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Captain Yesterday's Guide To Skyrim Incompetence: Legendary Edition!


Video Games

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I have no idea who Captain Hanpar was, but he's dead now.


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So, I thought I cleared out the Fort. I didn't know it had a prison, too. Cleared that out as well. Why do I keep hearing fight music when I enter the Keep? Didn't I get everybody? I got the Courtyard, the Keep, and the Prison. What's left?


Fought my third dragon on my way to the fort with the bridge. What do the dragons have against the meadery, anyway?


John Napier 698 wrote:
Fought my third dragon on my way to the fort with the bridge. What do the dragons have against the meadery, anyway?

Nothing, except they're thirsty and want a drink and can't fit through the door?


*Knocking on the door* "C'mon guys, let me in. *hic* I swear I won't trash the place again. *hic*"

"No! You haven't paid last month's tab yet, and you're already tanked."

"*hic* Well, you can say goodbye to your chickens then. *hic*"

Drunken Dragon Rage.

Or something similar?


Gotta be careful with those chickens. Kill one, and somehow every guard in Skyrim knows you did it. You shall never know peace after that.

Though I have seen mods that let you have exploding chickens. And I've seen Serana animate a dead chicken to attack our enemies (Forsworn at the time).


That was the dragon, by the way.

Cleared out the Embershard Mine last night.


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John Napier 698 wrote:

That was the dragon, by the way.

Cleared out the Embershard Mine last night.

I know. I was just imagining a dragon kiting across the countryside, being chased by guards who are mad about the chicken said dragon killed in say, Falkreath :)


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Ha! :D By the way, the exploding chickens were probably fed a diet of Ghost Peppers. :)


Got through the portcullis puzzle. Back to Riverwood.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I like to reanimate rabbits and goats with the Necromancy ring that turns them into bombs.

Saber cats never suspect the bunny!

Mwahahahahahaha!!!!


Met with Delphine. We went to Kynesglade and killed my fourth Dragon. Took the horn back to the Greybeards and got acknowledged as the Dragonborn. Crashed the party at the Thalmor Embassy. Finally made my way to Riften.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

What level are you.

Do you have a specialty yet.


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Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Fauzzie had to take detour through the moutains, only way to avoid Dragon that was flying about. Surprisingly it leads Fauzzie to Iverstead where a fellow asks Fauzzie to carry food up the mountain to the Monks that live there. Kind of remember being told to go there before so why not.

Spiders, Saber Cats, Wolves and a Troll make the journey very troubling. Running seems to be the best course of action (that and Kyne's Peace, thanks be to every god that saw fit to grant me that as my 2nd shout)

The Greybeards explain to Fauzzie the whole Dragonborn thing and teach him some new tricks. Now they want a Horn

Collecting things other people want is just the sort of thing Fauzzie can do.

Killing dragons on the other hand....please ask someone else.


captain yesterday wrote:

What level are you.

Do you have a specialty yet.

Level 12. I seem to balance between one-handed ( ax ) and the bow. I use my Flame Attronach as support, like artillery.


Hey, Greylurker. While retrieving the Horn, you'll come across a puzzle that consists of three stones that control three portculli. Line yourself up so that you have a straight path through all three portculli, then begin running past the stones. Use Whirlwind Sprint just as you pass the second stone, and keep running. Once Sharoth told me this strategy, it took me only one try to get through. I'm not sure if Lydia can make it through. I had her wait while I went to the crypt. Hope this helps. :)


Pack mules can't make it through, so I usually park them right there and come back for them after I am through the rest of the crypt.


Just as I thought. With my Attronach, I did alright. Greylurker, also, watch out for the fire traps and the spiders.


Sharoth wrote:
Pack mules can't make it through, so I usually park them right there and come back for them after I am through the rest of the crypt.

Wow. I guess that sounded more condescending than I had thought it sounded. The Followers Union has filed a law suit against my character for Derogatory Remarks.


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*Hands Sharoth the book "Proper care and treatment of Henchmen" by Nodwick* :)


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Pathfinder Card Game, Class Deck Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

Other derogatory names: arrow sponge, troll food, dragon bait, bear decoy, giant's football...


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Don't get me started on Dragonbait! G~$~+~n pompous iguana!


Get a follower with a Summon spell for them. Run through the portculli, and then summon them. Problem solved.


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Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Fauzzie now continues his journey. AS He leaves Iverstead he encounters strange men who call him False Dragonborn. Naturally Fauzzie denies everything but they seek to kill him anyway. Fortunately there are guards nearby and Fauzzie hides while they kill the strange fellows. Fauzzie learnes much from the bodies afterwards. Somesort of Cult.....

ah well onward to Riften.

Fauzzie comes across poor merchant at side of the road, Fauzzie gladdly helps him to his camp. Fauzzie is kind person who helps those in need.

FAUZZIE IS BETRAYED

Bandits everywhere. Fauzzie is lucky old men in the mountain taught him to run very fast.

Fauzzie has learned his lesson. Never Again Will he help Anyone at the side of the road.

Saber Cat chases Fauzzie into the mountains where he hides in cabin he finds there. Old hunter man with boy lives there and Fauzzie greats them warmly. Old man gives Fauzzie vision quest. Must hunt and kill Great Crab, Wolf and Skeever

Behind the old man's cabin there is a path up to a shrine of Talos and great statue, over looking strange ruins. Fauzzie takes a closer look. Strange place, many ruins and

DRAGON!?
And Drauger Deathlord??!

Fauzzie hides and lets the two of them fight each other. Occasionally he shoots an arrow. Dragon kills Deathlord, Arrows kill Dragon. Fauzzie has new Magic Ice Axe, and Drain Stamina Shout.....

also has no idea how to get home from here.


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My nephews from out of state are here and one of them has latched on to Skyrim, so I saved it a half dozen times and I started on Fallout New Vegas again until they go.


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Today (at the insistance of a 5year old nephew) Fauzzie went in search of a dragon to kill. Fauzzie was laughed at several times by this 5 year old because of his failures, but in the end Fauzzie used a Staff of Fireballs to explode his way to victory.
There is a chest of treasure
a new dragon shout
and a deadly Dragon Priest

Fauzzie's staff is used up but once again Fauzzie is glad to have learned the Run away very fast shout.....Not as good a shout when at the top of a mountain but still very helpful.

Far too many guards are saying "Wait...I know you" these days. Fauzzie needs to expand his horizons. He thinks back to the note that the men in masks had on them and decides, a mysterious island where nobody knows Fauzzie is just the place.

Fauzzie has arrived in Raven Rock


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Beware the frisky tentacles. They're everywhere over there.


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Anduin's dead. I was expecting a bit more me dying or at least having to use a potion or something. Alas, he suffered a hardcore case of not enough action economy.

Starting over as a lizard person, probably named Dragonbait.


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captain yesterday wrote:

Anduin's dead. I was expecting a bit more me dying or at least having to use a potion or something. Alas, he suffered a hardcore case of not enough action economy.

Starting over as a lizard person, probably named Dragonbait.

Anduin definitely needs some help there.

As for the name: I hope you live up to it!


"I don't usually believe what strangers tell me, but you have the look of someone who has seen a dragon, so I'll believe you"

Seen a dragon!?! Yeah, i've seen a f%*~ing dragon, it tried to eat me on multiple occasions!

Wait! You've seen this look before?


I'm going for more of a sneaky person, or at least trying to, I'm still finding mostly enchanted two handed weapons and heavy armor, but so far with the armor at least i've been more disciplined.

I still love my big f!%~ing swords though.

Looking for some dead a!~#$~#'s s&@@ for the old guys on the mountain.

Surely, someone else hasn't gotten there first.


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My thirteen year old daughter has discovered Skyrim. She's been playing it since last night (including a solid three and a half hours after the dentist).

And what a difference it is watching someone else play.

She went to Bleakfalls Barrows but ran away from the bandits in the tower. But she's talked to every single person in Whiterun.


Pathfinder Card Game, Class Deck Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
captain yesterday wrote:
She went to Bleakfalls Barrows but ran away from the bandits in the tower. But she's talked to every single person in Whiterun.

Hunh... does she normally avoid violence in video games? Maybe just against people but monsters are fair game?


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

She's mostly just immersing herself in world. Playing tag with orphans, blacksmithing, chatting up the locals.

I know it took me over a year before I made it to the greybeards when I first got the game. :-)

I've been helping her here or there, she does better if she does it herself. :-)


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Nothing wrong with immersion when it comes to Skyrim :)


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Sounds like a good time. Plenty of stuff to do other than chase down the main story.


I always do the main story dead last, other than to trigger a few events. I like me some dragons, but when you can hunt down werewolves, fight the Dawnguard, assassinate people, loot castles, and explore ancient ruins...why bother?


captain yesterday wrote:

Anduin's dead. I was expecting a bit more me dying or at least having to use a potion or something. Alas, he suffered a hardcore case of not enough action economy.

Starting over as a lizard person, probably named Dragonbait.

I caught that reference. :) An Argonian "Paladin," perhaps?


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With a big f!*+ing sword. :-)


Wraithguard wrote:
Sounds like a good time. Plenty of stuff to do other than chase down the main story.

Wait a minute. There is a main story?!? Since when?!?


Sharoth wrote:
Wraithguard wrote:
Sounds like a good time. Plenty of stuff to do other than chase down the main story.
Wait a minute. There is a main story?!? Since when?!?

Relax Sharoth. It's just a myth. Really it's just a bunch of unrelated sidequests that we're talking about. It's not important, unlike say the civil war.


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After having spent nearly all my money and expendable treasure on buying and upgrading Lakeview Manor, I have allied with Lord Beckett and the East Indian Trading Company... Or whatever they called it so Bruckheimer wouldn't sue them.

Alas, now my kids have taken over Skyrim for the night.


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Happy Summer everyone! As you can see, I don't play video games very often when the weather is warm. :-)

I hope everyone is having a great time. :-)


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Whereas I like playing more in the summer. There's a strong positive correlation between playing video games and being in AC I've noticed!


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This game is a rabbit hole. A very deep rabbit hole that I dove into two months ago and may be wandering for the next thousand years. And my own head canon keeps telling me that I am not the hero Skyrim wants, but I am the one it deserves.


Wow! The tomb with the necromancer and the dude and his dead sister is way easier with Dawnbreaker.

And despite my name I haven't been attacked by hardly any random dragons yet.

Also, apparently trolls can't swim.


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Lathiira wrote:
Whereas I like playing more in the summer. There's a strong positive correlation between playing video games and being in AC I've noticed!

Whereas we went all last summer without using AC just to prove we can. :-)


So apparently, because I'm Dragonbait all these g###~+n religions want me to crusade or something for them.

Already helped the Dawnbreaker lady now some dude by a huge f%@#ing statue of Sorshen (or whatever they called it so Paizo wouldn't sue) wants to track down some dick elf enchanter in Winterhole.

Fine! I'll do it! But only because I was going there anyway to trick the mage's guild into letting me pillage Saarthal.


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captain yesterday wrote:
Lathiira wrote:
Whereas I like playing more in the summer. There's a strong positive correlation between playing video games and being in AC I've noticed!
Whereas we went all last summer without using AC just to prove we can. :-)

I applaud your efforts...pride makes us do silly things sometimes. For me, it was walk the length of Manhattan Island on a summer's day....


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A while back I wandered through Riften and found my way into a neighborhood for homeless people located in a section of the sewer below town. The neighborhood would have been quaint except that some cretin had been in there littering the floor with things like bottles of wine, tomatoes and cabbage, iron cookwear, ratty cloth garments and shoes. As a thane of Riften I feel I have a duty to its people, so I tidied up their home by removing all of these meager possessions scattered around their sleeping area. I would have taken them to a local Goodwill, but there isn't one in Riften - a local jest of sorts that there is no "good will" to be found in there, ha ha! - so instead I did the next best thing: sold them to a merchant for some pocket change and bought some sweet rolls to reward myself for a good deed done. #keepskyrimclean

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