Battle of the Shapeshifters (the Game)

[Ancient Dragon Master]

I shapeshifter into the new city mayor who declares the Eiffel Tower to be an eyesore and commissions demolishenists to remove it.

better?, I resisted the urge to shapeshift into a dragon and burn the tower

[avr]

I shapeshift into a property developer and bring down the mayor in a scandal related to shady deals around the Eiffel Tower site.

[Ancient Dragon Master]

Must...Not…Be…Dragon

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into graft and convince the property developer to "see things my way."

[avr]

I shapeshift into a paladin and shrug off the graft with my fear of falling.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into an angry nerd with opinions about Paladins. No code of conduct is safe from my vendetta!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Bleached Otyugh and devour the angry nerd's stupid Paladin thread.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into soap.

A lot of soap.

[JTD]

I shapeshift into a prison.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Andy Dufresne.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Fresno, CA and get people confused about Andy's name.

[JTDV]

I shapeshift into an organized field worker strike, thus killing the produce market.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into an over-the-top villainous business tycoon from the 1850's, and hire "fixers" to break the strike.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into an over-the-top villainous business tycoon from the present day, and utterly dwarf the scope of my predecessor's crimes.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshit into an ounce of human decency, and cause the tycoons to change thier ways...

Doesn't work? Crap.

I shapeshift into self-awareness, and dispel the illusions that the tycoons have wrapped themselves in to inure themselves from their naked self interest.

Still no? Shit.

I shapeshift into the inevitable uprising that threatens the men in political power, making it better for them to serve their own interests by working for their constituencies, rather than their corporate masters, for once.

[Umbral Reaver]

I shapeshift into reality.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into hope.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into a bad speller; you are now hop.

[avr]

I shapeshift into a good speller and cast baleful polymorph to turn you into a small but yappy dog.

[Umbral Reaver]

I shapeshift into an anti-magic field.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into 2nd Edition psionics. I am different from magic!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into the dreaded Bloat, and crush 2nd ed. with a multitude poor quality supplements.

"The Complete Commoner!" Nooooooo!

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into 60th Edition.

In the grim darkness that is the future, there is only DPR.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a computer game, and render tabletop RPGs completely obsolete if they don't feature anything beyond bean-counting.

[avr]

I shapeshift into a pirate and make better games than your CRPG available for less.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into erectile dysfunction and make it impossible for the pirate to shove his mizzen-mast into anybody's bilge-pipe. The lack of motivation this creates turns the pirate into another maritime-themed drunk

[Vick Tim]

I shapeshift into viagra.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift to an erection lasting longer than six hours.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into an ethical doctor. Patient safety first!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Jack the Ripper. I keep my royal patients safe from public scandal by disposing of "the evidence of their indiscretions."

Or perhaps it has nothing to do with that, who knows?!?!?

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into three or four conflicting theories about Jack the
Ripper that are far less interesting, including the notion that he was three or four different killers lumped into one for the ease of the London Police and the suggestion that he was a doctor whose syphilis had entered his brain, depressing function and creation psychopathic urges he carried out on unsuspecting prostitutes.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a yellow journalist - bye-bye, nuanced/unexciting/complicated/demanding-of-effort-on-the-consumer's-part explanations!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into hindsight, revealing (far too late) the mercantilism of the news perpetrated by Yellow Journalists.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into hubris and ignore hindsight, since the past is in the past and I’m sure it will never happen again.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a Hellenic reconstructionist and regard hubris as one of the worst of all sins.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Rome, and pervert Hellenistic learning to suit my expansionist needs.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into Moscow; Rome fell, Byzantium fell, the Holy Roman Empire fell, but I stand STRONK!

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into Ghengis Khan. What a beautiful day to conquer Russia!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into a horse. Sorry about that, GK!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a zebra, and shame the horse for being a drab-looking sellout.

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into an Okapi, and steal the zebra's legs.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into a dentist from Kenosha, WI, and shoot the okapi, in part to assure myself of my masculinity, which has been dwindling with age.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into fine European cheese - the bane of ALL Wisconsinite pride!

[Ventnor]

I shapeshift into a haughty French cheese connoisseur. You consider that fine cheese? Pfah!

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into a Chinese mummy, and lure the haughty French cheese connoisseur to certain doom!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Brendan Fraser: Mummy-Fighter.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into (who else?) The Dragon Emperor, whose vengeful dying curse obviously did Fraser's career in.

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Jet-Li's career in American cinema.

[I'm Hiding In Your Closet]

I shapeshift into the emergent Chinese film-goer market - American cinema, take heed!

[GoatToucher]

I shapeshift into Michael Bay and dominate the Chinese market.