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Players do the darndest things.


Gamer Talk

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'Sani wrote:

My husband tells a lot of excellent stories about times he's GMed. My favorite is when the group he was GMing for had a paladin whose player wasn't the sharpest bulb.

On one occasion the party was under attack by a bunch of skeletons. An absolute hoard of them. Survival is iffy at best. The paladin had a ring of three wishes with one wish left. He gets the bright idea to use the ring to defeat the skeletons. So as the skeletons close in he hefts the ring high and says,

"I wish they were all dead!"

I would have loved to have seen the looks o everybody's faces there . . . .


I'd have been in hysterics.


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The ratfolk barbarian in our party tried to seduce a female dire rat, succeeded, and got rabies from the 'encounter'. Then he refused to have it cured because he wanted to bite enemies and give them rabies so they would die anyway even if they escaped. After a few days he started to take some serious negs, and still refused to be cured. "I'm becoming one with my illness! Soon I will master it!" *drools and eye twitches* We couldn't even try to hold him down and cure him against his will because he would have bitten us and given us rabies, and healing is a rare commodity in our GM's universe. We had to wait for him to pass out and start dying before we could cure him. When he woke up, he was mad that we had taken away his 'gift'.


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Wow... I have to ask: Was the character who was a bit insane or was the player who thought infecting enemies was a cool thing to do?


Kileanna wrote:

Wow... I have to ask: Was the character who was a bit insane or was the player who thought infecting enemies was a cool thing to do?

To be honest, it was a little bit of both. The player has always been a bit . . . let's say 'colorful', and his character is a bit unhinged. The same feral ratfolk that thought giving people rabies is a good idea also has a compulsion to chase and (given the opportunity) eat cats. He almost died once before because he tried to choke down a cat whole.


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This is more «characters do de darndest things» than players, but I'm posting it anyway.

In a story I GM'ed there were three characters:
-A wild elf ranger who had lived most of his life among his kind.
-A minotaur fighter with a scythe who didn't know a lot about humans either.
-A human rogue.

The three were traveling together and they were very good friends. Both the minotaur and the elf were curious about human culture, and the elf realized that too many made phrases and expressions that involved the word «ass» and asked the rogue why were humans so obsessed with asses.
She explained the typical stuff of being a private part, etc. etc. etc. Then she added: «as a funny thing, if you just say that word to a human, he'd probably giggle, is scandalized, or react in some sort of way»
They wanted to do an experiment, so the two decided to enter the next town saying «ass» aloud to see what happened.
Minotaurs are seen worldwide as a violent and bloodthirsty evil race. This one was a very buff minotaur with a scythe.
They ran all over the town yelling «ass». People ran into the houses, terrified because minotaurs were attacking the town.
«Wow, I didn't expect humans to react so excessively to that word» said the elf, genuinelly surprised.


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This one was shared by Dalindra a few days ago and I think it deserves to be here.

Dalindra wrote:

I remember that... let's call it the "Evil Wizard". He was the shortest lived player we had in our group. I don't know the exact details of what happened (Kileanna was GMing), but it was something like this:

We were already in the middle of a chronicle and we were all playing good-aligned characters. Extreme good-aligned characters. The kind of characters that had problems with minor encounters because they kept selling the loot and using the money to feed the hungry and help rebuild cities. And this player wanted to play an evil wizard.
Kileanna tried to persuade him to play another character, but he was adamant: he wanted to play an evil wizard. Kileanna finally agreed and she worked very hard to find a way in which it could work. When the player finally appeared, Kileanna was nodding her head and telling him: "That won't work."
What was his plan? First of all, he tried to sneak in our campment. Bad move: we knew we were being followed by our enemies and we had a strong vigilance system. We caught him. A wizard displaying profane symbols of an evil god. We tried to be open-minded, so we asked him politely to explain his actions.
Wizard: "I have come to save you all. Your enemies are following your steps and they are going to attack you." Then he casted Minor Image IN FRONT OF US and make appear the ilusion of a red dragon. He procceed to nuke the ilusion with a Fireball.
"I have saved you all with my powerful magic. All of you owe me your lifes, but don't worry: I will lead you into victory! You just have to obey me and..."
We: "Have you killed a RED dragon with a Fireball?"
Wizard: "Uhm, yes. Mi magic is very... uhm... powerful"
We: "And the body?"
Wizard: "Uhm... desintegrated! The Fireball was VERY powerful"
We: "And that dragon appeared when you cast that spell in front of us, right?"
Wizard: "Uhhh..."
We: "That was a Minor Image spell, right? The dragon didn't made any noise. And we identified your spell"
Wizard: "No!! It was... uhh... something... uhhh... different!".
At that time we didn't know if he was going to be a friendly PC or an enemy PC (sometimes we give an enemy character to a new player to test him before introducing his PC), so we tied him up and proceed to question him about his story. He contradicted himself a lot of times and we caught him in a lot of lies. (The player couldn't improvise a good story and the character had -1 or -2 in Bluff).
The Wizard player finally broke out of character:
"That is my PC. I was going to be your new partner, but after the way you treated my character, he won't do it unless you apologize to him."
We: "We don't want that kind of character traveling with us. We can't trust him: he lied to us and tried to fool us every time he spoke. And he worships an evil god."
He was dismayed. We tried to persuade him to reflavour his character so he could join us, but he was adamant: His character was sheer perfection and we had to accept it or he wouldn't join the game. We refused, so he left and never came back.
Later, Kileanna told us that they had spent 1-2 hours together trying to find a way to include that character in the story. Then, in the last minute, the player blow it up and come with his "masterful plan".
He won't be missed.

This guy later became The Rack Guy with his next character.


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Ok...that story just sort of wins...even at things you shouldn't want to win at...like being "that" PC.

I laughed to hard I nearly choked on my coffee!

Shadow Lodge

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I think we need to create an award for players who insist that their character concept is so good that it must be accepted against all logic.

I herby grand unto the Evil Wizard;

The Order of the Snowflake.


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I here by offer myself as witness to he whom is the first of the Order of the Snowflake...

Ser Evil Wizard Lord of the Fireball, slayer of fire drakes with FIRE, master of Silver Diplomacy, Esq!

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!


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The Usual Suspect wrote:

I think we need to create an award for players who insist that their character concept is so good that it must be accepted against all logic.

I herby grand unto the Evil Wizard;

The Order of the Snowflake.

I'm so glad I have players who don't do this.


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My most veteran and loyal players are all great but from time to time we have new recruits. Some are good... some are very strange people. Now we have a new girl who has too much energy and is not an experienced gamer but I have good expectations on her.

I have another story, and this comes from a veteran player, sadly:

I think I have already told some stories about a player who used to play a Dwarven Fighter.
He wanted to play a character based on Warhammer's Slayer dwarves and didn't want to wear any kind of armor, neither he wanted his character to die.
I suggested him to play a Barbarian rather than a Fighter, but he didn't want to have anything to do with rage, as he didn't want to «play an insane character». I explained him that having a berserker rage didn't mean he would have to be insane, but he refused to play anything but a Fighter. This was 3.5, so no archetypes could help.
The party was inside a volcano, fighting the last boss of the dungeon. They were already been in some serious fights in the adventure and he had alreadyf realized his character was very squishy without an armor but still refused to wear one or even buy items to increase his AC.
The boss was a red dragonspawn barbarian with fire immunity. He charged her at first sight, and as she had a reach weapon he dealt an AoO to him. It was a good hit, but nothing to frown upon. Anyway, he was scared so he cancelled his attack and moved away from her and started attacking with his bow, that could only bypass her DR with a critical hit (I told him that after the first two hits).
The wizard was useless as he had only prepared fire spells.
The druid, seeing that the enemy hit hard, shapeshifted into a bear and grappled her, so she could only attack with her claws.
But the Fighter kept attacking with his bow. All the fight.
In the end the enemy was taken down by the Druid and his tiger pet alone.
When we asked him why didn't get into melee again he said «I don't want my character to die».
He was such a great Slayer Dwarf.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber
Kileanna wrote:


The wizard was useless as he had only prepared fire spells.

Well, at least your wizard player was owning his concept.


I have a player who plays a bard. He's level 14 or 15 (I forget which at the moment) and Mythic Tier 5. But he insists on using his damned wand of Magic Missiles every fight though it's becoming increasingly useless as they fight more and more very powerful foes. He's very good at buffing the party but uses only 2 or 3 low level spells ever (Sound Burst, Flaming Sphere, and Searing Light). He's useless in a fight except for the buffs and he just doesn't get it. And he's been playing RPGs for 30 years.


Bill Dunn wrote:
Kileanna wrote:


The wizard was useless as he had only prepared fire spells.
Well, at least your wizard player was owning his concept.

The problem comes when he won't learn basic spells like Dispel Magic or any defensive spells because they «don't fit his concept» and expects the rest of the party to cast those spells on him.

With the variety of spells he knew and used he could have been a sorcerer but he hates them.
The funny thing I find about not fitting a character's concept is that I always thought that a real person when is facing dangers will try to learn the best ways to protect herself and probably learning things that she had never expected to learn. But many people refuse to learn new ways because it doesn't fit the concept and they see it like they were playing the character in a realistic way by negating him the logic evolution that a real person would probably have.

Shadow Lodge

Well, since spells can be used to counter themselves, your fire wizard should be quite capable of shutting down fire wizards. If you can counter a fireball with a fireball, you should reasonably be able to counter a flaming breath weapon with firebreath. Of course it will hurt if the dragon's breath weapon is much stronger than his; but that could never be. After all, he is the greatest fire wizard ever. Right?


Kileanna wrote:
Bill Dunn wrote:
Kileanna wrote:


The wizard was useless as he had only prepared fire spells.
Well, at least your wizard player was owning his concept.

The problem comes when he won't learn basic spells like Dispel Magic or any defensive spells because they «don't fit his concept» and expects the rest of the party to cast those spells on him.

With the variety of spells he knew and used he could have been a sorcerer but he hates them.
The funny thing I find about not fitting a character's concept is that I always thought that a real person when is facing dangers will try to learn the best ways to protect herself and probably learning things that she had never expected to learn. {. . .}

Actually, several events over the past few decades make me say don't be so sure . . . .


Well, I still have some faith in Humanity. But I aggree that, even in real life, there are too many people who don't try to change or learn.


The Usual Suspect wrote:
Well, since spells can be used to counter themselves, your fire wizard should be quite capable of shutting down fire wizards. If you can counter a fireball with a fireball, you should reasonably be able to counter a flaming breath weapon with firebreath. Of course it will hurt if the dragon's breath weapon is much stronger than his; but that could never be. After all, he is the greatest fire wizard ever. Right?

That's in the line of his thoughts, Kamehameha way of fighting. And reversing a fire dragon's breath to kill him with his own breath would be superb!

Wait, dragons are immune to their own breath weapon? Dammit, you are an evil GM!


He should be playing BESM.


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That would be a dangerous thing to try, as he has an obsession for Asian schoolgirls. He has developed an obsession for at least one female character in each game.

Hmmm... Ok, new player, I have bashed enough the same two players.

I cannot even remember the name of this player, as he didn't last long. A friend of us brought him to the game and he didn't stick for more than a session.

It was the same campaign with the Fire Wizard and the Coward Slayer Dwarf... and Dalindra, the Avalanche Elf.

This player wanted to play an elven rogue and we aggreed to a concept where he was a diplomatic/spy for some elves that were allies of the PCs. He was sent to negotiate with other settlements to gain some allies for the war they were fighting. He was a Silvanesti elf, noble and proud people.

They also had with them a wild elf Barbarian/Rogue who was also allied with elves and helping the PCs, and she acted as a guide to the new player.

So first thing they do: they want to strike a deal with a dwarven settlement to provide them protection in exchange for weapons and armor for the war. Everything goes fine and they strike a deal. To celebrate it they go to a tavern and the dwarves drink a lot.

So what does the rogue decide to do? He waits for the dwarves to come out of the tavern and steal their money bags. He thinks he won't get caught because they have drunk a lot.

I ask him why does he want to do that. His character is a spy, not a thief, and he doesn't need the money.

«But I am a rogue» he tells me as an answer. I try to explain he doesn't need to be a thief to be a rogue, but he thinks that doing it will be lots of fun.

He makes his rolls, I roll Perception for the dwarves and he is caught. The dwarves are mad. The other PCs are trying to apologize to the dwarves saying they barely know this man. The Barbarian elf is probably the one who is more pissed at him, as she had been told to watch over him. She starts yelling that she's going to kill that filthy worm.

The PCs tell the Barbarian to go after him. She rages and unsheathes her falchion. The rogue starts running as crazy, but the Barbarian has fast movement and catches him.

All the time the PCs are cheering the Barbarian to teach him a good lesson. I picture them eating some popcorn while watching everything happen.

I didn't want to be too mean with a new player, so the Barbarian yelled to him many times during the chase: «Give back the money and apologize!»

I cannot remember what was exactly his answer, but instead of apologizing he said that they deserved it and that they were easy prey.

So the Barbarian bashed him into unconsciousness. She was at lower level than the PCs but she was a frontliner while the rogue, not being able to sneak attack, couldn't do too much.

Here is where the thing gets really interesting. The other PCs were really pissed at this guy, as he had been condescendent with him from the beginning and had almost ruined the negotiations.

Taking advantage of his unconsciousness, Dalindra tattooed the elven word for «thief» on his forehead.

The player never came back.


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Vidmaster, that reminds me of that time I was GMing Legend of the Five Rings

From the very start, I warned my players that, unlike Pathfinder, in this game injuries really hurt. There is almost no magical healing, natural healing is slow and while you are injured you have big penalties in your rolls.

The Fire Wizard and the Dwarven Fighter had rolled two Bushis: a Lion and a Crab and they had developed a strong friendship/rivalry.

We were already in the second chapter, and after a fight with some bandits they were not in the better shape. While they were recovering from the injuries they were running a murder investigation. It seemed to be going quite well. Tension was escalating and it looked like the fight with the BBEG was inminent. Then, one day they discovered they were full health and:

Lion (aka Fire wizard): Hey, friend, it looks like we are fully recovered. I remember our last fight in that tournament: you beat me hard. I want a rematch!

Crab (aka Dwarven fighter): Are you sure? You are a good friend of mine. I don't want you dead.

Lion: Ha! This time you are gonna lose! But I don't want you dead, either. What about some bokens?

I (as the GM): Are you sure? Bokens are not so hurtful like your katanas, but in this game there is not such a thing as "nonlethal damage".

Lion: It doesn't matters. He is not even going to touch me!

Crab: Ha! This match will end the same way as our last. Prepare to lose!

A couple minutes later Kileanna (who was playing a Lion Shugenja) sees the Crab Bushi crawling along a corridor, grabbing his chest and shouting:

Crab: HELP!! HELP!!

Kileanna: What happened!? Did you find the murderer? Are we under attack?

Crab: HELP! I think... I think I have killed my best friend!!

Of course, he had not killed his best friend...for a couple of hit points. With a boken. When the fight with the murderer come, they were unable to hit a single blow on him and the other players get to shine. They were not happy, but I thought they had learned the lesson.

I was young and naive...


I only ever played the d20 version of LO5R but I always liked it. That is kind of silly on their part. probably just not very aware of how the rules worked. I feel like first one to land a blow wins would of sufficed.

I think sometimes playing in a different system the rules can surprise you.


That L5R story was awesome! My character was a specialist on water spells, which includes healing. If it was for my fellow players, I'd had been relegated to a healbot role.

As an investigation story it was weird, because they judged everybody's innocence or guilt on how nice they were.

We had found a lot of clues that made clear that the Second in command from the castle and the younger son of the Daimyo were up to something. I even had found proof that the first of them was a murderer. But they refused to believe it because «they have been very nice to us» and kept blaming the elder brother «because he's an assh*le».

In the end the crime was left unsolved and the elder brother was murdered too.

Anyway it was a great story that I really enjoyed. And it had one of the best NPCs ever: Akodo Toshiin, the shugenja who preserved a corpse with a spell to preserve food.


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SO this one is a story about me, we had just started a new campaign and we came across a windmill on the edge of a cliff; so, like any good party of adventurers we decide to investigate and discover that it is inhabited be a couple of hags; so I decide that I'm going to use my control weather ability to make a windstorm and knock the tower off the cliff. so the rest of the party engages the hags, and I join in because I'm not going to stand around while they fight, and hey, I call always end the spell if we win. and then one of the hags crits me and I go down, the GM decides that the spell in not cancelled by me falling unconscious, so it just keeps going, we managed to beat the hags a few rounds later, and right around the time the rest of the party found the cages full of children on the second floor the tower starts to fall, so there's me unconscious and bleeding out on the ground floor, the rest of the party who gtfo, and one other player who decided to stay hand help get the kids out. now we were playin D&D 5th edition, which has a rule that if you crit on a stabilization check, you wake up at 1 hp, which I did, just as the tower went over; fortunately I had Fly prepared, so I cast it and helped ferry kids from the falling tower to safety; so we got all of the kids our, and there's just the other player left in the tower, I offer to try and fly him out, but I'm not sure if I can lift him, since I dumped strength, he says no, he had DR (Which he did, quite a lot of it at that moment) so he was going to just ride the tower down; he survived the fall, but bead out before anyone could get to him.


Made me think of Dalindra's adventures. Are you sure you are not family?

I also thought of our Wizard in Rasputin Must Die who was KOed and then killed in his own antimagic field and there was nothing we could do for him, as the poor man couldn't be removed from the field.

Fortunately I had another scroll with an Antimagic Field, because we really needed it and it would have been weird having our Fighter carrying the corpse around to benefit from the spell.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Charter Subscriber
Kileanna wrote:

That L5R story was awesome! My character was a specialist on water spells, which includes healing. If it was for my fellow players, I'd had been relegated to a healbot role.

As an investigation story it was weird, because they judged everybody's innocence or guilt on how nice they were.

We had found a lot of clues that made clear that the Second in command from the castle and the younger son of the Daimyo were up to something. I even had found proof that the first of them was a murderer. But they refused to believe it because «they have been very nice to us» and kept blaming the elder brother «because he's an assh*le».

In the end the crime was left unsolved and the elder brother was murdered too.

Anyway it was a great story that I really enjoyed. And it had one of the best NPCs ever: Akodo Toshiin, the shugenja who preserved a corpse with a spell to preserve food.

Truth to tell, murder investigations in any pseudo-samurai culture should be very difficult, including the L5R setting. The social hierarchies and politics involved could all be massive obstacles.


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That was the idea. Our GM wanted us to carry a simple investigation that went complicated because of the social conventions and politics.

We had a great scene with an autopsy, where we had an eta girl to do it because we couldn't touch the corpse.

The Crab couldn't even look. My character helped the eta by having her tie some ropes to the corpse so I could help her moving it. I was lucky to make a good will roll. The Lion didn't make it and threw up.

When we were done, the Lion was ashamed of having thrown up. My character said:

«I admire you. I wish I was able to express my disgust for this horrible events in such a sincere way.»


Mystery/intrigue arc, an associated NPC was kidnapped and the party is running around trying to prove who's responsible. Eventually, we narrow down that it's a bigshot in the government, and we need to help arrest him so he can be tried. At the suggestion that he might still not be sufficiently proven to be responsible, one player suggests, out of character, "I have a plan, but it involves cutting out his tongue."
When asked to elaborate, she explains that she got the idea from Dishonored, and we could "cut out his tongue so he can't speak, disguise him as someone else, and throw him in prison or on the streets as some random thug."

IC she's playing the moral one in a party of Neutrals. OOC, she consistently suggests solving problems with authority via gruesome murder, such as leaving the entire governing council of a neighboring country tied up in the wilderness to be eaten by wild animals.


^Like I implied above, I have NO faith in humanity.


Kaladin_Stormblessed wrote:

Mystery/intrigue arc, an associated NPC was kidnapped and the party is running around trying to prove who's responsible. Eventually, we narrow down that it's a bigshot in the government, and we need to help arrest him so he can be tried. At the suggestion that he might still not be sufficiently proven to be responsible, one player suggests, out of character, "I have a plan, but it involves cutting out his tongue."

When asked to elaborate, she explains that she got the idea from Dishonored, and we could "cut out his tongue so he can't speak, disguise him as someone else, and throw him in prison or on the streets as some random thug."

IC she's playing the moral one in a party of Neutrals. OOC, she consistently suggests solving problems with authority via gruesome murder, such as leaving the entire governing council of a neighboring country tied up in the wilderness to be eaten by wild animals.

I've had characters that would get along with this person.

also the whole tongue prison thing that is how you create a all powerful arch nemesis that appears 5 years later fully trained super rich and with a ton of minions.


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I can sometimes be that person.

My characters are usually moral people, and I consider myself a moral person too, but I tend to think too much and sometimes the weirdest plans come to mind.

They'll never let me forget the «Octopus in a grapple» plan as an idea for quickly stacking negative levels:
-The wizard summons a giant octopus to grapple the BBEG.
-I use a Cauldron of Overwhelming Allies to summon the biggest orgy of succubi I can get to Energy Drain him to death.
-Next turns we keep spamming Enervation.

The GM: «So your plan is getting a bunch of succubi to rape the BBEG while an octopus grabs him?»
Me: «Uh... Yes? Well, that's definitely not a thing that my character would do»

To make it funnier, the BBEG was Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine. If you know the encounter you'll know that it wasn't a valid strategy anyway.


Its funny I've been listening to that song a lot recently too. ra ra Rasputin.


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It is a sticky sound. Each time I hear it I can't get rid of it for a weak.
Now I'm humming it again.
I have the Turisas cover in my playlist.
I create playlists for the games I GM or play with music that I use for them, I find inspiring for them or I see as related. This one is in my Reign of Winter playlist, of course.
Ice Queen, from Within Temptation is not in that one despite being on my Way of the Wicked playlist. Don't ask why, I don't know.
My Skull and Shackles playlist is mostly Alestorm xD


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Kileanna wrote:

I've been told by my players that I can get overdescriptive with disgusting stuff.

I work at a hospital's lab, with all kind of human samples, and I love my job. Enough said.

I tell people I used to be an EMT (one step below paramedic). If they can gross me out, the rest of the table has usually already left....

Silver Crusade

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This was in Pathfinder Society. The team confronted an enemy in an alchemy shop, with lots of vials of various alchemical goods all over the place.

The enemy leader turned invisible, and our low level group didn't have any way of spotting her. Having a couple of brand new players at the table, some non-traditional ideas were tossed back and forth, and we more experienced types had to explain that some of them wouldn't work.

One guy had played enough that he should have known better, but was always somewhat clueless about rules stuff. He heard one of the ideas about creating lots of smoke, in the hopes of seeing the invisible person moving through it, and got an idea in his head. He apparently wasn't listening when we talked about how this wouldn't work, and could be risky in an alchemy shop.

His turn comes up. "I pull out a flask of oil, pour it on myself, and set myself on fire."

Now, in all fairness, he was playing a tiefling with fire resistance 5, so the idea that he could ignore the 1d6 fire damage every round wasn't completely unfounded.

But starting a fire when surrounded by explosive alchemical goods backfired. The adventure specifically said what would happen if anyone used fire in that place. The resulting explosions damaged the entire party, and knocked one PC unconscious. We barely made it out alive because of that.

In the mean time, the invis enemy had to reveal herself to attack, and then drew an AOO trying to move away from my battle oracle, so I knocked her down with one shot.

We still joke locally about the Tale of the Self Immolating Tiefling.


Debnor, we'd get well in a game xD

Fromper, your player would get well with the guy we called «Carbonilla» that I mentioned in a former post.


Kileanna wrote:


I have the Turisas cover in my playlist.

I really like Turisas. The first song I ever heard by them was "Stand Up and Fight". When my depression is really heavy I listen to that song for inspiration to keep going.


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Kileanna wrote:

Debnor, we'd get well in a game xD

I agree. And my mom was a medical lab technician also. I come by it naturally! :-)

I've never done PbP, but if you ever start one up, I'd be interested in joining. You and Dalindra sound like very fun players/GMs!


Wow thanks! I'm probably not doing it, though. I don't feel comfortable enough with my level of English to do it.
And I'm not sure that it would be my thing anyway. Maybe I'm just afraid of trying.


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Just remembered another one. This one is not so bad, but I guess I've already told the most epic ones.

Because I'm sure I have told how Dalindra went inside a dragon at least twice (I guess that's how she deals with problems when she cannot cause structures to collapse).

This was an experienced player, but he was new to our game. He was very used to roll dice for everything, while I'm often used to forego many dice rolls.
In social situations, when the PC has a high Sense Motive check and the other characters don't have a good Bluff check, I just insert a lot of clues into the narrative as if the PC had succeeded in a Sense Motive check. If it isn't obvious, I don't usually tell directly if a character is telling a lie. I'd rather say «he's growing increasingly nervous» each time a determinated subject is brought to the conversation or «he avoids looking at you when he says it» and let the player take his conclussions.
I had told this to my new player but he wasn't used to this kind of game.
He was playing a LG cleric. The PCs were in the middle of a war, defending a city from an invader army. They had some clues that a local nobleman could be a traitor and a spy for the enemy.
So this cleric went to the nobleman's house to investigate. He was told to ask sensible questions to avoid getting him on his back side.
The first thing he asked: «Are you a traitor?»
The nobleman went mad and yelled at him: «Get out of my house!»
«I roll Sense Motive» the player says.
I don't make him roll but I tell him: «He looks angry. He looks like he was able to make his guards kick you out if you don't leave right now. Maybe he has overreacted a bit, but this is not enough to say if he's a traitor or just having a bad day»
«OK, now I roll Sense Motive»
«I told you everything you can know.»
«But I want to roll Sense Motive»
«You know he is angry. That's all.»
«OK, but I want to roll Sense Motive»
«Make your roll then»
He does. Nat 20.
«OK. That makes a difference. You know he's VERY, VERY angry.»
All the table laughed. He felt trolled. He'd have to roll a nat 40 to be able to recognize a traitor in two seconds of conversation.
I have to say he was not a bad player, he just wasn't used to my style.


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Kileanna wrote:

Wow thanks! I'm probably not doing it, though. I don't feel comfortable enough with my level of English to do it.

And I'm not sure that it would be my thing anyway. Maybe I'm just afraid of trying.

Well, for starters, your English is better than that of a lot of US citizens. I'm even going to go out on a limb and strongly suspect that it is better than that of some of these Intelligence/Wisdom-dumped players you have been telling us about.


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ROTFLMOA Actually, as UnArcane notes Kileanna, as a US citizen, and as someone who earned a BA in English, and writes semi-professionally, your English is just fine. I can understand it perfectly, better than ::sigh:: the written words of some of my countrymen, who grew up speaking American English from day one.

That said...

Aint, still not a word, don't CARE what the dictionary says.

grrr... :)


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I have one, too. My usual Pathfinder group acts in a very tactical way, so I was really ill-prepared what happened in another campaign, with another GM and other players:

The fighter left the party because the player didn't like most of the players. That was not much of a loss, because his PC had the tendency to avoid combat wherever possible - and if forced into it, he hid behind a tree. With an AC beyond 20, at level 2 or 3. The player complained that we weren't capable of making up meticulous battle plans and keeping to them. Coming from LARP, he considered everything potentially lethal, while we trusted in the (rather nice) GM to make up fair encounters.

So this guy was gone, and we got a fellow player's girlfriend as replacement this session. The GM decided to move on with the story and send a bandit leader with a lot of fellow bandits our way. Since they were already close when we noticed, we decided to watch them hidden, from the side of the road. You guess it, things went downhill from here.

First, we did the horror movie thing and split up. My wizard stayed with the rogue, the bard was somewhat nearby with the cleric and our new ranger girl wandered off, because she was convinced the battle would be too dangerous. Of course some bandits spotted the four remaining people.

I thought 'Ok. You have to do something really smart to even the odds!'. So I didn't pay too much attention to the rest of the party, instead I casted speak with animals (via gnome's racial trait). I followed by summon mount and instructed the horse to break through the enemy lines, causing chaos on the way. The GM demanded a good Handle Animal roll - and I was lucky. A big chunk of enemies fell apart to two smaller, more handy chunks.

But I should have spent the time to organize my fellow players. The rogue and I had to make our stand against the boss and three thugs - color spray and again some luck took care of the minions, but the boss was still after us. In the meanwhile the bard and cleric finished off a single separated archer, instead of joining us. So I took the rogue and we ran off to them (no chance to Coup de Grace the 3 unconscious minions, meh).

We four made our next stand at the hill, though the boss and some thugs closed. I used obscuring mist to make it more difficult for them, but it totally backfired. For some reason the bard engaged the boss within the mist, just to be knocked out. The cleric rushed in to heal her, just to be knocked out. And the rogue thought she could silently drag the bard out - just to get killed. My wizard watched the bizarre scene from the edge of the mist, in horror. Then he fled.

Turned out that the ranger (new player) changed her mind and came back. She killed two or three isolated bandits - which was more than the rest of us achieved altogether. But she came so late that she could only retreat herself.

Now the bandits collected the fallen PCs. Remember, the rogue got killed, making the player quite sad. Luckily I realized 'hey, we are playing with hero points!', so she could turn the critical hit into a normal hit and come back alive. Of course she was still surrounded by enemies and they took her out again immediately - just unconscious this time. 'I want to use another hero point!' she announced. I desperately waved at her 'No no, let the GM catch you'. She agreed, luckily.

So three PCs ended up as prisoners, forced by the bandit boss to agree to work for them. At the end the GM explained that this was what he wanted to accomplish - if we would have beaten the bandits, he would have sent more. The group fell apart afterwards, because ranger girl and her boyfriend were not happy with the 'playstyle of the rest of the group'. Actually, the grumpy fighter player was right in this case - there was no battle plan at all, with a proper outcome.

Till today I dream how we could have handled those bandits, achieving a WTF expression in GM's face...


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Actually, just remembered one of my favorite player stories.

I and some fellows were playing in a homebrew game/world created by our GM. The game itself ended up being one of the most fun I have ever played in, partly because it was the game where I created Ser Beernorg, the super lawful, honorable, english accented half-orc knight (old 3.5 class). But Ser Beernorg is his own story.

This one centers around another player in the game. This player was, how do I put this...a bit low on player Wisdom as well as very rash.

So the game has been going on for a while, and we are in the biggest city on the continent, ruled by a religion (who is indeed our foe).

Ser Beernorg had decided he needed to know more about a potent BBEG of that church, who he was going to likely have to fight a war against. I went unarmored, and lightly armed (which was a rare thing for Ser Beernorg). But I would have been too obvious, and half-orcs were not welcomed or treated well here per say.

So I cloak up (no armor, no sword, no horse or war dog WAS my disguise, I was VERY obvious most of the time, so when I just looked like a half-orc peasant with a nice mustache, it was a pretty good disguise really, in so far as it wasn't using said skill per say) and head out, another player, our story subject, decides he wants to come along and help. If I remember right, he was playing a cleric of some kind. As a LG and chivalrous fellow, Beernorg agrees figuring the cleric could be useful in the scout and appraisal of danger/skill department.

So off both go, to the mega-temple of this religion that controls most everything, and who it is becoming clearer and clearer is quite evil and duplicitous. Long and behold, the BBEG who was hailed as a master swordsman is there, and recognizes the cleric, and attacks. Seems poor disguise (no ranks, not a class skill for the cleric) and trying to talk a priestess into letting you into a restricted area do not for infiltration make.

Ser Beernorg jumps in against BBEG unarmored and with only his dagger, guards rush in vs. cleric, cleric gets dog piled by armored dudes, uses special escape teleport scroll (our emergency escape item), to teleport himself and the two guards who were holding him down directly in the dog pile 100 ft. into the air above the great and mighty high evil temple.

Let us not forget, no feather fall or any sort of falling/flying available to the cleric. Manages to while falling get the two guards on the bottom, they land with a splat, cleric lives (cause meat pillows by GM ruling) but is unconscious. (the fall damage unmodified would have out right killed him, no negs, just plain dead)

Thankfully, somehow Ser Beernorg (knight's challenge + my green dice I bought just for this PC being nice and hot that day, and melee focus) managed to drive off BBEG despite the handicap, get the hell out of evil HQ, grab the unconscious cleric and retreat. (to be fair, I moved faster without all my gear, so I could carry him and get outa dodge, which was good, very very good!).

I have been reminded of a number of other exploits by this player and several of his famous PC's, I shall have to share a few more a bit later...there are some real gems!


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Sheepish Eidolon, I hate when GMs set up encounters that you cannot win and when you make a clever plan to be able to win the GM just won't let it happen. Dalindra and I are experts in making those kind of GMs sweat, because we always come up with the most bizarre plans.

GM Beernorg, someday I'd like to hear the story of Sir Beernorg. He sounds like a great character. And I love stories about characters backgrounds. I've thought of creating a thread so people could explain the story of their favorite PCs, NPCs, etc.

Your unarmored, LG half-orc with a beautiful moustache without his armor made me remember about a LG human knight with a beautiful moustache without his beloved armor in a game of mine.
He was forced to go without his armor to a fancy banquet that ended with a bunch of allied elves turning into ravenous cannibals.
One of the elves was working for the BBEG because she had been magically corrupted. She was an old friend of the PCs. She jumped on him and almost eat him alive.
He made a vow to never undress his armor again.
«Everytime I go without my armor something really bad happens» became his catchphrase.
He later married a NPC and had a daughter (named after his dead dragon mount). I wonder how his armor obsession affects his marital life xD


Kileanna wrote:
Sheepish Eidolon, I hate when GMs set up encounters that you cannot win and when you make a clever plan to be able to win the GM just won't let it happen. Dalindra and I are experts in making those kind of GMs sweat, because we always come up with the most bizarre plans.

I accept those kind of plots, as long as the GM doesn't overuse them. But I'm a longtime superhero gamer as well, and that's an accepted trope in that genre. After all, how can you escape from the villain's deathtrap if he never captures you in the first place? :-)

Kileanna wrote:
He later married a NPC and had a daughter (named after his dead dragon mount). I wonder how his armor obsession affects his marital life xD

It can be done, especially in a fantasy game! For evidence, see Arthur Pendragon's conception in the movie Excalibur (as I reveal my age....).

Shadow Lodge

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This is in a 2nd Ed game in the mid 90s. We are playing in the Forgotten Realms. The party consists of the following;

Human male paladin, LG.
Human male cleric of Cyrik the Dark, NE (me).
Half-Elf male rogue, N.
Elf male wizard, NG.

The GM had asked each of us to create a basic background tying us to a small village where we had all been living for the last 5 or more years. My character was a simple country doctor, and the town's mortician. Perfect cover for an evil cultist. The paladin worked for the temple as its only guard. The rogue worked for the sheriff, because he liked being outside the cell. And our wizard ran a potions shop. All nice and simple.

The game starts with a murder mystery, that isn't my fault, so I'm eager to get the sheriff and his deputy to find out who my competition is. Over the course of the next 5 levels, the paladin and my cleric become best buddies. No, really. Doc and Tin Britches are best friends.

So we wind up with the party split. Which is always how things go wrong, but not in this case. The rogue is checking out something for the sheriff in town (I don't remember what it was), and the wizard is working on some project that to make an item (I think his player was absent). So when a woman comes crashing into the town morgue looking for me (the town doctor) because somebody has been hurt, I grab the paladin and we rush out to the edge of town to find out what is going on. Of course we get jumped by cultists from this rival cult, and they've already captured the town's high priest (NG cleric of Lathander) and killed the sheriff, so no help for us. However, we handle the fight fairly well for an unarmored doctor (HA) and a lone paladin.

As soon as the fight is over, and all the cultists are down, I tell the paladin to go get help while I try to save the High Priest's life. The paladin runs out the door heading for town. Seconds after saying that his character was rushing to get help, the paladin's player sits up and says, "Hold on... Did I just leave a helpless priest in the hands of an evil cleric?"

At that point I describe the sacrifice of the High Priest to the GM, then tell him how I carefully stab myself 7 times for limited damage, and finally, lay down beside the other cultist's alter that I had borrowed for my goals, and wait for my best friend to come save me in the nick of time.

Pretty much floored the GM; and had the paladin's player laughing in hysterics, because my evil cultist priest was still his best friend. Never tell me that evil characters can't work with paladins. Just don't stand in front of them when they are detecting evil.


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I used to be nice and let the GM get his way as some sort of player/GM aggreement, but then I realized I wasn't helping the GM, as he never learned how to deal with creative solutions and instead of improving his mastery as a GM he did worse each time, counting with us to follow mindlessly the railroads.
Also, I had GMs who saw everything as a GM/player competition and everytime we lost a fight (that was set up as an unwinnable scenario) he laughed at us for weeks for being such a clever GM.
After some experiences like that, I try to help new GMs but no longer try to cover their faults because I think it's a possitive thing for them to realize and improve.

Excalibur, great movie btw.

I remembered too an anecdote that happened to me. This time the one who messes up (not too much) is me.

We were invisible infiltrating an enemy fortress. There were smelly fish barrels outside the fortress and enemies with the scent ability. You know where I'm going.

One of those enemies started approaching us. My character was a changeling with the Hag Magic alternate racial trait. The enemy catched our smell so we went inside the barrels. When we were inside them I remembered: «Hey, I could just have casted Pass Without Trace from my racial trait!»

Too late. We already smelled like rotting fish!


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Debnor wrote:
Kileanna wrote:
Sheepish Eidolon, I hate when GMs set up encounters that you cannot win and when you make a clever plan to be able to win the GM just won't let it happen. Dalindra and I are experts in making those kind of GMs sweat, because we always come up with the most bizarre plans.

I accept those kind of plots, as long as the GM doesn't overuse them. But I'm a longtime superhero gamer as well, and that's an accepted trope in that genre. After all, how can you escape from the villain's deathtrap if he never captures you in the first place? :-)

Kileanna wrote:
He later married a NPC and had a daughter (named after his dead dragon mount). I wonder how his armor obsession affects his marital life xD
It can be done, especially in a fantasy game! For evidence, see Arthur Pendragon's conception in the movie Excalibur (as I reveal my age....).

LOL that reminds me of a guy who played an antipaladin or the like (that was back in '81 or 82 and our group used a lot of alternative char classes from White Dwarf, there, I admit my own age too)... he wore full plate, and had it especially designed so he could uncover his parts to molest fair damsels and peasant girls alike...

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