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Captain Yesterday's Guide To Skyrim Incompetence: Legendary Edition!


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It seems to be a good place to find dragons. I suspect it's their mating territory.


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Pathfinder Campaign Setting, Companion, Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Dawnstar gets you a house not far from Whiterun. It's actually not a bad spot, there is even a way down into the underdark (or whatever they call that Falmer infested hellhole) near by so you can farm Crimson Ninroot on a regular basis.

There is also a boat you can rent to get you to Solitude or Winterhold


The house is nice, I grant. It's the town itself that I didn't find too useful. Not even with a certain little sanctuary on the coast. I loathe the Falmer so much that I won't go into Blackreach for crimson nirnroot, even though it's probably the underdark realm I tolerate the best.


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That Red guy with the s*!*ty sword is deader. Went home to drop stuff off and found a giant in my f@#&ing garden. But then an ancient dragon was hungry for giant and took care of it for me. But now I have an ancient dragon perched on my roof.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

So, I'm plugging along on the shout finding. And Arngeir, that g+%#$&n f&~&ing prick gave me Arcwind Point. Again.

So guess who has to find them all manually.

Just for that, I am killing their f&%*ing dragon. >:-(>

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

The main quest for Dawnstar involving the plague of nightmares is such a slog. I always run straight to the end and skip as much of the dialogue as I can because it's so tedious. The invisible Khajit merchant inventory chest hidden next to Iron-Breaker Mine is kind of useful though and I do rather like the purple flame pajamas you can loot from the priests of Vaermina in Nightcaller Temple.


That house near Dawnstar gets a lot of giant visits, captain. There are two giant camps nearby, so I guess it makes sense. Lakeview is the only place I had a dragon dare perch on my roof; they left my other two Hearthfire homes alone. Just my luck I guess.


So I'm a werewolf now.

Which is one of the most useless things to be in Skyrim.

But whatever, I want my last animal allegiance shout and those behind the times a$!@%~*s are my only ticket to getting it.


Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

So I'm a werewolf now.

Which is one of the most useless things to be in Skyrim.

But whatever, I want my last animal allegiance shout and those behind the times a%!&~!*s are my only ticket to getting it.

~whistles and offers some treats~ Good doggie! Good boy! Does the good boy want a treat? Bark if you want a treat!

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber

I remember the first time the Companions tried to sucker me into becoming a werewolf with promises of a new shout. Too bad for them horses are the ultimate all-terrain vehicle. I put Frost into four-hoof drive and rode him up the side of that dumb mountain behind Ysgramor's tomb. We tackled the Throat of the World next. Those Greybeards were probably super pi55ed when they saw me riding up the mountain around their stupid windy arch.


Eh, this way I get to pillage their ancestors and f%+# their ghostly eyeholes with my sword.

Rampageth!!!!


I dealt with my lycanthropy in the traditional ways in various playthroughs: I either got it removed, or I went full vampire. Only after I got the cool rings for no good reason, of course.


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I just ignore it, it's not like I sleep anyway, so well rested means nothing to me.


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At last after many near death (ok actual deaths) experiences Fauzzie has reached the temple of the loud goddess. As he climbs the steps he spots two Al Akir warriors battling a troll. This is not his problem so he leaves them to it.

Fauzzie places the Beacon andthe Goddess tells him of evil necromancer, demands he cleans her temple. Why must Fauzzie do this?

"IF NOT YOU THEN ANOTHER....INCIDENTALLY YOU REMEMBER THAT TROLL YOU SAW FIGHTING THOSE GUYS BELOW. TURNS OUT IT'S GOT YOUR SCENT AND IS WAITING FOR ME TO DROP YOU"

Wait what?

"DOWN YOU GO"

Fauzzie runs for nearest door.

So Troll behind him and Necromancer in front. At least NEcromancer doesn't know Fauzzie is coming.

This place if filled with bodies, and each body has a good deal of coin. NEcromancer is strangely non-materialistic so Fauzzie helps himself to the moneies.

Eventually Fauzzie finds the evil man and his ghosts. They have not seen perhaps Fauzzie can sneak in and stab without being seen (Nope)

Perhaps Fauzzie should use his bow (Nope)

Fauzzie shall conjure a Fire Atronoch, chug potions and fight desperatly in a corner, always inches from death

Yes that plan works well.

"NOW RETRIEVE DAWNBREAKER"

very well it has fallen on the floor in the fighting (Aquire Dawnbreaker)....hmm quest not done...Ah must touch pedastel (Aquire Dawnbreaker)

...
..
.
(Inventory Dawnbreaker (2))

Fauzzie is truely blessed to have two great weapons. He hopes they will fetch a good price.

Also Troll is gone now leaving Fauzzie free to walk on his merry way.

This was a good day


So, I'm queen of the werewolves now.

Scarab Sages

The Dark Brotherhood really needs to work on their alertness. Managed to sneak up on a couple of them and slash their throats. Also helped that Sophie ignored the signs saying 'no companions past this point'. I think she figured she wasn't a werewolf, so it didn't apply to her. Either that, or she was ignoring the rules... again...


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No one will buy my two Dawnbreakers, much sorrow.

But Fauzzie has encountered friend Jaree who seeks the solving of a problem. There is to be an accident, a ship to run aground and spils to be salvaged. Of course before accident can happen a Lighthouse must be un-lit as it were. A simple task and Fauzzie returns for his reward. A salavage work. You know there is law of sea that abandoned wreck and all it's good are up for grabs yes.

I speak with Jaree's sister and the wreak to collect my reward, a swift death yes.....wait what?

Fauzzie is Betrayed!!!???

why you do this, now Fauzzie must murder everyone and steal everything, see if he does not.

Why, why would you force Fauzzie to carry 200lbs above his weight limit back to Solitude.

ah and a note from Jaree about where he will be waiting..... He and I will have words after I sell all these things


Pay off the guy in Solitude, the thieves guild says.

Looks in purse, looks at the 86 grand.

Steal wine from the Blue Palace? Can't I just give you twenty grand and we call it even...

*sigh* people are going to die here...


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Turns out the security was hilariously non-existent.

Skips merrily out the front door with the case of wine that was just sitting casually on a table.


I tried following the a~$!~~# to the East Indian Trading Co.

But then I had to pick the lock to get in which meant the guards weren't happy, but I don't want to kill everyone (they were quite specific about not killing the a#$*%#$). Which led to a frantic non fight of me paralyzing everyone I saw while trying to stay hidden and follow him. Eventually I lost him though and just reset it.

F*~# this, too much effort for one shout (which is literally the only reason I joined them in the first place).

There must be a fort somewhere nearby I can rampage at to get out this pent up rage from all the not killing I was doing.


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Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

I tried following the a&&&@!! to the East Indian Trading Co.

But then I had to pick the lock to get in which meant the guards weren't happy, but I don't want to kill everyone (they were quite specific about not killing the a*%@@~#). Which led to a frantic non fight of me paralyzing everyone I saw while trying to stay hidden and follow him. Eventually I lost him though and just reset it.

F@!& this, too much effort for one shout (which is literally the only reason I joined them in the first place).

There must be a fort somewhere nearby I can rampage at to get out this pent up rage from all the not killing I was doing.

Once you pick the lock without being caught by the Solitude guards, you can kill the East Empire guards inside all you want, just avoid killing the Argonian til you get the info you need. Save often!


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Turns out I could kill everyone except what's his face. I still paralysed everyone first cause that's a damn fun spell. I'd paralyze the guards, summon Stormy and slip by while Stormy took care of things.


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RedRobe wrote:
Skyrim Rampage Cap'n Yesterday wrote:

I tried following the a&&&@!! to the East Indian Trading Co.

But then I had to pick the lock to get in which meant the guards weren't happy, but I don't want to kill everyone (they were quite specific about not killing the a*%@@~#). Which led to a frantic non fight of me paralyzing everyone I saw while trying to stay hidden and follow him. Eventually I lost him though and just reset it.

F@!& this, too much effort for one shout (which is literally the only reason I joined them in the first place).

There must be a fort somewhere nearby I can rampage at to get out this pent up rage from all the not killing I was doing.

Once you pick the lock without being caught by the Solitude guards, you can kill the East Empire guards inside all you want, just avoid killing the Argonian til you get the info you need. Save often!

I actually killed a guard on my way out, some thugs jumped me as I emerged, some things were shouted, and a guard was accidentally decapitated. But, I paid my bounty and went on my way. I've now lost $2,080 on this joining the thieves guild operation from killing various people.


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Fauzzie has managed to take his 600 pounds of merchandise and sold it in Solitude. The city has no more money.

Now I must find Jaree and tell him how disappointed I am with him. I have tracked him to a cave and.....this is a very familiar place. Ah I see corpses in nothing but underware, Fauzzie has been here before. AH yes the pirate captain that was supposed to be dead.

Jaree is found quickly and he is most upset. blames me for killing his sister and his crew

To be fair I killed his crew days before I met him.

Jaree has joined them now.

As I leave there are three burly men here to teach me a lesson. It is a desperate battle but Dual wielding Dawnbreakers turns out to be very advantageous.

The three men were sent by one of the Pirates that was raiding the East Empire company....most likely upset at me picking thier pockets.

Ah Well, now we take 500 pounds of heavy steel armor for three men and other assorted merchandise to....oh wait Solitude has no more money......

This is going to be a long walk


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I couldn't sell the Nightingale gear, but I sure as hell could drop it.

Despite having a sneak of 97 subtlety is not my strong suit.

picks The lock of the front gate, paralyzes Vold, and waits with Stormy for him to stand up and die.

I love how all the default answers for thieves guild missions involve bragging about using stealth over strength of arms and that's the opposite of how my character rolls.


For everyday missions from Delvin or Vex, stealth was invaluable, strength of arms not so much. Unless you get the Stones of Barenziah quest, at that point you'll need your normal skill set, because you'll be everywhere (thanks so much Vex!).


Looks at the trail of burned and decapitated bandits and Draugr Overlords left in his wake.

Oh, I think strength of arms works just fine.

That'll do Stormy, that'll do!


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Dead bandits and battered Draugyr Deathlords make many a day brighter!


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The Twilight Sepulcher is going to be more difficult than I anticipated.

Apparently, there's a room filled with some sort of poisonous gas.

Captain Yesterday's eye twitches noticeably as he starts having Dead Money flashbacks.


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Turns out it was the f#~!ing light that was killing me. Can you believe that s*+$! And in the Twilight Sepulcher no less!

At least I got to stare at Nocturnal's boobs for a while.


Don't feel bad; the light fries all of us at least once. I knew about it in my last playthrough and it still got me when I was exploring that room. It's a rather heavy-handed way of saying 'thieves survive in the shadows'.


Played some, Yesterday. Took Bleak Falls Barrow, killing many bandits and Draugr in the process. Went back to Whiterun in time to kill a Dragon with a lot of Arrow fire. Got named Thane of Whiterun. Scaled the highest mountain in the game to speak with the "Greybeards." Went back to Whiterun and bought a bunch of spells. Went back to the base of the mountain and wiped out a bandit lair.

Going to play more Skyrim now. Oh, the spells? Summon Flame Attronach, Fury, Firebolt, Heal Another, and one or two more whose names escape me right now.


I think I'll go back and strip all the bandits and Draugr of everything, and sell their stuff. Waste not, Want not.


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Lathiira wrote:
Don't feel bad; the light fries all of us at least once. I knew about it in my last playthrough and it still got me when I was exploring that room. It's a rather heavy-handed way of saying 'thieves survive in the shadows'.

I ended up finding a nice dark pyramid top and whirlwind sprinting the s#$% out of that room.

I have 105,000 gold so there's nothing in that room that would be worth dying and eighth time.


Hey John, Paralyze is a spell that's way more fun than it ought to. Especially when coupled with your favorite summoning spell. I only regret not finding out how awesome it was until recently.


I'll remember that. One of the spells I bought the other day was Soul Trap. Got my second Dragon kill. Lizard was attacking the Meadery outside Whiterun.


Took Fort Greywind. Looted the bodies of the bandits and sold their stuff. Almost midnight. Going to bed soon.

It turns out that the Draugr items don't sell well. Pffft, whatever.


captain yesterday wrote:
Lathiira wrote:
Don't feel bad; the light fries all of us at least once. I knew about it in my last playthrough and it still got me when I was exploring that room. It's a rather heavy-handed way of saying 'thieves survive in the shadows'.

I ended up finding a nice dark pyramid top and whirlwind sprinting the s+%$ out of that room.

I have 105,000 gold so there's nothing in that room that would be worth dying and eighth time.

Definitely so, though I think was about at 2 million at the time. I explore just to see things sometimes. Or because I can't find the stupid exit in the dark.


So, any ideas as to which group of bandits an eighth level character and Housecarl can go trounce.


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There's always the tower on the way to the old guys on the mountain, the one with the bridge. That one always regenerates bandits fairly regularly.


Lydia and I already took it, while going up the mountain.


Wait. What? Respawns the bandits? >:) Oooh, an XP farm. >:)


That tower should be an even easier fight now that I got Firebolt and a Summon. Or, I can cast Fury on them and watch them kill each other off.


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I love to unrelenting force shout them off the bridge.


Oooh, so many options. >:) *Evil grin*


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You can also sneak up to the bridge and Ice Form a few and watch them slowly tip over the edge into the water far below.

Of course none of that matters now that I can decapitate people on a critical hit.


Decapitations never get old. Especially if you're like me and enjoy using a mace in battle. Though it's yet to occur with my dragon femur.


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captain yesterday wrote:

You can also sneak up to the bridge and Ice Form a few and watch them slowly tip over the edge into the water far below.

Of course none of that matters now that I can decapitate people on a critical hit.

But, but, ... I want them to see death coming. *kicks a can*


Hey, Cap'n. I just had a thought. Instead of using entrails to spell "Francis," why not use the heads from all the decapitations that you do?


I really want to go back and take that ice Troll I ran past ( twice ) on the mountain. I'm thinking of using the Flame Attronach, Firebolt, and my Shouts. Any suggestions?

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