Players do the darndest things.


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I think you could do something like that with telekinetic storm but the bonuses on the weapons wouldn't matter unless you were just feeling generous.


I told him that no way I'd allow a homemade spell that involved real weapons because it would cause trouble with the loot among players. I know him well and I had to cut it from the very beginning because even if I allowed the spell and didn't give any enhancement bonuses from the weapons to the spell he'd still want to loot any weapon that he thought it was cool, even if it was a perfect weapon for another player.
I might have thought of it if I didn't know him so well.


Yeah that is one thing that you just shouldn't do as a player is try and game the loot. keep it fair or you don't get characters pissed off at you you get people pissed off at you.


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I have a "house rule" where if loot arguments regularly go on for more than 5% of the session time... well, you know what happens.


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Fortunately most of my gaming group doesn't care a lot about loot. And when this kind of stuff happens I just say:
«OK, keep it, you're paying for it with your part of the loot, even if it's useless for you»
When they realize they are wasting their share of the loot on useless items they stop.
And if two players want the same item I quickly decide as a GM which one is going to keep it.
If they don't like my decission they can always take your solution, Mr. Tableflip McRagequit.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
That would be the last game we had problems out of the fire mage. maybe a new one just like him but that particular one would no longer be ticking.

I don't like PvP, so I started to sleep wildshaped on the top of a tree. With all my equipment fused. It was hilarious to see the wizard at night, trying to figure a way of unmeld my equip without awakening me... or the other players.

The other players were not against PvP. I preferred to troll him.


Had a player in the group that would always be the first to start looting whenever the opportunity presented itself. Just finished combat, found wagon on the side of the road with injured survivors, you get the idea. It got to the point where the GM started having guys character pick up everything, even things that weren't "treasure". He eased off after he realised all he was running out of room to carry things after he had all those broomstick


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I had a new player who started looting while other characters were fighting!
He was the "Rack Guy" I've talked about in other post.
He thought anything I described had to be of vital importance, so when I described a hall as "an empty room with a rack close to the main door" he got completely obsessed with the rack.
He cast Detect Magic on the rack, looked for traps, did everything he could imagine to the rack and still looked like a plain and boring rack.
Everything while doing a quick assault on an enemy fortress. Nothing could convince him to leave that rack alone and go on.
Finally other player ( The Back and Forward Dwarf) just coup-de-graced the rack. It didn't explode. It didn't summon an archfiend. It just split in two, not like an ooze, but like an ordinary rack hit by an axe.
They went on, but the enemies caught them in the hall, because they had delayed so much with a boring, ordinary rack.
While the other PCs were fighting an army, The Rack Guy just looted the corpses.
The player only lasted for a single session and never came back but we'll always remember him as The Rack Guy.


Kileanna, are you some kind of weirdness magnet? You seem to attract some of the oddest players.


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Birds of a feather flock together, I guess ;-P

Most of my odd players are in fact the same Fire Wizard Guy over and over again, but it's true that I've met some "special" players in my gamer life. Most of them cannot speak English, fortunately, because I'd deserve to be beaten for sharing these stories here!!!

As I'm not as veteran as many of the forum members are, I guess I just had "luck" in life by meeting these people in my 16 years as a player/GM.

Now I remember my first contact with a special player. I can't remember his real name, as I've always remember him as "Carbonilla" (roughly translated as "Cinder"). He earned the nickname in a Vampire game where he was playing a Gangrel. The enemies set him on fire and, instead of "wasting" a single turn rolling on the floor to stop burning he went on fighting while he was burning. The fire only dealt 1 damage each turn. With a lot of Stamina, the enemies were unable to deal real damage to him, so he just stayed there, burning, until he died because he never thought of rolling on the floor to put off the fire.
It was the silliest character death in a game I've ever seen, mostly because I repeatedly advised him to try to put off the fire and he didn't want to, just in case that they set him on fire again (?).

This wasn't the Fire Wizard, just another fire loving guy, I guess. He was quite a nice guy, actually.

And it was my first odd player ever. Sometimes I miss the good old days ;-P


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In my first game ever, I was a player with a guy who compulsively washed his face every few minutes and another guy who was a chain smoker who would fly into unpredictable rages, growling and drooling for no apparent reason then return to normal. The DM just waited for him to calm down and then started the game back up. The rages lasted only a couple of minutes but face washing guy was actually the biggest distraction. My friend (the DM) made him bring his own soap to games so as not to waste his.


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An old group of mine had a player that constantly mixed up his dice. He would mistaked d8 for d10 or d12 for a d20. He seemed to consistently choose a lower die, he rarely say rolled a d20 when should have been rolling d12. At first our group found it funny and we pointed to the correct die. Eventually we tired of it, and stopped correcting him.

This player was truly puzzled/frustrated when he spent most of a 4 or 5 hour session where his fighter pretty much missed hitting everything and never made a save. After my character landed a second crit in a row, he just sat there and exclaimed, "I need to borrow your dice, I don't think mine have rolled better then a 12 all day!?!" The whole table lost it at that point.

Scarab Sages

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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
In my first game ever, I was a player with a guy who compulsively washed his face every few minutes and another guy who was a chain smoker who would fly into unpredictable rages, growling and drooling for no apparent reason then return to normal. The DM just waited for him to calm down and then started the game back up. The rages lasted only a couple of minutes but face washing guy was actually the biggest distraction. My friend (the DM) made him bring his own soap to games so as not to waste his.

I don't know if Face-Washing Guy had OCD, but I think I saw you mention on another thread that he had terrible acne. Someone should have told him that washing his face all the time was probably making it worse - not to mention making his life miserable and annoying his friends.

My husband really likes to create characters with tragic backstories. They are all orphans who saw their parents murdered or some such. One of his current characters is an elf who suffered a head injury and experienced amnesia. He was found by some dwarves and raised by them, so he thinks of himself as a dwarf, not as an elf, and of course he doesn't know anything about his family or where he came from. I'm not sure why he decided to play an elf and not just play a dwarf.

I myself am "that player", the one who always plays the same thing. I play elves almost exclusively, so much so that when I play some other race my friends forget and assume I'm playing an elf. I'm usually playing some kind of spellcaster as well. I prefer wizards. In our Kingmaker campaign I wanted to play a wizard but the other players persuaded me to play a cleric instead. I took the Fire and Rune domains so he could cast 'fireball' and scribe scrolls. Like a wizard.


Kileanna wrote:
Most of my odd players are in fact the same Fire Wizard Guy over and over again,

The standouts in my 30+ year D&D gaming life have also been liberal with the application of fire. Part of me thinks it's a side-effect of the game and it roots. Fire tends to be involved in the flashy, AoE, damage-dealing spells. Especially in early editions of the game that didn't serve up a host of energy types like we have today.

Or maybe that's just rationalizing. Maybe all the crazy people just happen to be pyros.

Dire Elf wrote:
My husband really likes to create characters with tragic backstories. They are all orphans who saw their parents murdered or some such.

This is one trope that I'd be happy to see less of. I deliberately create characters now whose parents are alive, and who had reasonably happy childhoods unless there's a specific campaign reason to do different. The gaming experience is much richer when every PC in the party isn't an emo loner with trust issues.


Dire Elf wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
In my first game ever, I was a player with a guy who compulsively washed his face every few minutes and another guy who was a chain smoker who would fly into unpredictable rages, growling and drooling for no apparent reason then return to normal. The DM just waited for him to calm down and then started the game back up. The rages lasted only a couple of minutes but face washing guy was actually the biggest distraction. My friend (the DM) made him bring his own soap to games so as not to waste his.

I don't know if Face-Washing Guy had OCD, but I think I saw you mention on another thread that he had terrible acne. Someone should have told him that washing his face all the time was probably making it worse - not to mention making his life miserable and annoying his friends.

My husband really likes to create characters with tragic backstories. They are all orphans who saw their parents murdered or some such. One of his current characters is an elf who suffered a head injury and experienced amnesia. He was found by some dwarves and raised by them, so he thinks of himself as a dwarf, not as an elf, and of course he doesn't know anything about his family or where he came from. I'm not sure why he decided to play an elf and not just play a dwarf.

I myself am "that player", the one who always plays the same thing. I play elves almost exclusively, so much so that when I play some other race my friends forget and assume I'm playing an elf. I'm usually playing some kind of spellcaster as well. I prefer wizards. In our Kingmaker campaign I wanted to play a wizard but the other players persuaded me to play a cleric instead. I took the Fire and Rune domains so he could cast 'fireball' and scribe scrolls. Like a wizard.

At the time I'd never heard of OCD (this was in 1985), but I'm sure that's what he had. Looking back I feel a lot of sympathy for him, but then I was just annoyed by him. And yeah, he had truly terrible acne. I'm sure that's the reason he behaved that way. Funny how time changes perspectives.

I'm "that player", too. I play Humans exclusively, and tend toward gishes or martial classes. I don't like playing Paladins because I feel the tenets of their beliefs are too strict, and in my next campaign, which will start up in about 6 to 9 months, I'm going to do something I've never done, and that's ban Paladins and Antipaladins. I don't mind a mix of alignments, but I feel those are too polarizing for the ideas I and my group has in mind for the next chapter in our homebrew world.


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My players ate a kid once.

They were low level and starving in the back alleys of Absalom after a few bad decisions, and at the point of death due to having not eaten in so long. I decided to be nice and present them with an easy way to get some food; a lost child looking for his mother. I fully planned on the kid's mother giving them food and a few coins for returning him. But my players had other ideas. The kid walked up to the gang of hobos, teary eyed and looking for his mommy, and I realized that I had probably made a terrible mistake. They looked at each other, and I saw a silent agreement pass between them. I remember one of them saying, "yeah kid, we'll help you find your mommy," and then they lead him further into the alley. Less than an hour later they were roasting the kid over a spit in an abandoned warehouse. They ended up in a fight against dire rats for the leftovers, and one of the pc's died as a result. That was the end of that campaign.


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That's terrible.... LOL..

I didn't play in this particular game, but the players were trapped in a maze of caverns and the wizard was out of spells and had had his spellbook stolen in a previous encounter. So they barbarian killed him and they ate him because they were out of supplies. That campaign ended, too.


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John Mechalas wrote:
Dire Elf wrote:
My husband really likes to create characters with tragic backstories. They are all orphans who saw their parents murdered or some such.
This is one trope that I'd be happy to see less of. I deliberately create characters now whose parents are alive, and who had reasonably happy childhoods unless there's a specific campaign reason to do different. The gaming experience is much richer when every PC in the party isn't an emo loner with trust issues.

I once made an NPC organization whose sole purpose was to use divination magic to find children who would likely grow up to be heroes, provided that their parents were murdered in front of them... and then go murder those parents in front of their children. Because hey, greater good, right?

"Do you want Batmen? Because that's how you get Batmen!"


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Kileanna wrote:

I had a new player who started looting while other characters were fighting!

He was the "Rack Guy" I've talked about in other post.
He thought anything I described had to be of vital importance, so when I described a hall as "an empty room with a rack close to the main door" he got completely obsessed with the rack.
He cast Detect Magic on the rack, looked for traps, did everything he could imagine to the rack and still looked like a plain and boring rack.
Everything while doing a quick assault on an enemy fortress. Nothing could convince him to leave that rack alone and go on.
Finally other player ( The Back and Forward Dwarf) just coup-de-graced the rack. It didn't explode. It didn't summon an archfiend. It just split in two, not like an ooze, but like an ordinary rack hit by an axe.
They went on, but the enemies caught them in the hall, because they had delayed so much with a boring, ordinary rack.
While the other PCs were fighting an army, The Rack Guy just looted the corpses.
The player only lasted for a single session and never came back but we'll always remember him as The Rack Guy.

If "Rack Guy" ever comes back, or you come across one of his clones, you need to introduce him to a Gazebo . . . .


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Or a "ghost town" where literally everything is a mimic/group of mimics working together to eat unwary travelers.


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Or... nothing at all. He'd get paranoid anyway xD


One of the people in the game I'm running now tends to make stupid decisions. In his defense, he's the youngest player in the group by far (just recently turned 13) and still relatively new to tabletop RPGs, and he's at least passably competent most of the time.

Among the things he's done are:
- Used his sorcerer's ice breath power on a magma dragon, prompting the dragon to show him what a real breath weapon feels like. Half the party took no damage due to resistances or evasion, the other half was burned alive from being coated in lava (one of them chose to die, but he's another story...).
- Constantly forget about his celestial armor giving him the ability to fly.
- Climbed to the top of the city's clock tower... and jumped off. He chose to make Climb checks to get up the wall instead of either using the potion of spider climb that the party's alchemist had given him or using the stairs inside the clock tower. At the top, he asked if there were any hay bales to land in if he jumped. I rolled, and there were a few at the bottom. Since he'd asked about hay bales and not hay stacks, I couldn't really count it as a soft landing, so he got killed by fall damage. Did I mention that he did this without having stopped to heal up after the boss fight they'd just ended previously?
- During a gauntlet of trials to prove their worth to a quartet of local gods, he decided to stealth away from the party and going into one of the portals by himself. Nobody could go to help him since they didn't see him enter, and he'd picked the portal that led to the most dangerous trial of the bunch: crossing a bunch of icy platforms floating over a long drop into lava. If one of the other party members hadn't reminded him of the celestial armor's flight ability, the volcanic gasses would've killed him.


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Playing a game with gold coated ogre skeletons. The party fought a pair on patrol, typical bruiser fight: they lost some HP but won. The barbarian looted a gold plated ogre femur.

Later that session they encountered another pair, the barbarian was excited to beat the ogres to death with an ogre femur. What the barbarian didn't know is that these new ogres had some small intelligence and very specific commands. So the archer fired at the skeletons, the skeletons delayed because they were not permitted to leave the gate they were guarding, the barbarian charged into reach, the ogres took their AoOs as trip (guarding gate, none shall pass) and a attack. So the barbarian was damaged and prone in front of the ogres. The ogres them came off delay to attack both hit, second one got a crit with a x3 weapon.

Would have killed him except for the one re-roll per session that the players can ask the GM to use rule, instead it just knocked him out.


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I have another story with the Fire Wizard.
I had given each character in the party a short personal mission related to the background of the character as a complement for the main story. To avoid other players being bored, I gave them the oportunity to roleplay an NPC to interact with the main character.

So the baddies had being collecting magic loot and keeping it safe in a room protected by a magic door. Among the loot there was the spellbook of the Fire Wizard's grandfather, who had taught him magic.

The door was special. It wasn't magic in an average way, it just had been bond with a powerful ghost of an enemy cleric who hated his captors but was forced to keep the door shut and only let in people who whispered the word «Arcane» in a specific place. The ghost had been able to partially free itself without the baddies knowing so he could talk, but still was bound by magic so he couldn't reveal specifics on how to open the door but still could give some clues.
So I picked Dalindra to roleplay The Door and explained him everything. «You want to help him, but you cannot tell anything in a direct way, so just guide him».
The Fire Wizard reached the room with the door. The first thing he tried to do when he realized that The Door could speak was, of course, blasting it. It was a strong door and it vampirized dead souls of ghosts trapped in it to heal itself. He didn't have the means to destroy it (it wasn't made of PLOTonium but it was pretty hard to destroy anyway).
Finally he decided to talk to The Door. Dalindra started talking in riddles, doing the best Door impersonating I've ever seen (I have to admit that it was the only Door impersonation I've ever seen).
The Fire Wizard was clueless.
«Are you sure I cannot just blast it?»
«You can try»
«But it's not working»
«You can try harder»
«It won't work»
«Then you can keep talking to The Door»
Dalindra really wanted the player to solve it and gave him very good clues for the password.
«It is the kind of magic you do»
His answers:
-Fire?
-Power?
-Burning?
-Magic?
-Fire?
«It is the oposite of Divine»
-Hell?
-Takhisis?
-Uh... I don't know

I'm not exaggerating when I say that they went for about half an hour like that. Everybody was already tired of riddles. He kept complaining that I had set an impossible task for him. It shouldn't have taken more than a couple of minutes.
Dalindra was desperate trying to be as specific as he could without saying the word.
I even tried to guide him into asking other PCs for help or trying to find a way to destroy the door but he was obsessed with solving the riddle and just kept trying the same answers again and again and again.
In the end I got tired and allowed him to roll INT to solve it and revealed the word to him (at this point we were all so sick of The Door that I could have had a god come out of nowhere to blast the door and leave and everybody would have said it was good GMing). He looked at me, dazed, realizing the answer had been obvious.
I'm never playing Taboo with this guy.
Finally he entered the room and recovered the book and some aditional loot. What happened to the book in a later session will be told in my next post.


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^And people say that Wizards don't dump Intelligence . . . .


UnArcaneElection wrote:

^And people say that Wizards don't dump Intelligence . . . .

The answer to the riddle is... Your middle name! It would have been easy for you to guess ;-D

I remember his character had INT 21 because he kept repeating «I have INT 21» as a proof that HE, as a PLAYER, was smarter than THE OTHER PLAYERS who were playing dumb characters (I think any of them had less than 13 in INT by the way).


^Funny thing is that my real name doesn't have a middle name (which occasionally causes problems when filling out web forms).


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I don't have one either, even though some people keeps thinking my first name should be María just because my ONLY name is not christian (old and outdated traditions here in Spain).

Back to the Fire Wizard now.

Next part of the story. The Fire Wizard has his grandfather's spellbook. His grandfather was a pretty powerful wizard, so there were many interesting spells in the book, some of them kinda exotic.
This was a Dragonlance campaign, and in Dragonlance all the wizards have to join The High Sorcery, an association of wizards.
So he was one of them. They told him that he'd be able to copy all the spells he wanted from the spellbook and could have access to it whenever he wanted it, but that he'd had to give the custody of it to the High Sorcery. He'll grow in prestige in the Order for having recovered a lost spellbook.
But he didn't want to share the secrets of the book. There wasn't any overpowered secret there, just a few of rare spells, not necessarily powerful. But I can understand he didn't want to share. That's his decission and he could have gotten away with it.
He could have negotiated with them, giving them a good reason to keep the book. I didn't want to force him to give the book away, only to show how the High Sorcery was.
But instead of playing it wise, he hid the book in an extradimensional space and just told the High Sorcery «The book is mine and you're not having it!».
When they insisted on having the book, he said «You want the book? OK, I'll show you the book!».
He had put a bucket with water under the extradimensional space, so he dismissed the spell and let the book fall in the bucket.
He destroyed the book. The spellbook of his own grandfather because he didn't want anybody else to have it. I didn't even push him too much. It was completely uncalled for.
Then he blamed me and the Wizard who was asking for him to give the book for destroying it and denying him the secrets that it held. As he had done nothing.
When he was punished for destroying magic knowledge it was, of course, me being an evil GM.


Kileanna wrote:
I remember his character had INT 21 because he kept repeating «I have INT 21»

There's a player in my group who does this constantly. He'll constantly comment on how his Arcanist has 8 Wisdom every time anything Wisdom-based comes up. Or how his Oracle, who is a devout follower of Sarenrae (possibly Shelyn, I honestly can't remember because the character is incredibly bland and a blatant ripoff of another character in the party) and focused around fighting undead, doesn't have even a single rank in Knowledge (Religion) or any other Knowledge skill.


At least he remarks his own flaws, not his virtues.
Honestly, flaunting and boasting because your PC has a score on its sheet is ridiculous.
Congratulations, you rolled some dice and noted the results on a sheet, being clever enough to realize that your character has to have INT as his higher stat. You must be a real genius. Here is your Nobel Prize.

Unfortunately, I've already seen too many players get cocky about their abilities. Most of them, funnily enough, are the ones who have an STR of 25 but keep forgetting to Power Attack or an INT of 27 but can only think of spamming fireballs, so their high stats don't put them above other players who are playing in a clever way.


Kileanna wrote:

At least he remarks his own flaws, not his virtues.

Honestly, flaunting and boasting because your PC has a score on its sheet is ridiculous.
Congratulations, you rolled some dice and noted the results on a sheet, being clever enough to realize that your character has to have INT as his higher stat. You must be a real genius. Here is your Nobel Prize.

Unfortunately, I've already seen too many players get cocky about their abilities. Most of them, funnily enough, are the ones who have an STR of 25 but keep forgetting to Power Attack or an INT of 27 but can only think of spamming fireballs, so their high stats don't put them above other players who are playing in a clever way.

Oh, he does the opposite too. Usually in the form of smugly announcing his high initiative roll or asking if (insert ludicrously high number) confirms a critical hit.


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With this guy, each time he did something unwise, we snickered and said: «I know, you did it because you have 21 INT».
Because of a plot device, my Witch went from INT 20 straight to INT 22 in a later adventure. We joked that she had skipped the score where a character is forced to act unwise disregarding of its INT so she was extremely lucky.


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Azten wrote:
Or a "ghost town" where literally everything is a mimic/group of mimics working together to eat unwary travelers.

There was an old adventure in Dungeon magazine like this.


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I had a fellow player whose character mistook a child for a zombie and accidentally killed her. He felt bad and wanted to give the child a proper burial so he took her body with him. Later, when the cleric needed to cast a light spell he decided the corpse would be the best object to cast it on. (Did I mention he had tied the poor dead child to his back? I probably should have.). Fast forward a few games, the corpse has now been cut in half, run threw with spikes, and is now his grappling hook/trap detector/depth tester. The campaign had taken a couple of odd turns.
Never did get that proper burial...


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Creepy!


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Kileanna wrote:
Creepy!

And I would've made it smelly and covered in maggots. But I'm a stickler for realism... lol


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I've been told by my players that I can get overdescriptive with disgusting stuff.
I work at a hospital's lab, with all kind of human samples, and I love my job. Enough said.


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I once made a player throw up describing carrion crawler larvae hatching and crawling from a dead adventurer's body. Pretty proud of that one.


Um... you don't mean "throw up" literally, do you?


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I am pretty sure Cal means JUST that, literal as can be...


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Yep, they barfed up their food. They barely made it to the bathroom in time.


I... don't think I would be proud of such an achievement. I do sometimes enjoy telling stories with some disgusting scenes, but I have limits.

Well, to each his own.


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I've just spent the last bit of my work day reading these stories. As a newer player(and even newer DM)I don't have any stories of my own yet.

But this newest group I'm DMing has 1 player with experience of over 15 years, 2 players with 2 years experience, and 2 players who have never played before.

Hopefully, I'll have some stories to contribute soon :)

Edit:

I do have a story. From MY first ever campaign. I was playing a Dwarven Cleric of Sarenrae. We were exploring an old asylum, Mezzik heard footsteps downstairs, and upon seeing a group of undead downstairs, I proceeded to throw a fireball down there.

I didn't care to realize that all the walls were wooden, the stairs were wooden. Oh, and if we would have looked in the basement, there were barrels of highly flammable fluids.

Needless to say, I burned the whole asylum down that night. Killing a few innocent patients. And burning all the clues we were supposed to find. ...oops.

Darn Fireballs!


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Aaron Bitman wrote:

I... don't think I would be proud of such an achievement. I do sometimes enjoy telling stories with some disgusting scenes, but I have limits.

Well, to each his own.

It was a long time ago and it was my kid sister. So that's what big brothers do. We torture the younger and weaker siblings.


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@dustklose I hope your group has soon a lot of funny stories to tell because that's great! Even if I pick on my players a lot, we have also a great time. Welcome to the crazy roleplaying world!

@DMCal, torturing small brothers is not a sin, it's more like a sport. I have a 14 year old brother (I am 32) and I hope I can get him into roleplaying to make him suffer a bit! I hope I can make him throw away too! XD


LOL...good luck!


ROTFLMAO...


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My husband tells a lot of excellent stories about times he's GMed. My favorite is when the group he was GMing for had a paladin whose player wasn't the sharpest bulb.

On one occasion the party was under attack by a bunch of skeletons. An absolute hoard of them. Survival is iffy at best. The paladin had a ring of three wishes with one wish left. He gets the bright idea to use the ring to defeat the skeletons. So as the skeletons close in he hefts the ring high and says,

"I wish they were all dead!"


Bwhaahaahaa!


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Best. Wish. Ever.
Granted even before he wished anything. That's an OP wish.

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