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— Flip-Mat: Battlefield
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Near the Tian Xia city of Zom Kullan, along the southern trade route leading out of the jungle lies Kynoon’s Crossing, a bridge famous for being crafted from the bones of a massive dinosaur.
Kynoon, a tanuki bandit, uses the bridge to waylay unsuspecting travelers, putting them to sleep by playing a haunting lullaby on his enchanted shamisen.
Disturbingly, a kaiju has been recently sighted in the area and is headed for a densely populated region of innocent villagers.
Encounter Setup: The PCs have seen the kaiju’s path of destruction and have heard rumors of a tanuki highwayman whose music can lull creatures to sleep (including kaiju). They’ve tracked the tanuki to Kynoon’s Crossing in the hopes of gaining his aid to put the kaiju to sleep so they can board the howdah on her back and end the beast's rampage.
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The PCs emerge from the jungle path in the northwest corner of the map. With a successful DC 20 Knowledge (nature) check, the PCs can recognize the bridge is made from the bones of a brachiosaurus.
At this point the PCs may attempt Diplomacy or Knowledge (local) checks to recall any information they may have gathered while traveling.
Diplomacy or Knowledge (local)
15+ A bandit robs travelers crossing the bridge.
20+ The bandit is a tanuki who calls himself Kynoon. He is mischievous and typically intoxicated.
25+ Kynoon can be bribed with gold, a new song, or even liquors. He is not a great musician, but he can lull passersby to sleep with his magical instrument.
At this time, allow the PCs to attempt a DC 15 Perception check to notice the ground mildly shake (caused by the unseen kaiju moving closer).
When the PCs come within 10 feet of the bridge, unless they approach stealthily, Kynoon merely glances up at them and flashes a charismatic smile. If they step onto the bridge or attempt to speak with Kynoon, read the following:
If the PCs make no effort to change his attitude, Kynoon begins to play a melody on his slumbering shamisen. Creatures within 30 feet hearing him play immediately fall asleep as if affected by symbol of sleep unless they succeed at DC 17 Will saving throw.
Kynoon’s initial attitude is hostile towards creatures showing disregard for nature or that make disparaging remarks about his music or alcohol. Otherwise, his initial attitude is indifferent.
If the PCs question Kynoon, they can attempt to change his attitude. Bribing him with gold, food, or booze can also improve his attitude one step.
If his attitude has been improved to friendly, the PCs convince him to come along with the party to play for the kaiju. At the mention of Mogaru’s Consort, Kynoon states the kaiju has been in the area recently, and he has been feeling the monstrous vibrations from her footsteps.
Kynoon also mentions he has been tempted to try his song on an enormous kaiju, but has noticed the larger the creature, the louder he must play for his song to take effect. He states that putting a kaiju to sleep would require a massive megaphone to amplify his song (such a megaphone exists in the ruins of Kashang).
GMs should roleplay Kynoon as an opportunistic tanuki, whose dark sense of humor has a certain charm, but more often gets him into more trouble than he can handle. He steals for what he needs and plays his music to keep himself company. A trickster by nature, Kynoon loves to con people, not always for wealth, but for the sheer amusement.
As Kynoon begins his song or the PCs improve his attitude, they again feel a tremor, allow a DC 20 Perception check to notice the two tengu terra-cotta soldiers flying downstream.
The syrinx, have crossed oceans in search of a powerful weapon, a kaiju. Rather than continue to discuss the elimination of the lesser races (those without wings), the syrinx have decided to put a plan into action. Journeying from Arcadia to the jungles of Tian Xia, they have discovered the Consort of Mogaru, a kaiju 140 feet tall with a weakness for song. The syrinx exploited this susceptibility, enthralled her, and constructed a howdah atop her head.
Now, the syrinx are worried about Kynoon as a possible threat. They have heard rumors of his ability to lull creatures to sleep with his songs, and send a contingent of terra-cotta soldiers to destroy Kynoon and retrieve his shamisen. The syrinxes’ terra-cotta soldiers are unique in that they are sculpted in the likeness of tengu ninja warriors.
They enter the map from the northeast, having followed the river to the only bridge in the area and attack as soon as they spot the tanuki.
Read the following:
The bridge has a sturdy frame, but the rest of the planks of bone have slowly succumbed to jungle rot. With a successful DC 15 Knowledge (engineering) check, the PCs can assess the bones are thinned and weakened. Any Medium or larger creature fighting on the bridge must make a DC 15 Reflex saving throw to avoid cracking the floor bones and falling through into the water below.
During this time the ground shakes more violently as a result of the kaiju’s footsteps (see Tremor Hazards). A successful DC 25 Perception check reveals the flow of water suddenly slows and its water level begins to lower. These PCs may attempt a DC 20 Knowledge (nature) or Survival check and if successful become aware a flash flood is imminent. This flash flood (see Hazards) is caused by Mogaru’s Consort fording across the river a few miles upstream. The flash flood arrives 1 round later.
Creatures:
Kynoon, tanuki CR 4 Link
XP 1,200
hp 47 (Bestiary 3 259)
Tactics Kynoon attempts to protect his shamisen, but not at the cost of his life. Even if the PCs offended him (but not if they attacked him), he joins their fight against the terra-cotta soldiers. Thereafter, he will stand over any fallen PCs and defend them as best he can. If he believes the PCs are winning, but was not persuaded to help them pacify the kaiju, he attempts to escape into the jungle.
Skills Perform (string instrument) +8
Gear Slumbering shamisen: A wielder with ranks in Perform (string instrument) may activate symbol of sleep once per day.
Tengu Terra-Cotta Soldier (2) CR 6 Link
XP 2,400 each
hp 64 each (Bestiary 3 262)
Speed 30 ft., fly 40 ft. (poor)
Tactics The terra-cotta soldiers attack whoever holds the shamisen or any others that get in their way.
Hazard:
Tremors (CR —) The kaiju's massive footsteps cause a tremor that lasts for 1 round. Creatures standing on the ground during such a tremor must succeed at a DC 15 Reflex saving throw at the start of their turn to avoid falling prone (Ultimate Campaign 159).
Flash Flood (CR —) Treat a flash flood as an avalanche, except that it recedes after 10 rounds (Core Rulebook 429).
Flowing Water (CR —) The water under the bridge is treated as flowing water (Core Rulebook 432) that sweeps characters or objects 40 feet per round (Swim DC 15). PCs can catch themselves with a DC 20 Swim check.
Development: If the PCs improve Kynoon's attitude and defeat the terra-cotta soldiers, Kynoon agrees to go with them to help pacify Mogaru’s Consort. This will help to save the lives of local villagers, but earn the wrath of the syrinx.
Jeff! Welcome to the Top 8! All your hard work has paid off for you, and now you find yourself on the cusp of having a shot at the top prize. From here, you've got a major opportunity to really impress a lot of folks and secure yourself some bonafide freelancing opportunities, not just with Paizo but other third-party publishers, as well. The trick lies in putting forth your best work to show us that you belong. By this point, you should have learned a lot of lessons, and now, we need to see how well you've incorporated them and how well you've learned to apply them. In fact, encounter design is the primary precursor to adventure design, since it incorporates your storytelling ability, how to synergize your idea with a playable map, your stat-block ability, and a host of other elements of game design which really start to bring it altogether. So, let's go through your encounter and see what you've got.
Name: Naming still matters, even at this stage of the game, and you've gone with Kynoon's Crossing for your location, which seems a bit contrived as it's dependent on your tanuki bandit's name, and I doubt the locals call it that to honor him. Meanwhile, we've got Battle for the Slumbering Shamisen as your encounter name, which makes sense given that both the PCs and the terra-cotta soldiers are after Kynoon's shamisen.
Creative Ideas: It's clear you're building on the theme you established with your kaiju howdah map. In and of itself, that's bold. Some people will appreciate that due your popularity from that round. Others might question your ability to offer something new. For me, I'm okay with it. It really just depends on how well you pull off this encounter. I like that fact that the tanuki can serve as both an adversary or an ally in the coming conflict with the terra-cotta soldiers. If the PCs attack him early, the soldiers can show up in the middle of combat and add a new wrinkle. Or, if they befriend Kynoon, they find themselves pressed into defending him against the soldiers when they arrive. Adding all the hazards into the mix are equal parts “interesting” and “potentially complicated” for running the encounter at the table. Some of them, I didn't really care for. They just seemed contrived in order to “throw one more thing into the mix.”
Writing Ability: I've got to be honest. I wasn't a fan of reading through this write-up. It felt like it jumped around a lot, and some of that is the organization of it. There are too many short paragraphs and hard returns throughout the text. Paragraphs typically need to run 3-4 sentences in length, and that helps focus the information you're conveying as you put forward your own unique writing/storytelling style. Reading through, I can still piece together the intent behind the encounter and how it's supposed to run. So, technically, it serves its purpose. But, if I'm acting as a developer, I'd probably reorganize a few things, trim some stuff, and then use any leftover room to enhance the parts that really matter.
Mechanics/Gameplay: As-written, it's a bit confusing. Supposedly, it's a CR 9 encounter, but we're looking at a probably CR 8 or CR 9 encounter, depending on how things shake out in the PCs' conversation with Kynoon. I'm also not sure why the hazards all have a “CR –“ as they should provide at least some kind of mechanical impact on the overall Challenge Rating if they come into play.
Professional Polish: You followed a similar method of including a Tactics line with your stat-blocks as a couple of other competitors, and I'm wondering if all of you compared notes or had the same reviewer workshop it. That's not the standard way of presenting such information and it wasn't included as part of the template to follow for this round. Typically, the Tactics section of a stat-block includes 3-4 separate lines (Before Combat, During Combat, Morale, and optionally, Base Statistics). I also find the “Link” inclusions unnecessary. I get why competitors drop them into their submissions, but, obviously, those words would have to be trimmed out of an actual turnover.
Recommendation: This submission has a very unfinished feel to me. I like the potential story setup behind it, and the option for both diplomacy and combat to play a role within it. But, I think the writing could be tightened up, and the same is true for the professional polish. As a result, I'm going to say I DO NOT RECOMMEND that this designer advance to the next round, but that's primarily based just on this submission. If the voters disagree and put you through, lets see what more you can bring in the final round.
Developer
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
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Hey Jeff, congratulations on making it to the top 8.
I am the developer of Pathfinder Society Organized Play and the Pathfinder Society Open Call, which means I see lots of short adventures and self-contained encounters over the course of a year. It’s a developer’s job to read through, revise, and fact-check pretty much everything, but I have attempted to distill my feedback into several major headers. Essentially, I’m approaching this round like I would a scenario turnover, which involves marking up a copy of your encounter and providing feedback on what you did and how you might improve.
Setting: Does your encounter fit in Golarion? Is the CR appropriate for the setting and the encounter? Is it clear how a GM might use this encounter? Have you clearly explained or referenced existing rules for any hazards and terrain features included in the encounter?
NPCs, Creatures, and Traps: Do the foes you selected contribute to the encounter and its theme? Do they feel natural or forced? Do your NPCs fit the location and provide enough context for a GM to run an encounter from start (a hook) to the end (when the PCs question any captives)? Do any traps or haunts fit the encounter? Do they add to the encounter?
Numbers: Are all of your statistics and calculations correct? Are your skill check DCs reasonable?
Style: Did you watch Paizo’s styles, both in terms of writing and formatting? The more closely a writer can match Paizo’s styles in the turnover, the easier it is for me to develop. The easier it is for me to develop, the more eagerly I assign that author more work.
Setting
It’s nice to see Tian Xia get some attention. Nagajor seems like an unlikely place for a tanuki, but the use of kaiju means that proximity to the Valashmai Jungle is pretty key.
I’ll admit to having mixed feelings about the kaiju. On one hand, I rather like how you used it to create an environmental hazard. As several Pathfinder Society scenario outlines can attest, I’m also a fan of using enormous creatures as the backdrop for encounters, using their fury to indirectly inconvenience the PCs. That said, the way this kaiju is used and combined with syrinxes from another continent with a howdah built on its head feels too out there. It’s great that there’s the potential for more adventure beyond this scenario, but the search for a giant megaphone so that a tanuki can rock out on a samisen… You’re losing me.
NPCs, Creatures, and Traps
There’s a lot of background that goes into this encounter, which means there’s a lot of material for roleplaying. I like that you have a quick Knowledge check to give the players some more context for the encounter, and it’s great that you’ve given the GM a clear sense of starting attitude and what shifts Kynoon’s attitude. Including a third “side” during an encounter doesn’t always work, but I feel you really got the right balance of trickery and non-evil when portraying Kynoon and accounting for this contribution to combat.
The terra-cotta soldiers function well, keeping off the ground so that they’re usually immune to the encounter’s hazards. If the encounter were instead already imbedded in a full adventure that would help the players make the connection between the tengu and the syrinxes, I think the tengu ninja appearance would make a lot more sense. As it is, the appearance of winged constructs has little plot significance to the players. Having the constructs look like syrinxes would at least develop that connection a bit more. Kudos for this being a creature that Kynoon couldn’t just put to sleep with the samisen.
There’s a lot to say about the hazards. First, the rickety bridge should appear in the hazards section. You’ve done really well in referencing how the hazards work, but I would disagree that they have no CR--especially because the flying constructs are effectively immune. The flash flood alone says it works like an avalanche, which is a CR 7 hazard! Since the avalanche has the capacity to bury someone alive, even the reduced 10 rounds necessary for the waters to dissipate mean that the victim is buried (whatever that translates to for a flood).
As an aside, that samisen is very potent, especially if it falls into the hands of the PCs. Using the guidelines in the Core Rulebook (and I admit that they are just guidelines), an item that can cast a 5th-level spell once per day would cost 18,000 gp (68,000 gp when you factor in the material component). I hope that when it comes to the confrontation with the kaiju, something can also increase the symbol’s maximum HD limit so that it could affect the beast. It sounds like that something is a giant megaphone hidden in a temple, which sounds pretty goofy.
Numbers
Even with my skepticism about how the flash flood impacts the encounter, the overall feel is still CR 9 as you denoted. Skill check DCs are all reasonable for an encounter of this CR.
Style
Overall, you’ve done well with the writing style; the phrasing for most rules-related statements either matches or is really close to how we would state it in-house. There are nonetheless a few things I’d like to see tweaked.
First, be careful about assuming the PCs’ intentions. This is a matter of phrasing, exemplified by the paragraph “If his attitude has been improved…vibrations from her footsteps.” I wouldn’t assume that the PCs are improving the Tanuki’s attitude just to get him to put the kaiju to sleep. This is a nuance you can address just by saying “…the PCs can convince him.” This may seem small, but it’s a habit that can make the difference in style between an adventure and a script.
Second, combine those paragraphs. Your sentences flow well, but the frequent paragraph breaks make the adventure seem choppy at times.
Final Thoughts
You have a good eye for technical language and some solid design choices, but I’m put off by the complex background that feels like it’s too much for an encounter and the syrinx element tied into the kaiju. I get the impression that you could write some neat encounters from that, yet I don’t think that this was one of those encounters.
I do not recommend this encounter for advancement to the final round.
This year my intention is to give a first impression on each encounter then run them with a few friends to see if my impression of the encounter changes.
Also I'm not reading any other comments before hitting this with my first impression write up. I'm partly curious how it holds up to my later impression and what the pros have stated.
I'm going Good, Bad, and Ugly with a tentative grade. I'll post final grade after running.
First impression:
The Good Dinosaur bone bridge makes me want to try and animate it, the ground vibrating because kaiju, the fact we're in Tian Xia!
The Bad Sorry but kaiju makes this a little on the silly side. Toss in a bandit trying to use his instrument to put you too sleep and I'm guessing this can quickly take a beer and pretzel turn.
The Ugly I'd rather kill the bandit and face the kaiju myself and likely this would be the outcome with most murder hobo parties.
Overall I want to like this I really do but I do not. The core of it surrounds the raccoon monster with the magic sleep instrument. As a GM I already hate sleep builds because they trivialize encounters and you're basically intentionally or not giving that out as treasure here and you're then demonstrating why I hate that build, by having it be used on a monster that should be an epic battle. My tentative grade is an F which seems harsh but it comes down to playing with too many dangerous elements and them not coming together correctly. This could have been amazing but there were a few too many missteps for me.
This feels more like a bit of narrative thread than an encounter. I guess the PCs need to decide how to approach this situation. Mostly, it feels like the PCs go talk to a weird guy, and then some tengus attack. Fortunately, if the PCs "botch" the diplomacy encounter and kill Kynoon, that actually simplifies a lot of things, since they now have his awesome shamisen.
... and the PCs now have a source of endless sleep effects they gained from killing an innocuous NPC, and I'm playing a Wizardry game.
What's the caster level on that shamisen?
Congratulations Jeff!
I think this shows you deserve the Top 8 slot.
Story: Yes,
Character: Yes
Player options: Yes
Mechanically right: probably
I felt it a bit choppy which during GM prep is annoying, but while running it, might actually be helpful. I feel I am missing much of the story, but it does have a story. The numbers seem right, so the final decision will depend on a playtest. That said I want to play test this.
That means, for now at least, this is a keeper. :)
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Champion Voter Season 6, Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Champion Voter Season 9
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I like the selection of the non-standard creatures. I like Kynoon. I like the tengu terra-cota soldiers, but the shinobi garb was a bit odd seeing as how the syrinx are from another continent.
I enjoyed the description of the location and the hazards. The hazards really make this unique. A good combination that fits the background. Only parts I didn't like was the flash flood not washing creatures away and the lack of CR on hazards.
The writing felt disjointed with small paragraphs and related content in different areas.
The hardest to grasp part, how did syrinx hear about a minor bandit?
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While there are certainly some interesting pieces to this encounter, the whole thing seems a little too flimsy, and confused. As mentioned by others, the writing and formatting are choppy, and it's broken up into more sections than it needs to be, with relevant information scattered throughout instead of all together.
In my experience, PCs rarely take the route the GM wants, and in this case there's nothing driving the PCs other than the hope that they're good people (or whatever) willing to come to the rescue of a village that didn't even ask for help. On top of that assumption, the PCs have to then figure out on their own who and what they need to succeed, and where they need to go to find them. We're also expected to believe that others have come to the same conclusion, and just happen to do so at the same time. There are way too many moving parts coming together at once, with no good reason given for it. It definitely feels like a "and one more thing" type of encounter.
This seems like a story line that would do well in a long running home game where characters have been established and developed, and the GM has a good idea what direction play would take, and the time to take it there. In a shorter session setting, this story would have to be very well written to come across as anything worth playing and remembering. Unfortunately, for me, this entry doesn't meet that criteria, nor does it particularly inspire me to see where it leads.
You made it to the top 8, which means you're talented and deserve your spot. However, with only 2 votes this round, I'm sorry to say this does not make my keep list. Good luck!
Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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I felt that there was too much going around in this encounter, through disjointed events : the PCs meeting with Kynoon at the exact same time as the winged constructs try to kill him which is also the exact same time when the kaiju crossing the river creates the hazards.
And all this while the real action (the Kaiju crossing) was taking place somewhere else.
Also the elements are a hodgepodge of memes (bandit at the bridge, music putting monsters to sleep, dinosaurus' bones, artifact in ancient ruins, kaiju, invaders from another continent, flying constructs) kind of reminiscent of earliest editions of the game where everything was thrown together with little care for verisimilitude.
Finally I do not really like that you made a reference in your round 4 encounter to your own map from round 2. Because I feel like you rely on the earlier mojo rather than rise up to the challenge of creating a new one. I believe your encounter would have been stronger if you had not mentioned your earlier creation so precisely.
Hey Jeff,
Congrats on getting to Round 4. I know how badly you were hurting during this round, fighting an infection, so I'm impressed you were able to get it in at all, honestly.
Unfortunately, it's not quite up my alley. Where your R2 map and artwork made for a really cool kaiju encounter, this feels very anime to me and it's just not my style of gaming. It also feels a little incongruous -- this feels like a relatively low-level encounter (even considering it's CR 9) and not the prelude to fighting a kaiju -- even if the kaiju is more of a dungeon than an opponent in the storyline you're spinning.
I don't think the bridge itself added much to the campaign setting. It's just a bridge that could more or less be any bridge in the world.
On the positive, I really liked that you had more than a combat encounter, with a few options to deal with Kynoon, and the flash flood is a lot of fun -- I think if I'd been in this round, I'd have tried to do something similar (in fact, I think it could have been the centerpiece of an encounter on the bridge map). I think you chose some neat monsters that fit the theme well.
Best of luck with the voters!
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Finally I do not really like that you made a reference in your round 4 encounter to your own map from round 2. Because I feel like you rely on the earlier mojo rather than rise up to the challenge of creating a new one. I believe your encounter would have been stronger if you had not mentioned your earlier creation so precisely.
In Jeff's defense, Monica used a similar callback to her earlier entries in her module proposal last season, and it was wildly successful. Given that precedent, I understand why alluding to a previous entry that struck a chord with the voters would seem like a worthwhile risk.
Hey All!
I have learned SO much from this competition and I know that it will make me a better designer because of the amazing feedback, support, encouragement, and “beatings” that I received. I apologize for my distraction and quiet times on the boards while I underwent jaw surgery and consumed pain meds, but would like to give a heartfelt congrats to our new top four. You've earned it! And I am honored to have made it as far as I did beside you.
This has been an amazing opportunity to meet wonderful people, learn new skills, and interact with some of the best fans and professionals in the world. Thanks to Paizo for the chance... and thanks to the Fans of Paizo for the experience. I will treasure both always.