Kobbold Cleaver has Jumped the Shark


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Dear Paizo Staff, Moderators, Forum Users and Whatever Cosmo Is

Good day. Hello, Paizo. I am writing with the drastic request that you, Paizo, please cancel Kobold Not-Clever immediately. I know this might come across as difficult, if not impossible, but lately I have noticed a sad trend towards him:

1. Not being as funny
2. Arguing much
3. Not getting as many threads locked
4. Not posting as many threads about himself
4. Not many of his posts get favorited anymore. When I rewatch old Kobold Cleaver episodes, I see +9 favorites and +many people saying "Yes the kobold is right we love him all hail the kobold." I DO NOT SEE THIS ANYMORE.
4. Being very bad at numbers.

I am concerned as a former enthusiastic fan of Kobold Cleaver and his valuable contributions. I understand that Kobold Cleaver is a major source of traffic for the website, especially for the moderators who used to love reading and locking his threads. But I do not want to see Kobold Cleaver grow stagnant and dated, like my other favorite thing, green tea*.

It is sad, yes. Losing something as popular as "KC" (as his biggest fans call him) is not easy to do. People have already tried very much to do just that! It is practically impossible! He is basically a cockroach, or perhaps a cockroach lich with a cockroach phylactery! But he has not created a new pointless alias in at least two months. All he does is argue about rules and politic rules, and sometimes

wait

no

no that is literally all he does make him stop.

Face the music. This bad kobold has become boring. He is even resorting to tired ploys like starting new PbPs to try to recreate glory of old ones. The last time he got a thread of his locked, it wasn't because it was a terrible thread, it was because it was about a controversial politics person. ANYONE could do that! He has jumped the shark!

Paizo, you are just looking sad and desperate by maintaining this outdated program. Shut down Kobold Cleaver. Let this end with dignity, or I will have no choice but to pull out all my stock in your little company. Choose art, not money.

Signed,

A Concerned Fan

*Which is, as we all know, terrible these days. My cup of tea used to be very good but after a year or so it has begun to grow mold. Tea is bad. Don't drink tea.


His time has passed, it's time for a new generation of vapidness.


Um, excuse me, do I not count as a "pointless alias"? I THINK I HAVE A CAT VIDEO THAT DISAGREES.

BUT I CAN'T LOAD GOOGLE RIGHT NOW SO OKAY.

Look! See? I'm arguing with you, Trapper Kobold #11! Just like KC used to do with all his aliases! He hasn't jumped the shark! He's still cool! STOP TRYING TO RUIN EVERYTHING DON'T LIKE DON'T WATCH


Trying way too hard Sphere. This is just sad now.


You guys think you have it bad. The rest of us haven't gotten to do anything in years! He's ashamed of us! Screw canceling him—I say we string that jackass up in the streets!


Did somebody say the word "jack" in some unrelated context???


Ugh no please all of you go away. You are muddying the message of this thread.


Please, I have so many aliases, I can barely use them or even get em straight anymore.


what about me

and my love potions


What's the matter, the forums getting way too long for you.


Ugh. You're fine, baba. Keep doing...whatever it is you're doing. It's these other freaks I'm sick of. Hey, drones, newsflash: KOBOLD CLEAVER GOT OLD A LONG TIME AGO. Stop trying to delay the inevitable.


HEY WHAT ABOUT US WEREN'T WE A GOOD IDEA FOR A—

*The pigeons fly into an aerial tripwire*

WAIT WHAT

*A massive fly swatter-like device activates, smacking the pigeons up to the moon*


Ha! Got one. That alias didn't even bother to change its avatar back after he went on his huge "Erik Mona Day" binge. Good riddance!

And that goes for the rest of you, too! No more alias bantering! You're just trying to rekindle old relics of when Kobold Cleaver was in his proper place as a beloved and near-worshiped pillar of the community. Pathetic.


AIN'T NOTHIN' JUMPIN' ME!


Just awful. This is what I'm talking about, people. Kobold Cleaver is suffering from post bloat. The only solution is a cancellation or maybe a new edition.


I have no idea what you're talking about.


I says we gets Goblin Cleaver to is be new edition of cleavy-lizardboy! Goblin Cleaver is represents common goblin. Speakings to me on personal levels, he is.


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Kobold Cleaver never had a prime.


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Captain Yesterday, Captain, Esq wrote:
I have no idea what you're talking about.

Frankly Captain Yesterday needs to be canceled too. I don't know what they were thinking when they greenlit this mess. But that's not what this thread is abou—

ARG NO GET THAT GOBLIN OUT OF HERE

QUICK, BEFORE IT MULTIPLIES

Dark Archive

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*conjures popcorn eyeballs and munches while watching*


Stabbyface poksie Koboldsies?


Hey Bill! You have one eye. I am one eye. Your eye is...weird. Let's...let's talk about that.


Stabbyface, Orphaned Goblin wrote:
Stabbyface poksie Koboldsies?

DAMMIT


I've been trying to cancel Kobold Cleaver since before I spawned him.


. . . .


June Cleaver wrote:
I've been trying to cancel Kobold Cleaver since before I spawned him.

June we all know you just rode the coattails of a more successful work. You're just as dated as he is.


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We can't recommend this, no matter how many pennies Kobold Cleaver tries paying us.


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....Okay, Bill and Stabbyface over there are seriously creeping me out. Watch them closely as you refresh. Bill's eye sort of....follows you around the room.

Dark Archive

<Waste>post Sphere wrote:
Hey Bill! You have one eye. I am one eye. Your eye is...weird. Let's...let's talk about that.

I have a better idea! Let's rearrange your eye parts so you're a fully-functional self-feeding gizzard and install you in the nearest passing unsuspecting sucker!

*proceeds to do exactly that*


Trapper Kobold #11 wrote:
June Cleaver wrote:
I've been trying to cancel Kobold Cleaver since before I spawned him.
June we all know you just rode the coattails of a more successful work. You're just as dated as he is.

That sounds a lot like what Ward told me in his wedding vows.


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June Cleaver wrote:
I've been trying to cancel Kobold Cleaver since before I spawned him.

It's not too late. I have the same coathanger you used then. The only difference is now we're gonna have to tie him down first. You know he won't stick to a thread about him for more than three, maybe four pages.


Trapper Kobold #11 wrote:
Ugh no please all of you go away. You are muddying the message of this thread.

I can improve on that!

*splashes and throws mud all over the thread*


This is a terrible mess.


So I'm confused.

What does this thread have to do with the latest Democratic debate or the caster/martial disparity?

Dark Archive

Nothing.

Or everything.


Congratulations on your 40th birthday, KC! =)


That's a hundred in shark years!


LIES!


Sharks are BANNED. Jumping sharks is not banned, though.


Once, I was a brewery in Suffolk, UK.

Once, I had a chain of mock baronial pubs and a lager that my own chairman described as 'horse piss'

Once, elven parents used to enjoy drinking those of my brews that did not taste like horse piss, but not any more. I closed down in 2002, due to a beer-breathing shark infestation.

Not that has anything to do with anything apart from the fact that it's Exciting History Fridays at paizo.com, so enjoy! Enjoy!


Ah, another KC-related thread... for me to poop on!


Are you President Putin?

Will you be my freind?


Someone should take away KC's Rouge Rider BB gun. He doesn't even have proficiency with it... you'll put your eye out!


Has KC renounced chaos to become another brick in the wall?


I can always use more more bricks, the wall's never finished...


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Sarcasm Dragon wrote:
Sharks are BANNED. Jumping sharks is not banned, though.

YOU CANNOT BAN SHARKS!

Nature has tried!

WE'VE SURVIVED MORE MASS EXTINCTIONS THAN ANY VERTEBRATE HAS ANY BUSINESS DOING!


The wall is comforting. It is what lies beyond it that is incomprehensible to the petty concious minds of men.


New Jersey?


Sissyl wrote:
Congratulations on your 40th birthday, KC! =)

Ha! Ha! You're old!

[Checks calendar]

Oh! I'm forty years old also...

Wanna get some prune juice or something?

Paizo Employee Malaise-Inducement Construct

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Trapper Kobold #11 wrote:
Whatever Cosmo Is

----------------------------------------------------^

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