude save, he started vomiting again quite violently (sewers, blood, and diapers - Fortitude checks did not like Desmond). The next person to go down was Dathamir, our half-elf cleric. With the ladder now unusable, an Acrobatics check was the only way down into the basement. Failing the check, she too fell into the puddle of blood.

And from here, things got weird. And scary.

Dathamir, while mostly unhurt from the fall, suddenly started acting really weird (she had done this earlier in the castle, but nobody really gave it any thought at the time). Her eyes turned red, and her sword (think it was a scimitar) turned black, with tentacles coming from it. Nobody had any idea what was going on, but we all knew this couldn't be good. Regardless, we managed to beat the foetus quite easily. The foetus, before dying, ran at Dathamir, before splitting in two and finally perishing. However, Dathamir showed no signs of returning to normal, instead turning her aggression towards the rest of our party.

Everyone went into panic mode, with a few of our party stating that she was evil and that we needed to kill her then and there, while the rest of us merely wishing to knock her out or bring her back to her senses so we could figure out what was going on (Desmond was one of the latter). A frenzy of slaps, nonlethal damage and Diplomacy/Intimidate checks ensued, during which we managed to remove the black sword from her grip. However, a number of black tentacles still connected her hand to the sword, so Desmond immediately tried to sever them himself. Thanks to his subpar BAB and Strength, he failed, but another of our party managed to sever them. The tentacles, while still writhing around on the ground, no longer bound the sword to Dathamir.

Dathamir had by this stage begun to regain her senses, and was panicking because, while she had lost control of her body, she could still see and feel what was going on, and could not understand why the party had seemingly turned against her. Not willing to risk her "transforming" again, Kar-Splatt knocked her out with his sap, before our party returned to Skjorg. There, she was swiftly locked away in a cell, and shackled to the wall, while our party deliberated what to do about what had happened.

Thanks to Kurst (our Rogue) stealing a Potion of Calm Emotions, we were able to calm Dathamir down somewhat. While the rest of our party agreed that her sword (which was clearly evil in some way) had to be destroyed, she did not, claiming that the sword was one of the last relics she had from her home, and that she could not bear to lose it. Regardless, the sword was taken to the local church (we weren't stupid enough to carry it ourselves, so we had to Mage Hand it all the way there), where it was swiftly taken and destroyed (we assumed).

Eventually, after staying in Skjorg for a while, and our party coming to an agreement that Dathamir wasn't actively going to try and attack us now that her sword was gone, we freed her from the dungeon, and went on our way. However, we all get the feeling that there's more to what happened that we are yet to find out...

-----------------

Anyways, moving on from the above, and coming back to the previous session, our party, as well as the task force led by Elcindor, was resting up and preparing for the journey ahead. Kar-Splatt and Ivellios, however, spent their time discussing the purchase of a warship. Kar-Splatt had mentioned a few sessions back that he really wanted a warship, with everyone else assuming that this was a joke at the time (although, looking back on things, Splatty Stew started as a joke as well...). We were heading to a nearby port city, so Kar-Splat was adamant that he was going to purchase a ship, and nobody was going to tell him otherwise (Kar-Splatt had competed in, and won, a gladiator tournament while we had previously been in the capital city, and still had a fair portion of his winnings left, so he could at least afford a down-payment.)

While we were in the port city, after selling the recipe for Splatty Stew to the local inn, Kar-Splatt and Ivellios decided to open a bank account, so as to make the collection of profits from the stew easier (which was a decent amount, thanks to the comprehensive contract Desmond had written up as part of the deal - hooray for Profession: Scribe.) Ivellios was subsequently appointed Kar-Splatt's Financial Manager, meaning that Splatty Stew was now, for all intent and purposes, a legitimate business.

-----------------

Oh, and as I was reminded above, we are now part of Elcindor's not-so-little rebellion force, after he asked that we join him to fight back against Tamir, a general from Frostpoint who wanted us rather dead. Thankfully, we were in a different region at the time, so he couldn't attack us without being met with equal force, but still, the threat was enough that joining Elcindor's forces was the best option.

-----------------

Anyways, I'm fairly sure that this brings everything up to the present. I think that the next session is in a few weeks, so I'm sure I'll have more awesome stories to tell then.

Until then, peace out.

(And BTW, Mr. DM, you're a better DM than you give yourself credit for, and I'm sure everyone else in the group agrees as well =) )


Thanks, my dude, keep up the good work, cya next session.


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I can tell he's a good GM because all of you seem to be having a blast with the story, and that are signs of good GMing.

You seem like a really cool gaming group and it's refreshing to have posts with some cool stories instead of more «my GM is a dick» and «I want my Paladin to kill everyone in sight without falling». I love to hear and tell stories so this thread is very cool to me.

I loved the updates. The story about the sword gave me the creeps because on the story I'm playing right now we have fought an enemy that seemed to be posessed by an artifact sword and now my PC is carrying it. She has been tempted to wield it a few times so it might not end good. I fear I'm going to suffer Dahamir's fate!!!


Nitro~Nina wrote:

AAA I DIDN'T PREPARE FOR CELEBRITY

*runs off*

*frantic clanking noises*

*returns, wearing my formal faceplate*

W-why hello there, Mister Splatt.

*Bows**then throws javelin at a dart board*


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Kileanna wrote:

The famous Kar-Splatt from Splatty Stew is here!!!

Will you share your famous recipe?

Splatty Stew secret recipe, only those that have shiny get splatty


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If only i didn't fail the acrobatics check Then no bas stuff would have happened.


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In the campaign we have a paranoid paladin that wants to eradicate everything evil in the entire world. He even tried to kill me when sword stuff happened.


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Dathomir wrote:
In the campaign we have a paranoid paladin that wants to eradicate everything evil in the entire world. He even tried to kill me when sword stuff happened.

A paranoid gnome paladin who rides a corgi, may I add =D


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The corgi part is important to picture him xD


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Sorry for the lack of updates for the last couple weeks, we only have a session roughly once every 3-4 weeks, to allow for other campaigns that some of the other members of the group are part of.

Anyways, we had our latest session today, complete with some funny, serious, splatty, and outright cringe-worthy stories.

-----------------

Our session started in the port city where we had found ourselves last time. We had roughly a week remaining until our party set sail for the rebellion headquarters with Elcindor and his squadron. Ivellios spent most of this time making a couple magic items, one of them being a cloak of resistance for Lithert, and the other being... a magical freezer. Basically, the idea was to get a 10-ft square vault, have a continual Ray of Frost spell cast inside the vault every round, and the door sealed with an Arcane Lock so as to deter intruders. We all knew where this was going, and our suspicions were confirmed that we were told that the freezer was made to store mass amounts of meat for... well, if you can't guess what the meat will be used for, then I'll eat my hat.

Desmond, meanwhile, went to one of the local orphanages, and decided that he was going to spend some time teaching the children how to brew ginger beer (non-alcoholic, of course). Having rolled quite well on the skill check, the children of the orphanage quite enjoyed the taste of the beverage, and there was enough to last everyone for roughly a week, assuming it was rationed out reasonably well.

-----------------

After the week passed by, and the freezer was built, we finally set sail on the rebellion ship, making for rebellion headquarters, which was about 4 days away. We all made Fortitude saves to see if any of us had sea sickness, and for what I'm fairly sure was the first time in the campaign, Desmond made the Fortitude save. The majority of the day went rather uneventfully, but the evening was when the "fun" started.

Our party was in the mess hall with the rest of the troops, eating, drinking, and generally having a good time. At one point, Elcindor approached our party, asking us to meet him in his office at 10 that evening. Asking us to not get too drunk beforehand, our party agreed.

Suddenly, a woman with raven-black hair and pale skin approached the front of the mess hall, and went up on the stage (which was a large wooden bathtub that had been turned upside-down), before playing a rather soothing melody on her flute. The performance ended, and the soldiers in the hall let out a round of applause. Desmond, being the typical young male he was, knew that this was a good chance to impress her, and approached the stage to play a melody of his own. Ivellios, being the troll he has been in the past, decided to mess with Desmond's lute as he was tuning it. After a few minutes of this, Desmond decided that a dance would be a more appropriate option. Thankfully, he wasn't wearing any shoes at the time, so Ivellios couldn't tangle his shoelaces as he was wanting to.

Rolling particularly well on the Perform: Dance check, Desmond was given another round of applause from the soldiers, and a rather admiring gaze from the raven-haired woman. She extended her hand out towards him, and Desmond, realising that she wanted to dance with him, was more than happy to reciprocate. However, before he could take her hand, she was pushed out of the way by Kar-Splatt, who now stood in Desmond's way.

And so Desmond found himself in the hilarious position of having a dance-off with Kar-Splatt. Despite this unexpected competition, Desmond was able to win with relative ease, and found himself once again the recipient of another admiring gaze from the woman. Approaching her afterwards, she introduced herself as Valia (I think that's how her name was spelt). After spending some time chatting each other up, Valia took Desmond's hand once again, before leading him out of the mess hall, and to his room.

What happened next was... well... let's just say that what happened next was something that the group was thankful for not having to witness a roleplay of. You get the picture.

While the above... happenings were... happening, the rest of our party was en route to Elcindor's office. Deciding that he was going to screw with me yet again, Ivellios decided to place an Arcane Lock on the door so that Desmond and Valia would be trapped inside. Given that heading to Elcindor's office went past Desmond's room, Kar-Splatt knocked on the door, telling Desmond that he needed to hurry up or he would be late for the meeting. Finding himself unable to open the door (he has a -1 in Strength, so he failed his attempt to escape miserably), he called out to Kar-Splatt in the hope of him being able to open the door from the outside. Finding himself unable to do so, he decided to, in typical Barbarian fashion, break the door open with sheer brute force. Thankfully, Desmond and Valia were... respectable once again, and Desmond left with Kar-Splatt, but not before giving Valia a sly wink.

-----------------

Meeting in Elcindor's office, he asked us if there were any signs of anybody having followed us. Not noticing anybody in the immediate vicinity, he thanked us for coming. As he had mentioned in the previous session, he was fairly confident that the person who had ordered the burning of Skorg was aboard the ship, and he asked us to investigate any suspicious persons on board, letting him know if we found anything of note. Our party split up, with myself checking the living quarters (I think Dathamir might have been with me), Kurst and Lithert checking the hull, and Ivellios and Kar-Splatt (I think) checking the top deck.

On the top deck, Ivellios found an elven man skulking about, with their hood pulled over their head. Seeing this as somewhat out of the ordinary, Ivellios began to question him. He claimed that he had his hood pulled up because he found it rather cold outside, and while this seemed a little out of the ordinary, given that it was a rather sunny day, there was a light breeze, and we were in Nordic waters. Nonetheless, Ivellios asked him to lead the way to his room. Finding a spellbook with a number of fire spells, Ivellios immediately went to Elcindor with the suspicious elf in tow. Presenting the spellbook, Elcindor agreed to interrogate the elf.

Meanwhile, Desmond and Dathamir found themselves checking the rest of the living quarters. They came across one room with a locked door, and decided to check it. Knocking, they were let in by a young man who seemed oblivious to what was going on. Finding nothing out of the ordinary, aside from a letter from his mother and a totem pole which didn't have any traces of magic, Desmond and Dathamir decided to leave him be.

It was in the hull, however, where Kurst made the real find that evening. Several crates were found in the hull of the ship, and while most of them were filled with rather mundane items, one of them was full of sticks of dynamite. Realising that this was unlikely to be something that Elcindor had ordered, they immediately raced to his office, informing him of their find. He was shocked with this find, not having ordered any explosives of this kind or quantity, and thanked them for their find.

Nothing else of much note happened that evening, and everybody eventually got to sleep.

-----------------

The next night, a plan was put into action to try and catch the arsonist. Kurst hid herself inside the crate of dynamite that had been found previously, and a permanent Arcane Eye was placed inside the hull of the ship, so Ivellios could see if anybody else approached the crate. Meanwhile, the suspicions of some of our group turned towards Valia, and it was agreed that we would investigate her room. With Kar-Splatt and Ivellios hilariously failing Stealth checks, Valia was followed to her room, with Desmond desperately following behind, hoping to avert their suspicions.

While not wanting to let these "strange people" in her room, Valia stated that she wouldn't be against the idea of Desmond entering (gee, I wonder why). Kar-Splatt butted in, stating that if Desmond was to be let in to investigate, he wanted to be there as well (no doubt to ensure that... nothing happened). Although we were denied entry as a result, we decided to remain outside her room, so we could immediately see if she left to do anything suspicious.

Later that night, Desmond was still outside Valia's room (the rest of the party was on the same floor) when he suddenly heard whispers coming from inside. Suddenly alert, he tried to open the door, and found it locked. Asking Kar-Splatt to "splatt" the door open, he entered, and found a male he didn't recognise in Valia's bed. Demanding to know where Valia had gone, he didn't seem to know who or where Valia was. However, Ivellios, who was in the room with us, used Detect Magic, and found residual teleportation energy coming from behind the cupboard. We found ourselves immediately on alert.

And then things got real. REALLY real.

Our party heard a piercing melody coming from the top deck, and we were immediately asked to make a Will save. Everyone made their save, except for Lithert, who suddenly found himself hypnotized, and drawn to the top deck. At the same time, Ivellios, checking his Arcane Eye, saw people moving throughout the hull of the boat. Our party split in two, with Desmond and Dathamir heading for the top deck (as well as Lithert, who was still hypnotized) and Ivellios and Kar-Splatt heading for the hull. Using Message, Ivellios was able to inform Kurst that the people in the hull were heading for a different crate, rather than the one she was still hidden in. Initiatives were rolled, and the fight began. The group noticed that the people in the hull did not appear to be acting of their own accord, so we concluded that they were under the same hypnosis effect that Lithert had found himself subject to. A desperate fight began, with the enemy wizard casting Fireball on the second crate, setting it alight. Kar-Splatt, Ivellios and Kurst had to balance felling their enemies with extinguishing the fire, so as to prevent any damage to the ship. Ripping the top off the crate, it was found that this crate was full of dynamite as well, and so Kar-Splatt spent his next turn extinguishing the rest of the flames by tearing off a second panel, and... urinating on the third. The fire was extinguished, and the enemies were all killed (except for the wizard, who was merely unconscious). The group, while lamenting the fact that they had been forced to kill people who were forced to act against their will, agreed that it was for the greater good.

Meanwhile, on the top deck, Desmond, Dathamir and Lithert (who was still hypnotized), found themselves facing a number of hypnotized troops at the bow of the ship, as well as a male who exactly matched the description of the person who one of our captives from last session had informed us had ordered the burning of Skorg. Desmond, piecing everything together, seeing the male before him, immediately deduced that this was the Valia that he had... met earlier. Initiatives were rolled, with Desmond and Valia both rolling a natural 20. Valia, playing another piercing melody on his flute, attempted to keep everyone under his hypnosis once again, although Desmond thankfully made the save once again. Using a well-timed Countersong, Desmond was able to finally bring Lithert back to his senses. Dathamir, realising what was happening, cast Silence on her scimitar, and moved up to the troops before her. Not being able to hear Valia's melody, they were finally able to break free from his hypnosis, although they found themselves unable to speak or hear anything. Despite this, we were able to signal them to move out of our way.

On his next turn, Valia pulled a stick of dynamite out of his pocket and lit it. Realising what he was planning to do, Desmond ran towards him. While he was within range of Dathamir's Silence spell, everyone around the table burst into hysterics as Desmond mouthed "YOU MADE ME F*** A GUY". Taking aim at the dynamite, Desmond fired with his bow, and successfully managed to shoot it out of his hands, causing it to fall into the ocean. Realising that he stood no chance at this stage (he had taken a lot of damage by this point, thanks to a Smite Evil-enhanced Spirited Charge from Lithert, that had dealt at least 60 damage, as well as a bolt to the chest from Dathamir, and his song was useless thanks to Dathamir's Silence spell) leapt overboard. Desmond was still seething with rage at this point, and took one more cheap shot at her before she hit the water.

By this stage, the fight in the hull had ended, and Kar-Splatt and co. had reached the top deck. Seeing that Valia was somehow still alive and swimming away, Kar-Splatt swam after him, and managed to hit him with his trident, knocking her unconscious. Dragging him back to the ship, we found a number of potions on him - several potions of Cure Moderate Wounds, a few potions of Disguise Self, and one of Water Breating. A rather heated discussion began, with some of our party fully supporting Valia's immediate execution (Desmond included), and the rest of the group wanting to interrogate her before anything else.

Meanwhile, we realised that Valia was not in fact a man after all, as the effect of the Disguise Self potion she had apparently taken earlier finally wore off, and she reverted back to a woman. Desmond was still angry, but now somewhat confused as to whether he saw Valia as a man or a woman. Nonetheless, she was dragged to the dungeon cells on the boat, and interrogated. Forced to reveal the truth, she informed us that she had been ordered to orchestrate the burning of Skorg by General Tamir of Frostpoint (Frostpoint was the neighboring country to Whitereach, the country where we currently were - Tamir wanted us dead because we were harboring a fugitive half-giant - he was also the person who several of our party assumed last session had ordered the burning). She claimed that she had ordered the bandits to only kill us, and to not take any innocent lives, although a Sense Motive check told us that she had not said anything about sparing innocents. With the interrogation over, and many of us baying for her swift execution, Elcindor leant down and held a dagger to her exposed throat. Whispering something in her ear, and Valia whispering in reply, Elcindor declared that she wound instead be kept captive with them, claiming that she held too much info on General Tamir to simply be executed, and that she could be useful. Giving up on her, Desmond and the rest of our group left her, and started recovering from that night's events. Most of our group went to sleep, although Desmond spent some time checking up on Siegmund and his father to make sure they were alright.

-----------------

The next morning, the casualties of the previous night's events were placed into lifeboats, in preparation for a Viking-style sea burial. Prayers were said by several troops, as well as myself and Lithert. Gifts were left with the bodies for their cremation; Kar-Splatt placed a small amount of what the rest of our party assumed was Splatty Stew in their mouths, and Ivellios placed a small glass of elven wine with each body. Desmond, he himself having left some wine as a small offering to those who died in Skorg, surprisingly found himself feeling a small measure of begrudging respect for Ivellios.

The boats were lauched, and Elcindor fired burning arrows at the boats, setting them alight. Turning to our group and the rest of his men, he informed everyone that they were to return to their posts, although he would excuse anyone who still needed time to grieve. Simply wishing to rest, Desmond found himself face-to-face with the man whose room he had searched a couple nights prior. Apologising for making himself suspicious, Desmond in turn apologised for suspecting him, before heading away to drown his sorrows.

-----------------

Anyways, that's basically it for our latest session. Hope you all enjoyed my story, and please look forward to more.

Peace out.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'm glad to hear from you again!
It seems you are still having a blast!

You are a Casananova, Desmond! We want details... of that dance with Kar-Splatt, of course!!!


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Kileanna wrote:

I'm glad to hear from you again!

It seems you are still having a blast!

You are a Casananova, Desmond! We want details... of that dance with Kar-Splatt, of course!!!

Oh, we're definitely having fun XD We just leveled up this session, and I've taken a level in Pathfinder Chronicler at last - time to have fun with Deep Pockets =D

The dance-off was hilarious - it was basically a series of Perform: Dance checks made by Kar-Splatt and I, although we all knew that, barring me being screwed by RNGesus, I was going to win without any trouble. Kar-Splatt managed to beat me at one check, but I easily made all the others. My final move for the dance-off was a perfect moonwalk, which seemed appropriate, given that the music for the dance-off was Thriller by Michael Jackson.

The... happenings between Valia and Desmond resulted in much of the rest of the session being punctuated by various forms of innuendo, including Desmond "coming rather late" to the meeting in Elcindor's office, and Valia the arsonist giving Desmond "a burning sensation".


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I definitely like how your GM manages to keep the focus on character interaction and development while the story is still interesting and dynamic. It's definitely a game that I'd enjoy playing.
I have created a theme for sharing some stories too. I'm going to link your theme from there to advertise this one, because it's such a fun read ^.^


Kileanna wrote:

I definitely like how your GM manages to keep the focus on character interaction and development while the story is still interesting and dynamic. It's definitely a game that I'd enjoy playing.

I have created a theme for sharing some stories too. I'm going to link your theme from there to advertise this one, because it's such a fun read ^.^

Thanks for the compliment Kileanna, much appreciated.I'm so glad people are enjoying the story of ROG(Reign of Giants)Even if it is just the funny bits you enjoy.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

I enjoy everything, but the funny moments are the easier ones to remark.
Serious parts are harder to analyze, but my favorite story is probably the one with Dathomir and the sword, which is not humorous at all.

As promised, I did some advertising of your thread on mine xD

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