Having spent too long on trains I present my letter of taunting to an annoying npc in part 2. No spoilers in any responses please as I am a player and this is as far as we have got
An Invitation to Your death by stabbing of Akrid Longthews
RSVP Plus one
Dear Sir/Madam (I am uncertain which appellation should apply)
I believe the local custom is to first enumerate the reasons for blood feud between us.
Firstly I would like to raise the issue of the Cowardly, murderous , treacherous and incompetent attack upon our peaceful caravan of peaceful merchants without any history of prior conflict with you by your incompetent minions, notable for the absence of their notable and fearful leader.
Secondly I would like to inform you that we have been appointed the duly appointed champions of the esteemed merchant, whose home was invaded by your cowardly minions in the dead of night where they stole from him valuable and irreplaceable heirloom's and murdered most foully several innocent servants.
Thirdly you appear to have abducted or murdered the notable guide and travel expert ....., after treacherously inviting him to a meeting under false pretences this is a cowardly act clearly part of your unreasonable ,unprovoked and undeclared blood feud with us.
Next I will explain the nature of your character such that there is no reasonable prospect of settling this dispute in a reasonable manner.
Firstly thou art a coward , one afraid to directly face your opponents be they elderly men no longer fit to bear arms or peaceful women who lack armour .Clearly to face such opponents in fair combat fills your black and shrivelled heart with fear causing you to send forth your minions under cover of darkness on missions of murder but only when they have the advantage of at least 5 to 1 and are fully armed against peaceful and lightly armed merchants.
Secondly (Sir/Madame) you are incompetent, when sending a veritable horde of minions to do your underhanded task of murder, it is considered important to send minions who actually succeed. If one cannot find minions who can murder innocent merchants at 5 to 1 odds then clearly you need lessons in minion selection.
Thirdly you are an honourless dog, a true warrior and man of respect faces his opponents or at least openly declares his feud with them. You (Sir/Madam) instead creep in literally as a thief in the night or at least send your minions to do so being too craven to do so yourself, or send your men to attack peaceful merchants during their night camp. Worst of all you lie , after arranging for a man to visit you on business you murder or kidnap him breaking your word giving him safe passage to your estate. Even the meanest bondsman keeps his word after all a man whose word is not to be trusted is a man without honour , a wolfshead to be killed by all persons of honour.
Fourthly and this is of less direct offence although it offends my religous sensibilities it appears you are no man. Let us enumerate the evidence. You have no children despite being married to a lady for some years further the ladies and gentlemen of the night in this fair city say of you that you are a an impotent customer though they cannot say if this is due to some well deserved curse, foul disease or because you are simply unfit for the company of human beings. In light of this after I cut off your foul head I offer to introduce your lady wife to the delights she has been missing since marrying you, although I may be too late given the stories I hear about how well satisfied the stallions in your stable have been recently.
Should you still wish to avoid honorable combat and a reasonably priced burial I tell you know the conditions you must meet to satisfy the blood debt you owe.
Firstly all properties stolen from the good merchant must be returned and weregild of double the normal value paid for the dead servants to reflect the honourless method of their murder.
Secondly you must release the guide you hold hostage and compensate him for the inconvenience.
Finally in recompense for our inconvenience and offence at your attempt at murder I request a payment of 800gp or half our reasonable weregild.
Should you meet these demands I will be happy to help tutor you in both the arts marital and martial so you avoid incurring such dishonour in the future and as a service to your lady wife
Should you defeat me in single combat we will renounce these claims, otherwise your heirs will be expected to meet them. Failing meeting me in honourable combat we will be forced to wage war upon you until the bloodfeud is settled.
Yours with all Due Respect
Haneiko Kaijutsu, priestess of Arshea
Apologies for the Spam I could have sworn I only pressed submit once
I applaud Haneiko Kaijutsu for her civic-minded bravery in declaring her feud publicly and admire her adoption of Ulfen customs while in Ulfen lands.
Since Haneiko Kaijutsu has already learned that Asvig Longthews was involved in the disappearance of polar guide Ulf Gormundr and his men were involved in a theft from Fynn Snaevald, I wonder at the blanks spots in her missive.
Alas, claiming that Asvig is childless through impotence is a low blow by the standards of Ulfen men, who often suffer such problems through their heavy consumption of alcohol. Besides, petty local gossip claims that his wife Helva is barren because she is a witch.
Many of Asvig's men used to work for Snorri Stone-Eye, who recently died after a long illness. Taking them in was an act of generosity. His flaw as a lord would be sending them to battle before giving them the combat training that Snorri was unable to give.